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Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Old Sep 16th 2010, 7:54 pm
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Default Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I travelled NZ last year during a sabbatical from my secondary teaching job here in the UK. Not looking for anyone, I typically stumbled across the most lovely Kiwi chap in Otago. I spent much of last year with him in NZ but now am back in the UK and back at work.

I would really appreciate some advice from Brits who have made the move to New Zealand (particlarly the South Island, and also people who have moved to the other side of the world to be with someone they've fallen for).

* I loved the South Island, but I love the choice (culturally and consumer wise) of the Uk. Did you find that you got used to not having the things around you that you did in the Uk?
* When I travelled last year I always knew that in a while I'd be going home. How hard is it to assimilate to a brand new life, 12,000 miles away from 'home'? (I am 32 by the way)
* In terms of family and friends - did you find it terribly difficult if things got tough, not to be close to people you have known for years?
* Was it tricky to find a job?
* How often do you make it home? Do you spend much time missing home?

Lots of questions, I know. I'm finding it tough at the moment, trying to get on with life here, knowing that what i really want is to be with the Kiwi! I would prefer he came here but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'd really appreciate your honest views on my questions above.

Thank you very much in advance, if you can help
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Old Sep 17th 2010, 1:22 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Originally Posted by elizabeth_j_gill View Post
Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I travelled NZ last year during a sabbatical from my secondary teaching job here in the UK. Not looking for anyone, I typically stumbled across the most lovely Kiwi chap in Otago. I spent much of last year with him in NZ but now am back in the UK and back at work.

I would really appreciate some advice from Brits who have made the move to New Zealand (particlarly the South Island, and also people who have moved to the other side of the world to be with someone they've fallen for).

* I loved the South Island, but I love the choice (culturally and consumer wise) of the Uk. Did you find that you got used to not having the things around you that you did in the Uk?
* When I travelled last year I always knew that in a while I'd be going home. How hard is it to assimilate to a brand new life, 12,000 miles away from 'home'? (I am 32 by the way)
* In terms of family and friends - did you find it terribly difficult if things got tough, not to be close to people you have known for years?
* Was it tricky to find a job?
* How often do you make it home? Do you spend much time missing home?

Lots of questions, I know. I'm finding it tough at the moment, trying to get on with life here, knowing that what i really want is to be with the Kiwi! I would prefer he came here but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'd really appreciate your honest views on my questions above.

Thank you very much in advance, if you can help
Hello and welcome!

I don't know the SI I'm afriad but might be able to help with a couple of your other queries.

There is certainly not the choice, consumer or cultural that you will be used to. However, it is within our nature to adapt, and who knows you may not miss what you think you'll miss. Despite my recent (shopping) trip back I don't miss very much at all. But then I'm too busy with everyday stuff to worry about it plus I'm not very cultured!

I think you have to arrive with the attitude that NZ is home now. Whether that be for a trial period, a set period, or forever, who knows. But you have to quickly stop comparing, especially prices, and move in to living here mode pretty much straight off. I've found it a very easy country to make home, same language, driving on same side of the road, similiar food etc, etc.

I am fortunate I guess that I have my mum on the end of the phone if I need her and I speak to her once a week. She's been out to visit a couple of times. I speak to my dad once every couple of weeks, about the same as when I was in the UK. I keep in touch with old friends through Facebook. I have many "new" friend here and have found that easy. Again it comes with whatever attitude you arrive with. I am a bit of a social organiser and inviter so I just cracked on with parties, meet-ups and would attend the opening of an envelope. I would say I have a 50:50 split of Kiwi friends and Ex-pats. Throwing yourself in to work helps too as you inevitably meet people that way. Plus if your boyfriend is a local, surely you'll have an instant social network.

I am now self-employed and prior to that had a commission based job. As a teacher I guess it will depend on the needs of the area you settle in.

I went home 3 weeks ago for 3 days for the first time in 3.5 years. Yes,a flying visit! It was ok, pretty much what I expected. It was great to see my dad and my brother, some old haunts and then it was great to get back on the plane to come home. I honestly never think about the UK.

I think you need to really talk it through with the Kiwi and see if he might try the UK for 6 months and then you try here for 6 months, a compromise of sorts.
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Old Sep 17th 2010, 6:03 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Hi there would agree with pretty much everything Am Loolah says although the choice thing I still disagree with as I've found Auckland to have pretty much everything I need (there's a Kookai and Karen Millen and everything ). Depends on what you want out of life I guess - if you are desperate you can always do a weekend to Auckland or Sydney for a shopping trip if you need to? Aside from that can't comment on life in South Island although I think it is stunningly beautiful.

I really sympathise with your situation as in I'm 32, my husband is from NZ and although we met and lived in the UK he always, always wanted to go home so I knew it would be on the cards. So here we are, 2 and a bit weeks in. And I absolutely love it. About 4 years ago he had to come back to NZ (we'd only been together for just over 2 years then) and he had all sorts of problems with his work visa and couldn't come back to the UK. I would have moved anywhere to be with him - which at that time would have been Christchurch but we got UK visas sorted (thank god as I really didn't want to go there and it has nothing to do with earthquakes) - but it was a real possibilty!

Things personally are very difficult right now with my mum having just had a big, big health scare and that's when you feel helpless on the other side of the world. But even with that I wouldn't change it. There are phones and Skype and planes fly - the world is a much smaller place these days.

I've found it incredibly easy to settle in/adapt so far (ok it has been a short time but really nothing is that dramatically different) and what has been harder has been adapting to how genuinely friendly people are and not meeting it tinged with suspicion as I would have in the UK

I'd be asking whether material needs are more important than meeting the (potential) man of your dreams I am a hopeless, incurable romantic You wouldn't want to spend your whole life thinking 'what if'?

Good luck with your decision

Last edited by londonescapee; Sep 17th 2010 at 6:06 am.
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Old Sep 17th 2010, 7:05 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Am Loolah and Londonescapee, thank you so much for your replies. It's eally interesting to speak with people from the Uk that have already made the move.
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Old Sep 17th 2010, 11:23 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

I came here for my man !
I met him there - i came here on holiday and we decided to give it a go!
So I went back for 6 months then did my WHV for one year. I always intended that we would go back I think. i never thought it was forever.

But here I am 11 years later.
i would say - THINK HARD
A relationship is one thing but there are many relationships in our lives
To become a wife, it feels like I missed out on being a daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunty, best friend, niece etc. Be prepared for the losses as well as the gains.

And find out why he's not prepared to move. It seems unacceptable to expect someone to do something that you would not reasonably do yourself.

Good Luck!
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Old Sep 17th 2010, 12:01 pm
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

PricklyK - do you regret the decision you made, ever?
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 5:01 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Sometimes I regret it - I think it would be unrealistic to not have some regrets - here's what I posted on another thread last week

I have regrets
My life is good enough here for sure
but to me it's like making a deal with the devil
The gains I made are balanced by the losses.
At the end of the day, what I value most in my life are security, friends and family.
I have a greater sense of security here. It seems like the colour of my skin is less of an issue here. And I generally feel comfortable although Chch gives me the heebegeebees even before the quake.

But my major loss is my friends, and family and my shared history, and people who get me. I miss my culture.

So certainly there are a lot of regrets and in all honesty, I wouldn't recommend it.
I would try to find a place that gave me things I desired and valued closer to home first.


I struggled for a wee while and am really settled now. Really settled and life is good. But for me there will always be a gap.
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 9:03 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Hi
Wow, lots of decisons for you!! I had the opposite happen to me and meet a british guy when I was in the Uk for 2 years. Ended up coming back to NZ and getting a work visa to return to the UK and eventually we got married (in NZ )and I ended up staying for 15 years in the UK!!! Which I had a fantastic time but it was always the plan to move back to NZ eventually. So have been back home in the south island for just over a year now with husband and two kids who were born in England. Great being back but have realised that NZ does have its problems and not always the great place I thought it was while I wasn't living there. When you visit a place as a tourist its very different to living here permantley. I do miss lots about the UK, mostly the availability of things and friends but there is the internet and its only a plane ride if you really did need to go back!! You can always move here and then decided to move back to the UK in the future. I agree with the comments about missing out on things. I missed out on some really good friends weddings and family functions but thats the decision I made to live overseas so I can't regret it too much.
Good luck with your decision. NZ is a great place to live!
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 9:53 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

KiwiChick - thank you for your reply. It's a tricky one. There are so many things I love about the UK but I have just spoke with the lovely Kiwi on Skype and I can't really imagine the prospect of not being with him, ultimately. Just out of interest, whereabouts in the UK did you live - rurally, or city/town based? If I wait here in the Uk long enough, all of my best friends will have got married so at least that's the worry about missing out on big occasions out the way!! They're getting hitched at a rate of knots so it won't be long!
Prickly - thank you for your honest opinions. Some of the things you mention are the very things I concern myself about; I guess ultimately I need to make a choice and follow my heart once that choice is made - and not be afraid to acknowledge that neither option might be completely perfect for me.
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 10:56 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Originally Posted by elizabeth_j_gill View Post
I guess ultimately I need to make a choice and follow my heart once that choice is made - and not be afraid to acknowledge that neither option might be completely perfect for me.
that's it - I say to myself that I can't have everything.
And you only have one path - there is no alternative universe with me living my life else where. There are decisions that I made that got me here and the ultimate product of those are an incredible little girl who I would never have known.

I would have regretted not giving it a go here for sure, but my decision in my mid 20s was never made with forever in mind. You have more life experience on your side to support a wise decision.

So maybe regret is too strong a word. I miss a lot of things. But I didn't do my goodbyes as I never planned to come here forever. Maybe managing that part helps - I don't know.


Ultimately, don't be too guided by others because what happens for us is very different to what will be your experience.

And really - I am lucky. My career is going well, I have in laws and family and friends and pets, a house, my health and generally my sanity. Not a bad haul really
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 11:17 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Yes...although to what extent I would describe myself as 'wise' is questionable! I am not sure this would be an easy decision, no matter what my age. As a teacher, I can't do anything right now so am taking a lot of time thinking and weighing up the best plan. Thanks again for your help, and I'm glad to hear things are going well out there for you
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 5:29 pm
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Originally Posted by elizabeth_j_gill View Post
Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I travelled NZ last year during a sabbatical from my secondary teaching job here in the UK. Not looking for anyone, I typically stumbled across the most lovely Kiwi chap in Otago. I spent much of last year with him in NZ but now am back in the UK and back at work.

I would really appreciate some advice from Brits who have made the move to New Zealand (particlarly the South Island, and also people who have moved to the other side of the world to be with someone they've fallen for).

* I loved the South Island, but I love the choice (culturally and consumer wise) of the Uk. Did you find that you got used to not having the things around you that you did in the Uk?
* When I travelled last year I always knew that in a while I'd be going home. How hard is it to assimilate to a brand new life, 12,000 miles away from 'home'? (I am 32 by the way)
* In terms of family and friends - did you find it terribly difficult if things got tough, not to be close to people you have known for years?
* Was it tricky to find a job?
* How often do you make it home? Do you spend much time missing home?

Lots of questions, I know. I'm finding it tough at the moment, trying to get on with life here, knowing that what i really want is to be with the Kiwi! I would prefer he came here but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'd really appreciate your honest views on my questions above.

Thank you very much in advance, if you can help
Never, ever move countries because of a relationship. Holiday romances seldom ever work out long term anyway.

If you get to the stage of having kids with him and things don't work out the chances of you getting your kids out of NZ are a big fat zero. Tell him to move over to Britain if he loves you.
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 5:32 pm
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Oh goodness...I guess you're speaking from experience? The problem being, why would he do it, if I wasn't prepared to do the same? He might follow that very same advice from someone else. Thank you for your words, it helps to get a fair idea of opinions. (Confusing, though)
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 6:03 pm
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

To clarify, also, having just re-read the post above (Tiri)... this really isn't a 'holiday romance' and I am not naive; hence the questions I asked. I as good as lived with him for 6 months of the last year - we are not talking a 2 week fling.
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 10:49 pm
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - now what?

Originally Posted by tiri View Post
If you get to the stage of having kids with him and things don't work out the chances of you getting your kids out of NZ are a big fat zero.
Hmmm, just pack up the kids like any other possession??? What if they have a great relationship with the father? What if staying is best for them??
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