Homesickness :-(
Mar 21st 2012, 11:07 pm
#1
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Homesickness :-(
We've been here just over a year and all was going well up until a few weeks ago and I am so homesick I just don't know what to do. We're a family of 4 with another baby on the way, at the moment we on a WTR and don't know whether to bother sending off our EOI because it'll just be a waste of money if we go back. I just feel so so far away from home and so isolated from everything - is this just the norm??
Mar 21st 2012, 11:17 pm
#2
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Re: Homesickness :-(
hi Kay,
Yes this is the norm and most of us have gone or are going through this right at the moment. It is indeed hard being so far away from friends and family.
Most people do get over it, but it does take a while and sometimes it does return occasionally when things happen in the UK and you know you want to be there.
I can't offer any quick fix but just say hang in there and it will hopefully pass.
Sorry it's no real advice butwanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Take care and keep your chin up.
Yes this is the norm and most of us have gone or are going through this right at the moment. It is indeed hard being so far away from friends and family.
Most people do get over it, but it does take a while and sometimes it does return occasionally when things happen in the UK and you know you want to be there.
I can't offer any quick fix but just say hang in there and it will hopefully pass.
Sorry it's no real advice butwanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Take care and keep your chin up.
Mar 21st 2012, 11:28 pm
#3
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Homesickness :-(
We've been here just over a year and all was going well up until a few weeks ago and I am so homesick I just don't know what to do. We're a family of 4 with another baby on the way, at the moment we on a WTR and don't know whether to bother sending off our EOI because it'll just be a waste of money if we go back. I just feel so so far away from home and so isolated from everything - is this just the norm??
Mar 21st 2012, 11:40 pm
#4
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Re: Homesickness :-(
I should say! You are having another child and this is bound to stir emotions of how much you miss home, family and friends. We have been here 7 years and I have had some AWFUL pangs of homesickness. Infact the longer I stay the harder it seems to get! BUT I always remember WHY I left the Uk and look at what we have here and see that what we do have here is worth the occasional bout of homesickness. I have a VERY realistic view of what REAL life would be like back in the Uk for us and it ain't good! The euphoria of being back would soon wane, we would soon be back in the awful rat race that we dislike sooooooo much. Having said all that only you know if the benefits NZ brings to the table of your immediate family outweighs the heavy heart you have. I would find it very hard to return to the Uk simply because of the issue of density of population, the crowds and the jam packed roads. Then there is the horribly expensive housing, the peer pressure from other kids to our kids, the chavs and all the other things that irked me that are no longer any part of our lives. Life here in our neighbourhood is as pefect as I could wish it to be, and I realise I could not have this in the UK.
Mar 22nd 2012, 4:55 am
#6
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Joined: Mar 2009
Location: just lovin' Levin
Posts: 748
Re: Homesickness :-(
Kay C, I'm sorry to hear your homesick and what I think is this.
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
Mar 22nd 2012, 5:33 am
#7
AndyRuth
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Cambridge , NZ
Posts: 77
Re: Homesickness :-(
Kay C, I'm sorry to hear your homesick and what I think is this.
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
been through quite a few of these emotions myself , we too have a road map , with the ultimate aim of attaining citizenship ( 2016 ! ) then will assess our future again at that point.BTW good luck KayC
Mar 22nd 2012, 6:56 am
#8
---
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,994
Re: Homesickness :-(
Aw, KayC, I'm so sorry you're feeling this. Being pregnant is bound to exacerbate any normal homesick feeling, but that doesn't make it any easier. I know it's horrid- but keep trying to get out and make the most of each day and as far as is possible try to resist 24/7 decision making because I know how exhausting and debilitating it is.
FWIW, I've found it useful in hard times to set a date to reassess and try to have a nice a time as possible in the interim. Also, the serious periods of doubt and confusion peaked between the second and third years overseas as we came to terms with what had happened.
Hope you find something nice to do over the weekend, I really do feel for you
FWIW, I've found it useful in hard times to set a date to reassess and try to have a nice a time as possible in the interim. Also, the serious periods of doubt and confusion peaked between the second and third years overseas as we came to terms with what had happened.
Hope you find something nice to do over the weekend, I really do feel for you
Mar 22nd 2012, 8:20 am
#9
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Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Other side of the Westgate
Posts: 654
Re: Homesickness :-(
It can help (me) to have a UK holiday booked to look forward to, even if it's not for a year. And/or have a fixed date that you're determined to stick it out till - it might be citizenship or PR (I don't know the terms for non-Kiwis). Even if it's a few years in the future that is something to focus on, and the months really do roll by.
Also, again for me, this time of year is likely to be toughest, with the nights closing and temps cooling off whilst knowing spring will be breaking out across the UK. Come September/October and I wouldn't want to be heading back in a fit.
All the best
Also, again for me, this time of year is likely to be toughest, with the nights closing and temps cooling off whilst knowing spring will be breaking out across the UK. Come September/October and I wouldn't want to be heading back in a fit.
All the best
Last edited by DC10; Mar 22nd 2012 at 8:22 am.
Mar 22nd 2012, 9:15 am
#10
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Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,249
Re: Homesickness :-(
I think it's always worst when you have big events going on in your own or your immediate families lives and you feel you are missing something, or they are missing a big part of your life. Understandable that at this time you would start to dwell on wanting to be back home amongst your nearest and dearest and will be missing the sharing and caring environment that such events do bring and all that it is to be part of a family among your kith and kin. It's hard some days but does usually pass.
Mar 22nd 2012, 9:45 am
#11
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: Homesickness :-(
Kay C, I'm sorry to hear your homesick and what I think is this.
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
Unlike many here I actually loved and that's a huge capital L, loved where I used to be in Wales. There is hardly a day goes by when I don't miss it with a passion. I didn't come here because I thought NZ was better than where I lived.
So like you my first, well few actually, years I was homesick. I missed this and that and above all friends and family. If I could have turned the clock back I would have. But you can't and I knew that if I went back then even though I'd only been away for what is after all a short while, it wouldn't have been the same.
For a start it wouldn't have been the same house with the same neighbours. True it would have been Wales, but the picture I had in my head would not be the one I would be returning to.
I came here for a variety of reasons. Some have worked and others not. So I had a decision to make. Gamble everything again and go home, move to Aussie (another story) or stick it out.
What I and the better half have done is to make a plan, a road map of where we'd like to be. As with all good road trips you get diverted every now and then, and that's what has happened to us.
We have had adventures we'd never had back home, and like many here we have had quite a few setbacks. The thing Kay C is not to dwell on the set backs, accept that there will be days when you hate being here and there will be days you love it.
It is all to easy to be consumed by rosie memories of home, especially when you are feeling down. Only you know what is deep in your own heart, and only you can look into it. What I am trying to say is make the decision based on facts, rather than fantasy.
Best of luck with whatever you decide
Mar 22nd 2012, 9:47 am
#12
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,787
Re: Homesickness :-(
We've been here just over a year and all was going well up until a few weeks ago and I am so homesick I just don't know what to do. We're a family of 4 with another baby on the way, at the moment we on a WTR and don't know whether to bother sending off our EOI because it'll just be a waste of money if we go back. I just feel so so far away from home and so isolated from everything - is this just the norm??
hang in there things will get better for you it passes and things make you stronger
having another baby will make you feel a bit delicate anyway xx
chin up my love
Mar 23rd 2012, 2:22 am
#13
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Porirua, Wellington
Posts: 207
Re: Homesickness :-(
We've been here a year, and I don't miss Scotland one little bit and love my life here.
But I do miss my mum, and my little nieces and nephews and hate knowing they won't know me (especially the one that was born at Xmas).
I also miss the friends I've known all my life - but you can't expect that after a year. It takes time to build connections.
And I feel very connected to them via Facbook, skype, email, etc.
We always said we'd give it 2 years come hell or high water...so that would be my advice.
But I do miss my mum, and my little nieces and nephews and hate knowing they won't know me (especially the one that was born at Xmas).
I also miss the friends I've known all my life - but you can't expect that after a year. It takes time to build connections.
And I feel very connected to them via Facbook, skype, email, etc.
We always said we'd give it 2 years come hell or high water...so that would be my advice.
Mar 23rd 2012, 3:26 am
#14
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 755
Re: Homesickness :-(
We've been here just over a year and all was going well up until a few weeks ago and I am so homesick I just don't know what to do. We're a family of 4 with another baby on the way, at the moment we on a WTR and don't know whether to bother sending off our EOI because it'll just be a waste of money if we go back. I just feel so so far away from home and so isolated from everything - is this just the norm??
My partner absolutely adores this country but recently has been getting upset, home sick etc because we're due to bring a Briwi into the world. I have offered her the chance to go back to the UK to give birth there but she's declined
According to all the pregancy information she's got, it's natural for different moodswings etc. I'm not saying this occurs to you but it might be that one moment you love the country and then minutes later you just want to get back on the first flight home.
Always ask yourself what were the reasons you left the UK because those reasons will still be there. It's natural to miss family and friends but sometimes you have to put yourself first. If you definitely want to go back then go back but if your only wanting to go back because of them, are you really putting you and your family first?
When we came out here, both sets of family and friends were heartbroken and neither wanted us to go. At our wedding recently, my nan refused to do a video for us because she was too heartbroken at us being the other side of the world. We just think would we have regretted staying because of our family and friends, you only live life once!
Best of luck with your decision whatever you make at the end. Just remember one thing, it's all about you and your family here at the end of the day, not anyone else. You only live once (twice if you believe James Bond), live it to the fullest. If that includes going back, then return
All the best
Mar 30th 2012, 11:33 pm
#15
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Re: Homesickness :-(
Thank you everyone for your kind words.