Bullying in schools
 

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/hea...uicide-attempt


This resonant with me as my daughter suffered extreme bullying in the first school she went to here, so much so she started self harming.
Did the Head anything, oh yes she did, she removed all documentation of our complaints, The Board also glossed over it and said their was no evidence, despite the fact there was, before is was removed. Mind you this Head didn't believe that dyslexia was a real thing...
I took the school to Education Minister, Hekia Parata at the time, and thankfully some measures were put in place but from what I heard not that great as problems are still on going. The head is no longer there and is no longer managing a school, I feel a smidgen of pride that us standing up for our daughter might of aided this outcome.

I have spoken to a couple of teenagers about this and they are also angry that they, as youngster, are expected to self handle this type of thing and being a bit older, now say they do not have the ideas on how to do it and do need adult intervention.
Its all very well and good having the onus on the kids to self learn but not on this sort of thing, surely...

Government need to step up

Re: Bullying in schools
 

In all my years at school in the UK I was never bullied and I never witnessed any bullying of anybody else.

I sometime wonder that if it had happened when I was at school then I might have been better able to cope with bullying when I faced it in the New Zealand workforce.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

What are schools supposed to do?

To seek power over others is an intrinsic part of social behaviour and for a few the urge is extreme. Some become leaders who inspire others to achieve greatness, others become psychopaths…sometimes both.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Doesn't seem fair that it's all the school's fault...

Re: Bullying in schools
 

It does when the school blatantly has a problem but refuse to address or even accept it is happening, destroying evidence and staff lying to keep it covered up.
The children do not have the mental capacity to handle these situations and need guidance and assurance they will be listened to and the situation addressed and more importantly sorted.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Stop bullies, I spoke just yesterday to a primary school aged kid and asked how the year was going and one of his comments was, so and so seems to have settled down as she hasn't punch anyone in the face for the last 2 weeks but I am still moving class as A and B are still picking on me, Head said as it was me and that I am a good kid he would allow it but I was not allowed to go back to so and so's class as she had already been my teacher...

Now what picture does that portray to the kids?

Re: Bullying in schools
 

I don't have children so don't have a parent's-eye view on what schools should do, but I would have thought that they should expect bullying and have a mechanism to deal with it when it happens.

My current employer publishes a list of policies for staff and on one of them highlights a zero-tolerance attitude towards bullying (and harassment). I haven't seen any of those things happen there but I think that is also a reflection on the type of people that they employ.

My previous employer was silent on the topic. That is where the bullying happened.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

It’s easy to build a robust system to deal with bullying.

What is bullying however? Let’s try some scenarios:
- If X tells a topical joke pertaining to Y and Y takes offence will this be bullying?
- Y hasn’t taken offence to the joke when told once but suddenly the joke is hold repeatedly in different contexts by A, B and C. Are A, B and C bullying Y?
- X and Y are playing rugby or soccer for PE, maybe one stands on the others hand with studded boots and the two are involved in a bit of a scrap. One now claims that being punched by the other was bullying as standing on the others hand was an honest mistake, is it?
- A, B and C have been close friend for many years and formed a desirable clique. D comes along and wants join that clique, the group agree but only if D undergoes some of initiation ritual. Is this bullying? If D goes through with it but never really gets in with the clique is this bullying?

Re: Bullying in schools
 

sounds to me like the school is being realistic while a bunch overly PC helicopter parents are trying to make an issue out of an incident involving a drama queen kid

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Bullying happens in EVERY school, including the elite ones (and, on occasion, especially the elite ones!).

The difference is in, what does staff do about it?

Sometimes the staff can't be bothered. I've seen that even in schools where victims had gotten court orders against the bullies.

Sometimes they engage proactively - and it can take a long time to have an effect.

Sometimes the parents feel their child is a victim but in actuality the child is instigating or giving as good as they are getting.

Do speak to staff if you have concerns. Even the most switched-on staff probably only have an idea of 10-15% of what is going on. Teachers and principals aren't omniscient, don't have eyes in the back of their heads and can't be everywhere at all times.

If you feel your child is being bullied, have spoken to staff and feel the staff are not responding - pull your child out.

If patterns repeat elsewhere take a hard reflective look at what is going on and at minimum involve a psychologist specialised in adolescence. The child will need that both if they are getting bullied everywhere, or if they are instigating and the parent is just oblivious.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Some schools, bullying does not exist, this coincides with a great head teacher.

this all about leadership

I was at a private school for 10 years, bullying, some of it savage, did take place.

New headmaster who did not accept that '' boys will be boys'' etc dealt with it firmly. Those days corporal punishment did exist along with suspension and expulsion. Parental involvement was a given as they would have to collect their child if suspended or expelled....the walk of shame etc.

On one occasion a particularly nasty scroat received 6 of the very best whilst his parents waited outside to take him home....he never returned.


Sadly those days are gone, suspension and expulsion are the only means of protecting victims. A bit like the only suspended sentence worth having was at the end of a rope, etc

Re: Bullying in schools
 

If bullying happens in school, it must be the school's fault
If it happens on a bus it's the bus company's fault
If it happens in a field, it's the field owners fault
If it happens in a concert, it's Ed Sheeran's fault.

etc

Maybe a bully is who is responsible for the bullying?

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Minors are not thought to be responsible for anything, adults are. Perhaps you missed the point here about bullying at schools by children as opposed to adults who are deemed to be responsible for their behaviours.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

You are spot on, it is the bullies fault.

However, especially where schools are concerned, the Head, teachers and governors etc, have a duty of care. Instead of taking the easy road and moving the person being bullied into another class where it could happen again, they should be confronting the bully and giving them the support then need to stop.

Not all bullies are bad, some have issues at home etc.

Victims should never feel like they are being punished.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Agree with all of that, too

Re: Bullying in schools
 

My son was badly bullied in his second year of Italian middle school aged 12. His school teachers had had lots of notes from me which were all ignored so when his bicycle tyres and saddle got slashed with a Stanley knife I marched straight into the Headmaster's office. That useless twatting bastardo almost pushed me out of his office saying that "all boys are the same at that age and your son probably isn't a saint either." I didn't even get the chance to say that we weren't talking about name calling but physical abuse and damage to personal property. His little plastic briefcase type thing with his Geometry textbooks in it, designs and projects went missing one day. The school caretaker found it a fortnight later thrown under some bushes at the edge of the school yard, soaked through with rain and everything inside it ruined. I'm not easily intimidated but I knew that the Headmaster had no intention of listening to me so I wrote a two page letter to the school and sent it by registered to be signed for post and then I would always have proof that the school had received and signed for it.

Some months later two lads beat my Alex up on his way home from school. He was walking home with two girls that live close to us and the two lads were behind them verbally abusing them all. When Alex heard one say "get him" he dropped his backpack and made a dash for it. The bigger lad caught him and held him in a headlock whilst the other boy made a running kick to his stomach and then carried on bashing him in the stomach with his knee. They punched his face and carried on kicking him when he was down on the pavement. They only ran away when a lady stopped her car because the girls were screaming, one of them was in the middle of the road picking up Alex's glasses and Alex was still down and still getting kicked.

At hospital he had x-rays on his face and arm and then an ultrasound scan of his abdomen which showed a puddle of liquid. We were told that we would not be allowed home until they knew if the puddle was from his spleen or his intestines. We were told that if it was a slow leak then the puddle would get bigger and they'd have to operate, or it could be trauma from all the kicking and the puddle would get reabsorbed. Alex was on a drip with no food or drink in case of emergency surgery and every three hours he was wheeled off for another scan. We spent all afternoon and all night on the paediatric ward and were allowed home at about 6pm the following day.

The police were involved and Alex was able to give them the names and surnames of the two boys. He also told the police that he didn't know the name of the nice lady that stopped and made the bullies run away but she works in the Coop supermarket. When we got home his class teacher telephoned to say that they'd heard what had happened to Alex and we were in their prayers but as he'd been beaten up outside school then the school wasn't legally responsible. I don't know how I managed to stay civil (but curt) and not tell her where to shove her useless prayers and her laws.

The next day the Maresciallo Mr High Up in the police ranks here came to our house for a chat with Alex and I was able to give him copies of the notes and letter I'd sent to the school. He was disgusted, especially when I told him I'd never had a reply to that registered letter. He also said that I couldn't sue the school on any legal grounds but there wasn't anything stopping him from walking into that Headmaster's office and having a "chat" with him. I told him to kick his arse. He also told us that whilst Alex was in hospital he'd been to the homes of the two boys and told their parents exactly what they had done and that we would be pressing charges. Neither of the boys' parents had any idea of what they had done. One father seemed to be very shocked that his son was a violent bully and the other didn't give a damn.

Alex was at home for a week. When that week with the papers from the hospital was up I told Alex that I was quite happy for his own GP to sign him off until the summer holidays which were about 20 days away and that she would give him a sick certificate if he didn't want to go back. He was getting bored at home though, wanted to see his friends and he was also scared of missing too many lessons and tests and ending up with a bad end of year report card.

So he went back to school and the first thing he saw when he walked into his classroom was one of the bullies smirking at him and telling him that "he'd beat him up better next time". The idiot teachers hadn't even moved him to another class. As soon as I found out I rang his teacher and asked her if she was stark staring mad and that it didn't take a degree in psychology to know that Alex could not turn up there everyday knowing that the bully was just a couple of desks away from him and threatening him. The school was absolutely useless. Nobody got suspended, nobody got moved to another class. They didn't have a school assembly to talk about bullying. No leaflets or letters were given out against bullying. No videos were shown. The police weren't asked to go in and hold an assembly. Alex's class teacher had a talk with Alex's classmates whilst he was at home in place of her usual Italian lesson but only because the girls were visibly upset, some crying, asking the bully if he knew what he'd done to Alex and why was he laughing and she couldn't carry on with her usual lesson.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Lovely to see you here Lorna and I did think immediately of you and your son when I saw this thread title.

I've held off and will hold off personally venting about this. I was badly bullied both physically and physiologically by a gang of boys when I was 9. Why? Because I was new to the school. Because I was a bright bubbly friendly little girl then. Because I was bright in that class although at that time I didn't realise it was not the done thing to answer questions , pay attention and do the work. It had a lasting effect for many years.
I've no desire to bring to the surface incredibly bad memories of that time but I will add this. The school teacher and head masters answer to the problem was to sit me next to the ring leader.

Suffice to say it makes me sad and also angry that many schools are still not dealing with this as they should.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Love you Bevs. My little revenge is that I work with lots of middle schools and High Schools as a hired language expert - language assistant kind of thing so I get to meet and know lots of teachers. I get to bad-mouth Alex's old school and the twatting Headmaster to lots of people and I know they have a pass it on gossip system. I will carry on bad mouthing that school and the bastardo Headmaster until I have breath in my body.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

I knew a little of Alex's ordeal but my that was something. :thumbdown:

What is also the problem, is that kids have this idea of not snitching, why and how this no snitching thing became a thing is beyond me. We as parents need to empower our kids and the younger generation to actually speak out and say, no that is not ok and I am not allowing you to do that to me. We as adults need to support that and listen.
Snitching should be the thing to do not the thing not to do. I was fortunate with my daughter that a pupil in her class came to me and told me she was self harming because of the bullying. I immediately removed her from the school, this after months of making complaints, being ignored and then as previously stated having our complaints disappear from the records.

Re: Bullying in schools
 

Good grief, some of the comments on here lead me to believe some humans are completely devoid of common sense or any understanding of what bullying means to others.

It's not a silly joke that falls flat, it's not a single shove, kick, punch, it's not calling someone a rude name. It's an ongoing, relentless barrage of all the above to the point that a rational, intelligent, happy child or adult feels sick the entire time, dreads going to school or work, freezes when they see their assailant and in a worse case scenario causes them to end their own lives.

Just because you've not experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean the bullied needs to pull themselves together, it means one person or persons are deliberately targetting another person or persons simply because they don't like the colour of their tie or hair or anything. It's not done because the bullied has it coming or because they've done something wrong. It happens because some low life thinks they have a valid reason to hurt another person.

If that occurs in the work place or the school or the gym or anywhere where there are people in authority over the bully and the bullied they have a duty of care to have rules in place to stop it or prevent it starting in the first place. Yes the blame is at the hands of the bully but that doesn't absolve other people from trying to find a way to stop it.