British Expats

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-   -   how do i settle in nz??!! (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/how-do-i-settle-nz-851375/)

desperateBrit Jan 24th 2015 4:58 am

how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Hi all! long time since my last moany post! lol! hope you are all well.

im looking for some advice about settling in. we arrived here in oct and im struggling to settle in. my husband works away in aucks and myself and our 3 kids are in tauranga, he comes home at weekends. My question to you all is, is it normal to feel like i dont belong here? i thought this would be the best thing ever but im starting to wonder if iv made a mistake. Iv not made any friends and im feeling pretty bloody home sick. My husband is absolutly loving the kiwi life but im really struggling with things here. My family all live in tauranga also so i know i should feel happier about being here. I just dont understand why i feel like thi when when i was in the uk this was all i wanted. i feel like a horrible spoilt brat. i miss my friends terribly and i miss being a family until with my husband. I find getting to know kiwis a little bit hard, as much as you all might think im a moany old cow, im actually quite a happy go lucky sort of person, not a lot gets to me, so i thought id get here and make friends pretty quickly but not so! Please could someone advice how to settle in and embrace this beautiful country.

Thanks so much :)
Happy new year to you all.

gemma

MrsFychan Jan 24th 2015 5:19 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Hi Gemma, sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I know its said a lot but is has been such a short time of you being here so go easy on yourself, I've been here 3 years and still feel like a fish out of water at times

why has your family not helped you settle in more? have they not taken you out and about and introduced you to people.

Do you have school aged kids, could you get involved with the school? do the kids do activities, maybe go to the library and see if there are some clubs you could join.

The OH with jobs seem to forget how difficult and lonely it can be being the ones left holding the kids and house together and should be more attentive to helping fix those situations.

Sure I read some other people are/have moved to Tauranga, maybe check out the arrival stickies and have a look and maybe contact them, you could at least help someone else get to know the area.

Edit - The Chainey family are coming over on the 1st March so maybe drop them a PM and help them out.

bearskin Jan 24th 2015 6:33 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by MrsFychan (Post 11543826)
Sure I read some other people are/have moved to Tauranga, maybe check out the arrival stickies and have a look and maybe contact them, you could at least help someone else get to know the area.

TBH that might the last thing I would do. I found that steering clear of other new migrants was the easiest way to settle into NZ, otherwise I was constantly getting reminded of the UK. Pommy migrants can be a funny lot...

Stormer999 Jan 24th 2015 6:46 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by bearskin (Post 11543857)
TBH that might the last thing I would do. I found that steering clear of other new migrants was the easiest way to settle into NZ, otherwise I was constantly getting reminded of the UK. Pommy migrants can be a funny lot...

Bearskin you are so right take the labels off and just see people. Good friends are nurtured in a lifetime not made in an instant. I moved 5 miles in the UK and the start again was was just the same. Coming to NZ is no different the peeps just need to see you not what you used to be or what you used to do just be yourself and be interested in them and use their experience....;)

MrsFychan Jan 24th 2015 7:24 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by bearskin (Post 11543857)
TBH that might the last thing I would do. I found that steering clear of other new migrants was the easiest way to settle into NZ, otherwise I was constantly getting reminded of the UK. Pommy migrants can be a funny lot...

well if it wasn't for that "funny lot" I would of been long gone by now.

It was more the fact that OP has only been here a short time but will have a bit more knowledge than the member coming over it would be a kind thing to do and help the OP at the same time

Justcol Jan 24th 2015 9:50 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Many (well most actually) of my friends here are brit expats and I have no issues with that.
they are all people who love living here but the common history made things easier at the beginning.

I think the OP's problem isnt in finding friends, its more to do with hubby being away all week, I mean come on,
who wouldnt struggle with that on top of trying to find your place in a new country.
In 1991 my ex and I and our 6 month old son moved to Australia. I had a job and try as she might,
she couldnt find one. Eventually the strain on her (and me) and the loneliness she felt was too much
and we moved back to the uk 9 months later.

Having seen my ex wife go through a similar situation, personally I think its quite insulting and
patronizing to say stay away from poms, when your feeling lonely and isolated all you want is friends
it doesnt matter where they are from

Gemma, I cant really offer any advice luv, apart from just keep going and be yourself, its still early days
for you yet, things tend to fall in to place with time

Charismatic Jan 24th 2015 10:32 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.


I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.

The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.

So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.

Builder UK Jan 24th 2015 10:51 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
What you are feeling is loneliness and isolation, which is pretty common, especially as your husband works away.

Is it not possible to find a small part time job or maybe take up a hobbie or sport a few hours a week to help you meet new people such as badminton, walking or something similar?

I would be careful of 'moaning' too much as eventually people will class you as a whinging Pom, and on here and in life you will eventually be told to get on a plane and **** off back to where you've come from, so sad, but unfortunately that's the attitude.

Some poms are ok but you get 2 types, ones that miss the UK and are not too keen on NZ, but they tend to be quiet and reserved about the subject and then you get the 2nd lot, who love NZ, love the lifestyle and finish most sentences with 'not like in the U.K.'

I found the lifestyle quiet boring after a few weeks, the better weather, the empty beaches seem to lose the sparkle after a few weeks, I missed the hustle and bustle of a city centre, I missed my local pub which would be packed on a Friday and Saturday night.

You do get the feeling that life is just passing you by when there, hopefully if you got a small part time job or took up a hobby you may find some friends and settle in a bit better.

All the best,

MrsEeyore Jan 24th 2015 5:58 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
As MrsFychan says we are coming to Tauranga next week and I'm petrified so maybe I'm not the person to meet at the mo.But give me a month or so and I'm up for it ! I hope we bothfeel better when me meet. I will be working shifts so will be free when kiddies are at school.
Oh and I am normal(ish)ν ½νΈ„

bearskin Jan 25th 2015 6:28 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
:goodpost:

Originally Posted by Charismatic (Post 11543956)
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.


I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.

The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.

So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.

:goodpost:that

Charismatic Jan 25th 2015 8:55 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by bearskin (Post 11544511)
:goodpost:

:goodpost:that

Thanks Bear.

moving2NZ2013 Jan 25th 2015 9:08 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
I moved here in august. It's hard settling in but what Iv found helps is chucking yourself in the deep end. Involve yourself in the community. Join groups. Help others. Go to community events and embrace the culture.
Iv been here 5 months and I can't walk down the street without people saying.
'hi Clare how are you?'

It's very easy to stay in. But with that you will feel very isolated and like you don't belong.

It's still early days so you will have doubts. I did and still do the odd day.
I have kiwi and expat friends. I tend to save my moans for the expats as generally kiwis hate a moaning Pom ;)

What I'm saying is embrace the culture. Nz has a lot to offer.

The simple things like leaving key in the car, not locking your door, people saying how are you and are genuine and expect a reply. I found in the uk it was just something people said out of habit not to see how your are.
People want to help you out, providing your helping yourself. The kids seem that bit younger and seem like free spirits.
I could harp on but I won't.
In other words don't focus in the negatives focus on the positive little things then you will see how the little things are the big things :)



P.s if your living in an area with higher crime rate I wouldn't advise leaving keys in the your ignition and your front door unlocked. I live in a small tight knit community.;)

moving2NZ2013 Jan 25th 2015 9:10 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Charismatic (Post 11543956)
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.


I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.

The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.

So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.

Wow what a beautiful way of putting it.:amen:

RichieRich80 Jan 26th 2015 4:30 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!

MrsFychan Jan 26th 2015 4:58 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by RichieRich80 (Post 11545377)
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!

think mainly down to cost, most prefer to socialise at home

Stormer999 Jan 26th 2015 5:44 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by RichieRich80 (Post 11545377)
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!

They do...I have some lovely friends at our watering hole......all denominations ;)

BEVS Jan 27th 2015 3:02 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by RichieRich80 (Post 11545377)
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!

Pubs are Friday after work things. The 6 o'clock swill.

Justcol Jan 27th 2015 8:24 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by RichieRich80 (Post 11545377)
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!

Only weird if your a Brit.No one else anywhere in any country has a pub
culture like the UK.
In saying that I go out 2 or 3 times a week. My local for beers and talking rubbish with
a couple of close mates or to one of a few other places if I want a busy pub with live music and plenty of people.

Robbo25 Jan 28th 2015 1:54 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Been here 6 years, still feel as unsettled as ever. Plenty I love and plenty that sends me bats!#t crazy especially work!!

scrubbedexpat094 Jan 28th 2015 3:15 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Robbo25 (Post 11547407)
Been here 6 years, still feel as unsettled as ever. Plenty I love and plenty that sends me bats!#t crazy especially work!!

Can I join you? Been here 8 years now and feel exactly the same except about work. I haven't worked in 6 years :(

Robbo25 Jan 28th 2015 7:42 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Vitalstatistix (Post 11547434)
Can I join you? Been here 8 years now and feel exactly the same except about work. I haven't worked in 6 years :(

Maybe we can start a trust? They seem the in fashion item at times here.

Charismatic Jan 28th 2015 8:04 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Being employed and working are related activities? When did this begin? :confused:

Robbo25 Jan 28th 2015 7:37 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Charismatic (Post 11547551)
Being employed and working are related activities? When did this begin? :confused:

I'm cool with sitting at home and having a pay cheque given to me, however having to pretend that I'm working and making a difference on a daily basis really screws my mind!

Caveat - I never said I WANTED to work, just don't want to pretend either :)

scrubbedexpat094 Jan 28th 2015 9:08 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Robbo25 (Post 11547538)
Maybe we can start a trust? They seem the in fashion item at times here.

I'm game :flirtyeyes:. I don't have any trust issues :rofl:

britsinnz Jan 31st 2015 10:34 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Hi desperatebrit, I"ve sent you a private message.

Sparkleydiva Feb 1st 2015 12:34 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Robbo25 (Post 11547407)
Been here 6 years, still feel as unsettled as ever. Plenty I love and plenty that sends me bats!#t crazy especially work!!

Me too 😁😁😁 although irritating stuff seems to supersede the stuff i like currently 😟

psa2570 Feb 14th 2015 8:57 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
We've been in NZ for 19 months now and love it, felt settled straight away. My Missus has family over here, the nearest ones are a 3 hour drive away, and they took us under their wing for the first 4 weeks.

Once we'd moved to Kerikeri I joined the local Facebook notice boards and asked if anyone would like to take the new boy fishing. Worked for me, got quite a few new mates from that one.

Bumptious Feb 16th 2015 7:06 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
When I moved to our current town 11 years ago I didn't know anyone except my inlaws. My kids were 3 and 7 and I met my friends through kindy and school and now have a really close knit circle. We also adopted a couple of greyhounds and have met some great people through that, plus volunteering and part time work for me. I have friends who are ex-pat Brits and Kiwis. I lived in Auckland for 16 years before that and also had good friends, I never see them now as we don't ever go back to Auckland. I am very chatty and don't have any problems starting up conversations which I think helps. I first got invited out with a group of women my age to a local restaurant and met one of my best friends there (we ended up sitting next to each other). If it wasn't for the kindy and primary school I think I would've found it a bit different, so for me it was a good starting point.

j19fmm Feb 16th 2015 8:01 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Charismatic (Post 11543956)
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.


I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.

The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.

So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.

That is just blooming lovely, Charismatic, good on you xx

suza712565 Mar 22nd 2015 8:24 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Hi Gemma, I have been here 4 weeks. Have 3 young children. We are living in tauranga. If you want to chat please pm me.

I am also feeling isolated so would be great to meet up.

Sue

Perry Groves Mar 23rd 2015 5:04 am

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 
Even 4 years in, I do sometimes have feelings of isolation too. But the alternative of going back to the U.K. is not on the agenda any time soon

Chocoholics Mar 23rd 2015 8:39 pm

Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
 

Originally Posted by Robbo25 (Post 11547407)
Been here 6 years, still feel as unsettled as ever. Plenty I love and plenty that sends me bats!#t crazy especially work!!

:nod: We've also been here 6 years and I couldn't have put this better myself.


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