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I think I've made a mistake

I think I've made a mistake

Old Jan 15th 2022, 11:33 pm
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Default I think I've made a mistake

Hi everyone.

I have moved to NZ from the UK with my husband and my daughter. We have been in the country since November 2021 having gone through MIQ etc. However, over the past week I have been experiencing severe anxiety and seriously feel like that this was a mistake. I know we have only been in the country for not even 2 months, but all I can think about is getting back to the UK and my family. Has anyone else felt this way? Has anyone gone back the UK so soon after arriving?

I really don't know what to do. I know at the moment I can't do anything about it as we wouldn't be able to afford to get back.....

Any thoughts, help or input would be greatly appreciated.
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 1:19 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

1991 I migrated to Australia. I traveled out on my own at first to get everything sorted for when my wife and son arrived two weeks later. Back then there was no internet to help prepare for migration, you just jumped in and did your best. I can clearly remember looking out from the taxi I took from the airport to the apartment I had rented in Adelaide, and thinking "oh my god, what have I done". I was convinced I had made a massive mistake. I didn't dare mention it to my wife as we had sold everything to commit to the move. It got easier when my wife arrived and more so when I started work and we started to socialize. I can remember feeling very foolish and ashamed at the time, after all it was my idea to move and I was responsible for putting my family in that situation. However, as time passed, things got easier. Things started to feel more familiar and I started to settle. Eventually, after a year we decided to return to the uk as my wife had been unable to find work and surprisingly I was disappointed to be leaving.
I spent the next 16 years in the UK with a bit of a yearning to leave again and in 2008 we came to NZ. The past 13 years have been a real rollercoaster but I'm still here and loving it
that's all I got
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 1:24 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
1991 I migrated to Australia. I traveled out on my own at first to get everything sorted for when my wife and son arrived two weeks later. Back then there was no internet to help prepare for migration, you just jumped in and did your best. I can clearly remember looking out from the taxi I took from the airport to the apartment I had rented in Adelaide, and thinking "oh my god, what have I done". I was convinced I had made a massive mistake. I didn't dare mention it to my wife as we had sold everything to commit to the move. It got easier when my wife arrived and more so when I started work and we started to socialize. I can remember feeling very foolish and ashamed at the time, after all it was my idea to move and I was responsible for putting my family in that situation. However, as time passed, things got easier. Things started to feel more familiar and I started to settle. Eventually, after a year we decided to return to the uk as my wife had been unable to find work and surprisingly I was disappointed to be leaving.
I spent the next 16 years in the UK with a bit of a yearning to leave again and in 2008 we came to NZ. The past 13 years have been a real rollercoaster but I'm still here and loving it
that's all I got
Hi there
Thanks for the reply, it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels/has felt like this.... I just I could stop feeling this way, it's exhausting! I'm hoping once our things arrive and we're a few more months down the line it will be better. 🙂
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 1:29 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by dibdab85 View Post
Hi there
Thanks for the reply, it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels/has felt like this.... I just I could stop feeling this way, it's exhausting! I'm hoping once our things arrive and we're a few more months down the line it will be better. 🙂
Having your own stuff around you makes a massive difference. For me, once things start to feel familiar without getting on your nerves, you've cracked it 👍
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 1:31 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
Having your own stuff around you makes a massive difference. For me, once things start to feel familiar without getting on your nerves, you've cracked it 👍
Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. It's much appreciated 🙂
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 8:18 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Once you get your own belongings things will seem more familiar. Christmas is always a hard time for some people, missing family and friends, plus it’s the holiday season there until February, (like the 6 week school holidays in the UK). Once you settle into a routine things should seem a little easier. There was obviously a reason you moved to NZ rather than stay in the UK, especially in the middle of a pandemic which makes things so much harder. We’ve known people move back to the UK after only 6 weeks, they might have well just had an extended holiday. We gave ourselves 12 months to decide whether we really liked it and we loved it. If we hadn’t, we would have just tried somewhere else within the country. We ended up moving back to the UK 4 years ago (family reasons) and have regretted it ever since we landed, but we’re here now and have to make the most of where we are, good or bad.
Hope this helps
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 8:59 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Things seem jarringly unfamiliar right now. Living out of a suitcase, recycling the same four outfits is grating. Nothing seeming real. Christmas and New Year in the summer. It's all odd.

When your stuff arrives (have you got a date of arrival for it ?) you might feel yourself relaxing. It's only the same old stuff but it's yours.

Some say it's like Christmas. Unwrapping and seeing your old familiar things. (It wasn't that way for me, I relocated to NZ in 2011 with my kiwi husband. When our stuff arrived I just felt oddly embarrassed. A real cringe. Like oh sh1t, there really is no going back.)

However, onwards and upwards. Nearly six mostly enjoyable years passed in NZ and we came back home to Britain in 2016. We are contented with our life in Britain and are happily living our the rest of our days here. Sure, there's all sorts of ifs buts and maybes, but that's life. We do not want to return to NZ. I have told my kiwi husband he can go to NZ to live if he wishes. However, could we please agree on the specifics of our divorce before he leaves. He's still here with me. Funny that.

Sit tight.

Last edited by Moon_River; Jan 16th 2022 at 9:06 am.
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 3:54 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by stevenfoster13 View Post
Once you get your own belongings things will seem more familiar. Christmas is always a hard time for some people, missing family and friends, plus it’s the holiday season there until February, (like the 6 week school holidays in the UK). Once you settle into a routine things should seem a little easier. There was obviously a reason you moved to NZ rather than stay in the UK, especially in the middle of a pandemic which makes things so much harder. We’ve known people move back to the UK after only 6 weeks, they might have well just had an extended holiday. We gave ourselves 12 months to decide whether we really liked it and we loved it. If we hadn’t, we would have just tried somewhere else within the country. We ended up moving back to the UK 4 years ago (family reasons) and have regretted it ever since we landed, but we’re here now and have to make the most of where we are, good or bad.
Hope this helps
Thank you. I think theres alot i didn't take into consideration. (Ie. The pandemic) i know i need to give this more time. I think the worst thing is seeing my daughter feeling sad and lonely because she is missing home and doesn't have friends yet...
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 3:59 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by Moon_River View Post
Things seem jarringly unfamiliar right now. Living out of a suitcase, recycling the same four outfits is grating. Nothing seeming real. Christmas and New Year in the summer. It's all odd.

When your stuff arrives (have you got a date of arrival for it ?) you might feel yourself relaxing. It's only the same old stuff but it's yours.

Some say it's like Christmas. Unwrapping and seeing your old familiar things. (It wasn't that way for me, I relocated to NZ in 2011 with my kiwi husband. When our stuff arrived I just felt oddly embarrassed. A real cringe. Like oh sh1t, there really is no going back.)

However, onwards and upwards. Nearly six mostly enjoyable years passed in NZ and we came back home to Britain in 2016. We are contented with our life in Britain and are happily living our the rest of our days here. Sure, there's all sorts of ifs buts and maybes, but that's life. We do not want to return to NZ. I have told my kiwi husband he can go to NZ to live if he wishes. However, could we please agree on the specifics of our divorce before he leaves. He's still here with me. Funny that.
Thank you. Our stuff is due to arrive in port aund the 15th of February (delays permitting) so not too far away but seems like forever! At the moment I can't see myself staying, but we will see how things go.

Last edited by Jerseygirl; Jan 16th 2022 at 4:08 pm. Reason: Fixed quote
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 4:22 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

It takes time, how old is she? Once you get you own things that will make a big difference and when the schools go back things will get back to normal. Don’t panic too much and think you need to go back just yet, it’s too soon. It’s not great wearing and washing the same things, we waited 6 weeks to get our stuff, we didn’t even have a mirror in our house, we slept on a camp bed my 2 year old had a blow up bed and she had a camping chair to sit on, we has the floor. We used our new tv box as a table and we all survived, didn’t put us off staying.
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Old Jan 16th 2022, 4:36 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by stevenfoster13 View Post
It takes time, how old is she? Once you get you own things that will make a big difference and when the schools go back things will get back to normal. Don’t panic too much and think you need to go back just yet, it’s too soon. It’s not great wearing and washing the same things, we waited 6 weeks to get our stuff, we didn’t even have a mirror in our house, we slept on a camp bed my 2 year old had a blow up bed and she had a camping chair to sit on, we has the floor. We used our new tv box as a table and we all survived, didn’t put us off staying.
She's just turned 9. And is at home with her dad when I'm at work, as you say it will take time
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Old Jan 17th 2022, 8:15 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

What aspects of life in NZ are causing you stress and anxieties ?

What were the reasons that made you want to leave the UK?
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Old Jan 17th 2022, 8:16 am
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Hang in there!! I am sure we've all been there Dibdab, the first few weeks are the worst, especially when you don't have your stuff around you and can't lay your hands on anything that is familiar and always feeling lost and trying to find places and things at the shops. You have also arrived in the worst of times when nothing has been normal (lockdown and then straight into Xmas and school holidays). The first Christmas is usually the pits for most, missing family, being summer and it all feels wrong. Everyone will be on their holidays and not returning to normal routine until early February when the kids go back to school (assuming they do) and people drift back to work over the next couple of weeks.
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Old Jan 17th 2022, 5:18 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
What aspects of life in NZ are causing you stress and anxieties ?

What were the reasons that made you want to leave the UK?
I'm just really struggling not being able to see my family at the moment.... And this is probably going to sound really silly but i'm really worried about earthquakes and things like that.

We came here for a fresh start for our family. A better work life balance and opportunities for our daughter. And a more relaxed way of life.
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Old Jan 17th 2022, 5:49 pm
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Default Re: I think I've made a mistake

Originally Posted by dibdab85 View Post
I'm just really struggling not being able to see my family at the moment.... And this is probably going to sound really silly but i'm really worried about earthquakes and things like that.

We came here for a fresh start for our family. A better work life balance and opportunities for our daughter. And a more relaxed way of life.

People on this forum, who write about struggling because they miss family, are the ones who inevitably return to the UK. If family and friends are important to you before leaving and you don't accept that moving thousands of miles away means you are not going to see them from one year to the next, you are heading for failure.
Search for posts of those who are not happy in US, Australia, NZ etc and the majority are saying how much they miss family .....
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