Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > New Zealand
Reload this Page >

I've just told my parents

I've just told my parents

Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:02 pm
  #31  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 72
mark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant futuremark and kim has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

I know just where you're coming from. Telling my parents been torture for me. My dad is a man of few words and made a few stupid comments but my mum has gone for the emotional blackmail. After a couple of months she is slowly coming round to the idea I have many sleepless nights over her reaction. I feel guilty and selfish mostly about taking her grandchildren away (she has 2 others). It doesn't matter what people to say I want her to be happy for me but I might just have to settle with the fact that she is dealing with it her way by making me feel bad.

You will feel better in time. This must be the worst thing us wannabe kiwis have to do.

Kim
mark and kim is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:17 pm
  #32  
Forum Regular
 
Leighlou's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 217
Leighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by mark and kim
I know just where you're coming from. Telling my parents been torture for me. My dad is a man of few words and made a few stupid comments but my mum has gone for the emotional blackmail. After a couple of months she is slowly coming round to the idea I have many sleepless nights over her reaction. I feel guilty and selfish mostly about taking her grandchildren away (she has 2 others). It doesn't matter what people to say I want her to be happy for me but I might just have to settle with the fact that she is dealing with it her way by making me feel bad.

You will feel better in time. This must be the worst thing us wannabe kiwis have to do.

Kim
Hang on in there Kim! Karma to you. Do you think that perhaps the reality may actually not be quite so bad? For instance will you parents be out to visit you?
We are trying to bribe our out-laws into being pleased about the whole thing by telling them of the granny flat that will be at their disposel for as long as they want etc. hoping that they will start to see some positives, by coming out to stay but having their own place making it easier to stay longer blah, blah, blah. Well, this plan is not working yet, but I am hoping that they will warm to it. We can but hope.

I definitely believe that you are right, the worst bit must be leaving friends and family. I just spend all my time trying to sell it to everyone else and hope that they will come too! Well, I can but try!
Leighlou is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:29 pm
  #33  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
ezzkazz's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 273
ezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud ofezzkazz has much to be proud of
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by Leighlou
Hang on in there Kim! Karma to you. Do you think that perhaps the reality may actually not be quite so bad? For instance will you parents be out to visit you?
We are trying to bribe our out-laws into being pleased about the whole thing by telling them of the granny flat that will be at their disposel for as long as they want etc. hoping that they will start to see some positives, by coming out to stay but having their own place making it easier to stay longer blah, blah, blah. Well, this plan is not working yet, but I am hoping that they will warm to it. We can but hope.

I definitely believe that you are right, the worst bit must be leaving friends and family. I just spend all my time trying to sell it to everyone else and hope that they will come too! Well, I can but try!
I tried the bribery thing but got it thrown back at me. I said we would pay for them and they could stay with us and all I got in return is 'the flight is too long' 'we have no spending money' (they are pensioners) ' whats the point in coming to see you, we will only have to say goodbye again' . I cant win really, I've done all I can for now to reassure my mum so its down to her now to accept it. I hope she can as I dont want to leave on bad terms.
ezzkazz is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:37 pm
  #34  
Forum Regular
 
rhona's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: NR STIRLING SCOTLAND
Posts: 94
rhona is on a distinguished road
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Just found this thread. My god I feel so relieved to hear of people going through the same thing! I havent got my visa yet im trying for a state sponsorsed business visa, got the state sponsorsed bit, just sent off completed forms for the real thing last week - but it looks like we've a really good chance of getting it.
I really feel for you ezzkazz my mother sounds exactly like yours! She wont talk about it now completely blanking it. To start with she would come away with things like "Im getting the blame of all this from your father, he says ive been encouraging you to move away! Its driving a wedge between us." And then I get the guilt trip "we've struggled all our lives to build this place up for you, to have something to leave you" (Its a farm - and I do have an older sister!) "your dad will just sell up". Heh and this was me just telling her I was going to apply to see what happens!:unsure
I dont know how much of this my dad knows, im sure my mother uses him as emotional blackmail with me.
Even my sister warned me not to tell my dad before him and mum went on holiday tomorrow incase he flipped it and said he wouldnt go!
Im not sure whether to let sleeping dogs lie and say nothing till I see whether I get the visa (which would hopefully be in august and we wouldnt leave till October time) or try to break him in gently in the hope they'l get used to the idea
Im 31 years old and Ive only just realised with all this how controlling my parents are. It seems everythings allright as long as im doing what they want. All my life ive done what i thought they wanted me to do but still feel like ive let them down. This is the only thing Ive actually decided I want to do for myself and i know its what i want.
The philosophy i try to remember is your better to regret something youve done as to regret something you havent done.
So well done all you brave people who have told your parents Im proud of you all
Rhona x
rhona is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:39 pm
  #35  
Forum Regular
 
Leighlou's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 217
Leighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz
I tried the bribery thing but got it thrown back at me. I said we would pay for them and they could stay with us and all I got in return is 'the flight is too long' 'we have no spending money' (they are pensioners) ' whats the point in coming to see you, we will only have to say goodbye again' . I cant win really, I've done all I can for now to reassure my mum so its down to her now to accept it. I hope she can as I dont want to leave on bad terms.
Dooh! Well, we'll have to keep trying, and whoever comes up with the winning formular has to promise to share! As I say, I'm sure that the reality won't be half as bad as they are all imagining (well that's what I'm telling myself anyhoo! )
Leighlou is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:42 pm
  #36  
Happy in Wellington
 
RobClubley's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Tawa, Wellington, Aotearoa
Posts: 2,286
RobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I've just told my parents

This all sounds so familiar!

Telling my parents was horrible - I had a huge knot in my stomach for weeks thinking about it before I had the courage to tell them we'd applied.
They had their suspicions that we would apply because we had been talking about NZ for nearly three years since we visited.

We've always been a close family, mainly because my older sister has learning difficulties and needs 24-hour care, so my mum has always been her carer. There was always the assumption that I would somehow take over that job if anything ever happened to my parents.

In some ways I feel like I've run away from the responsibility.

I got comments along the lines of "We were looking at buying a people carrier next for the grand kids" and my mum makes me feel guilty every time we speak.

I really hope they will pluck up the courage to come and visit (their only ever flight was to Majorca 20 years ago), then maybe they will have a better understanding of why we wanted to come here and why we love it so much.

Melanie's parents were both really supportive - but her relationship with them is completely different - a lot more up and down. But her parents moved to Ausse, where she was born, then moved back to Leeds so they understand what we've done.

Melanie's mum has been out, which was really nice, but she managed to upset Melanie while she was here
RobClubley is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 8:47 pm
  #37  
Forum Regular
 
Leighlou's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 217
Leighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by RobClubley
This all sounds so familiar!

Telling my parents was horrible - I had a huge knot in my stomach for weeks thinking about it before I had the courage to tell them we'd applied.
They had their suspicions that we would apply because we had been talking about NZ for nearly three years since we visited.:
Sorry to read this Rob. Do you think that you will be able to persuade your parents out?
Leighlou is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 9:11 pm
  #38  
Happy in Wellington
 
RobClubley's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Tawa, Wellington, Aotearoa
Posts: 2,286
RobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by Leighlou
Sorry to read this Rob. Do you think that you will be able to persuade your parents out?
They've bought a log cabin near the Bridlington which they're going to move to when dad retires (maybe this year, maybe next). But they're not allowed to sleep there for a month mid Jan to Feb (someting about council tax as it's technically a holiday home)
They're threatening to comoe over here for that month.
I hope they do.
My mum is already stressing about the flight - Jan (my sister) can be a bit difficult in queues and makes a scene sometimes and mum has arthritis so 24 hours on a plane won't help!
I hope they work it out and get over here.
RobClubley is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 9:21 pm
  #39  
Forum Regular
 
Leighlou's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 217
Leighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

I'm sure as you are in NZ you will have experience of lots of flying to NZ, but just a thought was to mention, taking into account your sister, we had a horrid time flying via LA. No acount is given of having small children, or for elderly passengers, or those with disabilities. I know though that airports in the far east tend to be a bit more leanient. Were your parents to advise the airline of your sister's position, I am sure that they would be given priority boarding, disembarking etc. I hope that they do make it, and that it all goes well for you all. Never easy I know.

We moved from our families in the South of England to Edinburgh, and just always love everyone coming to stay, but it is bloody hard work having them all here too. Just can't win can we hey!
Leighlou is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 9:36 pm
  #40  
Happy in Wellington
 
RobClubley's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Tawa, Wellington, Aotearoa
Posts: 2,286
RobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by Leighlou
I'm sure as you are in NZ you will have experience of lots of flying to NZ, but just a thought was to mention, taking into account your sister, we had a horrid time flying via LA. No acount is given of having small children, or for elderly passengers, or those with disabilities. I know though that airports in the far east tend to be a bit more leanient. Were your parents to advise the airline of your sister's position, I am sure that they would be given priority boarding, disembarking etc. I hope that they do make it, and that it all goes well for you all. Never easy I know.

We moved from our families in the South of England to Edinburgh, and just always love everyone coming to stay, but it is bloody hard work having them all here too. Just can't win can we hey!
That's a good point - I'll tell them that. I've heard so many horror stories about LA airport that I tell people not to consider going that way. Singapore airport is lovely, and it has an overnight hotel so they can break up the journey. Might be a good idea
RobClubley is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:05 pm
  #41  
mrs want2gonow
 
just sam's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: paignton,devon
Posts: 35
just sam will become famous soon enoughjust sam will become famous soon enough
Default Re: I've just told my parents

omg there are some really sad stories there. i have gone for a different tactic, i have started dropping hints now and we are months off even entering our EOI. i know what my mum was like when i moved down to devon you would of thought i had gone to live on the moon. im only a 3 or 4 hour drive away!! she did take it bad but everyone is right time is definately a good healer.
just sam is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:10 pm
  #42  
Forum Regular
 
Leighlou's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 217
Leighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant futureLeighlou has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by just sam
omg there are some really sad stories there. i have gone for a different tactic, i have started dropping hints now and we are months off even entering our EOI. i know what my mum was like when i moved down to devon you would of thought i had gone to live on the moon. im only a 3 or 4 hour drive away!! she did take it bad but everyone is right time is definately a good healer.
Good for you Sam! Good Luck
Leighlou is offline  
Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:14 pm
  #43  
Happy in Wellington
 
RobClubley's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Tawa, Wellington, Aotearoa
Posts: 2,286
RobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond reputeRobClubley has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Sorry, didn't mean to put a downer on thiings

I talk to my parents all the time and my dad uses Messenger now too
RobClubley is offline  
Old Apr 24th 2007, 8:44 am
  #44  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 404
Frenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud ofFrenchy has much to be proud of
Default Re: I've just told my parents

Just thought I would share mt experiences with you.. I am an only child and my Dad died aged 59 (11 years ago). My Mum is fairly disabled with arthritis. I think they go through a real separation anxiety from day 1 of your intended immigration. I had a terrible time with Mum from threats from her that it would be the end of her if I left, to her trying to persuade the children that it would be a really bad move for them,

You have to be really tough, I had to ignore many comments and put up a screen almost.I had lots of comments from so-called friends and relatives who could not believe that I was leaving my Mum to cope. Others were more supportive and one comment that I will never forget is that our parents bring us into this world to be individuals not their carers.

Leaving was MUCH harder than I thought it would be, for 48 hours before the flight I was beside myself, leaving her house was unexplainable but I was so determined in my heart that it was what I wanted to do for my family. Silly as it seems I cried all the way from Birmingham to Heathrow and so did the kids (15 and 13).

The good thing now is that as daft as it may seem our relationship now is better than it has been for years, we speak for several hours a week (thank goodness for yaba) and I think she has now come to terms with things. She plans to come here for a few weeks soon and then to stay for 6 months in November (she will use wheelchair assist to flight). We have so much more to talk about when I speak to her and generally we just seem closer
(I know that may seem odd but its true).

So if in your heart you really want to make the move be strong and good luck

LOL
Dawn
Frenchy is offline  
Old Apr 24th 2007, 10:24 am
  #45  
Forum Regular
 
Nisey's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 118
Nisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant futureNisey has a brilliant future
Default Re: I've just told my parents

I've posted elsewhere about how our folks took the news. We are still waiting for an apology from OH's dad, they are speaking but the subject of our move is not open for discussion. But like I said there are bigger issues than just us moving to NZ. Not that I'm bitter or anything but I'm sure that OH feels that the effort his dad is putting into his relationship with his grandchildren is nothing like the effort or lack of when OH was a kid, or maybe he thinks he can make up for a being a lousy dad and his angry reaction was a kick at us not letting him do that anymore. As if we would be that calculating.

The kids will be staying with them when we go on our reccie week thursday so I hope my 6 year old is still as positive about the move as she has been up until now. Her only worry was her hamster, I said we couldn't take him, but I'm sure she's hatching a plot to take him on the plane.

Denise
Nisey is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.