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Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Old Jul 18th 2014, 9:34 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Hi Dannigirl,

I am already looking at retraining in the sporting field, but that will take time. I need to find something else meanwhile. My Dad has mentioned to me about not making rash decisions, but honestly I am so unhappy that I am thinking any other job would almost be better than this.

I have read about the swings that you go through with the emigration thing, and I don't think going home helped with that. I am aware of what the reasons are that I came here for in the first place, but I just need a break from all the cr@p and a job that doesn't take over my life.

I am usually a positive person, but i aint feeling that positive at the moment.

I did go get some vitamin D tabs yesterday though. See if they help.
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Old Jul 20th 2014, 7:32 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Moso, I contacted those two centres, and the kip McGrath one wants to talk to me, thinks they can give me part time work which is a start. Thanks. I hadn't heard of those.

If anyone else knows anything I could try please let me know.

Thanks guys for all the help so far.
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Old Jul 22nd 2014, 9:15 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Hi there MandM (can't find underscore on ipad- sorry), I know it's not terribly helpful but I just wanted to remind you that you have been through two significantly stressful periods and so the way you are feeling (more sensitive to stress and rather low) is totally understandable. Make sure you are getting enough sunshine, enough sleep, and decent nutrition so you don't get dragged down further by those factors. Also, take an objective look at your day to day life and see if there is anything you can tweak or add in to make it all a bit more relaxing or at least the stress punctuated by relaxation. Sometimes people forget that if they are experiencing significant stress then they need to take special care of themselves - it's the sort of thing we can be good at spotting and sorting for people we love, not so much ourselves. For example, are you getting out to do something you enjoy each week? Is there a hobby you could take up? Sorry if this is totally unhelpful! hope things improve for you soon
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Old Jul 22nd 2014, 10:10 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit
Hi there MandM (can't find underscore on ipad- sorry), I know it's not terribly helpful but I just wanted to remind you that you have been through two significantly stressful periods and so the way you are feeling (more sensitive to stress and rather low) is totally understandable. Make sure you are getting enough sunshine, enough sleep, and decent nutrition so you don't get dragged down further by those factors. Also, take an objective look at your day to day life and see if there is anything you can tweak or add in to make it all a bit more relaxing or at least the stress punctuated by relaxation. Sometimes people forget that if they are experiencing significant stress then they need to take special care of themselves - it's the sort of thing we can be good at spotting and sorting for people we love, not so much ourselves. For example, are you getting out to do something you enjoy each week? Is there a hobby you could take up? Sorry if this is totally unhelpful! hope things improve for you soon
Great post. I can't KNOW how you feel but I've had some periods where I have felt truly awful and it's just so important to look after yourself, it's no different to if you had flu or something. The biggest thing I found is just to remember that it takes time, a lot of it, to pull through but the down periods will end so you have to look after yourself and spoil yourself a little.

Hope you feel better soon.
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Old Jul 23rd 2014, 12:30 am
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Hi M_and_M

If you want to let off steam and talk to someone about the ups and downs, feel free to get in touch with me. It does help sometimes, as it did with me after being blown up on the Underground.

I see you are a teacher and that occupation is getting a battering at the moment in England by the barstewards in charge. I can't comment on how good it is here I'm afraid. My cousin has resigned from her teaching position at a top Sheffield school because she's had enough of it all. If you do decide to return, which could be the right decision - be prepared to go with a mind that you may have to seek an alternative career. If you want to have an exploration of what teaching life is like back in England, I can get her to mail me about it. It won't be pretty and it won't be biased.

Have you had a holiday recently? I found after 7/7 and the many treatments, I took a trip to Walt Disney World to have some fun again. It was great acting like a big kid again but that really helped matters. I'm not saying go to Disney but perhaps visit somewhere where you can just take your mind off everything?

I hope things get better for you
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Old Jul 23rd 2014, 12:36 am
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

MandM have you thought of training to be a SPELD teacher. One of our kids goes to one and they specialize in learning difficulties. She seems to really enjoy it and seeing close up the benefits her teaching brings. Just an idea....
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Old Jul 23rd 2014, 11:43 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Originally Posted by M_and_M
I have been in NZ 15 months, I have had a hellish time, to be honest, having lost my mother just after I arrived and had to face the fact that my dad wants to to get remarried, in the same 12 month period.

My current issue is the job front. I am finding the teaching profession here in NZ just too stressful and all consuming. I have tried two different jobs and this hasn't really resolved it for me.

I am currently trying to decide what to do next.

Relocate to somewhere else in NZ
Change career
Go back to the UK.

A relocation is huge and I am not sure I have the strength (or cash). Changing career is tricky - trying to prove to employers that skills are transferable, and I love NZ it would be a shame to go.

Any advice would be welcomed.

Hi, i really feel for you. I have just put this comment below on another thread re settling. We are wanting to relocate to NZ and didn't want to upset others by being negative about NZ. But in the other thread someone said people should be honest and post negative stuff as others can learn from it too. So I did!! I will say going home for a trip was the trigger followed by the bullying. All my friends told me that going home was the best thing you could do....as when they touched down in Auckland they felt like they were home....I touched down waiting for that feeling, we did the long 6 hr drive back to Hawkes Bay and it never happened! lol.

I would say, don't do anything rash....I did another 5 years, so now I know in my heart this is not where i want to be but before that I kept worrying I had not given it a go. I am glad I lived here for my kids younger years but know to keep my sanity...for me...I need to move on.

Heres my other post:

Hi I was interested in this, yesterday I posted about relocating to Aus from NZ - originally from UK. I didn't want to upset anyway, I know when we left the UK moving upset friends, they would ask what is wrong with here?

In 8 yrs i have not settled, I wasn't really homesick but after 3 yrs went home over christmas for 5 wks...it was amazing, had snow in London and loved every minute of it. My husband said it was because I was on holiday. When I came back I just could not settle. We moved and rented a house which would be sub standard living in UK but lots of Kiwis would find it fine...it was an old villa on a life style block. But what did it for me was when my 10 yr old was severely bullied culminating in broken teeth. I felt alone, the school sided with bully and did everything in their power, while admitting it to side with them. It spiralled me into depression, at that point we had lots of kiwi friends but I got very negative about all thinks Kiwi. I got paranoid...although I know this is sometimes real...that when people heard my accent they judged me. Some teachers were quite open about not wanting immigrants here as we just push up house prices. I ended up just socialising with a handful of UK ex pats. I work from home and teach adults part time so have no social life at work. Sounds like a sob story....but I love people and started to miss my social life at home. Loved going out, whereas people tend to socialise in their home here. I got obsessed with London but problem was....I know this is not the place I wanted to bring up my kids. Suddenly I realised I my kids had no roots, no family. My son made me cry one day when he showed me a story - he was 6, he had invented cousins as he said everyone here had cousins!!!

Point I am making is one thing - the bullying, changed everything and spiralled out of control affecting how I viewed NZ and coped living here. I still try to stay integrated but struggle. I am wanting to move to Australia, as I don't want to be left here when they all fly the nest.

No neg comments please, I would more than anything would have like to have made living here a success, Hawkes Bay is the most beautiful place ever and the best place to bring up my kids, they have had far more opportunities than they would have done back home and maybe in Aus because of population.

Last edited by alievery; Jul 24th 2014 at 1:31 am.
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Old Jul 24th 2014, 2:01 am
  #23  
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

I'm sorry about your son being bullied and your depression.

I'm not New Zealand's biggest fan, but, some days, it reaches the dizzy heights of, 'ok really'.

It took a whole year of me being unemployed (lifetime first, thank you New Zealand) for me to get depressed. (Another lifetime first, thank you again, New Zealand.) That was a year of applying for jobs and getting turned down either with or without interview. I couldn't apply for unemployment benefit either as even though I was taxed as an individual, from when I paid income tax from one of my temporary jobs, joint income/household income is taken into account when applying for unemployment benefit. Thanks New Zealand . You see, I've got so much to be thankful for, living in NZ. (Yes, I was being sarcastic)

Kept woman ? No, trying to get by on one income more like.

Last year I did voluntary work whilst looking for paid employment so I could at least feel useful and it was something to put on my cv.

The job I'm doing now is due to end in October. Then I'm back on the looking for work treadmill. Which, I'm really rather bored of. Is it time to go home yet ?

My husband wouldn't move to live and work in Australia. I'm not that bothered. If we were to move internationally, I'd only go through that much upheaval for a return to the UK.

Last edited by Snap Shot; Jul 24th 2014 at 2:04 am. Reason: sarcastic
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Old Jul 25th 2014, 11:18 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Originally Posted by dannigirl
Hi M_and_M,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I agree it is not a nice place to be or feel. Great suggestions so far and it seems that maybe it is the teaching aspect that is getting you down the most - even before you emigrated?

I think we sometimes don't appreciate fully the reasons why we choose to emigrate until we are far, far into the process....then you are smack bang in the middle of the adjustments.

I too read your blog and wondered if you could look at retraining in the sports field. Seems like you would have some skills to offer there. I know that Southland Polytech offers free training in lots of areas to attract students to study there. Is there anything you could retrain in (for free) and work on the side to keep the coffers topped up. Or even take a year out and just work a less stressful job to recharge yourself. Could you possibly job share or work part time? Have you ever thought of owning your own business?

You have been through so much, you are still grieving for your mum, I still am 23 years later! Don't make any rash decisions in an emotional state (I did and got it completely wrong!).

If you enjoy living in NZ it may be worth holding out for it all to fit together, if you are a believer in it all working out for a reason, hold on and you'll get there. Reading on here over the years, lots of people end up in totally different jobs to what they did in the UK.

Lastly, I think the reality of living in the deep South is the real lack of jobs. Not as in unemployment is high, just that the economy is smaller and there will only ever be so many opportunities. Which is why the big OE is so important to us kiwis. I found it can be a bit of a struggle if you work in a specialised field, and people tend to spend years in the same job! One of the drawbacks of a small population I'm afraid, moving to a bigger city might give you better opportunities for jobs but also brings with it associated living and housing costs which usually reflect a more buoyant market.

Good luck with it all!
I'm working on the retraining, a part time apart course. It will take a wee while. I am considering starting up my business again when I finish the courses. If I can get myself well enough known. That's the challenge.
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Old Jul 25th 2014, 11:21 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit
Hi there MandM (can't find underscore on ipad- sorry), I know it's not terribly helpful but I just wanted to remind you that you have been through two significantly stressful periods and so the way you are feeling (more sensitive to stress and rather low) is totally understandable. Make sure you are getting enough sunshine, enough sleep, and decent nutrition so you don't get dragged down further by those factors. Also, take an objective look at your day to day life and see if there is anything you can tweak or add in to make it all a bit more relaxing or at least the stress punctuated by relaxation. Sometimes people forget that if they are experiencing significant stress then they need to take special care of themselves - it's the sort of thing we can be good at spotting and sorting for people we love, not so much ourselves. For example, are you getting out to do something you enjoy each week? Is there a hobby you could take up? Sorry if this is totally unhelpful! hope things improve for you soon
Thanks, yes, I have started taking vit D. I have plenty of hobbies but I can't do them because my working hours are so long. That's the problem. Now on a 'get the nutrition back on track' drive.

Thanks
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Old Jul 25th 2014, 11:22 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Originally Posted by jjg
MandM have you thought of training to be a SPELD teacher. One of our kids goes to one and they specialize in learning difficulties. She seems to really enjoy it and seeing close up the benefits her teaching brings. Just an idea....
Not heard of this, I will take a look
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Old Jul 25th 2014, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: Feeling blue... Suggestions please

Thanks for your lovely comments guys. It really is a roller coaster emigration train isn't it? I think I underestimated how long it would all take. Oven year really isn't anything at all and I need to expect it to take way longer.

I am sure the return home was the trigger, it made me realise how much history I have with friends there, and how much time it will take with friends here.

I can't fault southland as they have all been absolutely fabulous, welcoming and supportive.

I love the lifestyle, and at least I have a job I guess. I just hope it won't take another move in order to find one that has the correct work life balance.
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