God and alcohol.
Jul 22nd 2010, 11:40 am
#1
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God and alcohol.
GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Jul 22nd 2010, 8:10 pm
#2
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Joined: May 2010
Location: Mission Bay, Auckland yay!
Posts: 493
Re: God and alcohol.
GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Jul 23rd 2010, 11:21 am
#3
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Jul 23rd 2010, 9:29 pm
#4
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Location: Mission Bay, Auckland yay!
Posts: 493
Re: God and alcohol.
they must remain well hidden these days!
Jul 23rd 2010, 10:34 pm
#5
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Re: God and alcohol.
Underneath the tarpaulin on the back of a HILUX jute!
Couple of weeks back I came back to my car in a Supermarket car-park. Parked next to me was a flat back with a dead boar tied on it. Blood all over and in full view of kiddies passing it.
Now some might call me a pommy wuss but that kind of sums up the attitude of many of the rural folk and red-necks around here and no doubt other areas of NZ. (Note I did not say all rural folk are red-necks!)
Don't think they go out of their way to be obnoxious. They just tend not to think/care about the consequences of their actions. They do/live/act as they want. Mobile phone use while driving is a prime example that for them 'Laws' are obeyed if they suit or ............
best shut up now.
Vast majority are great, just the 'pigheaded' ones can spoil it a bit.
There are some who would fit in well in some southern states in US of A.
Shouldn't go down that road.
Changed a light hearted post into a political time bomb!
Where's me 'andbag?
Jul 23rd 2010, 11:49 pm
#6
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Joined: May 2010
Location: Mission Bay, Auckland yay!
Posts: 493
Re: God and alcohol.
If you want to find one- you have to know where to look!
Underneath the tarpaulin on the back of a HILUX jute!
Couple of weeks back I came back to my car in a Supermarket car-park. Parked next to me was a flat back with a dead boar tied on it. Blood all over and in full view of kiddies passing it.
Now some might call me a pommy wuss but that kind of sums up the attitude of many of the rural folk and red-necks around here and no doubt other areas of NZ. (Note I did not say all rural folk are red-necks!)
Don't think they go out of their way to be obnoxious. They just tend not to think/care about the consequences of their actions. They do/live/act as they want. Mobile phone use while driving is a prime example that for them 'Laws' are obeyed if they suit or ............
best shut up now.
Vast majority are great, just the 'pigheaded' ones can spoil it a bit.
There are some who would fit in well in some southern states in US of A.
Shouldn't go down that road.
Changed a light hearted post into a political time bomb!
Where's me 'andbag?
Underneath the tarpaulin on the back of a HILUX jute!
Couple of weeks back I came back to my car in a Supermarket car-park. Parked next to me was a flat back with a dead boar tied on it. Blood all over and in full view of kiddies passing it.
Now some might call me a pommy wuss but that kind of sums up the attitude of many of the rural folk and red-necks around here and no doubt other areas of NZ. (Note I did not say all rural folk are red-necks!)
Don't think they go out of their way to be obnoxious. They just tend not to think/care about the consequences of their actions. They do/live/act as they want. Mobile phone use while driving is a prime example that for them 'Laws' are obeyed if they suit or ............
best shut up now.
Vast majority are great, just the 'pigheaded' ones can spoil it a bit.
There are some who would fit in well in some southern states in US of A.
Shouldn't go down that road.
Changed a light hearted post into a political time bomb!
Where's me 'andbag?
rednecksville! Barry Crump was designed as a caricature of that was he not? Or have I got that wrong and he really was like that??!
Oh dear.....Up in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands it's somewhat similar - chuck a load of dead deer you've just shot with the businessman who's just paid £10,000 for the privilege of crawling through mud to feel manly again and drive round several villages with dead deer chucked on the back of the jeep on display for all to see.
Drink driving a massive problem in both rural UK, NZ and pretty much all over America....
End of my negativity - here's some of my fave scenes from some more modern Kiwi comedy....love it!
Jul 24th 2010, 4:36 am
#7
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Location: Nelson Bays/Abel Tasman NZ- my Utopia
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Re: God and alcohol.
Did you ever see the Top Gear episode where they went to Alabama? Now that was scary rednecksville!
Barry Crump was designed as a caricature of that was he not? Or have I got that wrong and he really was like that??! Oh dear.....
Up in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands it's somewhat similar - chuck a load of dead deer you've just shot with the businessman who's just paid £10,000 for the privilege of crawling through mud to feel manly again and drive round several villages with dead deer chucked on the back of the jeep on display for all to see.
Drink driving a massive problem in both rural UK, NZ and pretty much all over America....
End of my negativity - here's some of my fave scenes from some more modern Kiwi comedy....love it!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qTwAoFR4DuM
rednecksville! Barry Crump was designed as a caricature of that was he not? Or have I got that wrong and he really was like that??!
Oh dear.....Up in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands it's somewhat similar - chuck a load of dead deer you've just shot with the businessman who's just paid £10,000 for the privilege of crawling through mud to feel manly again and drive round several villages with dead deer chucked on the back of the jeep on display for all to see.
Drink driving a massive problem in both rural UK, NZ and pretty much all over America....
End of my negativity - here's some of my fave scenes from some more modern Kiwi comedy....love it!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qTwAoFR4DuM
Loved it!
Just spent last 20 minutes watching other F of the Cs on You Tube!
And some folk say Kiwi's have had a humour bypass!!
Shame on them!
Why aren't they on NZ TV instead of some of the rubbish that is on?
Anyways thanks for that.
Jennie
PS.
I think Barry Crump really was like that! Maybe exaggerated things a little, as he became more famous but he worked for NZ govt. as a Deer culler for many years. His first book-semi-autobiographical 'A Good Keen Man' was based on his experiences working in the bush. He wrote over 30 books.
There was talk of a film being made last year based on his book 'Wild Pork and Watercress'.
Taika Waititi is directing it and writing the film script. The working title is 'Land of Tears'.
That's going to be a definite for me to see when it comes out.
His son Martin did an interview, which tells something of the 'real Barry Crump":-
http://christchurchcitylibraries.com...C/CrumpMartin/
OH might find it interesting.
Jul 26th 2010, 12:55 pm
#8
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Joined: May 2010
Location: Mission Bay, Auckland yay!
Posts: 493
Re: God and alcohol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCkjBKjCikU
Hubby is now trying to find the other ones but can't! But very, very funny. We showed some of these to our friends on Saturday night and they were in stiches!
Ah yes I got confused with Barry Crump, hubby gave me a look when I asked if he was real or not like I had taken leave of my senses He was and still is a real Kiwi institution - Barry that is.....
Hubby is now trying to find the other ones but can't! But very, very funny. We showed some of these to our friends on Saturday night and they were in stiches!
Ah yes I got confused with Barry Crump, hubby gave me a look when I asked if he was real or not like I had taken leave of my senses
He was and still is a real Kiwi institution - Barry that is.....
Last edited by londonescapee; Jul 26th 2010 at 12:58 pm.
Jul 30th 2010, 10:15 am
#9
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,241
Re: God and alcohol.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
Jul 30th 2010, 10:54 am
#10
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Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Nelson Bays/Abel Tasman NZ- my Utopia
Posts: 632
Re: God and alcohol.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
OMG!!!
Pass the bottle!!
