Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > New Zealand
Reload this Page >

Ex said I can't take my son

Ex said I can't take my son

Old Apr 14th 2013, 4:43 pm
  #1  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 24
banski is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Ex said I can't take my son

My Husband has got the job offer and starts in september.
Although my ex has known for years we have wanted to move to either NZ or OZ he has now said no he is not going to give permission, We are devastated My OH and I have 2 other sons and they have all been brought up together, and my son has expressed that he want's to come with us any ideas what we can do.
banski is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 4:52 pm
  #2  
Concierge
 
mikelincs's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 23,510
mikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond reputemikelincs has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by banski View Post
My Husband has got the job offer and starts in september.
Although my ex has known for years we have wanted to move to either NZ or OZ he has now said no he is not going to give permission, We are devastated My OH and I have 2 other sons and they have all been brought up together, and my son has expressed that he want's to come with us any ideas what we can do.
Sorry to hear that, but you need to see a solicitor, and perhaps you might have to go to court. Does your ex have regular contact with his son?
mikelincs is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 5:24 pm
  #3  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 24
banski is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

yes he see's him regularly, I'm going to make an appointment with a family law solicitor tomorrow.
banski is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 7:58 pm
  #4  
MODERATOR
 
MrsFychan's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 8,990
MrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

sorry to hear this, how old is your son? I believe at the age of 12 they have a right to a say????

Best thing you are already doing is to speak to a solicitor, let us know how it goes
MrsFychan is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 8:14 pm
  #5  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 24
banski is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

he is 12, 13 in july,
My ex seems to think it wont cost him a penny if it goes to court does anyone know if this is the case, I think it will cost both of us a considerable amount of money.
banski is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 8:33 pm
  #6  
MODERATOR
 
MrsFychan's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 8,990
MrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

all depends who brings the court action I think. but yes it's not free the barristers/solicitors will need paying unless he thinks he can get free legal aid?? When I had problems with my ex he got legal aid and I didn't, was some years ago, I was the one left with the mortgage and he was the one living with his parents . Mind you it never got to court as we went to mediation and he caved in.
I think as your son is that age he would have a right to a say. It is very hard especially as he has regular contact and that in effect is going to be impossible once you emmigrate. who would be reasonable for the flights to and from for any sort of contact ?
MrsFychan is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 9:26 pm
  #7  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 24
banski is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

I've told ex he could keep maintenence of 1800pa to pay for sons flights, son could come back in summer hols and ex could come out and stay with us around july, The problem is my son is scared to tell his Dad face to face that he wants to come.
banski is offline  
Old Apr 14th 2013, 9:53 pm
  #8  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 34,908
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Here is a link to an older thread about this very subject.

From what has been previously written on here by several posters, the court will be looking solely to the child's welfare. Not the parents wishes.

If your son's father is against the idea of his son moving to the other side of the world, then be prepared for a long battle ahead . IMVHO of course. Take legal advice.
BEVS is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 3:23 am
  #9  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 517
Robbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

I can understand your Ex.s position ... he is worried that you are taking his son to the otherside of the world and he has no guarantee that he will ever see him again.

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot? Leave your son with his dad!
Robbie2010 is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 5:28 am
  #10  
MODERATOR
 
MrsFychan's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 8,990
MrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by Robbie2010 View Post
I can understand your Ex.s position ... he is worried that you are taking his son to the otherside of the world and he has no guarantee that he will ever see him again.

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot? Leave your son with his dad!
think you need to reread. The son has stated that he wants to move over to NZ and not stay with the father
MrsFychan is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 5:37 am
  #11  
BE Forum Addict
 
Genesis's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,274
Genesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by banski View Post
My Husband has got the job offer and starts in september.
Although my ex has known for years we have wanted to move to either NZ or OZ he has now said no he is not going to give permission, We are devastated My OH and I have 2 other sons and they have all been brought up together, and my son has expressed that he want's to come with us any ideas what we can do.
Do you not think you will need a court letter to satisfy NZ authorities in any case, no matter what was agreed betwixt you and him? I remember when I got divorced the court HAD to agree to what my ex had agreed with me over a settlement sum...it was NOT sufficient that we had come to this agreement.

I guess you need to establish if the agreement from last year actually has any weight anyway in law and in leaving the country. And I agree with the comments about the court will decide what is best for the child...not anyone else. And yes I am sure it will cost money but hopefully not barrow loads. It is a simple case is it not of the court looking at the evidence and deciding what is best for the lad?
Genesis is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 6:43 am
  #12  
It is what it is Member
 
simonsi's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Blockhouse Bay, Auckland
Posts: 2,795
simonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond reputesimonsi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
think you need to reread. The son has stated that he wants to move over to NZ and not stay with the father
But the court will want what is best for the child (ie not just what the child says he wants). Unless anyone wants to suddenly remember/invent problems caused by the father's access then the court is likely to think that ongoing contact with both parents is what is best for him and not side with a lifestyle choice by a single parent that would completely remove his contact outside annual visits.

I'm sure the lad is reticent to tell his Dad he wants to go, he <may> be equally reticent to tell you he wants to stay...the court will try and establish both sides from his point of view and decide from there....
simonsi is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 6:58 am
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 517
Robbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond reputeRobbie2010 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
think you need to reread. The son has stated that he wants to move over to NZ and not stay with the father
I read it first time thanks!

What happens if/when the boy decides he hates NZ| and wants to go home? Not all kids love NZ as much as their parents.
Robbie2010 is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 7:03 am
  #14  
MODERATOR
 
MrsFychan's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 8,990
MrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond reputeMrsFychan has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

If it goes to court then as a child of that age his opinion would count. If the child then decides he doesn't like it he has a father to return to.

As OP says ex has known for sometime, but I can see the difference from the idea and then the actual possibility of it happening. Very hard for anyone to decide what to do for the best, be it parents or the courts.
Just hope that the resolution is a good one for all concerned
MrsFychan is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2013, 7:23 am
  #15  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 34,908
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Ex said I can't take my son

Originally Posted by simonsi View Post

I'm sure the lad is reticent to tell his Dad he wants to go, he <may> be equally reticent to tell you he wants to stay...the court will try and establish both sides from his point of view and decide from there....

Yes.
From memory , Cafcass will become involved

Last edited by BEVS; Apr 15th 2013 at 7:27 am.
BEVS is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.