Cold Feet

Old Aug 29th 2009, 7:00 pm
  #1  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Nelson, NZ
Posts: 37
vicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond repute
Default Cold Feet

I'm not a regular poster but I am a regular reader and I have been devouring as much information as I can since I joined this forum. Up until a week or so ago I've been really positive and excited about our move to NZ.

Everything ran smoothly on the visa front and we have our PR stickers safely in our passports, the house has sold and we'll move out in October hopefully. The flights are booked for December and parents have been informed, both, thankfully are supportive and will visit plenty..... So really there is no fly in the ointment.

My OH is excited and can't see why I've suddenly started worrying but I have and now I've started I can't stop.

Are we doing the right thing for the kids - will they miss their grandparents too much, will it be too unsettling for them.

Up until recently it felt like everything I read/thought about NZ had a positive spin on it and now I feel like I'm putting a downer on everything. I'm picking up on the all information which is making me doubt our decisions. I'm sure it's just a psychological thing and it's just my perception of things.

I think what I really want is someone to say yes it's the right thing to do and you will be ok. I guess no one is though, and now I question if I've thought enough about this decision or did it all happen around me, when I voice these concerns to my family they are a little dumbfounded - surely it was me who filled out the application etc. and they're also a little hopeful, does it mean we don't want to go.

I guess the above is a very long winded way of saying I have a major case of cold feet. I want the best for my children more than anything in life and I hope beyond hope this is it but what if it isn't.

Wow - just thought I'd get that off my chest. I know from reading so many threads we're in a really lucky position and I don't mean to sound selfish given some people really want to be where we are and I guess it's totally normal to feel this way but I'm worried the nearer the leaving date comes the more I wont want to go........ help

V
vicejw is offline  
Old Aug 29th 2009, 7:40 pm
  #2  
MnB
 
MnB's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
MnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Have sent you some karma!

'kia kaha'...in other words 'stay strong or keep the strength'

Think what you are feeling is entirely natural ...all those 'what ifs' eh?
But ... what if you don't go?....guess you'll be forever thinking 'what if' then too...you've jumped through so many hoops to get this far!

Might help if you don't think of it as if 'its forever' .... we are planning to give it 2-3 yrs before we decide if its going to be forever, although we both know that it more than likely is, we are, I guess, keeping our options open!

Think I've said this before, but will say it again .... there is not a day goes by that I dont have a 'what are we doing thought!' but they are more than outweighed by the 'I can't wait!' thoughts, it is scary!! but it is exciting too!!

Not trying to tell you 'you're doing the right thing by following your desire' but just saying these feelings are bound to be there if you want to do the best for your family. I hope that writing your worries down has helped

Sorry, I can't remember if you have visited NZ?

kia kaha my friend & good luck
(((hugs))) B x
MnB is offline  
Old Aug 29th 2009, 8:52 pm
  #3  
BE Enthusiast
 
Tomsk's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Location: Rotorua
Posts: 410
Tomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond reputeTomsk has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Oh, I remember those feelings so well. I always think of the whole emigration process as being like a roller coaster ride, so exciting when you first get on, but huge highs & lows and there's invariably a point (or several) when you want to stop the whole thing and get off. There were definitely a few days during the run up to our leaving when I completely stopped being able to remember exactly why we were moving. We were happy in England, good friends & family, nice home, children happy at school, good jobs and an income we could manage on. Put like that I'm still not sure why we came

That said, it's all a massive adventure, and such an opportunity. For us it's paid off, we love it here........and, for now, have no intention of returning to England permanently (although I accept completely that circumstances change and who knows what the future holds).

I agree, I'm sure that you have a massive case of cold feet. If your gut feeling is really that this is the wrong thing to do then maybe it's time for a rethink....emigration in general, and NZ in particular aren't right for everyone...but from your post I think it's just a huge case of nerves, and I think that if you didn't come over you'd then always be wondering "what if?". And of course these days emigration doesn't have to be forever...if it doesn't work out you can always return after having had one heck of an adventure
Tomsk is offline  
Old Aug 29th 2009, 9:29 pm
  #4  
Scorchy legs
 
Dewb09's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Kapiti coast
Posts: 2,069
Dewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond reputeDewb09 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Cant add anymore to what has been very well said in previous post.

I think you are going through perfectly normal concerns and would worry if you didnt have some concerns. Like you I seem to be the one who has said "ok lets do it" OH is Kiwi but as I have children from previous relationship he has never once said he wanted to go back. I wonder if being the one to make the decision you feel just a little more responsible should it not work out?

That said I just could not stand to spend the rest of my life wondering what may have been if we do not give it a go. As has been said before its no irreversible, difficult but not impossible.

Good luck with giving it a good go

Dewb
Dewb09 is offline  
Old Aug 29th 2009, 10:06 pm
  #5  
BE Enthusiast
 
teebrown's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Rolleston, Canterbury NZ
Posts: 631
teebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond reputeteebrown has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Been there, don't that! My husband had a major wobble, many frustrating moments and tears were shed. He was all for it for 4 years whilst we were researching NZ, we even came out here for a holiday to confirm that is what we wanted to do, but suddenly nearer the time to move, the biggest wobble ever came our way.

But we are here now and have been for 6 months, and we are loving it, the kids are loving it, and my husband has turned around on more than one occasions to say thanks for talking him through the 'wobbles', we are so glad we made the move. We had made some great friends, the kids have best friends almost within the first week of being here. I'm a student, we are building a house and things are sweet. We talk to the grandparents on the webcam every other day and all their cousins, so we actually speak and see them more now than we ever did.

Be strong, give it a go and never say never.

All the best
teebrown is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 7:34 am
  #6  
Forum Regular
 
127luton's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Auckland
Posts: 264
127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light127luton is a glorious beacon of light
Default Re: Cold Feet

Hi - i cnt say anymore supportive words than my fellow posters here!
I often get a 'case of the jitters' - and worry - bt like many have said am very excited too- you are reacting in a perfectly normal way!
YOU always have us lots to talk to -Any time!!
love
Berni
xxxx
127luton is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 7:44 am
  #7  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 34,872
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Hey.
Everyone gets the jitters. There is no way to know how it will all pan out at the end of the day for you personally but I feel it is right to question and then question again . That way you may be all the more prepared for culture shock when you arrive in Nz.

Yes. You are leaving your immediate family and all that stuff but you do so for a very good reason.

I have written openly and honestly, I hope, about how I felt about leaving my Dad and how it was to be so far away.

Perhaps it needs to also be stated that 5 years on, I am still living in New Zealand and that we are now citizens. We have no immediate plans to return to live in the UK.

I think jitters are normal. It is the ones that surpress it that could fall foul .
BEVS is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 7:53 am
  #8  
BE Forum Addict
 
j19fmm's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
j19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond reputej19fmm has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Can't help with the jitters but just wanted to say, I was accepted to emigrate 14 years ago with my then husband, for one reason and another he changed his mind and here I am all these years later STILL trying to get there. So horrible to have spent all these years saying 'If only...'
Only good thing about it...I'd still be stuck with him
Good luck, x
j19fmm is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 7:56 am
  #9  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 34,872
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Originally Posted by j19fmm View Post
Can't help with the jitters but just wanted to say, I was accepted to emigrate 14 years ago with my then husband, for one reason and another he changed his mind and here I am all these years later STILL trying to get there. So horrible to have spent all these years saying 'If only...'
Only good thing about it...I'd still be stuck with him
Good luck, x
Oooo. You gotta get karma, coz me fingers and toes have pins and needles waiting for a good result from you.
BEVS is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 9:28 am
  #10  
you dewty owld maan!
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: is practically perfect in every way
Posts: 5,565
lardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond reputelardyl has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Ditto to the above but I'd add that it would be far more worrying if there was no "cold feet" stage before you leave.
Its a bit like the economy, up and down and sometimes the smallest things can send it one way or the other.
Might be best to think/realise you are in a wobble when still in Blighty rather than when you are over here as it can seem a very log way away from comfort.
As they say "no pain no gain" and the gains from moving can be great.
Besta luck and excuse my ramblings, still got the man flu and now everyone else in the house has been (literallly) sick in the past week.
lardyl is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 11:11 am
  #11  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Nelson, NZ
Posts: 37
vicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond reputevicejw has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Thank you all for your kind words. Feeling better today - gave myself a good talking to last night....

It is wobbles and I know we will do it... we've come too far and as you all say I really couldn't live with the 'what if's'.

My OH had been on about moving to NZ for years but I always said NO WAY, I've moved abroad and back to UK before and couldn't face moving again. However, after a 3 week holiday in NZ last year I surprised everyone, including myself, by changing my mind. I haven't ever felt about a place as I did about NZ and I don't think it's rose tinted glasses as with two small children holidays are never exactly 'relaxing' but for some reason this one was and maybe that is what did it.

I seek a simpler life and hope NZ will be it for us!! However, for now I'm terrified and can't even think about leaving but we WILL be on that plane in December.

I have to say this forum is great, it feels like a whole big support network and is SO reassuring knowing other people go through the same thing. You always think it's just you but it really isn't.......
vicejw is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2009, 12:25 pm
  #12  
MnB
 
MnB's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
MnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Cold Feet

Originally Posted by vicejw View Post
Thank you all for your kind words. Feeling better today - gave myself a good talking to last night....

It is wobbles and I know we will do it... we've come too far and as you all say I really couldn't live with the 'what if's'.

My OH had been on about moving to NZ for years but I always said NO WAY, I've moved abroad and back to UK before and couldn't face moving again. However, after a 3 week holiday in NZ last year I surprised everyone, including myself, by changing my mind. I haven't ever felt about a place as I did about NZ and I don't think it's rose tinted glasses as with two small children holidays are never exactly 'relaxing' but for some reason this one was and maybe that is what did it.

I seek a simpler life and hope NZ will be it for us!! However, for now I'm terrified and can't even think about leaving but we WILL be on that plane in December.

I have to say this forum is great, it feels like a whole big support network and is SO reassuring knowing other people go through the same thing. You always think it's just you but it really isn't.......
Glad the 'wobbles' a bit steadier today....now you've had a big one (wobble that is) at least you'll be prepared for the next one!.... it wont be so big! and just remember we're here to support and empathise lol.
B x
MnB is offline  
Old Sep 2nd 2009, 8:21 pm
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
Psychopandy's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Tauranga, BoP, NZ
Posts: 578
Psychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Cold Feet

Originally Posted by vicejw View Post
Thank you all for your kind words. Feeling better today - gave myself a good talking to last night....

It is wobbles and I know we will do it... we've come too far and as you all say I really couldn't live with the 'what if's'.

My OH had been on about moving to NZ for years but I always said NO WAY, I've moved abroad and back to UK before and couldn't face moving again. However, after a 3 week holiday in NZ last year I surprised everyone, including myself, by changing my mind. I haven't ever felt about a place as I did about NZ and I don't think it's rose tinted glasses as with two small children holidays are never exactly 'relaxing' but for some reason this one was and maybe that is what did it.

I seek a simpler life and hope NZ will be it for us!! However, for now I'm terrified and can't even think about leaving but we WILL be on that plane in December.

I have to say this forum is great, it feels like a whole big support network and is SO reassuring knowing other people go through the same thing. You always think it's just you but it really isn't.......
Hi, sorry you feel so bad

Just thought i would add that my OH put me on to this site and to start with had to make me read it. I think he was concerned i was seeing everything from the good side. People on here give it all - good and bad and lots inbetween - and its been invaluable.
When i read Irish eyes thread it really hit home how bad it could be when we've gone and theres plenty on here that have had their own struggles and insecurities about what they are doing, why they are doing it - and are they completely mad in doing it.
I wish you good luck with your 'wobbles' go get some wine and blame that x
Psychopandy is offline  
Old Sep 2nd 2009, 8:37 pm
  #14  
appreciate life
 
willand tina_h's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Papamoa New Zealand and loving it so far.
Posts: 678
willand tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of light
Smile Re: Cold Feet

Originally Posted by Psychopandy View Post
Hi, sorry you feel so bad

Just thought i would add that my OH put me on to this site and to start with had to make me read it. I think he was concerned i was seeing everything from the good side. People on here give it all - good and bad and lots inbetween - and its been invaluable.
When i read Irish eyes thread it really hit home how bad it could be when we've gone and theres plenty on here that have had their own struggles and insecurities about what they are doing, why they are doing it - and are they completely mad in doing it.
I wish you good luck with your 'wobbles' go get some wine and blame that x
Hi, Im a few days behind, aint been on. I have to also say, I have the wobbles all the time lately and hubby gets me back on the straight and narrow, know how you feel with taking kids away from grandparents, I get all worked up if I sit and think of it too much however, they are supportive (at this stage anyway, dont know if it will all go wrong when or if we get approved).

Tina. x
willand tina_h is offline  
Old Sep 2nd 2009, 8:41 pm
  #15  
BE Enthusiast
 
Psychopandy's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Tauranga, BoP, NZ
Posts: 578
Psychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to beholdPsychopandy is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Cold Feet

Originally Posted by willand tina_h View Post
Hi, Im a few days behind, aint been on. I have to also say, I have the wobbles all the time lately and hubby gets me back on the straight and narrow, know how you feel with taking kids away from grandparents, I get all worked up if I sit and think of it too much however, they are supportive (at this stage anyway, dont know if it will all go wrong when or if we get approved).

Tina. x
What do you mean 'IF' that doesnt sound like positive thinking to me
Psychopandy is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.