Avid

If it's any help you are probably just going through the standard stages of 'culture shock'

First stage is excitement...second stage is depression...third stage is acceptance....fourth stage is feeling content with the situation.

(I'm paraphrasing a bit)

Sounds like you are in stage two at the moment, with time and effort you'll soon be in stage three! Good luck

Lexylou

Yes however that is not helping or positive towards those that do want to go home. Glad you are happy and that you enjoy NZ and that you find the UK so bad. I for one don't. I found all of those things worse in NZ where we lived, except the Bliar thing. (so Helen is better than Blair??? ARe you joking??)

Enjoy. Live and let live and if someone is homesick, no need to rant about the place they are homesick for.

Midge71

Thanks for the comments - Well it's been 3 months now! Everyone's happy and doesn't ever want to go back - except I'm still having my moments. It's times when I'm speaking to my Mum on skype and she tells me her best friend just died at 56yrs old and I just want to be there to give her a hug and I can't. My Sister is due for another baby in November and it will be walking and talking before I see it. I think this countries beautiful and everyone is so friendly - I just feel I being un-grateful and a moaning Pom most of the time. My husband wants me to feel happy here and has even offered to install a dvs or heatpump to stop me feeling so cold Ah... it's not even winter and I feel cold in the mornings! How am I going to cope. Anyone else fitted double glazing/central heating or just a heatpunp to keep warm?

NZGrl

We got a heat pump installed last year and has been great for those "Crying Windows", good for AC in the summer too! (If you are lucky enough to experience a summer in NZ usually get one for about 3 weeks in mid January)

bro69

A heat pump will be the best investment you have ever made, we got one and wondered how we ever lived with out it.

SarahB

Blimey.... where r u living then? Its been gorgeous now for months and months.... its the first day of winter this week and I'm still wearing sun top and 3/4 jeans.... its that warm.....yes, its chilly now at night-times and I love my new electric blanket but the days are still beautiful and the summer/autumn has been really long.

Glad to hear things are a bit better for you now Midge. I've been here nearly 2 years now and was just talking to my friend this morning about how homesick I am.... she feels the same way, especially as her father has been taken ill this week. We both agree that we love it here but wish we werent quite so far from loved ones.

pleccy2000

What does it do?

mcuddy1

Pumps heat

AnnieNell

BEVS

Sue

Your not ungrateful or moaning, thats why this site was created so those of us already abroad could reach out to others going through the same thing. A trouble shared is a trouble halved

It's only natural to feel the way you do, don't forget you've made a life changing move so don't give yourself such a hard time. No matter how much someone prepares or researches you can never prepare yourself for the homesickness because you won't know how little or how much it will effect you until you go through it. Its not whinging to express how you are feeling, to keep it all locked in won't help you or your family as you need to support each other. I promise every day it will get a little easier. On a down day try and remember all the reasons why you wanted to move in the first place, it won't make you feel less homesick but it will help you feel more positive about everything. It took me about 2 years to stop feeling really homesick. I've been in the US for 10 years and still get the odd bad day and of course when something happens to someone back in the UK I feel really guilty for not being there to help, but then I remember what a wonderful childhood our son has experienced and the opportunities that he now has in front of him. It's worth the odd day of homesickness and I'm sure you will reach that point too one day. In the meantime pop on here anytime for a moan, we all understand .. honest

Happy Wanderer

Hi Annie

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low. We're not in NZ yet so I can't offer any NZ specific advice. We've moved 10 times in the last 15 years, and even though I say I won't get close to people, I always do and then end up bawling when we go. The first 3 moves were without children so I completely understand how awful it is when the house is empty and you just want to be occupied.

For me, being physically busy around other people really helps. I don't have bags of confidence and so I find it hard to break into established groups. The two best 'strategies' I've found have been aerobics!!!! It sounds nuts, but there's no time for long awkward silences as people rush to and from - but after time you become familiar and friendships start - my 3 best friends here I met through the gym and wouldn't have survived without them.

The other for me, was volunteering with a local disabled riding group. I had no experience, they just wanted people who could turn up for an hour once week on a regular basis - to help with fitting riding hats etc. It was fab, there's something soothing about animals that seems to bring like minded people together. I got to know our group of riders really well, and looked forward to spending time with them - they were a pretty cheeky bunch. The other 10 volunteers were lovely. They were all ages from every walk of life, and we became good friends. I was nervous of the horses to begin with, so just walked at the back of the group wearing a bright yellow bib and gradually got more involved!!! I wish I'd discovered it years ago, it's one of the first organizations I look for now when we move. I'm embarrassed to say I volunteer, as I enjoy it so much I think I benefit more than the riders!!

Hope you find what ever works for you, something will fall into your lap when you least expect it. The good life changing moments seem to sneak up on you from behind.

Kathy

PS, sorry to waffle on so much - we've been out for dinner and I've had a little more 'ribena' than I'm used to.

AnnieNell

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts. It helps to know that others have felt the same way too. I have been here just over 4 months now & am gradually finding my feet (the older I get the longer it seems to take for me to adapt to change). I am gradually making friends, I have been lucky enough to meet up with Karen2000 & Hayleyt from this site on a number of occasions (as well as a number of others,one evening in Takapuna).

I have started going to the leisure centre a couple of times per week & I'm on nodding terms with a few people. I have my down days but they are gradually reducing in number. I am planning to do some voluntary conservation work & have also applied for a job, so I'm sure it will come together soon.

As long as you enjoyed the "ribena", it doesn't matter how much you have!

Love Annie x

kiwi_child

How true is that! Pretty much sums up how I feel about my life here in OZ

BEVS

Hi AnnieNell.

It seems we share the same sense of humour [What do heat pumps do ? - pump heat ! ] I wasn't being flippant about homesickness. Honest injuns. I've had my fair share of that and then some .

We came to New Zealand three years ago. Like you we have no children ,which wasn't by our choice either. It's the hand we were dealt in life. I have wondered in the past if it's easier or quicker to build a network if you have the school run and kids to bring you closer to parents already in the area but my conclusion is that its no easier for those with kids as for those without.

People were quite welcoming and friendly. We met people through the firm my husband worked for and had a few invites but I still felt like an invisible person for a good nine months or so. I was on nodding terms with people in the village and we would have chats but nothing that made me feel more settled.

We had a great circle of close friends back in the UK, and I suppose I was missing that big-time. Everything was familiar and easy. My friends , my family were around me and I knew every inch of my home town.

Plonk ! I find myself in NZ village life. Husband out to work and after all the ups and down of the big move across the world, I found myself in a vacuum.

My poor husband went through some hard evenings with me. I did all the I WANT TO GO HOME stuff and bawled my eyeballs out until they looked like huge great gob-stoppers. Then I'd feel bad for moaning on at him after his hard day at work.

Looking back , I wonder why I thought I wouldn't be hit with homesickness. It's all so natural to feel homesick isn't it . We leave so much we care about behind when we make the huge life changing decisions to emigrate to another country.

I still get the odd wave of homesickness now, three years later, but in my heart I do feel we did the best thing for ourselves by emigrating.Our decision was good for us.

We now have a small set of really wonderful close friends who are like family to us & loads of other pals that we get together with. We have built a new life slowly and steadily & live in a wonderful place .

I didn't join clubs and stuff in the end ,although I do have a little part-time job. My new NZ life seemed to simply come to me in the end. I looked up one day and felt more settled. I had friends and plenty of things I enjoyed doing.

It'll come AnnieNell. It's that old thing - Time.

If you were in Nelson I'd say come on over.
Meanwhile, if you feel blue and lonesome , you share it here .We are all here to lend an eye and a shoulder.