mochalova

My husband and I are in our early 30s- we have 2 young girls under 5 and have a reasonably comfortable life in England. We have spoken for many years on and off about the possibility of moving to NZ- initially for a 'trial period' of 3 years. We love the idea of having an adventure and having a more outdoors lifestyle with better work/life balance surrounded by beautiful landscapes.

My husband would probably move over tomorrow if he could. I have a few concerns that are holding me back:
1. Missing family- especially my mum and being so far away, different time zones making communication difficult etc.
2. Moving to a place where we won't have any support network- with 2 small children this is a bit daunting
3. Earthquake risks- we had previously wanted to live in ChCh but since the major earthquakes if we move over then it will probably be to Aukland now.
4. Fear of the unknown- many factors that I won't know unless I try- e.g. Will I like my job there, how will things work out financially etc.

Basically I don't know if it's worth the risk. Any words of wisdom appreciated!

MrsFychan

before you start possibly worrying over nothing you need to find out if you could actually be allowed a visa to allow you to stay.

check out the Immigration website and see if it is possible

TommyLuck

Sadly there is no one on here who can honestly say to you:

"Do it. It'll be fine".

I would like to focus on points 1 and 2.

If these are genuinely big and potentially insurmountable issues for you, I would suggest that you don't move.

If you are a risk taker then perhaps point 4 comes in to play, a little. But is obsolete if you decide points 1 and 2 are too big a factor to overcome.

You may want to test the water to see how you'll get on, but this could prove an expensive experiment if you don't like it. And an emotionally painful experiment if your husband loves it, but you don't and want to move back.

Only you can decide if you have the financial clout and emotional stability be a 'ping pong POM'.

Personally, the earthquakes thing is neither here nor there. Any number of bad things can happen anywhere in the world at any time.

What are your husbands reasons for wanting to move? If you don't mind my asking.

TommyLuck

Good point.

Snap Shot

I agree with the initial remark.

I also agree with the other remark I've quoted. As that was pretty much my attitude before moving to Christchurch in March 2011. The earthquakes scared the bejesus out of me when we lived there and we weren't sad to leave. For that and other reasons.

Snap Shot

1 & 2. Do yourself a huge favour and don't leave your support network. Your children will miss their grandparents and vice versa. You will miss your parents and friends too. Emigrating makes you feel very emotionally vulnerable.

3. Not a great deal of Christchurch left to emigrate to. Earthquake and post earthquake demolition has seen to that. Auckland ? Phew ! Have you seen the price of property there ? It's out of control as sellers are getting greedy and buyers are getting silly.

4. Fear of the unknown. Did you have this fear before you had kids ? Have you ever feared an exam of any kind ? Both questions are rhetorical but fear of the unknown is just that. However, if a person was standing on the edge of a cliff, would you be the person standing behind them shouting, 'jump' ?

Anyway, about your visa...........

I don't mean to be rude, but, anything else is just talking around the point. I've noticed that men are usually the, 'driver' for emigrating. Women end up, 'taking one for the team.' By that I mean sacrifice what they want for the majority family vote.

Catchafire

That is possible, but unlikely in Auckland. You need to look at other areas in NZ. Your husband will spend most of his time working and being stuck in traffic.

We came here as a young (ish) couple, who after travelling the world for a few years wanted one last big adventure. Here we are 9 years later and we have two young children, who we brought up here, far away from any other immediate family. So we did it all on our own and it was by far the hardest thing we did in all the time we spent here in NZ.

Is it worth it? Yes absolutely, we live that whole outdoors lifestyle and we are very close as a family.

It is natural to have doubts. But is it for you? Do YOU have a burning desire to emigrate? If you are not happy about making "the move" then it is a recipe for unhappiness and loneliness.

Snap Shot

Yup, I agree. I have read so many posts of people who have got to their destination country only to find unhappiness. Whether it's within the first week or several years down the track.

Albeit things might not work out for lots of reasons unrelated to the move.

M_and_M

At the end of the day you need to have a long think and a longer chat and decide for yourself

barnsleymat

The last two places you want to move to if you're wanting a nicer slower paced outdoorsy way of life is Auckland and Christchurch.

mochalova

Thank you for all of the replies.

This is such a difficult decision- so many pros and cons!

I think that basically I'm happy with the life we have in the UK. There are several reasons that my husband wants to sample life in NZ. He thinks there will be better work opportunities for him in the field that he specialises in (Auckland Uni would be perfect for him to continue his post grad studies). He also thinks it will be a better, healthier lifestyle with more outdoor living- which is something he craves and thinks it will be great for our 2 girls. He has several friends who have lived in NZ for a year or 2 and who have loved it (although one hated it and came home after only 4 months).

We wouldn't have a problem getting visas- we would also find it relatively straightforward to get jobs- I'm a doctor.

As you can probably tell I'm not much of a risk taker but maybe I just need to be brave and bite the bullet!

Purrball

You're absolutely right to be cautious. You must have a good long natter with your friend who returned after four months. Pick his or her brains.

Considering you have what you've described as 'a comfortable life' over here, frankly speaking, I'd be concerned if you didn't have any qualms at all and were completely gung-ho. Setting aside the issues of visa eligibility, which other people here are far more qualified to discuss, I'm going to raise a slightly potentially contentious angle.

A lot of blokes are attracted to the idea of New Zealand, because in many ways, it's a bloke's paradise. They have this idea of being out on the river, the boat, the lake, in the bush, at the BBQ and so on... living in shorts, Tshirts and flipflops year round. And yes, it's a great place for kids but in my opinion, only up until the age of about 11-12 when the quality of education and opportunities in the UK and Europe far outweigh those in New Zealand, let alone living in a more cosmopolitan and mind-broadening environment.

My family did the opposite: moved us all from NZ to Europe when we were kids so that we could experience different cultures and countries. Best thing that ever happened to us.

If I were you, if your husband is dead set on this idea, then you could set some conditions of your own:

1. Don't burn your bridges. Leave enough money and resources set aside to return if you want or need to.

2. Mutually agree to an initial period, maybe 24-36 months, at which point you'll seriously review the situation, all the pros and cons and so forth... and how you see the next 2-3 years after that.

3. Agree, in blood if you have to that if either one of is desperately unhappy, for whatever reason, that you return.

New Zealand is a lovely place for those who can afford it or for those who value rural, or small town living or hiking, skiing, horse-riding etc. If you like shopping and having tons of choices for things to do in towns and cities, or nipping over to France or Italy or even New York etc. then think twice. It's difficult to describe how remote it can feel at times.

Then as others have said, better to look outside Auckland. If it's better weather, then there's Hawke's Bay or perhaps the Wairarapa or Kapiti with close links to Wellington, or Nelson... or other parts of the South Island. But Auckland is where most of the jobs and the best shopping are.

It's a tough call. If you've got the time and money, go out there for a 4-6 week recce in their winter or autumn, avoid the touristy stuff, look at the job market, houses and schools. And don't take for granted all the things you like about living in the UK, even little things.

Assanah

If you go I would also advise you to make a "deal" with your husband about what will happen if one of you doesn't like it in NZ. I know a couple who agreed that if one doesn't like it they will return to Germany. He loved it, she didn't. They went back. I know another couple, same story, he liked it, she didn't. He is still in Auckland, she back in Europe with their daughter.

mochalova

There are some good points that have been raised; I will try to get some contacts with people working in the same field as me in Auckland and get a better idea of what the working conditions are like. We will also have to rake over our finances very carefully to see whether it is viable for us to move and have a comfortable standard of living.

Reading through this forum has been helpful- I wasn't aware that there were so many concerns about the housing standards and driving!

I'm aware that you have to be willing to take a risk when emigrating and leaving your support network behind. If we do decide to go then we will definitely have a review period after 12-18 months and if either of us want to go home then we will. I think that's a good enough compromise with my hubby

FYI- the main reason one of our friends returned after only 4 months was because she had gone out there to live with her Kiwi boyfriend. When she arrived she found out he had a wife and young son, he didn't think it was worth mentioning beforehand as he said he was separated! Her experience of NZ was somewhat ruined after that......

Snap Shot

Jeepers ! I realise my view of NZ will always be skewed because I've only ever been here with my other half.

However, compared to what your friend went through, I'm just glad my kiwi husband didn't have any surprises in store for me.