SarahB

Sorry to hear you are feeling down Annie.... I went through it too, and I did have a kid.... I dont think I was a very good mum for a while. When we got here we lived in South Auckland and I hated it.... it rained every ruddy day too.... I bought a car pretty quick and just spent time walking round the shops I was so unhappy. I remember posting on here about how much I hated Auckland and my friends back home were worried about me. It changed when we decided to move to Beachlands.... I'm not a city girl at all so never was going to settle in Auckland. So, I know how you feel and it isnt nice. ((HUGS)) for you. The volunteer work sounds a good idea. My OH is a volunteer fire-fighter now and loves it and we meet some nice people through it.

If youre ever out this way youre more than welcome to pop in for coffee.

I'm also up for an Auckland get-together too.... about time we did one!!

Hope you feel a bit happier soon!!

SarahB

AnnieNell

Just A quick HI & thank you to you wonderful, wonderful people. Still using the library, move into our home ina couple of weeks , so it will be good to have our stuff & stay on the t'internet as long as I want!
Thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts, advice & experiences & I will reply to you all individually when I've more time. Clock on screen is counting down mighty fast
Thanks all,
love Annie

We are talking about a dog

pixi-dust

lovely to hear from you - you do sound happier Probably once you get into your own place you'll feel a lot more settled.
A dog!!! excellent!! snuggles all round!

danny.f

You sound way better mate! What changed? You ok? Wait til you get your own place and stuff!! We got house-furniture in dock-not long now. Chin up and remember why youre here! Good luck.

Mandie

Really glad that you're sounding much happier. I think you'll be much happier once you've moved into your house, you'll certainly be kept busy...how exciting!!!

Brill about getting a dog, sounds like just the thing to get you out and about meeting people while walking the dog

lotsa luv & hugs to you

orca05

Hi Anne
Sorry to see you are feeling down and at least you have found this site so it will help you keep your chin up.I went a big home sickness thing 2 years ago and I have got kids.Yes I did meet people through the kids but they were not my friends from back home whom I had a history with and really missed.
I did get a dog and he was the best thing I ever did because he got me out the house when before I couldn,t be bothered to make the effort to go out and meet people.I went for walks on the beach and started to see that NZ is a beautiful place and we are lucky to be here.
Don't think that having kids is the only way to meet people because it isn't.I have been to play groups where all they talk about is their kids and it can be really boring.I go to these groups to meet other adults and talk about grown up stuff.
We have just moved to a lovely area which is full of really friendly people than the area we were in before.So don't think this how you are always going to feel,you will feel better and go out and enjoy NZ it is a really beautiful place.Never turn down an invitation we are all desperate for friends when we first arrive other people are not so you have to make the effort and you never know who you might meet.

Amber and Chris

I'm not in NZ yet but have been an expat in Canada for 3 years; also was not working for the 1st year so know how frustrating and isolating it is. When I get the homesickness bug:

1> Cry for a really long time and get worn out with it. Wallow in self-pity. Add in everything I feel self-pitying about and howl. Get the officially-titled Self-Pity Cuppa. Blubble snot into it.

2> Realise I am the maker of my situation and I chose to come here. Accept that this doesn't mean I must be thrilled to be here every second, but begin gently reminding myself why I have chosen to be here. Blubble a little more and get the officially-titled Pulling Myself Together Cuppa.

3> Remind self that contacting friends and family back home at this moment is both unproductive and unfair. They are missing you too, and they didn't choose to have you go. Not fair to blub at them that you wish you could be there with them and that life is crap. They will worry themselves sick and not be able to do anything.

4> Email friend who lives in China - good to have someone (or people on this mb, obviously) who understands without you having to explain, and doesn't judge.

5> Take deep breath. And clean snot off face.

These are the "each time it happens" stages. The failsafe long-term plan, though?

6> Knit. If you already know how, go to the wool shop and attend Knit Nite/ Stitch and Bitch/ whatever they have. If you don't, get to the wool shop and
announce "Ahem. I'm new here. And I don't know how to knit." You'll be surrounded instantly. A knitter's favourite activity, even above knitting, is converting non-knitters. Even if you have to knit alone on any occasion, if you get yourself out to a coffee shop and knit there, the chances are someone will approach you and ask you about it. It's better than sitting in the coffee shop with a newspaper or book - nobody can interrupt you then. When you sit knitting it's like pinning a notice on your head saying TALK TO ME.

Seriously. Get some wool. What are you waiting for?

kwprwn

Annie: hopefully you are feeling a bit better by now, but I have a friend who lives in OZ who has just moved to melbourne to be with her fiance (they get married next month) and as friend of his asked her one night when they had been in the pub 'How she liked Melbourne' and she just burst into tears...he didnt know what to say and thought he had really upset her...She is now not allowed anywere near Vodka

Are you coming to the girly meet up next week?

hayleyt

Hi annie,
if you need someone to talk to I,m literally around the corner from you, Army Bay. I was really homesick when I first came over that was nearly four years ago. I would be here all day if I told you my story.

Silly Sod

Another hi five from the US as you are sounding much more positive. Mrs Sod spent days in bed sleeping and weeping in the UK while I was at work. I had a few bad times when we got to the US and had to go to the library to check my mail everyday. As everyone has said it will get better and better. Homesickness get's everyone to different degrees but everyone here has felt it. Remember though, we are the special ones, we took a chance and did something most people will never do. Hi five to all of us!!! Keep posting and smiling. More hugs.

The Sods.


PS - I am digging a tunnel - you want in?

hayleyt

Hi everyone heres a little snippet of my life in nz.

Hi there,
I really feel for you, while reading your post all my emotion came flooding back to how I felt when I was so down and depressed just completely irrational and had to get home.

I,m actually in New zealand and yes I stayed, but I took drastic measures to going back home, arrived in Auckland aug 2003 by october all i was doing was crying and hibernating, not going out not meeting anyone I have four children, at the time they were 16,13,12 and 4 the container hadn't arrived yet so I had time to turn it around ,which I did.

My oh put his notice in here got his old job back home, I was on the phone to the children's old schools got all their places back the two older boys had to go back sooner because I needed to get the eldest back to sixth form and like wise the younger one.

They were going to live with their grandparents until we had arranged and sorted everything out. Booked both their flights back to Heathrow took them to the airport arranged for an auntie to look after them while on the flight. Lots of tears when they left for boarding "just felt really sick you know that horrible feeling when you know what your doing is wrong but you still go ahead and do it anyway".

Walked out of the airport looked at my oh and said "I don't want to go back". Got on the motorway and decided that we both really wanted to stay couldn't turn back on the motorway, it was too late any way, they had took off by this time. Arrived home contacted the airport explained what we had done or what I had done, had to go through sorting their visa out so that they could come back into the country because at the time we was on a work to residency visa.

The only problem getting them back was that it wouldn't be that same day, Singapore Airlines were fantastic, they changed their second leg of their flight around and brought them back to Auckland the day after. Singapor Airlines arranged for their over night stay in Singapore.

They had someone watching them at all times because they were minors, when the boys landed in Singapore they were told that they had a phone call I Couldn't get on the phone and be the bearer of bad news so my oh gave them the happy news, they couldn't believe what we had done, when they came out at arrivals in Auckland they were grinning from ear to ear.

In the November had to go back to the uk for a funeral. That just confirmed for us that our time in the UK was up and our new life in NZ had begun,in saying that we are now thinking of looking to move to Brisbane.

The only advice I can give to anyone is it's a bloody huge thing that you have just done so it takes a while for adjustment, things do settle down you end up getting less times when you are unhappy and more times when things feel quite normal around you, try going back to the UK for a holiday with the new baby and see the family you will know if you have done the right thing then. NZ and oz are a really great playground for the children and of course yourself. Hope this helps feel free to pm any time

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Last edited by hayleyt : Yesterday at 2:26 pm.

NZGrl

Hi there,
Just wanted to say that I live at Orewa and have loads of mates out Gulf Harbour way. You should go and see Nicky who is the best hairdresser in town. She is living and working in GH...she works at Navarjo salon in GH. If you meet up with us lot you will NEVER feel lonely again...Too much going on!!
Anyway keep in touch.
Amanda

Karen2000

Hi All

Just to let you know that Anne and I have met up a couple of times now and it has helped us both immensely , I live in Warkworth which is about 30 mins from Anne in GH . I was feeling very depressed as well and it was becoming easier for me to stay in the house and cry than to go out . I am in a similar situation as I have no children here and am alone all day whilst my OH is out at work , it seemed that however hard I tried I could not remain positive for more than 2 days . Making new friends and feeling I belong here seems a long way off , sometimes it feels like it will never happen . Reading through these replies has made me realize that everyone feels the same way at some time or another and you are not alone , I thought that to tell people how I felt was putting the burden of my unhappiness onto their shoulders , who wants to listen to someone moaning on about how unhappy they are all the time . Anne was very kind to me and even though she was having a hard time herself she made me feel ok about sharing how I felt with her .

The thing that I find the hardest to cope with is feeling like an outsider , I expect that sounds strange and I am probably not explaining myself very well but that is the only way I can describe it , everyone else belongs and feels at home and you just don`t . I suppose it depends on the type of person you are as to how easy it is for you to settle and how quickly ,well I used to think I was a fairly positive person and quite out going but moving to NZ has been much harder than I thought it would be for me , I am so negative .
My poor husband listens to me most days and never complains I will have to make it up to him at some time , he is always so supportive , sorry that I have rambled on a bit I doubt if any of this will make sense if I read it back so I won`t .

Karen

Leighlou

Hi Karen and Anne,
I've moved around a fair bit in my life, albeit only in the UK and France, and I have a theory that you works for me, and that is that you will of course "hate" a new place to begin with. Each time we move to a new area, I make the mental shift that I cannot possibly expect to be settled and happy until we have got to know the area, and made some friends. It may sound strange, but I just think that if you alter your expectations mentally, it does make things a lot easier. Don't have huge expectations that you should immediately be happy, as how can you possibly be so until you have settled in. Just the small every day issues in life are hard to begin with cause you don't know where the local dump is, or the local B&Q, or the best Fish & Chip shop is etc.
I of course do not have the experience of moving to the other side of the world (although hoping that it won't be too long before we are joining you) and of course it is doubly hard to find your feet and settle in 12,000 miles from home.
So I just wanted to say to you both that you should both be so very very proud of yourselves! Give yourselves a great big pat on the back for getting there, and know that this time next year you will have settled in, and you will have friends, and you will know where the best fish and chips are! Hope that this make sense and sorry if I have rambled!
Karma to you both! Leighlou.x

hayleyt

Hi Karen,

I know exactly how you feel, I'm actually over the homesick bit now, but I used to say I felt like a sore thumb you know you stick out in a crowd. You will get there it just takes time it's also good to get all your feelings down on paper or computer in this instance, you will always have your good and bad days, eventually the bad days get less and the good get more.

I have been here nearly four years and I still have the odd day here and there, but I don't feel like that sore thumb any more. Things will get better and you will become more positive it just takes a little time. I can remember thinking what I have I done! You do adjust and life moves on it just feels like a snails pace in the beginning, even the weekends never felt right to me when we first came over. How long have you been here? I live in Army Bay which is close to Gulf Harbour. Hugs hope you feel better soon