gina and danny

well my 8 year old cried himself to sleep last night nothing we said could console him), its his last week at school next week and the last day of term will be his last day there. he said hes gonna miss all his friends, i told him we will keep intouch with the school but that didnt help, then he said he really wants to go to nz but doesnt want to leave his friends,

:curse::curse::curse: i felt so bad,guilty.horrible that i eneded up crying myself.

i know its gonna happen again before we go, im dreading his last day of school.

so has anyone any tips on how to console a child that feels that their whole world is being ripped apart??

gina x

Soppydot4

Sorry I don't know what to say but I'm going to be in the same situtation, next Friday will be my son's last day too. He'll be 9 at the end of July and has said exactly the same thing. He wants to go to NZ but doesn't want to leave his friends. Just wanted to give you a bit of moral support and pick up some tips as well.

gina and danny

thanks, cams gonna be 9 at end of december, whereabouts in nz are you heading to?

Soppydot4

We're heading to North Shore, Auckland. How about you?

gina and danny

were heading out to lower hutt, wellington, cams been really excited, looking at the schools on the internet and activities etc and couldnt wait to go and make new friends but as the time as now come to go he is really finding it hard, its only his mates hes upset about, hes not that bothered about the family

ScottyD

Hi - we are going to Wellington in September. My children are much younger 4 and 2 and whilst we have talked to them about NZ they cannot fully grasp the whole concept of what we are doing. The eldest is in a school nursery and when we talked to the school about going they were very supportive in terms of enabling her to talk about it with her friends etc in school.

Is there anything you could arrange with your kids schools to create a memory book or contact book with their classmates and friends, so they can write messages and put photos etc in it, which they can give them to keep and take with them?
How about arranging a small party in the school holidays just for their friends?

Have they made contact with any children in NZ yet? If not, this may help them feel they will already have new friends. If they have hobbies or interests they could try and contact local clubs to where you are going to be and see if there are any email pals they can make before they arrive?

It's hard - in effect they will be grieving the loss of their friends and as such I guess all you can do is be there for them when they want to talk about it, show compassion and understanding and offer plenty of hugs.

Catkin09

Hi Gina

When we moved the boys were 10 and 7, they wanted to move then they didn't, then they did etc....

Last day of school for them was when they broke up for Christmas holidays last year. The tears were flowing from them and me. We promised them they could keep in touch with all their friends by email and skype..... but

As they weren't seeing their friends in the holidays by the time we moved everything was fine. There has been no tears about missing friends (not from them anyway ) and they have settled in really well.

You are doing the move to better your life, you only live once, don't feel guilty, trust me, he will make new friends and get on with the new life he is faced with and will love it.

Hope this helps. Good luck

Catkin

TeamEmbo

We had a big leaving party before coming over and the kids were able to invite whoever they wanted to it which they really enjoyed. They were 11 and 12 at the time. Initially they kept in touch with old mates via email, MSN, webcam chats, letters etc, but as soon as they started school in NZ that began to wane. I think in general kids move on really quickly. They soon ran out of 'things in common' to chat with old friends about and were busy themselves running around with their new mates here. The eldest has kept more in touch with a couple of very good friends in the UK. Our youngest doesn't bother at all and hasn't for some time.

Heartbreaking as it is to see your childs distress please be assured that it is a natural reaction and fear of the unknown- letting go of a world he knows to something unknown, if you think how you feel sometimes about the whole emigrating thing - up one minute, doubtful the next - it's like that for kids too only they've no control over it and as children are not mature enough to understand it all or cope with their emotions. I'm sure you'll have more tears and upset but also that he'll soon make friends here and have a whale of a time once he sees for himself it's not so scary and kids here are just as friendly and there's heaps for him to do.

You could get him a book and get his friends to leave their email/home addresses and personal messages in and whether they're on msn or have webcam etc. and then he knows he can stay in contact whenver he wants. We got the kids friends and teachers to sign their school sweatshirts on their last day as a keepsake and have group photos from school and any leaving party you have. Or if you have a camcorder, get his friends to record personal messages to him. But, like I said, kids move on quickly and within a few months he might find it hard remembering some of his mates names, let alone he was so upset initially at leaving them!!

howden40

Love idea of scrap book from school.

The good thing in all this is that the children want to move, it will not only be the kids crying soon, all of you will be soaking the tissues before long. This will also help the kids. Andrex will be making a hugh profit soon.

Once school is over excitement will overtake, kids bounce back far quicker than adults, they will be fine.

Pauline

minky

Our school made each boys a card with photos of all the children in their classes.The mums got a rugby shirt and all the children signed it.I dont recall many tears from my two then 10 and 8 but a couple of their friend got upset.We also did the big party and everybody had a good time.Worst was saying goodbye to parents good friends and sister.
Two years on my eldest keeps in contact by skype with two friends the youngest with one friend via email.Next week we return to uk for my parents golden wedding and the boys are going to join their old classes for the morning so that should be interesting.
Once in school finding new friends and doing new things they soon forget I think we worried more and were suprised how easily they adapted and now are extremly happy here and have done things that they would not have done back in uk.

Karen

love30stm

Just a reply to that my daughter is nearly 15, we have been here a year now. she hates it and has never settled..... she wont go to school now does work at home...but we have to bear with it....We like it but makes it difficult for us as she wont settle...but she could have been the same in the Uk 14 a funny age,

on the other hand my 12 year old daughter loves it and thrives....

so maybe she will move away when shes older...but she could have done that anyway wherever we are....

just wish someone else was in the same situation as me with a daughter that hate it....


Your lucky your kids are younger they settle easier....

Foxesecho

When my daughter was 7 and we left our old house to move to another area, I gave her a book for her friends, teachers etc to write in and on her last day gave her a disposable camera to take pictures in school with.

She is now 14 and I have done the same. She has taken a book for friends etc to write in and has enjoyed reading what they have put. Her last day she will take a camera in to school to take photos of friends and teachers etc.

We are also having a party this weekend and she has been allowed to invite whoever she wanted and will be having a select few for a sleepover .

garryhg

Hi Jacky here... I am so sorry to hear your daughter has still not settled...I think I spoke to you before as we were going through the same thing with our daughter...It is so hard,we had nearly booked flights on many occasions to go back home when our 14 year old wasn't settling...we have driven her to school and she has point blank refused to go in on some days...we had to just carry on riding the wave and we made it...she now has a fantastic life with great friends and claims she likes it better here than back in UK now...but that is down to her friends and her acceptance ...I know i was fighting against it here at first and never felt like i fitted in until i started working...your daughter probably feels in limbo as she is not experiencing NZ with not mixing with friends and being at school....

I empathise with you so much...as I know how much strain this puts on you as a family...and I feel for your daughter...we changed our daughters school 3 times at the start because she wasn't settling,she ended up back at the one she started at,as she realised it was the best one after all...but kids(especially girls,need there friends to settle in anyplace)good luck,and keep riding that wave...

We found it was easier for us to say to the kids that at some point we will be going back,we are here for the experience and the adventure and have always told them that they had a voice,if they were desperately unhappy we will take that on board and discuss this as a family...but they had to give it 100% for the time they were living here..there has to be give and take....
Our daughter is now saying she looks on NZ as home and is scared if we go home she won't like it back in Scotland...what a turn around..

We found it easier before we came for the kids not to make a fuss,we said goodbye to our family and treated this like a holiday,no sad goodbyes at the airport and kept it low key,and always left them with the option that we can come home at any time,but we have to give it our best shot...This worked for us....Jacky

love30stm

Hi Thanks Jacky and we did talk before,,,,well she has not been to school for 6 months now she does a correspondence course instead,,,she seems much happier with this..even though she is not meeting anyone? but I had to do what was best for her, so I will see how it goes...as I said i have another daughter who is 12 she loves it and thrives here and is doing well at school..so It cant all be about my eldest, and what she wants, as i said she is just stubborn, but hopefully will get better, she went into town last week with her sister and met some friends from school who hugged her and she is going to meet up with them...btw I work now part time in a college so it gets me out, and we still like it here but want the summer back lol...

but thanks again Jacky xxx

jellybean5

Hi Moved to North Shore about 1 month ago with kids aged 10,9 and 4 we also had the tears on leaving friends and family behind. They now all have settled into school here which was very hard for all, but the school was brilliant and really helped us. They have made friends, and still have their sad days but are glad they now live in New Zealand.