Midge71

We've made the decision to go back in 12 months - I just don't think I can miss seeing my parents or siblings for years at a time - I'd rather be happy and broke going back knowing I can be there for them rather than worrying about the expense of seeing them only every 3 years. I'm not convinced the education system is any better or worse than in the UK as my kids are especially gifted at maths and it's like hitting your head against a brick wall trying to get them more challenging work. I know I could do more at home but I want them to enjoy school and not be bored. We're going to try and enjoy the rest of our time here and see more of New Zealand but at least I'll know that the kids wont have grown too much by the time they see their gran-parents in the flesh again. Oh well it's a life experience if an expensive one - at least we'll take some new values back - spend more time as a family and see more of whats around - spending time together doesn't have to cost loads of money.

AnnieNell

[QUOTE=BEVS here;4849196]Hi AnnieNell.

It seems we share the same sense of humour [What do heat pumps do ? - pump heat ! ] I wasn't being flippant about homesickness. Honest injuns. I've had my fair share of that and then some .

Thanks for sharing your thoughts & feelings. I have just read that some people are upset by us laughing at the statement "pumps heat" but it just tickled me. I didn't mean it nastily. It's only my sense of humour that has got me through my darkest days, so I refuse to lose it just because some people are upset by it.

Sorry to hear that you are in the same position as us re:children. It is our greatest sadness & not something we will ever get over, also my job(midwife) doesn't help.

I did expect to have difficult days before we arrived but I just hate having to live through them. I'm impatient to be settled. However I am having more up days than down now so I'm getting there & now feel settled enough to look for work.

Thanks for the shoulder.
Annie

AnnieNell

Hi Midge,

Just wanted to wish you luck in the future. Be proud that you were brave enough to move your life to NZ. So it's not for you, so what, you've given it a go. Only you know what is right for you & your family, it is not for others to judge you or deride the choices you make.

The pull of family & friends is strong & the UK is a long way away. Both mine & Dave's parents are not well enough to come here, so I have times when I feel so sad & guilty for leaving them (though they are supportive of us). I think most people on BE understand how you feel.

I know it's difficult to try not to think about how much you've spent on emigrating, but your happiness is the most important thing. Think of the experiences you as a family can have in NZ & the broader education it provides the children with. Their friends in the UK will be jealous of some of the things they can see & do here. So do explore the Country before you leave & take some incredible memories home with you.

love Annie x

BEVS

I'm sure you didn't mean it nastily Annie.
Pleccy2000 has been around the forums for a good three years . I would be surprised if he was offended TBH. He is one that can totally relate to homesickness and was/is the first ping-pong pom I posted with. He's made of good stuff.

Are we related Annie ? Neither my Dad or Phils Mum will ever be able to come to NZ to visit & that can be very tough to live with at times. We didn't go back for two years but have now been back twice and hope to return for a month again this September. That's helped enormously. All our spare cash goes into making it happen & its so worth it.

Midge71. Good on yer for whatever you decide to do. Its a brave decision to move your family around the world and it doesn't matter in which direction you are going. Its still to be admired and respected.

Midge71

Thanks - being able to spill my thoughts out really helps and knowing that people understand helps too. My OH is really sad at the moment and can't understand what's gone wrong as we were all really looking forward to making a new life and giving it a go - well maybe I under-estimated what life means to me. I want the best for my kids but have come to conclusion that they will be what they will be where ever they live or go to school. I'm sure they'd be happier if I was happier too. I just hope I don't regret my/our decision.

Midge

Midge71

God it was cold last night - haven't they heard of central heating out here!!! Condensation on the windows was really bad too. I am still feeling really guilty about wanting to go back home and am having really bad days where I'll cry for a whole day at a time - I wake up with knots in my stomach, that's if I get any sleep. Well I decided to go to the docs to see if they could help - they gave me some anti-depressants but I'm not sure whether to take them or not because of the side effects - will they get me through the next few months or only mask the homesick problem? Anyone else had them for homesickness?

AnnieNell

Have PM'd you

Avid

I read that as 'decided to go to the docks' for a few seconds, which certainly gave me a start!

I wouldn't think, for what my opinion's worth, that homesickness can be cured by taking tablets. Personally I'd stay off them, but that's just my opinion.

You might find (as others have done) that homesickness is a bit like the 'flu and just has to run its course. I've known (and read about) people who suffered much as you are suffering now, but after 6 months to a year were quite happily settled in their new home. Homesickness was just an unpleasant but necessary period of adjustment.

I wouldn't think tablets such as antidepressants, that have a tendency to inhibit our mental capabilities, could be seen as a long term solution but more as a short term comfort. And let's be honest, if you are having doubts about taking medication then you probably shouldn't take it.

All the best,

karonious

Did your GP say you had depression? If he/she did, I would seriously consider taking them. Crying for days at a time, unable to sleep, constant knots in your stomach: this is serious stuff, not just wistfully missing home a bit. As a mental health nurse I can only urge you to see your GP again and discuss the tablets with him, possibly look at some form of counselling. Don't feel you are wasting his time: this is having a bad effect on your whole being and that of your family. You don't need to feel this bad and feel you are on your own with it. I know I could have PM'd you about this but feel as you have shared it with us, I would openly encourage you to take it further.
Please let us know how you get on.
Karma to you
Hope you start feeling better really soon, Karen B

Midge71

OK - Still here and have had the house up for sale for months - help! If we can't sell then we can't get back. Do you ever get the feeling things are not going your way? Anyone want to move to Tawa? Why hasn't it warmed up yet?

Marika 38

Hi there Midge,
have just been reading last few posts on this thread, and was wondering how things were for you now.
I worry terribly about homesickness, and I'm not there yet, (will be in 3 weeks), just hope its like some have said, that we can work through it, and in time it will get better.
Maybe it won't be as bad as I expect.
Marika

Midge71

Well we've been here 7 months now - and the worst time still seems to be at the weekends when we used to visit parents. I have just been offered a job so maybe it might be the turning point and I might start settling down - and the sun's quite nice too when it comes out. The kids seem happy as long as we're happy - they fit in where ever they are. Skype has been good for speaking to my Mum (when Dad turns the computer on - Mums useless) and my sister - and even my 80yr old Grandad!

I think in time things will get better but everyones' different.

luvwelly

[QUOTE=AnnieNell;4849320] That reminds me of a sketch on 'Alas Smith and Jones' years ago....about inept staff in shops like Currys......'This is a good hifi because it's got a graphic equaliser.'
'What does that do exactly?' 'Well it equalises the graphics of course'.

Someone once said there are only 7 jokes in the whole world....maybe they're right. I'm totally useless at remembering jokes and have no idea why this one stuck.

Hoyo

In my opinion you NEED a job in NZ to get along. Otherwise you end up a billy no mates. Most people underestimate just how hard it is to break into established social networks here. Kiwi's are a friendly bunch but developing friendships is tough, especially if you are alone without kids.It's very hard to make friends here - I was used to a social life involving bbq's before I came where friends and strangers gathered around the bbq, and had the chance to bond over a few cold ones, but here I haven't experienced it, yet. HAd more bbq's in England so far....

Midge71

Must admit I have made quite a few contacts through the local running club I joined and having kids has helped with their clubs too - the trouble is everyones too busy running the kids about to have time to socialise and the weather is so hit and miss for bbqs at the moment. The other problem is the kids in NZ have grown up together since Kindy (or playschool) and the mothers already have their social clicks too so I know what you mean. We took the kids into Wellington today and they had a go on the indoor climbing wall at FergsKayaks if anyone wanted something to do on a wet afternoon - recommend it. Oh well the weather's got to cheer up soon.