Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Dec 8th 2008, 9:22 pm
#1
`
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,611
Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Sometimes we just have the emigration blues. 
It doesn't matter whether we are in NZ and think we want to get out.
Or whether we are not in NZ and want to get in.
Let's shake the blues on out
A pre-crimbo thread for anything at all that can or will bring on a smile or laugh.
It doesn't matter whether we are in NZ and think we want to get out.
Or whether we are not in NZ and want to get in.Let's shake the blues on out
A pre-crimbo thread for anything at all that can or will bring on a smile or laugh.
Dec 8th 2008, 10:58 pm
#2
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Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 367
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Dont know if this will work not good on the computer tend to leave it to OH 
Dec 8th 2008, 11:03 pm
#3
By name and by nature
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,852
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Dec 8th 2008, 11:10 pm
#4
By name and by nature
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,852
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me
Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and……
Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get me
Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me
Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and……
Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get me
Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
Dec 8th 2008, 11:15 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 968
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
It could be worse - this woman spent 3,000 quid on that Lapland scam!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...et/7760237.stm
Can you imagine kiwis paying $80 each to enter a field with a couple of animals and some sprayed snow??
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...et/7760237.stm
Can you imagine kiwis paying $80 each to enter a field with a couple of animals and some sprayed snow??
Dec 8th 2008, 11:33 pm
#7
By name and by nature
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,852
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day....
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang,
and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
And no, I don't have very much to do today
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang,
and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
And no, I don't have very much to do today
Last edited by Batty; Dec 8th 2008 at 11:40 pm.
Dec 8th 2008, 11:45 pm
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 968
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Dancing Elves
Upload pix of your family for an entertaining dancing elve display for your friends!
http://www.elfyourself.com/
Upload pix of your family for an entertaining dancing elve display for your friends!
http://www.elfyourself.com/
Dec 9th 2008, 1:02 am
#9
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 367
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Merry Christmas
Dec 9th 2008, 4:02 am
#10
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 7,208
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Dec 9th 2008, 8:56 am
#11
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Not strictly Christmassy but it may confuse those not here yet....a Kiwi ABC
Dec 9th 2008, 9:00 am
#12
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
2008's First Christmas Joke ?
> Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
>
> "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
>
> The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
>
> "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
>
> The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
>
> Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
>
> The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
>
> St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
>
>
> The man replied, "These are Carols."
> Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
>
> "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
>
> The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
>
> "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
>
> The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
>
> Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
>
> The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
>
> St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
>
>
> The man replied, "These are Carols."
Dec 9th 2008, 10:25 am
#13
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 7,208
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Dec 9th 2008, 2:14 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Nelson very soon. counting down the days.
Posts: 161
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
Here's a link that will make you giggle or at least put a smile some enjoy. It has got nothing to do with christmas but gawdddddddd is it funny.
Steve and Dee.
Now awaiting final decision from Immigration.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=93CPo0sBVZc
Steve and Dee.
Now awaiting final decision from Immigration.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=93CPo0sBVZc
Last edited by BEVS; Dec 9th 2008 at 8:14 pm. Reason: just to embed the vid
Dec 9th 2008, 6:25 pm
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Got the emigration blues? Let's shake it on out anyway we can !
We love this one, simple but strangely amusing..
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdVHZwI8pcA
and if you do find it funny, shift it up a gear....
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=aSEVCP...eature=related
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdVHZwI8pcA
and if you do find it funny, shift it up a gear....
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=aSEVCP...eature=related
Last edited by BEVS; Dec 9th 2008 at 8:11 pm. Reason: embedded coz they are brill