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Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

Old Apr 15th 2013, 7:05 pm
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Default Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

I note there are a few people with similar worries! I posted the other day about whether we would need absent bio dad's permission (not on birth certificate, never bothered to meet him in his 5.5 years of life, not heard from him in 3-4yrs) to emigrate. I rang NZ house and they confirmed your opinions - no parental responsibility no right to refuse. I also mentioned that my partner who is raising him as his own would love to adopt him but not sure if we can in his absence.

Well.... a few days ago I received a belligerent email with threatening undertones saying he's decided he wants access. Totally out the blue. Sickeningly awful timing. Dreams of NZ are hanging in the balance, adoption seems like an impossible dream, and worse of all the sheer terror that this criminal thug of a man is most likely going to come along and blow apart my son's happy and stable home life with us and his brothers, teach him all the wrongs of the world, make him feel different from his brothers, disturb his relationship with the man he chooses to call daddy, all because he's snapped his fingers after 5.5yrs and decided he wants to be a dad.

Just devastated. Seeing a solicitor tomorrow. Sorry to offload.
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Old Apr 15th 2013, 7:12 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery?

Offload all you like I can't really help but there seems to be a few of you in a similar position at the moment

What brought this on? Could he have got wind of your move somehow and just wants to create trouble? Suspicious timing I would say.

Hopefully the solicitor can reassure you.

Best of luck
P
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Old Apr 15th 2013, 8:27 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery?

OMG what is it with people

Do you have evidence that you have tried to get him to have contact previously and he refused all parental rights?

as advised the only way forward for all you guys are Solicitors and possible court hearing
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Old Apr 15th 2013, 9:52 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery?

I don't see how he possibly could have. Our loved ones knew 2 years ago that we were looking ahead to emigrating someday but we had kept it very hush hush (til now) that we'd stepped things up a notch recently, nobody knew outside of us. I think it's just a horrible coincidence. I was musing earlier whether it could even be because there is a storyline on Corrie where former deadbeat dad comes back into child's life and wins her over - it wouldn't surprise me that it could be something as pathetic as a TV programme that has driven his sudden inspiration!

No real evidence no, it will be one word against another and I'm prepared for the fact that he is undoubtedly going to lie through his teeth. I could go on a long spiel here about all the chances he had and the terrible way he has treated people but I won't bore you.

Pinning a lot of hopes on the solicitors tomorrow but I've just got a sickeningly bad feeling about it all :-(
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Old Apr 15th 2013, 9:59 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

Sorry to read this Tigermama.

Seems this ex has been on the fringes all along given he knows your email addy.

Given the age of your son and that he looks to your current partner as Dad , perhaps carry on with the formal adoption. At least then , his bio father will remain just that.
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Old Apr 16th 2013, 1:32 am
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

Hope the solicitor tells you that as the father's name is not on the child's birth certificate he has no rights regarding the child's upbringing. You could also phone the childrens services contact centre in your county for advice. If he gets access would it have to be supervised ?
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Old Apr 16th 2013, 1:33 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
I note there are a few people with similar worries! I posted the other day about whether we would need absent bio dad's permission (not on birth certificate, never bothered to meet him in his 5.5 years of life, not heard from him in 3-4yrs) to emigrate. I rang NZ house and they confirmed your opinions - no parental responsibility no right to refuse. I also mentioned that my partner who is raising him as his own would love to adopt him but not sure if we can in his absence.

Well.... a few days ago I received a belligerent email with threatening undertones saying he's decided he wants access. Totally out the blue. Sickeningly awful timing. Dreams of NZ are hanging in the balance, adoption seems like an impossible dream, and worse of all the sheer terror that this criminal thug of a man is most likely going to come along and blow apart my son's happy and stable home life with us and his brothers, teach him all the wrongs of the world, make him feel different from his brothers, disturb his relationship with the man he chooses to call daddy, all because he's snapped his fingers after 5.5yrs and decided he wants to be a dad.

Just devastated. Seeing a solicitor tomorrow. Sorry to offload.
Sorry to hear this but keep hold of INZ opinion, he's not on the birth certificate, he's not the dad. Good luck xxxxx
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Old Apr 16th 2013, 7:50 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

He has and isnt anything here. To get off the starting blocks he needs to claim paternity and be successful. There will be costs to him for that. Frankly what is to stop you just ignoring his claim and disputing it if he takes it further, unless you accept and agree he is the father then he will have to prove it. If all else fails, a DNA test could not even be carried out without your permission unless a court directed it.

However you should seek some CAB type free legal advice.

Does he even have any other contact details for you, family or friends? Plenty of email goes to spam folders and is never seen....
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Old Apr 16th 2013, 9:25 pm
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Default Re: Can I add to the misery? Ex turns up after over 5 yrs.

The last comment seems like a plan
Hope your dream to emigrate becomes life. X
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