moving2NZ2013

Yes I'm homesick

Some days it's a fleeting thought other days in sooo miserable.

I miss England I miss English people. The sense of humour.

I miss old friends.
The price of things as you get ripped off here.


I don't miss the crowds.
It the weather. Lol

Sparkleydiva

Been here for getting on 8 years now and it wasnt until 2 years ago that the homesickness struck and for me hasnever gone away. Dealing with it is hard and there is no right or wrong ways either.

I miss the shopping and availability of stuff. I feel that the world is happening outside of New Zealand and my recent trip to america only made this worse.

I really like nz wine but you cant beat a nice chablis - had some on sunday but as is so expensive it is a treat.

Im with you on so many of the things you say, i have no answers but just to say you are not alone, it may lessen with time and to take care

Bo-Jangles

I know that feeling!! It does seem to be a common theme to have these thoughts and be knocked sideways when returning here after having been away or after family visits. You get a heightened sense of missing out on 'life' on the outside and all manner of things and thoughts are brought to the fore. Hope you guys manage to shake it off.

BEVS

You are not alone with that feeling.

moving2NZ2013

Yes! Sometimes in this town I feel like I'm in te Truman show.

Or some kind of parallel universe. It's a weird feeling.

Sparkleydiva

Good to know im not alone with this one

scrubbedexpat094

I do feel for you Tom and anyone else who is going through it right now. Have had some very unpleasant bouts of it over the past 8 years, it's bloody horrible. I'm in a settled phase currently but I'm aware that it could strike at any moment.

I'm afraid I don't have any sage advice, I can't really say how I've got through my episodes of it. All I know is that I have shed a lot of tears and that my thoughts have been desperate at times. I do try and surround myself with both people who understand who I can pour my heart out to and people who can make me laugh, if only for a short while. Seems to help. Of course my natural inclination as someone who also suffers from depression is to hide myself away.

The feeling of being 'trapped' here has exacerbated my homesickness in the past, so I now put in place a plan to leave in a year's time. I can then work towards that by getting the house in order to sell etc. After a few months the homesickness has subsided and I don't need that plan anymore. That has helped my mindset enormously. I don't know whether it would work for you.
In the short-term I try and do some fun things.

Wish I could give you a big hug Tom but a cyber one will have to suffice chuck x

mrsmcgoo

Been through that feeling many times over the 14 years I've been here. Still don't feel settled and having just moved rural has made things worse I feel. Need to convince the hubby to go back to the UK for a bit - gonna be a tough job though lol. Feel all the similar things to many already stated, expensive, wages not comparable to cost of living, lack of infrastructure, availability of everyday products (thank goodness for Ebay), me being only child to mum in her 70s in UK. Feeling on a bit of a 'downer' at the moment as have just moved rural. Stunning view but no work and getting poorer by the year. I feel a trip will be in order next year to decide permanently I think as the last time I went back was 2011 for my Dad's funeral

Justcol

the wisest words in the thread so far

Cindyf67

This is the one thing that terrifies me. We are currently still debating moving to NZ. My sister lives in Woodford Green, i live near Lakeside and both have great bars, restaurants etc but also VERY expensive to live in, particularly woodford green. Wanstead and South Woodford. The UK has changed so much. I love my job in the city, but I want a "better" life for my family (we have a 3 year old daughter) long term. I can wholly understand how you feel. I know my niece is very happy in NZ she lived in Woodford Green before she left the UK. She has met some lovely people and works very hard. She loves it there. I think wherever you come from you always get that "pang" of going "home". I wish you all the luck and admire you made the leap, and all the other people on here it takes a lot of courage to "change".

lardyl

They don't call it the NZ village for nothing.
Feelings of separation and those of being trapped in the land that time forgot (well a little anyway) can make this much worse.
I call the current residence, Orewa, Darby-and-Joan-by-the-Sea and if you live here and have to do anything in town during the day you'll know why. But then I suppose Bournemouth is a bit like that, a la Squeeze and "Labelled with Love".
Only cure I can really think of is a bit of heart surgery, although a regular infusion of outdoor life and the odd palliative trip to somewhere nice overseas would maybe help. Plus a regular dose of Wellington, which to me is the place in NZ that is most like a "real" city, like the Manchesters, Londons and Birminghams I lived in before. It's got a centre, a bit of life choice and a feel of being in the heart of a place. Don't feel the same about Auckland and haven't had time to take in enough of pre-quake Christchurch.
Unfortunately the low skill low wage economy prevalent in much of NZ along with the distances involved mean little overseas travel for many - - we only managed one holiday out of NZ in 8 years and that was a trip back to Blighty.

Sparkleydiva

I call the current residence, Orewa, Darby-and-Joan-by-the-Sea and if you live here and have to do anything in town during the day you'll know why.

You are so right... I avoid it most of the time. Wednesdays in new world are particularly bad

scrubbedexpat094

Please don't avoid Centrestage though

Tom H

Some great words of advice, in particular the 'never underestimate'

We had friends of ours who moved to Australia, became homesick and moved back to England. 3 months later, they were back in Australia. That's the one thing I don't want to do, hence the homesickness being worse than I thought. It's even worse that we have kids here, and can see an upbringing in Pegasus that I could only dream of back in England. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh

One thing I have noticed is that salaries in England seem to be paying a lot better now than they did, and it seems job security is more stable. During the GFC, there is no way you would have got the job I do paying 50,000 in Sheffield. 50k in Sheffield is similar to 175k in Christchurch, a dream of a salary that'll get you by easily.

Some of me wishes I never went to England now as I never would have thought i'd be like this. Seeing what I had, realizing that it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. Seeing that it's not gone to the dogs, it's not full of drunken idiots that just want to go to Spain - London on a Thursday night, seeing hoards of colleagues having a drink together, civilized and they're off home between 6 and 7. I believe Wellington and Auckland may be similar, and there probably are businesses in Dunedin and Christchurch that do. It's just very rare and doesn't help that you have to drive in the South Island. I think that's one big thing that I miss, decent public transport where you are not over relying on your car to get from A to B.

Anyway something to make it easier, I have May to look forward to now as Iron Maiden are coming to New Zealand. Something that'll hopefully make the return journey on New Years Eve a bit more bearable.

Thanks for the advice, it's not just me that's experiencing or experienced it.

lardyl

Having been around these parts of BE on and off for a while makes me think that one mindset that some of us get into with the big move is to kind of exaggerate the things we want to get away from when we leave our current home. So what you say Tom about how things are not as bad in reality as you thought they were when you left or people told you they were since you left perhaps could be linked to this.
Perhaps the subconscious trying to internalise the move and justify to ourselves that we did the right thing to protect us from the homesickness or overcome any other issues that arise??
If so then I suppose this can wear off (as in when the honeymoon is over) and homesickness can strike when you least expect it. Not just for that reason but what with all the other large and small issues in life - bereavements, new births, those rites of passage and symbols of our humanity that we all seem to rely on. Synergistic effects on the mind are pretty complicated things especially when you add in all the stresses of coming to terms with a new or somewhat different way of life.
In the end I suppose we all have to find the place where we are most able to deal with it, perhaps a little outside the comfort zone and compromise over what isn't so important to benefit from what is.