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I've just told my parents

I've just told my parents

Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:28 am
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Default I've just told my parents

Hi All,

I have just decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents about us moving to NZ.
I new it would be hard and I am sure most have had to do the same.
My dad as always, was very supportive and basically said if you are happy with your decision then I am happy, but my mum, well thats a different story.
I get on ok with my mum but its like she knows what to say to make you feel bad and wont even entertain finding a solution for the problem. I get comments like 'well we will never be able to visit' , 'we don't have that kind of money for a trip', 'its too far for us' , 'well thats it, we probably wont see you again', I'm sure you catch my drift. She doesn't like change and is very sentimental and family orientated.
It was a hard thing for me to do as I have her only 2 grandchildren and my mum dotes on them and my eldest will probably be distraught when she twigs on that she wont be seeing her grandparents every week anymore and for me without a doubt this will be the hardest moment consoling my 6 yr old when I tell her.
I don't really know what my point is with this post, just needed to get rid of some of the guilt I now feel.

thanks for reading this anyway
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:41 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
Hi All,

I have just decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents about us moving to NZ.
I new it would be hard and I am sure most have had to do the same.
My dad as always, was very supportive and basically said if you are happy with your decision then I am happy, but my mum, well thats a different story.
I get on ok with my mum but its like she knows what to say to make you feel bad and wont even entertain finding a solution for the problem. I get comments like 'well we will never be able to visit' , 'we don't have that kind of money for a trip', 'its too far for us' , 'well thats it, we probably wont see you again', I'm sure you catch my drift. She doesn't like change and is very sentimental and family orientated.
It was a hard thing for me to do as I have her only 2 grandchildren and my mum dotes on them and my eldest will probably be distraught when she twigs on that she wont be seeing her grandparents every week anymore and for me without a doubt this will be the hardest moment consoling my 6 yr old when I tell her.
I don't really know what my point is with this post, just needed to get rid of some of the guilt I now feel.

thanks for reading this anyway
It's never easy, but as the old saying goes... time heels all wounds. I'm sure it was just a gut reaction. Some Karma coming your way...
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 10:55 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Well we went and came back. Got a worse reception comming back. Treated like you know what. At the end of the day you have to what is best for you and your family. Good luck with how it goes.
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:01 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
Hi All,

I have just decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents about us moving to NZ.
I new it would be hard and I am sure most have had to do the same.
My dad as always, was very supportive and basically said if you are happy with your decision then I am happy, but my mum, well thats a different story.
I get on ok with my mum but its like she knows what to say to make you feel bad and wont even entertain finding a solution for the problem. I get comments like 'well we will never be able to visit' , 'we don't have that kind of money for a trip', 'its too far for us' , 'well thats it, we probably wont see you again', I'm sure you catch my drift. She doesn't like change and is very sentimental and family orientated.
It was a hard thing for me to do as I have her only 2 grandchildren and my mum dotes on them and my eldest will probably be distraught when she twigs on that she wont be seeing her grandparents every week anymore and for me without a doubt this will be the hardest moment consoling my 6 yr old when I tell her.
I don't really know what my point is with this post, just needed to get rid of some of the guilt I now feel.

thanks for reading this anyway

Thanks, I've not told my mum yet and I've got that to come!

I know it's not going to be easy, We were within spitting distance of heading to France to live, 3 years ago and she was upset then but knew it was just a 2 hour 'cheap' flight but this move is something else!

My dad already knows, (they're separated) he has spent the last 10 years living and working in Africa, USA, Australia and New Zealand, so telling him was more a 'oh, by the way' situation.......but my mum!?!

Then there's the in laws, oh god.......................

Well done on telling them, hopefully they'll see your reasons for the move and should start to understand.
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:07 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
Hi All,

I have just decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents about us moving to NZ.
I new it would be hard and I am sure most have had to do the same.
My dad as always, was very supportive and basically said if you are happy with your decision then I am happy, but my mum, well thats a different story.
I get on ok with my mum but its like she knows what to say to make you feel bad and wont even entertain finding a solution for the problem. I get comments like 'well we will never be able to visit' , 'we don't have that kind of money for a trip', 'its too far for us' , 'well thats it, we probably wont see you again', I'm sure you catch my drift. She doesn't like change and is very sentimental and family orientated.
It was a hard thing for me to do as I have her only 2 grandchildren and my mum dotes on them and my eldest will probably be distraught when she twigs on that she wont be seeing her grandparents every week anymore and for me without a doubt this will be the hardest moment consoling my 6 yr old when I tell her.
I don't really know what my point is with this post, just needed to get rid of some of the guilt I now feel.

thanks for reading this anyway
You certainly shouldn't feel guilty - that's one of the worst emotions in the world, along with jealousy.

Hope your day gets better. (not for love exactly but a hug)

Last edited by mazi; Apr 23rd 2007 at 11:09 am.
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:07 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by simonmarkellis View Post
It's never easy, but as the old saying goes... time heels all wounds. I'm sure it was just a gut reaction. Some Karma coming your way...
I think you meant 'heals'....but you might be right in the first place.

People often hide their sadness, ezzkazz, by making it look like anger but, eventually, things settle. Your mother will come round to what you are doing eventually.

You should think yourself lucky that we live in a time where moving across the world isn't such a big thing as it used to be. Until very recently the only ways of staying in contact were letters and expensive phonecalls...now, well, we all know how good it has become in the last 5 years.

Being an immigrant is all about making short term sacrifices for the longer good. If you can make your family see that, then hopefully things can work out.
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:32 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by Avid View Post
I think you meant 'heals'....but you might be right in the first place.

People often hide their sadness, ezzkazz, by making it look like anger but, eventually, things settle. Your mother will come round to what you are doing eventually.

You should think yourself lucky that we live in a time where moving across the world isn't such a big thing as it used to be. Until very recently the only ways of staying in contact were letters and expensive phonecalls...now, well, we all know how good it has become in the last 5 years.

Being an immigrant is all about making short term sacrifices for the longer good. If you can make your family see that, then hopefully things can work out.
oh Avid, you are so wise with your words of advice (and correcting peoples spelling ) I think I am warming to you lol

My mum has always kind of pushed me in the direction she thinks is the best one, never in the direction I may want to go. Although I love my ma and we get on fine, sometimes its like a one way street with her and she can never see any compromise and likes to be in control.
Now I have my own children I do actually see how my mum was with me when I was younger a good thing because I know how it feels and would never treat my children the same. I am so proud of my little girl (6yrs) and I tell her daily. She knows she can come to me about anything, good or bad and I will not judge her. My other one is only 18 months and has 666 on her forehead so she doesn't count yet
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:47 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
oh Avid, you are so wise with your words of advice (and correcting peoples spelling ) I think I am warming to you lol

My mum has always kind of pushed me in the direction she thinks is the best one, never in the direction I may want to go. Although I love my ma and we get on fine, sometimes its like a one way street with her and she can never see any compromise and likes to be in control.
Now I have my own children I do actually see how my mum was with me when I was younger a good thing because I know how it feels and would never treat my children the same. I am so proud of my little girl (6yrs) and I tell her daily. She knows she can come to me about anything, good or bad and I will not judge her. My other one is only 18 months and has 666 on her forehead so she doesn't count yet
I hear you! Isn't the good thing about growing up realising why someone acted the way they did when you were young and knowing you can do something about it - ie. not act like it yourself. I really love my mum too and we've always been 'close' but I could never understand why she had the power to upset me more than anyone else in the whole world. Now I know. And I won't be doing the same when I have kids.

Well, not unless they have 666 on their forehead!
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:48 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
oh Avid, you are so wise with your words of advice (and correcting peoples spelling ) I think I am warming to you lol

My mum has always kind of pushed me in the direction she thinks is the best one, never in the direction I may want to go. Although I love my ma and we get on fine, sometimes its like a one way street with her and she can never see any compromise and likes to be in control.
Now I have my own children I do actually see how my mum was with me when I was younger a good thing because I know how it feels and would never treat my children the same. I am so proud of my little girl (6yrs) and I tell her daily. She knows she can come to me about anything, good or bad and I will not judge her. My other one is only 18 months and has 666 on her forehead so she doesn't count yet
lol... I'm sure shes an angel really!!

I was lucky our parents were all supportive, what great people... I was adopted by them when I was a baby and could never have hoped for better parents, they have always been so supportive of anything Ive wanted to do... even moving away from them (with their only grandchildren too) to the other side of the world.

I still cry even now somedays... I miss my parents so much, phone calls and phone arnt quite the same. Ive recently had a little girl and they have to be content with pictures and dvd's of her.

So I dont know what the point is for my rambling too.... just do what you need to do.... you only live once....
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 11:48 am
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by mazi View Post
I hear you! Isn't the good thing about growing up realising why someone acted the way they did when you were young and knowing you can do something about it - ie. not act like it yourself. I really love my mum too and we've always been 'close' but I could never understand why she had the power to upset me more than anyone else in the whole world. Now I know. And I won't be doing the same when I have kids.

Well, not unless they have 666 on their forehead!
And I was 29 before I realised in a moment of clarity.
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 12:45 pm
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

thankyou all for your comments.

I feel better now I have let it all out. I hate feeling bad and as I am the guilty one. Irrational as it seems but there you have it. I feel better than this morning and I am sure there will be lots more guilt pushed my way but in the scheme of this when I come onto these forums and see other peoples situations that are far worse than mine....I don't feel so bad.....sort of......well maybe.....in a way
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 12:48 pm
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by ezzkazz View Post
Hi All,

I have just decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents about us moving to NZ.
I new it would be hard and I am sure most have had to do the same.
My dad as always, was very supportive and basically said if you are happy with your decision then I am happy, but my mum, well thats a different story.
I get on ok with my mum but its like she knows what to say to make you feel bad and wont even entertain finding a solution for the problem. I get comments like 'well we will never be able to visit' , 'we don't have that kind of money for a trip', 'its too far for us' , 'well thats it, we probably wont see you again', I'm sure you catch my drift. She doesn't like change and is very sentimental and family orientated.
It was a hard thing for me to do as I have her only 2 grandchildren and my mum dotes on them and my eldest will probably be distraught when she twigs on that she wont be seeing her grandparents every week anymore and for me without a doubt this will be the hardest moment consoling my 6 yr old when I tell her.
I don't really know what my point is with this post, just needed to get rid of some of the guilt I now feel.

thanks for reading this anyway
Well done for biting the bullet, I'm sure it couldn't have been easy!

I think mums just have the knack for making you feel bad! I'm not particularly close to my mum (have recently fallen out - only 6 weeks before my wedding!) but I still worry too much about what she will think and have even let her sway me to hear way of thinking in the past!

We have considered other countries in the past and she was very quick to put her point of view forward, even if it was very narrow minded! She lives in France with her new man, so she leads a life away from myself and her two sons, but I'm still dreading her opinion!

Sorry, I'm another who has got a bit carried away! Maybe we should start a new thread MOTHER AND DAUGHTERS!
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 1:21 pm
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Originally Posted by RedMonsk View Post
Well done for biting the bullet, I'm sure it couldn't have been easy!

I think mums just have the knack for making you feel bad! I'm not particularly close to my mum (have recently fallen out - only 6 weeks before my wedding!) but I still worry too much about what she will think and have even let her sway me to hear way of thinking in the past!

We have considered other countries in the past and she was very quick to put her point of view forward, even if it was very narrow minded! She lives in France with her new man, so she leads a life away from myself and her two sons, but I'm still dreading her opinion!

Sorry, I'm another who has got a bit carried away! Maybe we should start a new thread MOTHER AND DAUGHTERS!
lol its amazing how although I will end up doing what I think is for the best but still worry about her opinion.
My hubby's mum has taken the news really well and is being very supportive, I just only wish my mum can do the same. The thing is that my mum is Maltese and she came to the UK when she was 20 to work which her parents werent happy about. She ended up marrying my dad a few years later and by then all of the rest of her family emigrated themselves to Canada and the US. She then decided she wanted to go so they upped and went to Canada to be with her family. After 6 months in Canada, she then came back to the UK and left her family behind a second time. I am not having a go at her because shes entitled to make her own decisions in life like everyone but its just typical. Its ok for her to do it but....noooo not for me. Oh now look I'm getting all grumpy again, stop it, think nice thoughts
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 1:41 pm
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Don't get me started!

My mum left my dad seven years and got together with this guy very quickly! She then lived in the Lake District for 4 years and then moved to France last year.

I can understand her thinking that we are all grown-up up now and that she has done her bit - but there are limits! Even if she still lived here, she still wouldn't be a hands-on mother/nanny!

She's always complaining about her mum (in Ireland), but she is turning into her replica! Please, oh please, don't let the same happen to me!
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Old Apr 23rd 2007, 2:21 pm
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Default Re: I've just told my parents

Hi Guys,
Just wanted to say that I think to some extent we who are leaving, and especially those of us with children, will all be experiencing guilt with parents.
I think Avid is right in when he says (sorry presuming he?) that hurt and sadness does show itself as anger sometimes in the way parents respond. But then again, in some v. small cases it is just shear selfishness, and a desire to always control everything for the bad behaviour (in-laws - :curse: ).

My own lovely dear parents (can you tell yet that OH does not look at this site? ) are being completely supportive and understanding, and are indeed helping us in all ways that they can to ensure we achieve our ambitions to emigrate. The Out-Laws on the other hand, well MIL really, sits and holds tight onto my 4 year old, like she is going to squeeze the life out of her, and says things like, "I hope that Mummy and Daddy are going to get a web camera when you go to NZ, or grandma will forget what you look like!", "Of course you won't see Grandad again, as he won't fly to NZ, but I'll try and come and see you as often as I can, if I can afford the flights." "I hope that you won't forget what I look like when you are gone". OMG It's sickening . Fortunately, all her barbs are missing the mark with my children at the moment, and I do keep pointing out that even if they do not make it to NZ, we will be coming home every other year on holidays.
Surfice to say that the out-laws are non too pleased with us. But then, hey! I get to go to NZ and not see them for a year at a time, minimum, so must allow her her little digs back I suppose.
Well now, nothing like a good ol' b1tch to make me feel better!
Sorry to off load! Just saw an opportunity to have a pop at my MIL.!
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