Robbo25

Yep, know that feeling, yet I also know that I really wouldn't like many of the day to day things that the UK has that are not terribly pleasant. If only life was easy

LukeandJo

Like what exactly???

Tirytory

Board hopping from Canada and with an almost permanent should we/shouldn't we conversation going on with my husband. No decision feels right for us... We win in some ways, lose in others. Trouble is we can't decide which is more important.

I think it's the curse of the expat...

Edited to add...Bourbon great post, very eloquent and epitomised everything I feel and worry about..

Assanah

Or put all your energy into building a good live in the UK. I still don't get why people stress so much the efforts it takes to overcoming homesickness and settling in another country; while not stressing the same for building a good life in their respective home country. Learning to live with the negative parts of a country or life as such takes an effort no matter where you are.
They question really is why invest time and effort into trying to build a good life in another country while you could be investing the same time and effort into building a good life back home, close to your family (if family counts for anything)?

Good luck with your decision. I hope you will find what is right for you

bourbon-biscuit

Quite. I think, if you bother to read my post, you will find I said just that; however, there are sound reasons for giving where you have emigrated to a really good innings before leaving because it minimises the risk of the dreadful "if only ..." middle of the night musings. Of course, what a good innings actually is will vary from person to person.

LukeandJo

We fully agree, it is the curse of the expat. That feeling of every option is available because you had taken a big risk and moved to a different country. What starts creeping into conversation is, "oh lets not move right back to the UK, but we could say go to the UAE" (we have had that convo!)

It just clouds your actually judgement and weighing it all up to make a decision.

CarolTyne

This is going to sound ridiculous. But I have spent 19 years in New Zealand - terribly unhappy.
I wanted to go back to the UK the moment my daughter was born here. She is 16 now.
Ultimately ....it lead to the break up of my 28 year marriage. I spent 6 months in the UK just before that happened (with my daughter). We had to come back....her father was here and her brohers whom she missed terribly. I think I cried the whole way knowing what was to come.

So I have spent the last 4 years - alone and miserable. The ONLY reasons I am still here are my 3 children. My daughter has a couple more years to go at school and so I am planning my return now.

The thing is - I am terribly scared. I am on my own and returning to my home. But without a job (and few prospects at 53 - I am a teacher) .

I've been reading online about how difficult it is there to find work once you are over 50. My god - there are even websites dedicated to us "older people" (!!!!!!) to assist us to do this - with links to Daxon on them!
MY parents are almost 80. I could make such a difference if I was there.

It's a sad tale..... but I have no choice really - I have to go.
New Zealand certainly is not for everyone! Be assured of that!

Carol

bourbon-biscuit

Oh, Carol, that is so sad; I'm so sorry

I think I remember you from another forum. Welcome to BE - it's a friendly forum and I hope you enjoy it here. Have you found the 'Moving Back to the UK' part yet?

Moving back to the UK - British Expats

Do check it out - it's very active and there are people on there who have faced the same challenges you have.

CarolTyne

once met never forgotton eh lol

I tried so hard -- that is probably why you know me - I was on ENZ trying hard to help people make the jump and make the change. But I guess it is like falling in love -- you simply can't help who you fall for. Or don't.
And pretending you are fine....really makes it worse long term.

I'll have a look at that thread thanks x x x

Batty

I don't often come on here anymore but I do like to check in every now and then (mainly to see if people are still coming here :-)). Anyway, I've always thought that a person should do what makes them happy and money shouldn't be the driving force (I know that's not a popular concept).

I was one of the happy clappers way back (10 years ago next month) and although there's a million things that pee me off on a daily basis (all variations of things that have always annoyed me no matter where I lived) I'm happy here.

That didn't stop me deciding I wanted to go back to Ireland when my grand-daughter was born last year.

We began making plans, looking at houses, told the family (who were ecstatic) and in the meantime I couldn't understand why I was so anxious all the time. We're both in our 50s and we could have been mortgage free IF we lived in an area a fair distance from the family. I was quite happy with that - after all, I'd be in the same country, but they started complaining that everywhere we were looking at was too far away.

We wanted to run a B&B for fishermen but that didn't seem like a good idea to them either. My other idea was to be a freelance PA but there were BUTs in that too. I began to remember why I liked living 12,000 miles away.

Finally, one Friday afternoon I had organised a ferry trip for my team at work and sitting in the middle of the very calm ocean on a small ferry I had an epiphany! This was the life I loved.

Basically, I've changed too much to go back now. I won't go so far as saying I'm a Kiwi but I'm not very European anymore either.

The hardest part of it all was telling my son, sisters and mother that I wasn't going back. I'm going for Christmas this year though so that helped - a bit.

Not knowing where you belong, or at least not being sure of where you belong, is definitely the curse of the immigrant. I think you know in your heart where you don't want to be and that's probably the most important thing.

I'd advise trying to focus on one thing at a time as opposed to a big picture scenario. Take the big lump of unhappiness and cut it down to its core (does that make sense?). Try to look forward (I believe if you don't have hope, you don't have anything) - look into jobs and housing (the size of the rooms freaked me out at times when we were looking - they were so small and lacking in natural light). Look at areas you think you might like to live and find a forum like this over there. I did that too - that was interesting!

I hope OP that you (and Carol and anyone else who is unhappy) find your place.

Bourbon - my heart hurts for you but I have no doubt you will prevail - you've always been so positive.

BEVS

Hi there and welcome to the wonderful world of BE.

As Bourbon says, we have a whole forum dedicated to those that have or are thinking of main the move back to the UK.
You will find it here <----- click the link. Have a good browse and read. You'll maybe be surprised just how many folk from all around the world, share your thoughts and worries.

We've been in New Zealand for 11 years now and I am still not 'settled' , whatever that really means. I'm not unhappy or miserable although I do get the wretched homesick feeling at times. Mostly I'm happy enough poodling around our day to day NZ lives. However, it doesn't exactly lift my heart and soul.

My own thought is that we return to the UK for an extended period of time to see how it fits us both and we fit there. The thing with that is the logistics of course. I can write it . Making that happen is a whole other ball game.

Anyway, I do hope you find your place .

Sally Redux

Hi Carol,

Yes, come on over to the 'Moving Back' part of the forum. It's very good for practical help and moral support.

I think you will still be able to find work in teaching but I'm out of the loop myself on that. Do you have any contacts in the profession?

Are you planning to leave your kids in NZ? That is a very hard part of the equation.

Anyway, welcome to BE and good luck!

Sally Redux

Indeed

Sally Redux

Makes sense except your kids become acclimatised and then you are separated if you go back. No easy answers.

RichieRich80

Yes that's the feeling I get, looking in from the outside. Never really close to people except OH family which are pretty great but no one else not like at home where you have a real connection with people and a sense of belonging through social cohesion. There are many bad points about the UK, very many including I think a corrupt government that only looks after the interests of big business and stuff the rest but is that enough to keep us away, probably not.