Divorce in NZ

Old Apr 14th 2012, 9:04 pm
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Default Divorce in NZ

Hi all,

Sadly I find myself in probably one of the worst situations of all. I feel totally trapped in an awful marriage and don't really know which way to turn. Emotions aside, it is my understanding that:

1.you have to wait 2 years after seperation before a divorce can be granted
2.Even though my kids are British, I can't take them back to the UK
3.Even though i've put most of the finances into this marriage and can prove it, he's still entitled to half

Has anyone had first hand experience of this and how did it work out? Right now I feel as though i'm falling into the deepest darkest pit of despair and can't see any way out. I have no money so can't afford to move out, I work 2 jobs and get paid a pittance. For months I have slept in the spare room and just can't take this any more. I have several female kiwi friends and aquaintences who have lost custody and even contact with their kids due to seperation and other issues and the fear of that is the only thing that's kept me in this situation for the past 4 1/2 years. Kids are 11 and 13 and there is a house that will need to be sold (he's refusing). I wouldn't necessarily return to the UK, although I have a very strong support base there. I would just like to feel that I have that freedom of choice. Even paradise would lose its shine if it became your prison.
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Old Apr 14th 2012, 9:13 pm
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

I think you need to speak to a solicitor hun. things like how long have you been here, do you/kids have PR/Citizenship? Is hubby/you Kiwi?
Who is the house name in?
Not sure if they have something like the Citizen Advice over here but you could see if they do and call them first before paying out any money.
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Old Apr 14th 2012, 9:46 pm
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

I have been to Citizens advice and spoken to their solicitor who gives free advice and it's my understanding that I can't leave NZ with my kids. I just wondered if anyone's been through this. We're all permanent residents, been here almost 5 years. Both poms and the house is in joint names. There was a prenup which has mysteriously vanished and the UK solicitor no longer exists, been on to the law society in UK and all records were destroyed. I still have the proof that I bought the UK house and bank statements to prove how much money I contributed. I saw a very old thread on here about divorce and people were saying that you can get a divorce through a UK solicitor. Does anyone know about this? Maybe that'd be the way forward for me.
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 8:25 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Sorry to hear about your situation.
It is a nightmare.
I suggest contacting your local court and organising counselling.
You are entitled to 6 free sessions and you don't have to attend together.
But - you will get support to go through the process and good advice around managing parenting etc.

Here's a link to the family court divorce page
separation and divorce
I recommend this book too for how to talk to the kidshelp your children cope with divorce

Keep yourself well and healthy. You will need all the strength at your disposal and keep talking to friends so that you have support.

As for the overseas thing. Now it is possible to take kids overseas if you get the permission of the other parent so don't think that this is impossible.
However, the Hague convention can have kids returned if they are taken illegally.

Good luck
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 9:07 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

I seperated 2 and 1/2 years ago. It is my understanding that NZ relationship property law means EVERYTHING is halfed

My advice to you would be to see a solicitor and get the seperation legalised. He cant refuse to sell as it is clear its not health to live under the same roof.... But sadly everything including pensions etc are 50 50

Thinking of you in this stressful time but take it fromn me things DO get better
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 8:15 pm
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Thank you so much for your replies it really means a lot. I was terrified of putting this post on here to be honest cos I don't think I could bear a "suck it up" reply. At least now I know where to start and it's really reassuring to know that there is life after seperation and divorce. Time to start the ball rolling. Thanks again x
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Old Apr 15th 2012, 11:52 pm
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Originally Posted by Frenchy View Post
.... But sadly everything including pensions etc are 50 50
"Sadly" surely that rule benefits as many as it disadvantages, whether it is sadly just depends which side of the separation (in terms of financial input), you are on/with/supporting.

Many a time the 50:50 rule will have advantaged a stay at home mum who has had little direct financial input in cash terms....
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Old Apr 16th 2012, 12:28 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Originally Posted by simonsi View Post
"Sadly" surely that rule benefits as many as it disadvantages, whether it is sadly just depends which side of the separation (in terms of financial input), you are on/with/supporting.

Many a time the 50:50 rule will have advantaged a stay at home mum who has had little direct financial input in cash terms....
I actually think its bad. NZ law crap - my divorced neighbor (he) said that to me yesterday (almost as rant!!!)

I think its just too much. 50/50.

personally don't think its a very good idea living with someone unless he has more money than I do. my dad actually told me - be careful about it. I do.
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Old Apr 16th 2012, 5:39 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Originally Posted by simonsi View Post
"Sadly" surely that rule benefits as many as it disadvantages, whether it is sadly just depends which side of the separation (in terms of financial input), you are on/with/supporting.

Many a time the 50:50 rule will have advantaged a stay at home mum who has had little direct financial input in cash terms....
From what I just read, there's certainly no benefit in this case.
Also, I hope just me now has access to her own computer so the other half can't trace what she's saying on here!
Even if the friends you talk to can't directly relate, I'm sure they'll be there if you need to have a blow out now and again. Best of luck.
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Old Apr 16th 2012, 9:37 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Originally Posted by hazeandsteve View Post
From what I just read, there's certainly no benefit in this case.
Yes there is - just to him. As I said, whether there is "benefit" just depends on what side you are on and >mostly< a 50:50 split/rule benefits women.
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Old Apr 16th 2012, 9:56 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Other thing to think about , Just me now, is that there is working for families to support you too.

Is there anyone that you can stay with until you can get a deposit together?
Or think about getting a mortgage holiday if possible.
Or even asking some of the supports you have in the UK to lend you some cash in the medium term until you are sorted?
And if you have kiwisaver, you can withdraw from it if you are in severe financial hardship. Not ideal, sure, but an options. As is taking a contributions holiday for a year so that you can put that extra aside.

Sometimes, the more you talk about it, the more options appear.
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Old Apr 17th 2012, 1:21 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Hi 'Just me now' I am in a similar situation and understand what your going through. It is difficult at times especially when you have children to consider. If you like you can PM me. Any difficulty with PM ask BEV.
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Old Apr 17th 2012, 1:25 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

Sorry to all of you in this situation, it must be extremely difficult for you all. I hope you have a 'slush' fund stashed away for emergencies. You have been given some excellent advice from others. Just wanted to wish you all the best.
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Old Apr 17th 2012, 11:59 am
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

been through it in the past 18 months now just waiting for the date to divorce.
everything is 50/50.
I lost everything, house, family, contact with kids yada yada yada, none of it was my fault
I wasnt the one playing away.

what have I learned, its only money, it pisses you off for a while then you get over it and move on.
Probably hard to believe at the stage your at but it does happen.
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Old Apr 17th 2012, 2:16 pm
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Default Re: Divorce in NZ

what have I learned, its only money, it pisses you off for a while then you get over it and move on.
- EXACTLY.

Justcol has it right. It's like a band aid, rip it off quickly, it may hurt and you may lose some hair but you'll be better off in the end.

Been two years for me after the ex had an affair with her boss and decided the grass was greener somewhere else. Would have been nice to get out 50/50 but in Canada the guy is always screwed no matter what the circumstance.
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