Tom H

Anyone suffered or suffering from it??


I went back to the UK for 7 days - mostly for business reasons but returned to my old digs, spent the bank holiday weekend in magical Bournemouth and then worked in London till my afternoon flight to Auckland via LA on the Friday.


I thought I would never write this, nor thought i'd suffer homesickness but boy I did not want to board that plane on Friday. For the first time in the 4 years of being away, I did not want to return to New Zealand. I longed for the wife and kids to be in a house in Wanstead or South Woodford (one of the places we lived when both worked in London) and also - wished for the fun little activities that Bournemouth beach has. You don't see amusement/arcades on the beaches here (well I've never seen them in the South Island), Urban Beach on Boscombe beach is brilliant and rarely gets fly swarms (the only negative of the fabulous beach bar on Sumner) and activities such as the train rides, pitches - really opens up to the kids to use. New Brighton beach is good I accept that, I don't want to go on a UK v NZ comparison - but gosh you realize what you are missing when you go back and see.


I felt that you don't know what you had until it's gone came and hit me. Things like the commute into London, I enjoyed the sardine race again. I enjoyed the buzz that London has, the mass amount of culture there is - Clapham area has a huge cultural area - from the buzz of the streets, to the slums of the Winstanley Estate. Oh and I hugely recommend the Crowne Plaza hotel at the Heliport - to be a four star and same rating as the Copthorne Hotel in Auckland overlooking the promenade was a shock. I look forward to using the City Hotel as I've heard excellent reviews in Auckland but the Copthorne is awful and makes a mockery of 4 star hotels.


Supermarket shopping made me want to cry. When I saw the price of NZ lamb at 2.99 a kilo, it made me sick. How can that with all the exports etc it goes through be a better deal than the amazing mad butcher special deal of lamb steaks priced at $24.99 a kilo! We get better wine deals here and New Zealand wine has to be one of the best there is. It's a shame though that we only have NZ wine in the supermarkets with a lot of Australian, South African and I've noticed a few South American wines coming through. There's a huge amount of European wines that I think only Fresh Choice and the off licences seem to sell and they're expensive. A nice French Chablis for example, ooh tasty!


I'm going back for the whole month and will experience other areas such as Plymouth, Birmingham, Sheffield, York etc so am hoping for the sake of the family here that my homesickness goes. We have a fabulous place to bring the kids up here, in Pegasus and you would do well to find somewhere like Pegasus in Britain. But my goodness, Wanstead high street - Bournemouth beach and Meyrick Park - certainly acceptable to bring up kids.


How can one deal with homesickness??? Not even pictures of Diane Abbott and Tony Blair are helping

dannigirl

I think whoever can solve the homesickness conundrum would be very rich!!! I totally get what you mean about the little activities for people on UK beaches. The UK is extremely stimulating and I can now see how people think NZ is boring.

It would have been my complete nightmare to go an "urban" beach, sand shipped in for the summer, heaving crowds, chip vans galore...but there is a quality of British culture that I admire, making the best of what you've have got and embracing it.

Don't get me wrong I love an empty beach, but I would occasionally like a bit more to do here. The shame of it in my mind is the UK and NZ are fairly extreme to one another.

I don't think I'll ever be completely content anywhere ever again. Growing up in NZ but spending a large majority of my adult life in the UK means I appreciate and hate things in equal measures in both countries

I'm afraid there is no easy answer and wherever you go you need to accept the compromises you will make! Not much help am I. This bloody miserable weather is making me feel all maudlin today.

paulh71

Hi

I moved to NZ a week ago and I can totally understand what you mean. Its very quiet compared to the UK and not necessarily in a good way.

London is a great place and and I don't think you will ever get near that in NZ from what I have seen.

Its early days for me but I would be keen to get in touch with some expats and try to build up a bit of a network, feel very isolated at the moment.

Best Wishes

snaps

Paulh71 - You may wish to add a location, there maybe someone in that area.

paulh71

Thanks, now added

Moses2013

How can you deal with it? I think you just need to ask yourself why you moved to New Zealand in the first place, but I wouldn't see the point of staying in New Zealand if you have homesickness all the time. Maybe it's just a one off thing, but you'll see. There are many reasons why people move, but one thing that people always say is that they moved to New Zealand for that outdoor life. I know I always say it, but there are plenty of options in the UK and Ireland if people are looking for those things, without being too isolated. If you can get a job back home and can make a living there, it wouldn't be a failure returning home.

Justcol

Im in Cambridge NZ maybe we can organise a boat race

paulh71

Lol, that sounds like a good idea

bourbon-biscuit

Home sickness is just awful; I'm really sorry you're experiencing it. Mine has waxed and waned over the years. Sometimes it is just a background thing I hardly notice - like a hangnail - and sometimes it can feel tsunami-like in its strength and I am just about hanging in there. Fortunately for me the latter is uncommon, although sadly more common since my 7 month spell in the UK a few years ago.

Hang in there.

Justcol

I used to be quite dismissive of homesickness. I had a little when I first arrived 8 years ago but it soon passed and I put it down to simply being new to NZ.
That was until about 10 months ago, I had to go home for a week, I didn't like it, I felt like an alien, I had nothing in common with the people I saw there.
I'd been back in NZ for a month or two and then it swept over me like a wave, I could do nothing to prevent it and couldn't ignore it, hoping it would go away.
I looked very seriously into going home, however, my wife is a kiwi and the bureaucracy, cost and job insecurities involved in getting us both over there
proved just too much for me and I am now resigned to never living there again.
I am the only member of my family here, my parents, brothers and children are all in the UK. I wrestled with the fact that I will simply be a photograph on
a shelf, should any grandchildren come along, that was hard, but Ill cope. In the mean time I try make the most of what NZ offers, I love the space here,
I love the pace of life, I have more friends than I have ever had and I can still get my favourite pint of boddingtons in my local pub, so its not all bad.

I have no advice on how to cope with your feelings, it's a personal thing for each of us and something we all deal with in different ways.

I just hope whatever you decide in the future is the right decision and gives you peace of mind

LauraNotts

Yeah thats a toughie. I like my life here I have good friends and a good job, there is enough for me and I can cope with the stuff like grocery prices and power prices. Its worth it to look up and see the Southern Cross or Milford Sound from the air or any of the hundreds of moments of wonder and growth that being a migrant has given me. I struggle more with feeling my family are living without me. I dont want to lose touch and drift into like Col says being a photo on a shelf. I guess for me I know I idealise going home but in reality I know I would regret it and would miss NZ. In 18 months when my residency visa becomes permanent I think I may look at some time in the UK just to get a realistic appraisal of where I do want to be and where is best for me. I still think the answer will be NZ but I am prepared that it might not be.

JaneRiley

It drove me back to the UK in 2012. It was a pain that wouldn't go away. Regretted going back after a very short while and now going back to NZ. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT but try to cure it by being kinder to yourself. In retrospect a holiday would have helped.

BEVS

Wise words above so I won't bother to add to that.

Rotten , debilitating feeling that comes over you in waves or niggles away in the background. It is a bit like bereavement. You think you are OK and then whoosh , even years after it can bubble up to the surface & you miss that person so much it hurts .

I simply hope that the feeling fades off for you TomH. Summer is coming and so is

IrishPom

I've been here for 9 years with my wife and two boys, still get homesick but not as bad as it used to be

It's a powerful feeling, the only way I coped with it for a while was to have an emergency fund with enough money for the flight back

No regrets though and it's a great place for kids but don't think I'll ever really settlle, but can't see myself going back

I know someone who went back to the UK then wanted to come back over again, he couldn't settle anywhere

It's complicated and pulls you all over the place but hopefully you work it out

barnsleymat

I know exactly where you're coming from Tom, got me exactly the same when I went home for a whirlwind visit in July.

At first I felt a bit like an outsider but once that wore off I was loving it. After not leaving NZ since the day we landed 4 and a half years ago it makes you realise what a nursing home NZ is. Like a nursing home it's a bit old fashioned, the pace of life is painfully slow, the outside world feels like it doesn't exist, the food is sugary, nothing much really happens, you don't get out much, it costs a fortune to stay, the main topic of conversation is the weather, you don't get many visitors and there's bugger all on the telly.

I know so many who have gone back recently and know even more who are planning on returning, my best mate and his bird have been back in blighty for the last 5 weeks and 3 weeks ago he messaged me to tell me that was that, they'll be coming back to NZ for a bit but they were heading back to the UK and I can't blame them.