SparkyGaz

Well dont be shy, look us up when you arrive, all the expats are a friendly bunch (nearly as friendly as the kiwi's) , most of us are on facebook too and who better to give you a lift when you feel down or unsettled?????
After all we all have one massive thing in common, and yes it's normal to feel guilty !!!!
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR WANTING THIS FOR YOUR FAMILY....ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.

jmh

True - my mum (now 71) was 10 years old when she came over from England. Her paternal grandparents never saw her again, and never saw the grandson born shortly after they arrived. Must have been hard for them.

HelsnLee

Thanks so much we are visiting in November but aim to be out there around March time

Everyone has been fab, friendly and helpful! can't wait to make a whole bunch of new friends!

louloumama

This quote gave me lots of inspiration and courage Similair thinking to positivepam

positive pam

Hi Louloumamma- Think that is another brilliant quote Hopefully it will give everyone who needs it, the confidence to make that move. None of you should ever feel guilty for wanting a better life for your family and for yourselves. I would just like to say that i think that LOVE TRAVELS-ALL OVER THE WORLD and yes even to New Zealand ha ha.
So get going!!
Love and Best Wishes to you all.
Pam.

RobClubley

I've had that quote in my email signature since we arrived in NZ six years ago.

Mrs Pointer

I was lucky in the my mum was totally supportive of our move. She had been to OZ to visit her pal, and totally gets how attractive the lifestyle is. She's 63 and can afford to visit.

Leaving was really hard - the toughest two were my grandad, who I know I might never see again, and my nephew, who is five and who I won't see grow up. I kept saying to people - I am not dying, you can talk to me any time you like.

After six months, I can honestly say I speak to my mum as much as I did back home - we lived 80 miles apart. She got into email and skype - and I do find skype is a good way to keep in touch.

You can move to NZ and remain close to your family and friends. As long as you are willing to work at it. Email, facebook, skype...I chatted to my best pal last night, am talking to my mum tonight.

It's a tough call though, but I do think she will get used to the idea. And if it all proves too traumatic you can go back...but better to have given it a go.

We also left our son behind - he's 22. That was hard, but he's coming at Xmas and is doing a recce to see if he likes it.

HeatherGirl

Thank goodness for BE. I've just left my parents house with my mum in tears (I've seen her cry once in 36years). And I mean shoulder shaking sobs - saying she feels she's never going to see us again. I am so distraught but so glad I've found this thread (I searched under "guilty"). I feel so guilty especially about taking away the beloved grandkids. I was so excited about our journey but now I feel sick with guilt. She's not being manipulative, I think that's what makes it worse, she's genuinely broken hearted.

I've read most of these posts through tears. Every single thing Sparky Gaz makes sense to me and he's so right. My parents are the only reason to stay where we are. But if we stay, we'd always wonder what if... and you only get one life.

I'm so glad I found this forum - it's a great source of support.

Thanks,
HeatherGirl

positive pam

Hi Heathergirl
I am Sparky Gaz' mother-in-law and I really understand what you are going through, you have read the posts that Gary and I wrote. As I write this Garys parents are actually in New Zealand visiting and my daughter and I talk every day and skype often too. The day they left was horrendous for all, they left from my house, we didn't go to the airport as my daughter didn't think it was a good idea for any of us and she was right. Tell your mum it does and will get easier, the world is a smaller place now. Gary and I both believe it is definately true that, it is better to regret the things you have done than those you haven't. My daughter along with Gary and their two children are really living their dream and no, it isn't always easy but boy, they are doing well and enjoying the lifestyle they expected to live in New Zealand and I think good luck to them. I am sure that is what your mum will be thinking very soon, it is just the actual moment that you leave, I also felt like my heart was breaking but fully supported what they were doing.
I just wanted to say it will work out for you I am sure and if you don't like it, then you can always come home ay? But at least you will have tried it and that is all you can do. So good luck to you and your family.
Love and Best wishes to you.
Pam.

SarahRob198

We won't really have this problem as my parents are already out there, unfortunately my OH's parents aren't around anymore but i am almost 100% as much as it would break their hearts they would be so happy for us and know we are doing the right thing
I am currently applying for a RRV then once i have that a Spouse visa for my partner and son, who knows in 8 months to a years time we three could also be away in Aus That's the life

HeatherGirl

Thank you Pam for your very kind words. Your family are very lucky to have you. Like you say, I hope my parents will eventually come to terms with our decision.

I'm finding it hard to know whether to talk about it, everytime I see them (they seem reluctant to bring it up) or to just keep my mouth shut. What I would love to do is to show them photos on the net of where we want to live, pictures of houses - try and get them enthusiastic about holidays over there. But having said that, my dad is in his 70s - I think this is the problem. They're worried they won't be fit for the journey.

I feel a bit more positive today, but I anticipate alot of heartache to come. Thanks again for your lovely words.

And good luck SarahRob with your adventure xx

HeatherGirl xx

Hawk13

Interesting posts great to hear that others have same problem - would be better if you didn't but you get what I mean.

For me, it was starting a new life saying goodbye to mum and dad, brother and sister, two teenage daughters that decided to live with their mom and a great bunch of friends.

Never really had much guilt from anyone about leaving but looking back, my daughters may have been in denial that I was actually going to go.
So, off I went and everything was going well, figured I'd do some touring before looking into a job and then it started. Started with my youngest daughter sending me an email and I quote "I don't care where you are but I want to come live with you". Easier said than done, I found out. But I got a job, a place to live and then the other daughter wanted to come too but their mom refused to give them their passports.

Then it just kept coming, my sister somehow got a pretty serious virus that had her in the hospital, touch an go for awhile (she's better now) then my dad (70) got a really bad lung infection and also ended up in the hospital.

That's when mum stepped in and laid the "you're the oldest and you need to get you're arse back here and help out". Dealing with the new job, new place to live, a bit of loneliness and trying to deal with my daughters and family via Skype just didn't cut it and I caved. Packed it all in and flew back.

That was a year ago, sister's doing well and recovering, dad is so so but that won't change, mum still applies pressure to stay here and got UK passports for my daughters so that their mom can't hold them ransom.

And here sit debating on moving back to NZ and have a proper go of it. Not an easy decision - maybe I'll flip a coin.

shirl

Omg Hawk what a terrible time you have had of it and Heathergirl too. I think we have all had some form of guilt put on us over the years. The thing is, guilt tripping comes from a place of fear, they fear that they may never see you all again instead of congratulating you for getting up and doing something with your lives when in fact parents should be saying " Wow I did a bloody good job of raising my son/daughter for them to want to travel to the other side of the world and make a new life. I have raised them not to be needy and be independent"

I had the best gift of all on Friday when I skyped with my son in America who poured his heart out to me and told me what a fantastic mum I had been to stand by him through every right and indeed wrong decision that he has ever made in his life. Now you can't ask for more than that can you. I am proud of all my kids and we are all in different counties at the moment.

hope things get easier for you all in time.

RobDon

Spot on Shirl!

positive pam

Seconded RobDon I totaly agree with what you said Shirl, I have a daughter and family in Tauranga, a son and family in Germany, a son and girlfriend in Beijing and another daughter in England and boy am I proud of every single one of them for all their achievements and being able to have the strength to go and live life to the full and to live their dreams and to know that no matter what or where they are I totally love and support them in everything they do.
So good luck to all of you.
And all I can say is go for it.
Love to you all.
Pam.