andy&georgina

Hi All

Well I wanted to know if anyone else has any cringe worthy moments ?

Mine is as below:

Last week just started new job, so trying to look intelligent etc etc.

Speaking to my colleague who had just gone to see the new Will Smith film "The Pursuit of Happyness" and asked if I had seen it.

I replied with no have not seen it, but isn't that the film he plays a black man in ??

And no I am not blonde - brunette

wmoore

D'oh!


At work a few years ago at work, one of our engineers - an Asian woman - arranged a meeting to discuss something or other. She handed out some documents and went through the motions, then at the end asked everyone for the doco back. She got to me and I said "bloody Indian giver" ......



Now I realise from telling this story previously that not everyone has heard of this phrase, so I took the liberty of looking it up for you Indian giver.

Jack The Lad

Its from when I was in the Navy, 7 years ago now.

Well it all started nicely, Sunday diner at the Alverbank Hotel, Alverstoke, Hants. Overlooks the Isle Of White,nice place if you know it, quite posh.

Anyway we were indoors having just eaten our dining, nice it was to, just ordered a nice bottle of wine. The sun was shining so we ask if we could have it on the terrace.

"No problem sir".

Now I needed the loo for a number two. So my wife went out on to the terrace.

With me so far?

So I goes to the loo. Did my bit. Stood up to wipe my arse, when the whole f#cking world falls out of my arse, all over my trousers, all over my long backed white shirt and all over the floor.

I was like, oh my God. What am I gonna do?

So I spent about 15 mins trying to clean myself up. Impossible.
I open the door, no-one there, coast is clear, off i go.

I sneeks out of the back door and pokes my head around the building. My wife luckily is sitting at the nearest table to me. I shout to her to come over.

"What", "What"she says. I'm like for "f#cks sake come here".

"What" she beckons me over.

Im like "No way".

"Why not" she say's.

"Cos i've shit myself" I say.

"What, what you done? Come here".

So after doing this for 5 mins, I quit, go over, turn around and show her my shit covered white shirt and trousers.

She didnt laugh much

Then we had to walk home. This journey was 2 miles along the sea front in the middle of summer

It was the longest walk of my life

Jack The Lad

Here's another one

Again it was when I was in the Navy.

I was on a course doing a 48 hour navigation excercise in the Black Mountains, Wales.

Before going on this excercise I had maxed out on Glucoes bars, Mars bars you name it to get some energy stored up because we were'nt going to be getting much food for the next few days.

Anyway about a day into this excercise we where on the top of this mountain and I mean at the top. Winds about 70-80 MPH, freezing cold ect. with visibility at say 150 ft.

On the top of these mountains there are these rock mounds.

Im in dire need of a shit but cannot move too far away from my team. So I pull my trollies down and crimp one off. Thing is my shit is like mushed up Mars bar. The wind catches it and flies about 100ft at 70 MPH and smashes into one of these rock mounds.

My entire team fall over laughing

Apparenlty all they could see was my outline and this thing fly out of my arse :scared:

P2L

I've gotta couple of my own

The first one was about 20 years ago & very single. We went to the pub one Friday lunchtime and on the way to the ladies spotted this fella I'd had my eye on for ages. When I cam back out I walked past his table like I was the bees knees and got back to my table only for my mate to tell me I'd got my skirt tucked in my knickers at the back!!! Not the impression I wanted to create!!!

The second one was again in the pub (why dya think we chose Marlborough!! ). There was agroup of us grabbing a quck bite to eat. I absent mindedly lent back on the table, without checking it first and mananged to "pop" a tomato ketchup satchet that deposited itself all over the man at the next table . OOPS!!!!

karonious

My eldest son was in primary 6 and had forgotten something. I popped into school and was told to take it to his classroom. The teacher was busy writing on the whiteboard so beckoned me in. I went and stood at the front of the class until she was finished. I handed over whatever it was he had forgotten and turned to go. There was a pile of blocks on the floor behind me and I tripped backwards over them. To right myself I grabbed at the wall - except it was the white board which started revolving under my flailing hands and I sunk in slow motion backwards to the floor, scrabbling desperately for purchase. The whole class of 10 year olds was screaming laughing....apart from my son who sat hiding his face in his hands. And yes, I was swearing a short skirt and they probably had sex-education at the same time!!

UKNZAUS

Too funny!

Jack The Lad

I had a very recent one (yesterday)

I logged onto BE and tried to get in touch with a member via messenger. They thought I was a weirdo and didnt respond

You know who you are

andy&georgina

Excellent - Weirdo Jack

She hasn't seen your post here tho

Jack The Lad

pmsl

UKNZAUS

She has

And what part of my comment was untrue ?!

Damn MSN is STILL playing up

Mandie

And that smell was always blamed on the 'peel common pong' when it was you all along!!!

Jack The Lad

Do you know the Hotel?

Its quite posh innit