Dorothy

I'm not sure who's thrusting the idea of a better life in your face, but they're incorrect. Moving to the other side of the world isn't "better" unless you come from someplace like Afganistan or Somolia. Coming from one first world country to another isn't "better", it's different. For a lot of people it's a good decision but for many others it's a mistake and ends up costing them dearly. Not only financially, but I've seen more than a few families torn apart after emigrating.

I'm not trying to be argumentative here, but what exactly do you think is going to be better in New Zealand? And do you honestly - in your heart of hearts - think it's best for your child to be moved away from his father at 13? What about if he stays in UK with his dad while you and your husband & kids move to NZ and comes to visit you regularly? Would you agree to that? (That may not be a viable alternative, but it's something you have to ask yourself in order to see it from your ex's POV)

I don't think anyone here has their knickers in a twist. I think we're trying to see both sides of the situation and help you to do the same. Moving to another country is not easy so people are only trying to help you do it with your eyes wide open and not clouded by rose-tints.

Lb welly

Dorothy
Are you in NZ?

BEVS

I'd suggest Dorothy's post isn't about UK v NZ per sec. It is about considering the impact large and unknown change to the other side of the world can have.

Dorothy

Australia. But does it matter really?

Lb welly

I was just curious about your comments about is it better.
Not meant as a criticism.
I am married to a kiwi and we will emigrate to NZ in January. I have my eyes wide open regards cost.
But you stated a question I get asked a lot, I thought perhaps you didn't see there is a 'better' and wondered if you had anything to add from experience.
I can see this is more about reduced family contact in this case.
No offence meant.

Dorothy

No, it's not just about reduced family contact. Australia/New Zealand are a long way from "home". While some aspects of my life since emigrating are better, a lot are not. I have a job I really like and have had the opportunity to go to university without having to pay ridiculous amounts of money up front. I live in a big house with a pool and drive a brand new car. My daughter is doing an apprenticeship and we plan to open a patisserie in the next couple of years for her, so on the surface it's all very shiny and nice.

However, along with the nice house and nice car comes a lot of hard work. I work much longer hours here than I ever did back home and in order to afford the house we live in we're living a 60 minute commute from work. It's hard to make friends when you leave home at 6:10 am to be at work at 7:30 and don't get home until 5:30 pm. It's also hard being new to an area. Ask yourself honestly how many immigrants you're friends with and then think about the fact that soon you will be the immigrant. It's mighty lonely when you only have your immediate family to talk to and they're away at work or school all day. We've been here nearly 7 years, so I have made a few friends at work and one former neighbour I still hang out with but nothing like the friendships I had back home.

Don't get me wrong - I'm fairly content with my life in Australia but I do think people need to be aware that it's not "better". It's only different and at times very very hard.

I certainly didn't see your question as critical or offensive. And I think it's good you're coming with your eyes open.

mikelincs

BEVS

None taken. This is a whole lot of other sort of circumstance to yours. Many people move right across the entire world knowing no-one. No-one. No support , let alone family support. No friends. No-one. They really do start right from the ground. The very beginning , all over again. It is hard.

People move globally around the world all the time. It isn't 'better' . It is simply 'different'. If that suits then good to go and happy days. If not, then that can lead the way to a private hell for some.

We digress though. Banski has a task ahead of herself which is nothing to do with NZ. It is all about her child.