Bridge burning.

Old Oct 27th 2009, 3:39 am
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Default Bridge burning.

Are you about to or did you burn bridges to come to NZ? When we came it was do or die, no going back and a major bridge destruction operation!!! Not sure why, I guess I wanted a mind set that would not be changed. I guess also at 45 years of age i felt I needed a HUGE change and not one 'just for a few years'. I wanted to do 'the move' forever and a day. How about you guys?

I have occasionaly had the VERY odd pang to return home but it exited my small mind as soon as it entered it..a bit like wanting to call an old flame to see how they are getting on..probably not a very good idea..well not in 'Dom's world' anyways!!!!!

Almost 5 years away and I feel even more estranged from the Uk and the family I was born into. I feel NO sense of loss..just one of HUGE gain infact (I guess that is the upside to not being close to your siblings or parents).

I feel for those who have the need to do the 'moving thing' yet have VERY strong ties with their kin back in the UK. Kate was such a case and it took 5 years of bleating (quietly) from me how much better off we would be in NZ. She still loves her sister and Dad even more these days but can see the angst of being so far from those she really loves is sooooooooooooooo worth it to be here with such wonderful lives.

I feel truly blessed to have been given the chance to live here. What lucky people (in the main) we are. Cue the pyton line...."You lucky, lucky bastard"

Last edited by Genesis; Oct 27th 2009 at 3:42 am.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 5:13 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

I think I am very similiar to you! We sold up and shipped everything. I think perhaps subconsciously, it means you have to throw yourself into your new life with the absence of a safety net to run back to if you do have the odd "off" day. For me anyway!

I speak with my mum every week (), my Dad maybe once or twice a month, my brother once every 4-6 months but we email and Facebook fairly regularly. The rest of our family very seldom, but they will always just be a phonecall away. We've had my m um out to visit for THREE MONTHS and next year we have SIL, MIL and 2 nieces, my mum and my 2 brothers and my Dad and step-mum throughout the year. Thankfully not all together - that would be ridiculous!

We have such a good support network here that we've built up over the years for which I am very grateful.

I have no desire to return to the UK at the moment - that may well change and when it does I will return for a visit - funds and time allowing! But I'm sure I'll be pleased to come "home!"
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 5:16 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

oooh if i were a psychologist i think i would have hours of fun with you after a statement like that.

I burnt no bridges, we moved because we felt the uk was changing and we didnt like
what we could see it changing in to.
i love my family and they understood our reasons for leaving.
there was no "never going back" moments and as much as we are enjoying NZ
we are still not sure it is the place we will finally call home
I dont think we are lucky to be here, we have both worked hard in our careers
and have skills that NZ needs.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 5:57 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

[QUOTE=colandros;8047668]oooh if i were a psychologist i think i would have hours of fun with you after a statement like that.


If you mean me you would. I am madder than Mad Mc Mad on St Mad's day.

As mad as the proverbial brush. Which is nice
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 5:59 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Originally Posted by colandros View Post
oooh if i were a psychologist i think i would have hours of fun with you after a statement like that.

I burnt no bridges, we moved because we felt the uk was changing and we didnt like
what we could see it changing in to.
i love my family and they understood our reasons for leaving.
there was no "never going back" moments and as much as we are enjoying NZ
we are still not sure it is the place we will finally call home
I dont think we are lucky to be here, we have both worked hard in our careers
and have skills that NZ needs.
You know when I arrived in NZ at the tender age of 45 and a half I really, honestly felt like I had REALLY come home. They say home is where your heart is and my heart is FIRMLY in NZ. I feel like I belong for the first time.. I felt nothing of the same in the UK..always outta place. But then agin I am half Irish the other French.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 6:16 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Hold on a minute Genesis.

You came to NZ with enough to buy a house outright and renovate it and to also invest a sizeable sum of money. There may also be a UK career related pension or a UK final salary pension about. Also, there are monies re. your OH which have been invested overseas.

Is that correct?

If so, then with all due respect for your love of your life and lifestyle in NZ , you did not burn your bridges.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 7:36 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

I felt like I was home when I came here too.
I feel more accepted here in NZ than i ever did in the UK
In the Uk I had become fearful but not here, well not so much here, I am by nature slightly neurotic!

I didn't burn any bridges...I don't believe in that..and wouldn't properly know how to anyway.
My family are not close, but we are not distant either...we catch up regularly...well with mum and dad any way. My sister and I are only sporadic communicators any way.

Would I go back?
Well I plan an OE when my daughter turns 18

And sometimes I like the idea of it...but I like the security of here, I like being a paper kiwi. I have been here for half my adult life and can imagine the time when I have spent more time here than in the UK.

I think my process was easier here as I have given myself totally to NZ..like an old fashioned permissive bride!
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 8:44 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

when it comes to burning bridges, i am the firestarter, for i have most relatives already emmigrated or seriously considering it!!
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 9:01 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
Hold on a minute Genesis.

You came to NZ with enough to buy a house outright and renovate it and to also invest a sizeable sum of money. There may also be a UK career related pension or a UK final salary pension about. Also, there are monies re. your OH which have been invested overseas.

Is that correct?

If so, then with all due respect for your love of your life and lifestyle in NZ , you did not burn your bridges.
We sold our house, gave up 2 careers, irrespective of them not going well they were given up and not put on hold as you can do with some public sector jobs......ie I could have taken up to a 10 yr career break with my job, I didn't I gave up a salary close to 40k GBP..I did not put it on hold.

We cashed in everything leaving a small amount in a UK account. We sold not rented our house. I told everyone it was a PERMANENT move. I went with a mind set of NEVER returning. If that's not burning your bridges I don't know what is.

I guess the main bridge burn is selling your house innit? So many people chose to hang on to their UK property so return is TOTALLY viable even when house prices could potentially rocket in your absence.

I have a piddly 10 year cops pension worth bugger all and Kate's mum died over 2 years after we got here so the money from her does not get factored in to what we did the 2 years previously.

As for coming over here with 20 years of Uk house equity how does that negate bridge burning? I have nothing left to return to in the UK. I could have come with 2 million I would still have had nothing or no reason to return to the UK..the capital we had to come over here is irrelevant IMO. I bet there are some who come with way more than what we had BUT still keep their house in the UK, thus a reason to return. We didn't. We did burn all our bridges IMO.

I guess it depends on how you see bridge burning. You appear to think that because in your opinion we came 'wedged up' there was nothing to burn, well I don't agree.

Last edited by Genesis; Oct 27th 2009 at 9:17 am.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 9:14 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
Hold on a minute Genesis.

You came to NZ with enough to buy a house outright and renovate it and to also invest a sizeable sum of money. There may also be a UK career related pension or a UK final salary pension about. Also, there are monies re. your OH which have been invested overseas.

Is that correct?

If so, then with all due respect for your love of your life and lifestyle in NZ , you did not burn your bridges.
Further more why on earth can we not work out that we will be HUGELY better off in NZ than in Britain AND then burn our bridges. You seem to imply that if you have what you perceive as wealth you are not in a position to burn bridges.

Well how about this? I bought a house in NZ that I doubt (for many a reaso ) no one will ever buy. We are WELL and truly stuck with it. I bought it 4 days after arriving in NZ. Can you burn bridges post hocta proc? If so will you deem to allow me to have burned my bridges albeit unwittingly.

I guess you could say we are 'stuck' in NZ as all our money is tied up in a white elephant..or a latte one.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 10:02 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

No bridges burned here they just have faded and collapsed with time and the new foundations been built in New Zealand.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 11:02 am
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post

We cashed in everything leaving a small amount in a UK account. We sold not rented our house. I told everyone it was a PERMANENT move. I went with a mind set of NEVER returning. If that's not burning your bridges I don't know what is.

I guess the main bridge burn is selling your house innit? So many people chose to hang on to their UK property so return is TOTALLY viable even when house prices could potentially rocket in your absence.
You seem to think that you are unusual and did something exceptional, I don't get it - if you didn't it wouldn't be called emigrating would it? How many people can afford to come here and start afresh without bringing the proceeds of a house sale in the UK or elsewhere? I don't think that many people come here as light-heartedly as your posts suggest, shipping all their wordly goods and uprooting their families with a half-hearted effort and expecting to be able to return. Most put their heart and soul, along with everything they own on the line to move here and you posts condescend all those that didn't do it YOUR way or aren't possibly be as happy as you are, because they somehow don't come up to your standard of what constitutes full commitment or didn't have the strength or your superior attitude to making things work here.

We came here the same as most do, giving up secure jobs, selling our home with nothing to go back to. We don't even have anywhere to stay if we returned for a visit, I phone my family every week, cry like a baby when they visit and leave me here in NZ. I don't feel blessed or bitter or special, I did this, it was my choice and I get on and live with the consequences. I could actually be anywhere in the world and the same would be true. I don't happen to think NZ has anything special or opportunities that are not available elsewhere either - especially not so if you have a few quids in the bank and the world is your lobster.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 12:12 pm
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

If not NZ, We will go somewhere else, there has to be plan B if we don't get PR. I don't think I would go back to the U.K. wherever we end up.
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 1:33 pm
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

In our case, if we sell our house to start there, (still a big if, not sure we'll ever get there ), then we'll have burnt our bridges because the way the real estate market is here in Egypt there's no way we would be able to afford a similar house again. But like Perry said, we want out of here, and if it's not New Zealand we'll be looking into Canada (again).

We had initially thought of keeping the house here but there's no way we could make it without the money from the house plus we didn't want to have any worries that come with running a property from the other side of the world. At this point I just hope NZIS accepts us!
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Old Oct 27th 2009, 5:59 pm
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Default Re: Bridge burning.

Bridge burning suggests making it impossible to return. I'm not entirely sure how you manage to do that outside of renouncing British citizenship (and even then you can apply to get it back).
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