Homesickness
Apr 7th 2010, 11:16 pm
#61
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Tyldesley Manchester UK
Posts: 1,095
Re: Homesickness
In a way that was a good answer.
June
June
Apr 8th 2010, 12:21 am
#62
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pirongia
Posts: 211
Re: Homesickness
No.....I found it easier to try and settle by not being in constant touch with my friends and family back home. For one thing I had to fake how great and happy I felt....what;s the point of letting them know that you are unhappy....what can they do about it....except make them feel bad too. When I eased of e-mailing a good friend, I phoned after a while and she said that she was so pleased that I was at last seem to be settling and that she didn't have to worry about me anymore. After all we did leave them, why should they be upset about what we've decided to do.
Apr 8th 2010, 5:24 am
#63
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 27
Re: Homesickness
After reading this and other threads on the subject, I often wonder, do people think that the ease of communication helps or hinders the feeling of homesickness?
When I first got here, I used to phone, video call, email and IM the family in the UK all the time. Being on my own it was a lifeline.....but....now the family are here I can't help feeling that daily communciation with the 'old country' is not helping my family settle in New Zealand. The trouble is that whilst it's great to stay in contact I think there is a degree of substituting 'virtual ' friends for real ones, which all the eaiser to do when you have to make an effort to make new friends and your virtual ones are just a click away. (says he posting on a web forum - now there's irony)
Also, I guess that 'web content' is always going to contain a far higher proportion of 'nice' messages (parties, holidays, jokes, photos etc.) than reality....except on this forum
So (in Carrie Bradshaw style)...
...when it comes to homesickness is it better to keep the flames of 'virtual' friendship alive or to burn all the boats including the Facebook Lifeboats?
When I first got here, I used to phone, video call, email and IM the family in the UK all the time. Being on my own it was a lifeline.....but....now the family are here I can't help feeling that daily communciation with the 'old country' is not helping my family settle in New Zealand. The trouble is that whilst it's great to stay in contact I think there is a degree of substituting 'virtual ' friends for real ones, which all the eaiser to do when you have to make an effort to make new friends and your virtual ones are just a click away. (says he posting on a web forum - now there's irony)
Also, I guess that 'web content' is always going to contain a far higher proportion of 'nice' messages (parties, holidays, jokes, photos etc.) than reality....except on this forum
So (in Carrie Bradshaw style)...
...when it comes to homesickness is it better to keep the flames of 'virtual' friendship alive or to burn all the boats including the Facebook Lifeboats?
Apr 8th 2010, 6:02 am
#64
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Rotorua
Posts: 1,627
Re: Homesickness
It has been great to read these posts. I logged in today for the first time in months becuase I am feeling seriously homesick and wanted to see how other people manage this.
We have been here for 7 months now (both me and hubby are scottish). I do have my brother and his kiwi wife and their kids here so we arent totally without family in NZ.
Problem is I've recently found out I'm pregnant (first baby) and every instinct in my body is telling me to go home! We always said we would give it two years before we made a final decision about whether to stay or go home and I cant quite believe that only 7 months in I actually want to go back!! Interestingly - I havent felt homesick until I found out I was pregnant.
I just keep thinking about all my family and friends back home who we will be depriving our new baby of having as part of their life. Our baby will miss out on both sets of grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins as well as close friends of ours with young kids. My husband says our baby wont miss what they have never had and of course there will be skype and ocasional visits etc. But it is just not the same as having close family who you can rely on nearby.
The ironic thing is part of the whole bloomin reason for us coming here was to have a better life for our family (once we started one) and now here I am nearly 3 months pregnant and desperate to go back home!
What isnt helping as well is the prospect of financial hardship and having to make so many more compromises than we had first anticipated.
I am also scared of going home and realising what a huge mistake we have made and I am still very aware of the fact that NZ is for many reasons a better place to raise children than where I'm from. On the plus side hubby is very supportive and (although he thinks I'm jsut hormonal which I probably am) thinks we will get through this if we just give it more time.
I am also feeling a bit weird about telling people back home about the pregnancy because I know the questions will all start about what are we going to do? are we going to stay here or come home? I dont want to lie to people but at the same time I dont want my mum and my sister worrying about how homesick I am.
Wow - Felt good to get that off my chest!! Feel better already!
We have been here for 7 months now (both me and hubby are scottish). I do have my brother and his kiwi wife and their kids here so we arent totally without family in NZ.
Problem is I've recently found out I'm pregnant (first baby) and every instinct in my body is telling me to go home! We always said we would give it two years before we made a final decision about whether to stay or go home and I cant quite believe that only 7 months in I actually want to go back!! Interestingly - I havent felt homesick until I found out I was pregnant.
I just keep thinking about all my family and friends back home who we will be depriving our new baby of having as part of their life. Our baby will miss out on both sets of grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins as well as close friends of ours with young kids. My husband says our baby wont miss what they have never had and of course there will be skype and ocasional visits etc. But it is just not the same as having close family who you can rely on nearby.
The ironic thing is part of the whole bloomin reason for us coming here was to have a better life for our family (once we started one) and now here I am nearly 3 months pregnant and desperate to go back home!
What isnt helping as well is the prospect of financial hardship and having to make so many more compromises than we had first anticipated.
I am also scared of going home and realising what a huge mistake we have made and I am still very aware of the fact that NZ is for many reasons a better place to raise children than where I'm from. On the plus side hubby is very supportive and (although he thinks I'm jsut hormonal which I probably am) thinks we will get through this if we just give it more time.
I am also feeling a bit weird about telling people back home about the pregnancy because I know the questions will all start about what are we going to do? are we going to stay here or come home? I dont want to lie to people but at the same time I dont want my mum and my sister worrying about how homesick I am.
Wow - Felt good to get that off my chest!! Feel better already!
If you and your other half fancy getting together for a chat just let us know.
PM me if you like.
Apr 8th 2010, 6:54 am
#65
Just Joined
Joined: May 2009
Location: Whakatane, Bay of Plenty
Posts: 20
Re: Homesickness
I think the communication thing is dependant on you and how you're feeling and what you need at the time. If all is well I hardly check my FB but when I'm feeling a bit homesick I'll log in, check how people are doing and maybe send a few messages etc. I dont rely on it as a lifeline but its good to know FB, skype etc are there when you need them.
A little reply to folks regarding my previous post;
Hazey - emotional rollercoaster is sooo the best description for how this feels. Up one minute and down the next and ranting on here is fab - you can be completely honest and know that there is some one out there who will have experienced something similar.
Love30stm - I know 7 months aint a long time and have no intentions of going home next week or anything - good to hear things are working out for you. I think we will definitely be here until new bambino is born by which point things may become clearer - i sure hope so!!
Irish eyes - you sound so wise!! - like an owl or even yoda!
- you have given me much to think about. You make a lot of sense especially about looking at the bigger picture. And actually I think my mum would see straight through my "everythings fine" phonecalls - I could never lie to her without her catching me out anyway and I certainly dont want to end up depressed by hiding how I'm feeling!!! I dont think there is going to be an easy answer to the situation, I think its going to take more time and very careful thought - last thing I want to to do is make knee jerk reaction and then we end up regretting it. Cheers for the good luck wishes - I think I might need them!
A little reply to folks regarding my previous post;
Hazey - emotional rollercoaster is sooo the best description for how this feels. Up one minute and down the next and ranting on here is fab - you can be completely honest and know that there is some one out there who will have experienced something similar.
Love30stm - I know 7 months aint a long time and have no intentions of going home next week or anything - good to hear things are working out for you. I think we will definitely be here until new bambino is born by which point things may become clearer - i sure hope so!!
Irish eyes - you sound so wise!! - like an owl or even yoda!
- you have given me much to think about. You make a lot of sense especially about looking at the bigger picture. And actually I think my mum would see straight through my "everythings fine" phonecalls - I could never lie to her without her catching me out anyway and I certainly dont want to end up depressed by hiding how I'm feeling!!! I dont think there is going to be an easy answer to the situation, I think its going to take more time and very careful thought - last thing I want to to do is make knee jerk reaction and then we end up regretting it. Cheers for the good luck wishes - I think I might need them!
Apr 8th 2010, 8:03 am
#66
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2007
Location: Christchurch NZ.
Posts: 150
Re: Homesickness
Hi Hazey
Thanks for the support
I'm exactly the same has you with regards to friends over here, i to feel i'm "acting" and only get to be myself when chatting with folks back home. People dont really "get" my sense of humour nor me theirs and i've never baked a cake in my life, but maybe i should try
Leanne
Thanks for the support
I'm exactly the same has you with regards to friends over here, i to feel i'm "acting" and only get to be myself when chatting with folks back home. People dont really "get" my sense of humour nor me theirs and i've never baked a cake in my life, but maybe i should try
Leanne
Apr 8th 2010, 8:12 am
#67
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Murrays Bay, Auckland!
Posts: 118
Re: Homesickness
hi all !
Have been reading your posts with interest, we have yet to come over(hope to be near end of this year) very excited !! but we know a big stumbling block is the issue of homesickness and missing our really good friends. so it has been really good to have read such an honest discussion
.It has really helped me to work through a few emotions I have now, and as has already been said we are doing this for our kids(age 9 and 5), for us as a family and hopefully give them better opportunities in the future than this country.
We are hoping that FB, skpe etc will help, but reading see it will be good to keep in touch, but also need to look forward to new friendships and experiences that NZ has to offer us.
Thinking of everyone who is having a down day and hope it soon passes
Helen and Dave x
Have been reading your posts with interest, we have yet to come over(hope to be near end of this year) very excited !! but we know a big stumbling block is the issue of homesickness and missing our really good friends. so it has been really good to have read such an honest discussion
.It has really helped me to work through a few emotions I have now, and as has already been said we are doing this for our kids(age 9 and 5), for us as a family and hopefully give them better opportunities in the future than this country.We are hoping that FB, skpe etc will help, but reading see it will be good to keep in touch, but also need to look forward to new friendships and experiences that NZ has to offer us.
Thinking of everyone who is having a down day and hope it soon passes
Helen and Dave x
Apr 9th 2010, 11:58 am
#68
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 240
Re: Homesickness
After reading this and other threads on the subject, I often wonder, do people think that the ease of communication helps or hinders the feeling of homesickness?
When I first got here, I used to phone, video call, email and IM the family in the UK all the time. Being on my own it was a lifeline.....but....now the family are here I can't help feeling that daily communciation with the 'old country' is not helping my family settle in New Zealand. The trouble is that whilst it's great to stay in contact I think there is a degree of substituting 'virtual ' friends for real ones, which all the eaiser to do when you have to make an effort to make new friends and your virtual ones are just a click away. (says he posting on a web forum - now there's irony)
Also, I guess that 'web content' is always going to contain a far higher proportion of 'nice' messages (parties, holidays, jokes, photos etc.) than reality....except on this forum
So (in Carrie Bradshaw style)...
...when it comes to homesickness is it better to keep the flames of 'virtual' friendship alive or to burn all the boats including the Facebook Lifeboats?
When I first got here, I used to phone, video call, email and IM the family in the UK all the time. Being on my own it was a lifeline.....but....now the family are here I can't help feeling that daily communciation with the 'old country' is not helping my family settle in New Zealand. The trouble is that whilst it's great to stay in contact I think there is a degree of substituting 'virtual ' friends for real ones, which all the eaiser to do when you have to make an effort to make new friends and your virtual ones are just a click away. (says he posting on a web forum - now there's irony)
Also, I guess that 'web content' is always going to contain a far higher proportion of 'nice' messages (parties, holidays, jokes, photos etc.) than reality....except on this forum
So (in Carrie Bradshaw style)...
...when it comes to homesickness is it better to keep the flames of 'virtual' friendship alive or to burn all the boats including the Facebook Lifeboats?
No.....I found it easier to try and settle by not being in constant touch with my friends and family back home. For one thing I had to fake how great and happy I felt....what;s the point of letting them know that you are unhappy....what can they do about it....except make them feel bad too. When I eased of e-mailing a good friend, I phoned after a while and she said that she was so pleased that I was at last seem to be settling and that she didn't have to worry about me anymore. After all we did leave them, why should they be upset about what we've decided to do.
I do see what your trying to say and I think Im my own worse enermy because I wake up every morning hoping that someone from home has emailed me, I never write and tell them how I feel (thats not fair and it was my decesion to come here) but its hard to break that cycle when these people have been my whole life and more. Some days when Im having a good day and Im sitting there taking in the beauty that New Zeland and only New Zealand can offer it makes me even more sad because I can't share it with my close family and friends (weird hey) I have cut back on the communication and to some degree it helps but its not the cure for me personally
I think the communication thing is dependant on you and how you're feeling and what you need at the time. If all is well I hardly check my FB but when I'm feeling a bit homesick I'll log in, check how people are doing and maybe send a few messages etc. I dont rely on it as a lifeline but its good to know FB, skype etc are there when you need them.
A little reply to folks regarding my previous post;
Irish eyes - you sound so wise!! - like an owl or even yoda! - you have given me much to think about. You make a lot of sense especially about looking at the bigger picture. And actually I think my mum would see straight through my "everythings fine" phonecalls - I could never lie to her without her catching me out anyway and I certainly dont want to end up depressed by hiding how I'm feeling!!! I dont think there is going to be an easy answer to the situation, I think its going to take more time and very careful thought - last thing I want to to do is make knee jerk reaction and then we end up regretting it. Cheers for the good luck wishes - I think I might need them!
A little reply to folks regarding my previous post;
Irish eyes - you sound so wise!! - like an owl or even yoda!
- you have given me much to think about. You make a lot of sense especially about looking at the bigger picture. And actually I think my mum would see straight through my "everythings fine" phonecalls - I could never lie to her without her catching me out anyway and I certainly dont want to end up depressed by hiding how I'm feeling!!! I dont think there is going to be an easy answer to the situation, I think its going to take more time and very careful thought - last thing I want to to do is make knee jerk reaction and then we end up regretting it. Cheers for the good luck wishes - I think I might need them!hazey - i'm interested to know what you have done to make it work for you here? I only ask this because I too once upon a time used to wake up and log on and see who was doing what and emailing me. I did next to nothing to make it work for me when I came here with my kids and was very unhappy until i got my finger out and started getting out and about and trying my best to make friends and join in with the world.
Wooly cow - thats an interesting post...... I've lived in NZ 3 times now and all were different experiences. The 1st time I was young and free and never cared to keep in contact with anyone anywhere.......... The second time I came with a young family and my life depended on keeping in contact with the world on the web - posssibly I cared too much about it and was more worried about what was going on in my homeland than here, hence one of the reasons i left and went home. The third time tho, its different. I'm not too bothered what has gone on elsewhere and have even considered deleting my FB account as it does sometimes feel like a shallow means of contact with some. I think tho that it all boils down to what frame of mind your in. If your homesick, you gonna give a you know what about what your reading,seeing hearing etc... on the web but if your content with your life - it just wont matter that much and your happy to read whats happy etc... tho i agree, most stuff does tend to be the nice smiley stuff that really doesnt happen every day............ well here maybe it does happen but nothing changes back in our homelands so it tends to be mostly people showing off....
Apr 9th 2010, 12:08 pm
#69
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 240
Re: Homesickness
No.....I found it easier to try and settle by not being in constant touch with my friends and family back home. For one thing I had to fake how great and happy I felt....what;s the point of letting them know that you are unhappy....what can they do about it....except make them feel bad too. When I eased of e-mailing a good friend, I phoned after a while and she said that she was so pleased that I was at last seem to be settling and that she didn't have to worry about me anymore. After all we did leave them, why should they be upset about what we've decided to do.
Apr 10th 2010, 7:19 am
#70
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: bottom of the world
Posts: 4,533
Re: Homesickness
two ways to deal with it
1) suck it up and get on with it, we're big boys and girls now so lets not sulk.
2) sell up, pack up and return to the crap hole that we left, ignoring all the
reasons we left in the first place
end of
1) suck it up and get on with it, we're big boys and girls now so lets not sulk.
2) sell up, pack up and return to the crap hole that we left, ignoring all the
reasons we left in the first place
end of
Apr 10th 2010, 7:27 am
#71
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2007
Location: Christchurch NZ.
Posts: 150
Re: Homesickness
It's called emotion not sulking Colandros! I'm missing people not the UK, and i'm sure as hell have no intention on returning there because of it, and i'm pretty sure given time that it will pass and everyone will live happily ever after
Apr 10th 2010, 7:30 am
#72
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Rotorua
Posts: 1,627
Re: Homesickness
Apr 10th 2010, 7:54 am
#73
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 181
Re: Homesickness
orginally posted by colandros
two ways to deal with it
1) suck it up and get on with it, we're big boys and girls now so lets not sulk.
2) sell up, pack up and return to the crap hole that we left, ignoring all the
reasons we left in the first place
end of
two ways to deal with it
1) suck it up and get on with it, we're big boys and girls now so lets not sulk.
2) sell up, pack up and return to the crap hole that we left, ignoring all the
reasons we left in the first place
end of
I think that to be fair - it depends on your reasons for coming out here.
There are a few people, myself included, that came because we are from a 'mixed' marriage. Not because there was any strong reason to leave the UK.
I personally loved where I lived, loved the village, my life and the things that I did and could do.
Sure there were irritations - there are everywhere.
But there was no reason to leave. Except of course for the big adventure. Dual citizens and access to both countries.
Chance for the kids to see where the other half of their parents was born and breed.
Tired here and there - and prefer there.
Apr 10th 2010, 8:44 am
#74
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
Re: Homesickness
I think that to be fair - it depends on your reasons for coming out here.
There are a few people, myself included, that came because we are from a 'mixed' marriage. Not because there was any strong reason to leave the UK.
I personally loved where I lived, loved the village, my life and the things that I did and could do.
Sure there were irritations - there are everywhere.
But there was no reason to leave. Except of course for the big adventure. Dual citizens and access to both countries.
Chance for the kids to see where the other half of their parents was born and breed.
Tired here and there - and prefer there.
There are a few people, myself included, that came because we are from a 'mixed' marriage. Not because there was any strong reason to leave the UK.
I personally loved where I lived, loved the village, my life and the things that I did and could do.
Sure there were irritations - there are everywhere.
But there was no reason to leave. Except of course for the big adventure. Dual citizens and access to both countries.
Chance for the kids to see where the other half of their parents was born and breed.
Tired here and there - and prefer there.
absolutely!!
Good Luck
B x
Apr 10th 2010, 9:26 am
#75
Busy Again
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Tauranga
Posts: 248
Re: Homesickness
This is only my opinion but
is it EMOTION SICKNESS not HOMESIKNESS
or have i just made that up ??
and if it is then i suffer from it too
if that makes senses ??
(I miss my family but not the UK)
i will get my coat
is it EMOTION SICKNESS not HOMESIKNESS
or have i just made that up ??
and if it is then i suffer from it too
if that makes senses ??
(I miss my family but not the UK)
i will get my coat