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Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Old Oct 19th 2009, 1:43 am
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Unhappy Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Hello everyone,
We arrived just four weeks ago and have settled in Flatbush, Manukau City. My husband David already had a job offer at Middlemoore Hospital and Flatbush is easily commutable.
We literally had 2 weeks to sort out accommodation and transport etc...and I feel we've made some bad choices already regarding our location. I dream't of a little villa in the country and we've found ourselves on a massive housing estate with little or no community spirit to be found.
We are really concerned with how expensive just about everything is and are worrying about our financial situation here. Back at home in the UK, I felt that I'd put a lot of research into emigrating through media and the internet and I really feel like we've been led astray. I purchased many books, one of which is entitled " Where to live in Auckland'. According to My husbands wages we fall into a population profile of 'Elite Professionals' and 'Comfortable and Secure" however I feel it couldn't be further than the truth!!!
It really isn't my intention to come over as a whinging pom, I'm just really worried and concerned that things here aren't quite as we'd expected or hoped.
We have managed to do some sightseeing and NZ is without any doubt a beautiful country and the people very helpful and friendly.
It would be great if there are any other newcomers in the surrounding area, to meet up for a chat to share concerns and advise and a little support.
I look forward to hearing from you as I could really do with a friend right now. Paula.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 2:05 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Hi Paula,

Sorry to hear that things aren't all you hoped they would be. I'm sure there will be someone along soon who will be able to offer some 'on the ground' advice for Manukau, but I wanted to assure you that you are not going to be alone in feeling like this.

The move itself is massive, and I had numerous 'what the **** have we done' moments in my first year here.

What things have bothered you the most? Is it that your rental (I'm guessing you ar renting, being only 4 weeks in) is not what you wanted, or in the area you wanted?

Being a bloke, my practical head is wanting the details so I can 'help' in some way, but feel free to just have a good old vent on here. What's worrying you the most?

There are plenty of folks here who have been there and have gone through it/ are still going through it. Things will improve as you get used to 'the kiwi way' but it is natural that this will take a fair bit of time.

What's everyone else got to offer to The Harrisons?
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 2:20 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by The harrisons View Post
Hello everyone,
We arrived just four weeks ago and have settled in Flatbush, Manukau City. My husband David already had a job offer at Middlemoore Hospital and Flatbush is easily commutable.
We literally had 2 weeks to sort out accommodation and transport etc...and I feel we've made some bad choices already regarding our location. I dream't of a little villa in the country and we've found ourselves on a massive housing estate with little or no community spirit to be found.
We are really concerned with how expensive just about everything is and are worrying about our financial situation here. Back at home in the UK, I felt that I'd put a lot of research into emigrating through media and the internet and I really feel like we've been led astray. I purchased many books, one of which is entitled " Where to live in Auckland'. According to My husbands wages we fall into a population profile of 'Elite Professionals' and 'Comfortable and Secure" however I feel it couldn't be further than the truth!!!
It really isn't my intention to come over as a whinging pom, I'm just really worried and concerned that things here aren't quite as we'd expected or hoped.
We have managed to do some sightseeing and NZ is without any doubt a beautiful country and the people very helpful and friendly.
It would be great if there are any other newcomers in the surrounding area, to meet up for a chat to share concerns and advise and a little support.
I look forward to hearing from you as I could really do with a friend right now. Paula.
Maybe Auckland is not for you. I wanted to go there but Kate (who is a nurse) put her foot down and said 'I don't want to live in another huge suburban sprawl'. It works for some but not all. You could always move areas if it does not pan out..one imagines your husband's work is easily transferable being hospital based. Just be sure if you do move jobs your status with immigration. We live in a smallish provincial town in a lovely area..however there ain't much community spirit happening where I live either!!!!! We have friendly neighbours (ish) but most keep themselves to themselves. I am the only one who ever litter picks the locale. Still I did not come to NZ for the community spirit.

You say you feel lead astray..by who do you think? And alas salary does not go far in somewhere like Auckland so I am lead to believe. I reckon elite salaries would be way past the 100k mark..what do others think??
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 2:54 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Firstly, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way- you're not alone in experiencing this

Secondly, as to whether Auckland's right or wrong for you- my honest advice would be that after all the upheaval and change you will have gone through in the past year or two to get here it's far too soon to make any rash decisions. Most of us start of renting somewhere that's at best a compromise until we can suss out what our wages feel like and which areas suit us. Go back to a cash budget for a while to help you get a 'feel' for how much money you now have to live on. Also remember that this doesn't have to be forever- so one day/week at a time

I've been back in NZ just a couple of months now and have still not made the gruelling 'down size' from our Oz wage and am *trying* to live on a strict cash budget, but it's not easy. I concur with Genesis- I'd need over $100K to survive in Auckland.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 4:34 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by The harrisons View Post
Hello everyone,
We arrived just four weeks ago and have settled in Flatbush, Manukau City. My husband David already had a job offer at Middlemoore Hospital and Flatbush is easily commutable.
We literally had 2 weeks to sort out accommodation and transport etc...and I feel we've made some bad choices already regarding our location. I dream't of a little villa in the country and we've found ourselves on a massive housing estate with little or no community spirit to be found.
We are really concerned with how expensive just about everything is and are worrying about our financial situation here. Back at home in the UK, I felt that I'd put a lot of research into emigrating through media and the internet and I really feel like we've been led astray. I purchased many books, one of which is entitled " Where to live in Auckland'. According to My husbands wages we fall into a population profile of 'Elite Professionals' and 'Comfortable and Secure" however I feel it couldn't be further than the truth!!!
It really isn't my intention to come over as a whinging pom, I'm just really worried and concerned that things here aren't quite as we'd expected or hoped.
We have managed to do some sightseeing and NZ is without any doubt a beautiful country and the people very helpful and friendly.
It would be great if there are any other newcomers in the surrounding area, to meet up for a chat to share concerns and advise and a little support.
I look forward to hearing from you as I could really do with a friend right now. Paula.
Welcome, Im sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it, I wish that there was something that I could do that would make it all alright, but unfortunately there isnt. We live in Papatoetoe which is also in Manukau City and not very far from Middlemore Hospital, although we have been here nearly 4 years we havent met any expats (well apart from a flying visit to Nelson to see Bev and her husband) We are going to a meet-up in town on Friday evening, if you could get a babysitter maybe you and your could come too, Im sure that there will be people there who could give you some support during this rough time.
Would you like to meet up sometime with me and mine? during the week is a bit of a push but Im sure we could meet up somewhere for a drink one sunny weekend afternoon.
If there is anything that you need to know right now feel free to ask, there are so many good people here that will be jumping to help.
If you would like to meet up for a chat and a beer send me a PM and we will sort something out.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 4:55 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by The harrisons View Post
Hello everyone,
We arrived just four weeks ago and have settled in Flatbush, Manukau City. My husband David already had a job offer at Middlemoore Hospital and Flatbush is easily commutable.
We literally had 2 weeks to sort out accommodation and transport etc...and I feel we've made some bad choices already regarding our location. I dream't of a little villa in the country and we've found ourselves on a massive housing estate with little or no community spirit to be found.
We are really concerned with how expensive just about everything is and are worrying about our financial situation here. Back at home in the UK, I felt that I'd put a lot of research into emigrating through media and the internet and I really feel like we've been led astray. I purchased many books, one of which is entitled " Where to live in Auckland'. According to My husbands wages we fall into a population profile of 'Elite Professionals' and 'Comfortable and Secure" however I feel it couldn't be further than the truth!!!
It really isn't my intention to come over as a whinging pom, I'm just really worried and concerned that things here aren't quite as we'd expected or hoped.
We have managed to do some sightseeing and NZ is without any doubt a beautiful country and the people very helpful and friendly.
It would be great if there are any other newcomers in the surrounding area, to meet up for a chat to share concerns and advise and a little support.
I look forward to hearing from you as I could really do with a friend right now. Paula.
Hello Paula,
Welcome to NZ...firstly I am sorry that you are feeling this way but I think it is natural to start having doubts......but you have to think it through and maybe think of moving.....go and see other area's out of the city and travel in. I certainly wouldn't like to live in the suburbs. We live over in Gulf Harbour where there is a good community of Brits and the schools are good also. The drive to the city takes around 3/4 hr and we have a ferry service also.
We have been here just over a year and have moved twice, although in the same area......it is a pain but would be worth it for peace of mind.
Keep positive and dont despair.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 7:00 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by The harrisons View Post
Hello everyone,
We arrived just four weeks ago and have settled in Flatbush, Manukau City. My husband David already had a job offer at Middlemoore Hospital and Flatbush is easily commutable.
We literally had 2 weeks to sort out accommodation and transport etc...and I feel we've made some bad choices already regarding our location. I dream't of a little villa in the country and we've found ourselves on a massive housing estate with little or no community spirit to be found.
We are really concerned with how expensive just about everything is and are worrying about our financial situation here. Back at home in the UK, I felt that I'd put a lot of research into emigrating through media and the internet and I really feel like we've been led astray. I purchased many books, one of which is entitled " Where to live in Auckland'. According to My husbands wages we fall into a population profile of 'Elite Professionals' and 'Comfortable and Secure" however I feel it couldn't be further than the truth!!!
It really isn't my intention to come over as a whinging pom, I'm just really worried and concerned that things here aren't quite as we'd expected or hoped.
We have managed to do some sightseeing and NZ is without any doubt a beautiful country and the people very helpful and friendly.
It would be great if there are any other newcomers in the surrounding area, to meet up for a chat to share concerns and advise and a little support.
I look forward to hearing from you as I could really do with a friend right now. Paula.
Sorry to hear your feeling like that, its horrible and I have been though it, just give it a bit more time, its early days yet.

but Ive been in Wanganui 2 years and have a few friends and one good freind who is english but even so not met anyone I can actually be great friends with, I do miss going round friends popping in for coffee and such and I do miss the busy Uk ...more lately as people tend to be a bit backward in things and im talking about english people too also. I do so miss the vibrance but thats me....

but I see it as a place to live for now, who knows where we will be in the future, summer is just around the corner that will make you feel lots better it always does me..

and a big hugs from Wanganui to you xxxx

ps I thank god for the net at least you can talk to people who have been through similar to you, thats why I stay on BE, but sometimes it pisses me off...LOL

Last edited by love30stm; Oct 19th 2009 at 7:03 am.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 8:55 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

I'm not in your area so can't help with meeting up etc. but I can understand exactly how you feel. I've also been here 4 weeks, my husband is still in the UK as he has to work until Christmas there, but I had to come over with the kids before my visa ran out. We did come over for a reccie last year and sorted out where we wanted to live which has made it easier, but I'm finding it very quiet, but I keep telling myself I didn't like the overcrowding of the UK. I think our minds are in a bit of turmoil really.

I am also finding everything more expensive than I imagined, but I'm not sure if it's just the perception as prices in $ do seem more and as the exchange rate is so poor, halving prices into £ makes it seem bad.

I've met up with a couple of great families via this website and we have some family over here which helps. Everyone is very friendly, but it's hard not being able to 'chat' so easily with friends especially with the time difference. I'm used to being able to pick up the phone during the day or meeting up with friends for lunch and chatting with other mums in the playground etc. which I'm sure is what you're missing too.

Over time I'm sure things will get easier (especially for me when my husband finally gets here!!!!). I also keep thinking it must be hard for people who move long distances even in the UK to adapt, so I think we need to take things slowly and gradually it will get easier.

The relatives we stayed with for our first couple of weeks were living on a very tight budget (and in a freezing nz shed, but that's another topic!). They bought large packs of meat, (plus packs of pasta & rice) from either Pak n Save or Woolworths and froze it all, defrosting bits when they needed it which seemed to be an economical way of eating. They also bought their fruit & veg from a local stall, not the supermarket which they found cheaper.

As others have said it may be worth investigating other areas if you're not happy in Auckland. We have relatives in Auckland too and I personally find it a surburban sprawl and prefer Wellington, but it may just be initial culture shock that is causing your distress.

I hope you (and I) settle in soon and I wish you all the best. Hopefully we can confer notes in 6 months time and wonder why we ever doubted the move. Just thinking of my kids this afternoon after school taking their body boards into the sea in their wetsuits having a ball or even the fact they can now play outside in the street makes it seem worthwhile as they certainly never did that in the UK.

Best of luck, and l hope you settle in soon.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 10:37 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Dont worry pet we've all been where you are now.
The guide books do paint a rosier picture than the realities of NZ life.
You will settle in and start to understand how to adjust to the kiwi way.
Its not the UK and things are different here, your not even unpacked yet so
if you dont like where you are upsticks and find a placve you do.
That place could be just 5 minutes from where you are now, it doesnt have
to be another city or town. Use your current place as base camp and start
your seach your place in the sun. you will find it.
The best advice we were given was if someone asks if you fancy, or would you like to (anything at all) say yes.

this is to cheer you up. it always makes me smile. chin up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2UP86bciVA
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 10:41 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Hi Paula & family
Awww (((big hugs))) ...so sorry you're finding it tough going, we're still in Uk at the moment so can't do anything practical to help but welcome to this forum its a good place to find friends and support.

hope you feel better about things soon, keep smiling lol

B x
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 11:08 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Welcome Paula and family....it can feel crappy to start with but know that this will pass and it is survivable...Many of us felt deflated after we arrived but whatever situation you are in now is not permanent...you can move, get another job....and you will make friends...takes time is all

Just sit with the feeling, and get out there and explore to find some places that you like. If your partner works shifts then it makes the commute even easier

All the best
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 11:12 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
You say you feel lead astray..by who do you think? And alas salary does not go far in somewhere like Auckland so I am lead to believe. I reckon elite salaries would be way past the 100k mark..what do others think??
By the happy clappy brigade on here probably . Sorry you've had a bumpy landing so far...might be a good idea to work out a detailed budget now...it could reassure somewhat or at least identify where to cut back.
I am getting the clear message that the finances are worrying you the most maybe...if you are in a rental you can always move elsewhere quite easily once you have got a feel for the area...let's face it Auckland is bigger than most...the rest of NZ is much less densely populated. Moving elsewhere only has major downsides if it means you have to keep changing the kids' school..you didn't mention any though....probably another plus financially.

Are you working or at home during the day....in some ways it is easier to make friends if you are not working because you have more time but in other ways it is harder as you are not meeting people as part of your daily work.

Good luck it's early days though. Too far away to be of any practical help.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 12:14 pm
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by terrier2 View Post
Welcome, Im sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it, I wish that there was something that I could do that would make it all alright, but unfortunately there isnt. We live in Papatoetoe which is also in Manukau City and not very far from Middlemore Hospital, although we have been here nearly 4 years we havent met any expats (well apart from a flying visit to Nelson to see Bev and her husband) We are going to a meet-up in town on Friday evening, if you could get a babysitter maybe you and your could come too, Im sure that there will be people there who could give you some support during this rough time.
Would you like to meet up sometime with me and mine? during the week is a bit of a push but Im sure we could meet up somewhere for a drink one sunny weekend afternoon.
If there is anything that you need to know right now feel free to ask, there are so many good people here that will be jumping to help.
If you would like to meet up for a chat and a beer send me a PM and we will sort something out.
Hi, Thanks for your reply. You mentioned a meeting in town, is that the Auckland get-together at 5pm? If it is we were thinking of attending ourselves.
How are you finding Papatoetoe? Have you any children? Ours are quiet grown up now. Our youngest is 12 years but she behaves more like 16!!
It would be nice to meet up for a drink if we don't meet already at Bluestones. Paula.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 12:41 pm
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Originally Posted by Wiz'n'Ton View Post
Hi Paula,

Sorry to hear that things aren't all you hoped they would be. I'm sure there will be someone along soon who will be able to offer some 'on the ground' advice for Manukau, but I wanted to assure you that you are not going to be alone in feeling like this.

The move itself is massive, and I had numerous 'what the **** have we done' moments in my first year here.

What things have bothered you the most? Is it that your rental (I'm guessing you ar renting, being only 4 weeks in) is not what you wanted, or in the area you wanted?

Being a bloke, my practical head is wanting the details so I can 'help' in some way, but feel free to just have a good old vent on here. What's worrying you the most?

There are plenty of folks here who have been there and have gone through it/ are still going through it. Things will improve as you get used to 'the kiwi way' but it is natural that this will take a fair bit of time.

What's everyone else got to offer to The Harrisons?
Thanks so much for your reply and reassurance. We are currently renting a property but because of time-pressure, I feel like we settled for a place and location that we wouldn't have if we'd have had more time to invest in. Our rental contract is unfortunately for a year, I wish we'd signed for less but again I felt bulldozed into signing by the agent. My husband's job is also on a 1 year contract, so I fell trapped to stay for that length of time. The property itself is very modern and nice with a number of luxuries that we didn't have in the UK but the estate is enormous and everybody seems to keep to themselves.
I realise that it's early days and it's comforting to know others have experienced similar thoughts and concerns. I hope that in time I'll start to feel more positive, Thanks again for your kind words. Paula.
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Old Oct 19th 2009, 4:13 pm
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Default Re: Feeling a little disillusioned and lonely!

Perhaps the lesson here is that you don't believe everything you read, especially those guide books and best places to live books. Steer well clear of those.

However, there are many posts on here telling folks about the pleasant places to live around Auckland. Did you read any of those? And, it is a recurring topic on here about how expensive things are. Visiting a place and reading up on it is okay, but doesn't tell you what the reality of daily living is like. In fact, sometimes it only distorts the truth! Perhaps, the first thing to do is drive around the city, find a place you would like to live and move there. But, no-one can do that for you and no advice can make you like something simply because others do. You have to decide for yourself what you like and what you do.

Hope this helps.
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