teeym

Glad it's cheered someone up - it's reminded me I'm still living with it......

In all seriousness, I know homesickness isn't fun. I spent a lot of time working on summer camps in America and whilst I've never suffered from it and therefore can't profess to a full understanding, I've seen it make a right mess of people from kids upwards.

The good news is, I've never, EVER seen a terminal case. It tends to wander off of its own accord once people manage to adjust to the fact that where they currently are is "home". Takes some longer than others mind, but so is life.

In the mean time to put it on the back burner, just shut your eyes and think of a nice drizzly Saturday night, sitting eating own brand sausages, bought in a supermarket full of chavs, watching Gordon Brown announcing the latest round of petrol price hikes.

Keep smiling.

Reylan

THANK YOU! This is brilliant. I am going to print this off and when I get a panic moment (are we doing the right thing?) I'll look at it alongside pickies of NZ!

Hazey

Thank you all for your comments, it makes sense I know but whilst I appreciate the wonders of such a beautiful country like New Zealand, I miss the Uk and all the good and bad it has to offer, sometimes I just want to scream when people tell me I have done the right thing moving and the the Uk is one big dark hole but I look and think of all the opportunities my kids are and will miss out on (Europe on the door step for one) the Uk has history (I miss old buildings) and I was told the the education system was heaps better here and I don't believe this to be true (my kids have been told the don't qualify for speech therapy because they are not extreme enough but it the Uk they were offered support and this improved the problem no end) I guess it doesn't help that I moved here with my kiwi husband and my whole life now is centred around his family, I feel guilty that my family are missing out on my kids growing up, I known they are all aware of how I feel but they choose to ignore it because it upsets them !!!!! (I wish they could be in my shoes from time to time) I was painted a very different picture and never got to attend a best friends wedding or my brothers so I guess its just hard to know I may not get home for some time. I work here and the people I work with are great, I have many kiwi friends and shouldn't complain but I don't want to resent New Zealand, my poms friends here adore the place and will never look back, I wish I could be like them, Im jealous. Ok enough rant and waffle, guess Im just having a bad week and I think this site will keep me sane until I have a positive I love New Zealand week !!!! Thanks for your comments once again PS On the plus side English cream eggs are now being made in NZ !!!!! woo hoo

I think that was my family sitting on that fence !

ble

I understand what you are going through. we are in a similar situation
(ironically I am the kiwi - hubby is scottish)
But we were convinced to come out here for the 'better life' by my family.
Its not that I don't like NZ. I have a fondness for it - but I do think that we as a family had a better life in rural Scotland where we were based.

In fact, so much do I believe that, that we are moving back there hopefully in time ofr the new school year.

But it has been an emotional struggle and hard on our marriage.
And a really odd one for our family to get through.
I never imagined that I would not enjoy life here. But I don't.
I miss the life that I had created back in the UK

I think that the key difference for us (or me) is that there was nothing pushing me out of the UK.
I didn't have a problem with its problems (every country has them). It wasn't enough for me to leave.
We just had the opportunity to live out here (thanks to my being born and raised here).

But maybe that is the difference. I tend to find that a lot of people from the UK that love it here came from large cities, or had real issues with the country.
When you don't have those issues. It just comes down to your own personal preference and what you prefer.
Me it is back there at this time of my life. I am 33 and feel as if I have retired.

Please know that you aren't alone and that there are people in NZ, who are stuck here for what ever reason but would like to go back.
It doesn't make what you are feeling wrong or silly.
It just is.
Some like tomatoes and some don't. Who is right?

Hazey

Ble, Thank you so much for your message, its good to get this off my chest because Im sure my husband is at his wits end, torn I guess. I agree with all that your email says and I wish you the very best of luck when you move back because I know how hard a decesion you and your family would have had to make. Best of luck

crap coffee

THANKYOU THANKYOU!!!!!
You describe exactly whats in my heart....and how I feel...at the moment... ME TOO ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually.. I turn 33 this year sooooooooo OLD...... and I feel retired already...

the thing is ... things went well easily while living in UK.... study, work, friends.. relationship......and so on.... but .... I find waaaaaaaaaaaaay more difficult - my life here in general. Everything is Always More Difficult Than It Seems. to be frank, sadly I no longer make any efforts in order to improve my life better here. I gave up......in terms of socilizing etc.. ironically, or unfortunately I have had a Non-positive experiences with Kiwi males so far. (I personally find they are rude a bit..) whereas I've only met nice awesome polite British guys in my life and they love me like crazy...in both NZ and the UK ..(including my old partner and best friends..)... yes, I know it's very strange...

Whatever the reasons, I ALWAYS find easy to talk with Brits (Not in this NZ forum: tell you what, I AM NOT a NEGATIVE or GRUMPY or RUDE or silly person - but I just appear like that here..for some reason..)

well even with strangers (Brits)... after a little chat.. - literally brings me to tears. .... I remember I used to go home and cry.......... they are incredibly nice, lovely and friendly... ..... on the contrary, I really don't find any similarities or same kind of nice warm feelings with Kiwi females...... so all I can do is... I stick with my old Brit mates most of the time. I've got no common with narrow minded overly opinionated / unartistic kiwi males - and sometimes they appear arrogant also - especially people at work.

think I should go back to the UK at some stage .. it could be in my 40's or 50's.... ...Who knows... am just saving money to do my ph.d in London. That's an expensive game so. (though I was advised to go to the US ...rather than the UK..)

kiwi_allens

we are in the hutt valley have asked around all the shops, super markets and pubs(did a bit of everything in the uk) got application forms but was told they werent looking for staff at the minute. what sort of job are you after? ive got to the stage where i would do anything just to get me out the house. hubby carnt believe at the age of 26 i still dont know what profession i want to be in. will just have to keep looking, good luck with your job hunting, hopefully something will turn up soon for you.

dannigirl

Hi Hazey,

I just wanted to offer some support...I am in the opposite situation to you, I am a kiwi living in London with my UK hubby. I got my first bout of homesickness last year about 6 months after my daughter was born here and this has prompted us to plan to move back to NZ next year. I truly understand how difficult it is to be part of a bicultural marriage....soooo difficult and I guess always a work in progress. Always feeling like someone is missing out...we haven't even told our UK family yet, they will be supportive but it's going to be difficult to leave them.

Things that I do when I am feeling really homesick. Have a trip to the kiwishop so that I can have some home comfort food, email/skype/talk to my family (although I never say I am homesick to them cos I don't want them to worry) and I talk to a kiwi that I work with (she is very balanced, she won't let me see NZ through rose tinted glasses which helps A LOT!). Is there anyone is real life you can have a rant with? Thing is it's not about NZ per se, well for me it's not about the UK. I don't dislike the UK, it's that pull of familiarity, my culture, the land, the sea, family, my personal history....it's just home. I think people really underestimate how difficult it is for a couple when one doesn't settle. Hope you feel better soon and rant away!!

Dannigirl.

turkeys

Just in the interests of balance, anything the UK can do, NZ can match

Charming politicians


variable weather (this storm was awesome in fact)


Bogans (as seen on TV)


As for TV in NZ, well......... a picture couldn't do it justice

I don't get what you mean by 'striking union people'. They do have unions in NZ too, this is a positive thing I presume for anyone interested in fair working conditions?

I know the pics are just a bit of fun, but its a broad brush to depict any country, UK or NZ, by the worst excesses and bogeymen of the tabloid press.

My personal view is that both the UK and NZ can be good places to live, I like Petone/Wellington and I liked Whitstable in the UK. Shame I can't take the best bits from each.

pricklykina

I do love a bogan though....

teeym

Don't get me started on Unions - I like a lot of union work as they gave a previously unheard voice to the working man, took kids out of the mines, provide a unified front for sensible negotiations on pay and working conditions etc. etc, but they have lost their way a bit. Nowadays they seem more concerned with allowing the men at the top to do a lot of political posturing by convincing people - who's working conditions and renumeration are really not that bad at all - that they are in some way hard done by and should strike. And when these poor individuals have been co-erced onto the picket lines and are losing their wages, you can guarantee the union top brass are still taking their earnings home.

And you're right, the piccies are a bit of fun and I don't think anyone is daft enough to think otherwise. I was going to put up some nice ones showing the Yorkshire Moors on a sunny day and a lovely thatched English local pub, but given the thread topic, I didn't think it would be a good idea.

turkeys

You can't beat 'em. They turned Wellington black (with white trainers) when AC/DC played. I bumped into two young lads sitting outside a pub drinking bourbon on the 2nd night of AC/DC's tour. They were very worse for wear and I asked if they were heading off to see the band:

"Seen 'em." (They meant the Thursday gig, it was now Saturday)
"Been home yet?" I asked, jokingly.
"Nah. We're from Gore!"

A funny breed. Not like yer common or garden 'chav'.

Sorry getting off topic here!

pricklykina

Hazey though...I get the multicultural couple bit too
Hubster is a kiwi and I only planned to come for a year. Then we thought we'd earn some cash then go back to Europe to earn more...then I got pregnant

I remember those days staring at the moon as i was comforted by the fact that my friends and family over there could see it too. I felt sooooo lonely. So lost at sea. I was 26 and had a great life in London and great friends and wondered what the hell I had done

Like you I felt terrible at depriving my parent's of their grandchild.

I had the "right attitude" to NZ and I still felt stink.

I think what helped was keeping those close connections. I phoned home regularly. I never told people how I felt though as I didn't want them to worry. I think that was daft in hindsight. Now I tell mum everything as I figure that it's her job to worry...that's what she signed up for, and worrying about me actually makes us closer and makes her feel more involved.


which reminds me...your pom friends saying they love it...they might well be, they might also be faking it til they make it
As a friend said to me once "don't compare your insides to other people's outsides

turkeys

Yeah the pics are good fun,

Clearly its a complex issue this moving/fitting between hemispheres lark, especially difficult if you have family in both countries. Ours are all in the UK, which is fine.

The thing I miss is being able to call in on a mate for a midweek beer, without people thinking you're a bit of a pi$$head, as I suspect some of my Kiwi friends think midweek drinking makes you.

The old work hard during the week and go on a blackout when you go out on a Saturday still seems to ring true for some. Maybe the 6 O'Clock swill/ rural attitude to drinking is a hard habit to break?? The traditional Kiwi pub is little more than a betting shop with beer pumps really but I quite like some of the old bright lights/formica hotels n bars though. Not too many of them left.

Don't know why I am wittering on about pubs now,

Off to bed!

expatkath

I went through a bout of homesickness after 2 years here too, that seems to be the make or break stage. We ended up shipping everything back, going "home" only to discover it wasn't home anymore. We came back as soon as our container arrived. A very expensive mistake. A holiday would have reminded us why we came here in the first place. So now should I ever feel homesick again I just buy the English newspspers The Mail etc and a quick glance tells me I'm in the right place! Been here 16 years now! Good luck!