malcoltom

In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a penny" is not to be used after 31st December 2009
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As of this date, the correct terminology will be: "Euronating"

dollface

Is it any wonder you're from The Wirral!

I like your persistence though - keep up te good work!

malcoltom

[QUOTE=dollface;7671392]Is it any wonder you're from The Wirral!

Whats that supposed to mean?

malcoltom

A virgin gets married to a guy who is renowned for being particularly well-endowed in the underpants department. She's a bit nervous about the wedding night and explains this to her new husband.
Being sympathetic, he works out a way around this - he'll show her his private part bit by bit.
The wife is lying naked in bed when she suddenly see three inches of his old man poking through the door. "Are you sure you're not nervous yet?" Her husband asks.
"No I'm OK" she replies from inside the giant wedding bed.
Another two inches of private appears.
"Are you still alright in there?" He calls.
"Yes I'm still OK" she replies with a nervous smile.
When another three inches appear in the doorway, she calls out happy, "I'm still not nervous darling!"
"OK", her husband replies, "Then i'll start coming up the stairs."

malcoltom

A Policeman drives up to a Scousers house with an arrest warrant for a recent spate of car thefts, he knocks on the door and a woman answers.
He says, "Hello, does Terry Scallie live here?"
"Yes" says the woman
"Is he in?" he asks.
"No" says the woman
"Do you know where he is?" asks the copper.
"Yes" says the woman "He's just gone to give his friend Barry a lift home."
"Do you know what car he is driving?" asks the copper.
"Yes" says the woman "Right now he's driving a white Ford Transit van with blue flashing lights on the top."

malcoltom

A gay guy goes to the Doctor with a little discomfort in his bum.
The Dr. bends him over for the examination and after a few seconds says,
"Well it looks to me sir as though you have a bunch of flowers crammed up your rectum".
"Oooh," says the gay. "Don't just stand there Doctor....... read the card".

malcoltom

was in a local Irish bar last night and someone asked the band to do something typically Irish.
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So they went outside and tarmacced the road.

dollface

[QUOTE=malcoltom;7673189] At last a break in the momentum!!!! love The Wirral!

malcoltom

Ha Ha He He, there coming to take me away, Ha Ha He He

malcoltom

Only another 26 posts on this thread and i reach 1000.

dollface

to the funny farm..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2bwLOagul8

dollface

You really are Barking aren't you??

But bloody well done!! impressive in a weird kind of way

malcoltom

June 1944 (D-Day -1) A British Major is addressing his men:
Tonight at midnight we will parachute into German territory, we will be landing under heavy fire. Many of you will be injured, Many will die.
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The worst news however, We're going to help the French..

malcoltom

man walks into the doctors and says, "I think there may be something stuck up my bum."
Doctor says, "May I take a look?"
The man bends over and the doctor says, "There's money stuck up there."
The man replies, "How much?"
Doctor replies, "£1900."
Man says "I knew I didn't feel two grand."

malcoltom

An Englishman and a Scotsman are on a flight to Australia.
The Scottish man believes all Englishmen are stupid so he thought of an idea to try and fool the Englishman man into giving him his money, to pass the time.
'Fancy a game of Quiz to pass the time' he asks
The Englishman declines and grumpily says he would prefer to sleep but after some persuasion he agrees to the game.
'OK' the Scotsman says, 'The rules are, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you give me a fiver. Then you ask me a question and if i can't answer il give you £500.
Naturally the Englishman agrees to these terms.
The Scotsman looks around for inspiration before asking 'How far is it from the Earth to the Sun?'
After some consideration the Englishman accepts he does not know and hands the Scotsman a fiver before attempting to go back to sleep.
The Scotsman isn't happy and rouses the Englishman:
'Ok, now you have to ask me a question'
The Englishman thinks before asking 'What goes up a hill with 3 legs, but comes down with 4?' before going back to sleep
The Scotsman is baffled, he looks it up on the internet and calls his friends for help, before waking the Englishman and sourly admitting he does not know and hands the Englishman £500 as agreed.
The Englishman takes it before going back to sleep.
The Scotsman, very frustrated now says: 'Well?! What goes up a hill with 3 legs but comes down with 4?'
'For ***** sake' the Englishman says before handing the Scotsman a fiver.