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-   -   Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/dads-80-th-but-its-uk-825162/)

Fooferfish Feb 16th 2014 8:59 am

Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
A milestone of a birthday and for a chap who rattles with pills it's a big landmark of a birthday . And it's time like this you really feel the distance ?

I have been back twice in 9 years , our daughter went back to see her grandparents last year and they loved it . So it's not like we haven't made the effort . The journey is long and personally I hate the trip ! But this April is getting closer and I need to make my mind up ? Do I go back or not ? We have lots of things we need to do around here , and the cost should not come into it , but it does .

It's strange after all these years that a wee bit of homesickness or missing family creeps up on ya , my family have never celebrated birthdays in a big way and I'm not sure they will even for an 80th ay ?

So , what's your thoughts ? Anybody had similar circumstances ?

scrubbedexpat094 Feb 16th 2014 10:36 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
It's my Dad's 80th birthday in April too. I'm the youngest of 3 and the only girl, and my dad has always been my hero, so I'm returning for his birthday. He doesn't know I'm coming so it will be a huge surprise for him. He's not really one for parties but this is an important one and I just feel the need to see my parents.

My mum is thrilled that I'm coming but it is just me and not Mr Big Sticks too. We can't afford for us both to go. We have things that need doing to the house, the outside needs repainting and various other jobs. Since the RTC in January we have now got just the one car and even though the insurance has paid out we can't replace what we had. The OH is under threat of redundancy too.

In some ways I feel bad about going given our situation but I know what my heart is telling me to do. You can only go with your gut feeling and make your decision based on that. There is no right or wrong here.

gazmac Feb 16th 2014 11:31 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Were going back for a wedding in July and as it turns out my gran is 89 in the same week, so were lucky to be there at that age you never know whats around the corner, As much as I grudge paying to go back to the UK

I guess its something that from time to time has to be done.

Still, Id rather go to Rio in July for the World Cup - selfish me

Purrball Feb 16th 2014 5:04 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 

Originally Posted by Fooferfish (Post 11131939)
Do I go back or not ?


Life is short. You may regret it if you don't.

Let's be frank. At that age, anything can happen and people, once ill can go downhill quite quickly. Do you want some of your last memories of your Dad to be racing back under stressful circumstances or having a decent time together? Some years ago, a friend of mine flew back the other way, from London to NZ, to see his mother who was dying from cancer. By the time he dithered and finally got on a flight, it was too late. She died while he was somewhere over the US.

Go back, but include some other things on the trip than just seeing your family. Do it for yourself. Spend a little time somewhere — even if it's just for a couple of days — in the UK that appeals to you, perhaps London or further North or even pop over to Paris, Brussels or Amsterdam. Revisit some old haunts, maybe do a little shopping, visit some galleries, museums or other attractions or touch base with some old friends or ex-colleagues. Do some things that you can't do in New Zealand.

Saw my mother, who's in her early 80s, a couple of years ago, but made sure I fitted in a bunch of other stuff too. Took a little while to pay off some of the trip but no regrets at all. Looking back, wish I'd stayed a couple of weeks longer.

So, go. Life's short. Money is replaceable. People are not.

Robbie2010 Feb 16th 2014 6:24 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Would I go back for his 80th birthday? No.

Would I go back because I wanted to see him? Yes.

My Dad had his 90th birthday a couple of months ago and I didn't go over for it .. nor would he have expected or wanted me to.

I will be going to visit him and the rest of my family later this year though.

Fooferfish Feb 16th 2014 6:36 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
It's a strange one ay ?

I have been back twice and done the pulled from pillar to post by family , our first trip back was more seeing people than places ! And a couple of years back it was just to see my folks especially my dad who had just about died and was brought back by hospital staff , so I went back for 8 days , what with jet lag and other things the trip was memorable . 8 days was not enough , but there were highs and lows , the leaving was traumatic and you say to yourself then , this might be the last trip back ? I had happy times and sad times when I was there and when I got back I could not settle for a month or so , was a wee bit depressed , but once back into nz life I could see why we left the uk .

So I'm still not sure , but will finally make my mind up .

Tom1983 Feb 16th 2014 8:46 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
It's my Nans 80th this year in November. If I could afford to go back, i'd be on the first plane home for it. Unfortunately, there's more chance of me being able to afford a return trip to Australia in 6 years time than ever getting back to Blighty

Makes me feel sick but it was a risk I took when we came out here. To be fair, I can safely admit I didn't think flights would be such a rip off. Food etc I was prepared for, not flights

By the way, where abouts in Dorset are you from (i'm from sunny sunny Bournemouth)? Are any of your family members affected by the floods they're having there?

BEVS Feb 16th 2014 9:18 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Robbie2010 has it exactly.

You go back for him because you want to be with him & to make him happy.

Fooferfish Feb 16th 2014 10:35 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Tom ,

From Poole mate , born and raised in Poole since 67 , left in 05 been in otago since may 05 .

Poole doesn't seem that bad with the floods , looks like Somerset and Devon Cornwall getting hammered .

Even though we have he the craziest shite summer for years , I would rather be here than there .

Assanah Feb 17th 2014 4:22 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Well, you are a dad yourself. How would you feel about your daughter living in the UK and seeing her ever xx years?

BEVS Feb 17th 2014 4:36 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 

Originally Posted by Assanah (Post 11133221)
Well, you are a dad yourself. How would you feel about your daughter living in the UK and seeing her every xx years?

It's not just that . When you are very elderly and may feel your time is very much running out. When you are not elderly but the hour glass sands run ever faster against your time here, you just want to see, be with and spend actual quality time with the people you love. Pared down to the bones, for the person in waiting, it is as simple as that.

Tom1983. I feel for you. You have a lot of love there. I wish it were otherwise & that you could return.

Tom1983 Feb 17th 2014 9:06 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 

Originally Posted by Fooferfish (Post 11132908)
Tom ,

From Poole mate , born and raised in Poole since 67 , left in 05 been in otago since may 05 .

Poole doesn't seem that bad with the floods , looks like Somerset and Devon Cornwall getting hammered .

Even though we have he the craziest shite summer for years , I would rather be here than there .

Do you ever take a look at some of the pics of the echo recently, man the harbour has taken a battering the past few days

One of my favourite views used to be getting the train from Pokesdown to Poole/Weymouth and experiencing the views of Poole Park and the English Channel. I think its between Parkstone and Poole, a stunning part of the journey - close to the Dawlish scenary on the trains to Plymouth.

I miss Poole Park, cracking place for walks and picnics if you didn't fancy the beach. Walk from there to the town centre after your Chez Fred fish and chips.

M_and_M Feb 18th 2014 8:33 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 

Originally Posted by Fooferfish (Post 11131939)
A milestone of a birthday and for a chap who rattles with pills it's a big landmark of a birthday . And it's time like this you really feel the distance ?

I have been back twice in 9 years , our daughter went back to see her grandparents last year and they loved it . So it's not like we haven't made the effort . The journey is long and personally I hate the trip ! But this April is getting closer and I need to make my mind up ? Do I go back or not ? We have lots of things we need to do around here , and the cost should not come into it , but it does .

It's strange after all these years that a wee bit of homesickness or missing family creeps up on ya , my family have never celebrated birthdays in a big way and I'm not sure they will even for an 80th ay ?

So , what's your thoughts ? Anybody had similar circumstances ?

Go back.

I came in April last year and 4 days after I left my mum was diagnosed with cancer and died before My plane landed back in the UK.

Life is too short.

Be there for him.

Hazelnut Feb 18th 2014 3:43 pm

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
My Dad was 80 last year and my sister and I made the journey to see him. It was only within the UK but I only get to see my parents once or twice a year for 24-48hrs despite us all living in the same country so it was special to visit and just spend time with him talking about our lives and how we thought he was the best Dad on the planet. I know that every time I leave I may never see him or my mother again due to their ages and various health conditions. They may live another couple of years, they may die tomorrow, we just don't know.

When we visited I had a conversation with him about us coming to NZ - both on our long fact finding trip and, potentially, moving permanently. What he said blew me away, he told us just to go; that his life was nearly at an end and he didn't want his dying months or years to be the reason we didn't go into a new life that might be better for us. What an amazing chap.

If we hadn't visited for his birthday we would never have had such reflective and reminiscing type conversations so I'd say that if you can afford it without starving or being made homeless then I'd go. I only had 24hrs with my dad around his birthday but it was a very precious 24hrs. His face when we appeared unexpectedly and presented him with a little cake with a HUGE candle in it was absolutely priceless.

Fooferfish Mar 23rd 2014 8:56 am

Re: Dads 80 th , but it's in the uk ?
 
Decision made ,

After much deliberation and soul searching , I am going back to uk in next few weeks to celebrate with the family , dads been back in hospital and I feel it's right time to go , I hate , so hate the leaving again , but I will have over 2 weeks back there mum is hiring a car so we can all go out and about to places dad enjoys .

Booking flight this week


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