ThePineMarten

Hi All, I'm new to this forum, and soon to be new migrant to New Zealand. [from the UK]
sorry to say but a bit of a depressing topic..
I recently read an article in the NZ mag “Stuff” which unsettled me.
titled; 'Dear Mary-anne: Our teen son is depressed since moving to New Zealand'
Myself and my wife, I am sure, will cope with anything NZ can throw at us [ it can't be any worse than the forthcoming needless S* Storm that is Brexit, yes even the earthquakes!]
But I am worried for my 11 yo son. We are partly moving to give him opportunities and to be in a society that is respectful and welcoming to others.
I was deeply disturbed by the comments after the article which tell of constant bullying and ostracism of outsiders, leaving young migrants feeling lost and lonely . Some even talking of a inherent culture of depression and suicide among NZ s young .
I realise that these may be tales from the writers long distant youth, >> Uk schools have greatly improved [in this area] since my youth.
Is this your experience/understanding of [for school age youngsters] NZ today ?
I am unable to post a link, but im sure you could google it .
If you have time, let me know what you think,
Thank you, in advance
yours, pm

MrsCakey

Hi, welcome to the forum. I moved from the Lincolnshire to Tauranga with a 9yo boy and 12 yo girl. I can't say it's been smooth sailing for the 12yo, but things have improved in just a single year. The boy has settled like a fish to water, not problems at all settling in and making new friends. I think it really depends on the child, their nature and how they would deal with change. Only you will know this for you own child. A lot will also depend on where you choose to live, big city vs. small town etc.
I can't say I have experienced any more bullying in schools than I would have expected in the UK. I would take any articles and especially comments on these things with a pinch of salt. I would talk to expats in person who have been in a similar situation and they will give you a better picture of their experience.
Have you all been to NZ before? I think it would help to have a visit here before the big move so that you have a little understanding of the culture and so it's not a total shock.
Feel free to private message me if you have any specific questions, and I'll try to help as much as I can. Other members on the forum will also be able to give their perspective and assistance - they are a friendly bunch

MrsFychan

dont want to make you feel bad but my daughter was 11 when we came over, everything seemed fine at first, little did we know the full extent of the bullying she endured at her first school. lets just say that when another pupil approached me with his concerns did it all come out. Needless to say that we immediately removed her and my younger son from the school and got the Education Minister involved. Unfortunately the bullied children families in that area didn't bother with taking things to resolution, it became known to us that the Head just cleared away any negative communications, and previous parents just wanted their children away from it and moved away from the area, Schools have catchment areas and it was the only one in that area, and never followed through. We did and things were supposed to change but after 2 years the Head left the school never to be a Head again. thank god. Did mean that we sold our house at loss to get the kids into another school.
Suicide in 2018 increased by 10% from 2017 with the main age being 20-24, unfortunately I know of 2 15 & 16 year olds in the area to where we live that committed suicide last year, one being a friend of a friend of my daughter and found by one of my work colleagues.

Please don't think it is all hype, problems are real and bullying is not just between children it happens in the work place, have personal experience and know lots of people that also have experienced it and I am atm trying to help two adults try to remedy their own work bullying issues. God I also had to advise a client this afternoon of his tenancy rights as his landlord is bullying and giving him false information.

There are obviously people that never experience any of these issues so lets just hope you and your family come in that category.

Robbie2010

My son was 10 when we moved to NZ. His first school was a country school and he was bullied! .. We moved him to an intermediate school .. he was bullied! .. When he went to college .. he was bullied! Non of the head teachers were interested! .. When he started work .. he was bullied!
He's now back in the UK, has a great job and is as happy as Larry!

Bullying is in the NZ dna

ThePineMarten

Thanks for your comments, I will keep them in mind. I have just read some of the ****.org website, and had my eyes opened somewhat! still moving to NZ, just not with rose tinted spectacles, > and not burning my bridges.... Thanks again for your support,..

Thank you, sorry to here your family and particularly your son had such a hard time. It looks like we need to do some serious reasearch on different schools ...

diddy22

NZ has a bullying culture......be warned it is like nowhere else in the world...

Justcol

In my 10 years here I have never once come across this, My children both enjoyed their time at school with no issues.
I work with a fair few poms and no one I know has ever brought this up.

I think kiwis are very straight talking, some can find that difficult to handle and they do not buy into all the PC brigade nonsense.

Not saying it doesn't happen, bullying exists in all countries, just relaying my experience

Justcol

I arrived with a 17 year old and 14 year old.
The 17 year old was reluctant to come. we agreed he would get ready for university and then any future decisions would be up to him
He returned to the uk a month after finishing school here. NZ just wasn't for him.
The youngest left for his OE at 19, met a Parisian girl in Dublin and settled in Paris. He has fond memories of his time here and the experience
taught them both a lot about themselves and life.
As a parent you can only do your best to prepare your kids for the future. When they are old enough to make their own decisions we as parents
have to be mature enough to accept them, but I firmly believe the experience of moving and adapting to new cultures gives children a life lesson
that so many are denied.
Dont worry about the horror stories, its nowhere near as bad as the scaremongers make out

JaneRiley

That's not fair is it - they may be scaremongers in your view but their experiences are valid and they have the right to share their stories. Moving to any new country or area has its challenges. I'm surprised so many people still believe NZ is clean and green and offers a better lifestyle than anywhere else. You will work as many hours as anywhere else, you may earn less, you may live in a warm or leaky home and you may find you have swapped one set of problems for another - it's subjective. As is the view of a bullying or non-bullying culture.
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Justcol

There are two ways to look at things
You can either be faced with a problem and become a victim, or you can be a grown up, find a way to sort it out and carry on

MrsFychan

easier said than done in some cases.
just accept that people have differing experiences, every ones written word is valid and move on