Houses and Weather - North and South
May 24th 2009, 7:21 am
#76
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
Browner you usually drive me nuts with your negative comments and your down on NZ life but this post just made me laugh so much. Sadly what you are saying is basically true, if a tad way over exagerated and the mental picture I had of someone back in the UK actually doing this was so funny. Thank you for brightening my day 
and Genesis, Browner I think is in wellington area which by NZ standards is decidedly not naff. By the way storm, wind and rain has been howling round 'shed' non-stop for last 3 days and nights - I'd forgotten this is what Autumn was like
I've got warm air central heating so am not cold in most of my house but the heating costs are outrageous...no insulation (I rent).
May 24th 2009, 10:24 am
#77
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
Ditto and Genesis, Browner I think is in wellington area which by NZ standards is decidedly not naff.
By the way storm, wind and rain has been howling round 'shed' non-stop for last 3 days and nights - I'd forgotten this is what Autumn was like
I've got warm air central heating so am not cold in most of my house but the heating costs are outrageous...no insulation (I rent).
and Genesis, Browner I think is in wellington area which by NZ standards is decidedly not naff. By the way storm, wind and rain has been howling round 'shed' non-stop for last 3 days and nights - I'd forgotten this is what Autumn was like
I've got warm air central heating so am not cold in most of my house but the heating costs are outrageous...no insulation (I rent).
May 26th 2009, 2:32 am
#78
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: chch ex yorkshire
Posts: 145
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
you forgot to add mini shed in backyard aka sleepout and have the local bogan pay extortionant rent
Its been posted before, but it seems appropriate to re-post it here.
This is just SO true....
To give you a taste of NZ without leaving your own home try the following:
1. In your back garden build a very large shed. Divide the shed into rooms, ensuring that you DO NOT insulate it or provide adequate heating. It helps if your garden slopes 30 or so degrees. The shed (NZ House) MUST have a roof made of "Wriggly Tin" or "Long Run" (posh name) This is to ensure you get the full benefit of the noise caused by the constant rain.
2. Take your kids out of their current schools, and then do tons and tons of research to find the worst schools in your area. Enroll your kids immediately. If they are not offered drugs on their first day complain to the Head Teacher! Don't let your kids do any research of their own and don't encourage them academically. Start brainwashing your kids with statements like "Your so sporty!" This apparently makes up for under achievement.
3. Go into work and ask your boss to give you a 30% pay cut. During the meeting offer to work Saturdays for free.
4. Carry on paying your Council Tax, but ask your local authority to reduce their services to you. Insist on disposing of your own rubbish and start calling your local tip the "Transfer Station".
5. If you are conducting this experiment in the winter then every morning get the garden hose and spray the entire inside of your shed. Walls, ceilings and especially windows must all be dripping wet. Throw open all the doors and windows to dry the place out. If any family members complain of feeling cold and ask to light the fire shout "Toughen up you pommy bastard!" at them.
6. NEVER heat your house in any way - It is classed as being a waste of money!
7. Buy a large bag of gravel / stones. Find a local gang of kids and pay them to thrown the contents onto your roof all night long. The stones against the wriggly tin will sound just like the rain. You will need to hire the gang of kids for at least 8 months of the year to replicate the frequency of the rain storms.
8. Go to the worst supermarket you can find and ask to buy any food from them that is only fit for animal consumption. Pay 5 times the price marked on the food and prepare you dinner with it. Keep any leftovers as these will be needed to feed you for the next 4 days.
9. By now some members of your family will be suffering from depression. NZ has the highest rate of depression per capita, so don't panic. Go to your doctors, pay him £50 and ask for Prosaic.
10. Never watch the news and never read a national news paper which may tell you about events outside a 10 mile radius of your shed. Insist that everyone in the house only watches sport on the TV. No matter how badly your chosen team play always say that they are the best in the world!
11. Ask all your friends and neighbours to remove the exhaust systems from their cars and to drive up and down outside your house all night.
This is just SO true....
To give you a taste of NZ without leaving your own home try the following:
1. In your back garden build a very large shed. Divide the shed into rooms, ensuring that you DO NOT insulate it or provide adequate heating. It helps if your garden slopes 30 or so degrees. The shed (NZ House) MUST have a roof made of "Wriggly Tin" or "Long Run" (posh name) This is to ensure you get the full benefit of the noise caused by the constant rain.
2. Take your kids out of their current schools, and then do tons and tons of research to find the worst schools in your area. Enroll your kids immediately. If they are not offered drugs on their first day complain to the Head Teacher! Don't let your kids do any research of their own and don't encourage them academically. Start brainwashing your kids with statements like "Your so sporty!" This apparently makes up for under achievement.
3. Go into work and ask your boss to give you a 30% pay cut. During the meeting offer to work Saturdays for free.
4. Carry on paying your Council Tax, but ask your local authority to reduce their services to you. Insist on disposing of your own rubbish and start calling your local tip the "Transfer Station".
5. If you are conducting this experiment in the winter then every morning get the garden hose and spray the entire inside of your shed. Walls, ceilings and especially windows must all be dripping wet. Throw open all the doors and windows to dry the place out. If any family members complain of feeling cold and ask to light the fire shout "Toughen up you pommy bastard!" at them.
6. NEVER heat your house in any way - It is classed as being a waste of money!
7. Buy a large bag of gravel / stones. Find a local gang of kids and pay them to thrown the contents onto your roof all night long. The stones against the wriggly tin will sound just like the rain. You will need to hire the gang of kids for at least 8 months of the year to replicate the frequency of the rain storms.
8. Go to the worst supermarket you can find and ask to buy any food from them that is only fit for animal consumption. Pay 5 times the price marked on the food and prepare you dinner with it. Keep any leftovers as these will be needed to feed you for the next 4 days.
9. By now some members of your family will be suffering from depression. NZ has the highest rate of depression per capita, so don't panic. Go to your doctors, pay him £50 and ask for Prosaic.
10. Never watch the news and never read a national news paper which may tell you about events outside a 10 mile radius of your shed. Insist that everyone in the house only watches sport on the TV. No matter how badly your chosen team play always say that they are the best in the world!
11. Ask all your friends and neighbours to remove the exhaust systems from their cars and to drive up and down outside your house all night.
May 26th 2009, 10:41 pm
#79
you dewty owld maan!
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: is practically perfect in every way
Posts: 5,565
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
or they could live in your understairs garage and pay even more extortionate rent as you would have to put up with the strange smells and anti-social hours.....alternatively you could get a Korean student to fill up your spare acerage, although you'd probably never see them.......until they come home one day armed with a shotgun 
May 27th 2009, 1:30 am
#80
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: chch ex yorkshire
Posts: 145
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
or they could live in your understairs garage and pay even more extortionate rent as you would have to put up with the strange smells and anti-social hours.....alternatively you could get a Korean student to fill up your spare acerage, although you'd probably never see them.......until they come home one day armed with a shotgun
May 27th 2009, 2:24 am
#81
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: homeless
Posts: 1,756
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
I wonder if Kiwis are not smart enough to aware ...
Last edited by crap coffee; May 27th 2009 at 3:33 am.
May 27th 2009, 4:22 am
#82
By name and by nature
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,852
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
That's just not true. Kiwis DO mind cold houses - they put up with it because most people find it too expensive to retrofit their houses with insulation and a system of heating. Hopefully, with the new measures to be announced in the budget, this will now start to be addressed.
Give me strength
Give me strength
May 27th 2009, 4:54 am
#83
Here in Dunedin
Joined: May 2003
Location: Dunedin
Posts: 1,975
Re: Houses and Weather - North and South
New building regs were implemented for South Island and central plateau. There have for the last several years been government grants available for retrofitting insulation. Heat pumps and heat transfer units have had booming sales. Most cities now have companies selling traditional UK-style radiator systems. Every time I turn my tele on there is a Fujitsu or 'warmest feet in the world' ad.
So I think that kiwis do care, and there is at least some progress.
So I think that kiwis do care, and there is at least some progress.
