Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

Hello,

Although NZ sounds fantastic and 2 galleries are willing to represent me (I'm an artist), the sudden realisation that this may really happen (all our paperwork came in) has sent me into panic mode. I have read many blogs of people who have gone abroad not wanting to, and then discovering that they like it. My case is a bit different in as much as this is the 6th follow I do for my husband. Each time I come to "like" the locations but not without a lot of hard work in building friendships etc. . As soon as I finally get settled into a community, it seems it's time to go again. This time, it comes at a big cost. I have an artistic reputation in my area and have built very good friendships. Having suffered a burn out when first came to the present one (stress of it all), I was lucky to pull through so wonderfully. I am panicked with this move...so far away, and I don't want to go. Anyone else that is on their 6th or more moving abroad experience? Many thanks, Micheline

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

can't you just talk to your husband and tell him enough is enough. do you have children to consider?

My husband wanted out of UK for any years and did apply for a couple of countries but I never felt they were going to be good for the whole family so told him NO.
He cannot take the final decision for you it has to be your's and he should respect that.

What does he do or does he need you to get a job. Have you looked at how easy it would be?

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

Thanks and yes we do have children to consider. They are all excited about going, unfortunately for me...as it makes it harder to say no. They are 10-12 and 14. He has a job waiting for him. As I am a freelance artist, and he earns proper wages, this always gives him the power in decision making. It makes absolute sense to move because of the economic situation here etc., but my whole being is paralysed with fear at the prospect.

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

not wanting to to speak out of line but if you don't want to come your husband should stop being so bloody selfish
and actually listen to your opinion, especially as the last one effected you so badly and if you feel you've traveled
enough he needs to take that onboard

just my 2cents

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

Many thanks...we are talking now about it...think he's starting to see how it is affecting me (been a mess for past 24 hours). Hopefully will come to some arrangement. Wish it was not so complex...

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

were about's is the job he has been offered, do you know if it will actually get you here? having an offer of a job does'nt automatically mean you will get a visa to come.

Really surprised your kids want to come over at the age, leaving their friends and school but suppose they are used to it ?

If it looks like you will come their are loads of people on here that will be able to give you a hand to help you along the way, try and make it less scary for you. x

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

I came here because my husband, a kiwi, wanted to come. I was reluctant about coming and have had real difficulty settling in the 18 months we've been here. We visited NZ in 1994, 1996/7 and 2006. Not once upon our arrival home to the UK from New Zealand did I say to my husband, 'that was great, I wish we lived there.'

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

So your husband wants to go, your kids want to go. It makes sense economically, so better quality of life all round.

But you want everyone to stay because you will miss your friends?

Just want to play devils advocate.

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

That's perfectly natural when moving to NZ. Everyone experiences it.;)

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

How many moves is too many moves?
After 6 moves isn't it reasonable to ask that your feelings be taken in to account.

I think its extremely selfish and narrow minded to expect everyone to up sticks against their wishes.


Micheline,
Could your husband stay in his current post or find another where you are already

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

So, that's what's been wrong with me all this time.
Here is me thinking I had frozen shoulders, lock jaw & early onset of rigor mortis .

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

Not everyone wants to open their own vineyard. Or ask for business tips on an expats discussion board.

The start up costs can't be much though. A wine making kit, wine making grapes, bottles and labels. Then what ? Put the bottles of wine for sale in the boot of your car and go round the farmers markets ?

Sounds like a lot of work to me. Oh that's right, expats don't come here to work do they ? It's all for the adventure. Which is funded by what much past the age of 25 ? Some people grow up before they get to New Zealand, not wait till they get there to do it.

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

I know exactly what you mean about each location and adapting to it but I have only done 2 before we have been able to get us back to UK (albeit new area).
I would say time to put your foot down re NZ unless you are getting some 'impossible to say no to' fantastic corporate package which pays school fees, rent, travel out there, regular trips home, and return move back ultimately.

If you are just doing it off your own bat like most people who post here - then if you don't want to go, don't go as it costs a fortune to do and undo the move and your kids are at the age when they will soon resent being 'stuck in Groundhog Day'.

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

Ok, not sure what planet you are orbiting at the moment Debbie.

But the facts as presented by the OP so far are.

Moved 6 times previously - A bit much, especially with kids. But I assume this is part of the husbands career and should present no surprise.

Op is a "artist" and seems to resent husbands ability to earn a decent wage.

Kids and husband set to go, but now everything is in place OP is wanting to keep everyone from going.

The needs of the one, out weight the needs of the many?

I said I was playing devils advocate.

In case the phrase is foreign to you, here is the meaning


For other uses, see Devil's advocate (disambiguation).
In common parlance, a devil's advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil's advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position. It can also refer to someone who takes a stance that is seen as unpopular or unconventional, but is actually another way of arguing a much more conventional stance.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil's_advocate

Re: Husband wants to move to NZ, I don't want to go!
 

:confused::confused::confused: