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Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Old Nov 22nd 2019, 9:57 pm
  #91  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Originally Posted by Flipper_ View Post
Hi. I’m new to the site. I joined just to comment on this thread!

I am from the Lake District and have lived in NZ for 5 years in feb. Met my kiwi partner in Lancaster in 2014, moved to NZ with him in 2015, Had twins in 2016 and now pregnant with our third (due June 2020).

We have been back home in 2017 & just recently in August and when I am there I feel so happy and complete, I dread coming back to NZ and when I’m back I just feel deflated. I am so lonely here, I don’t like anything about NZ - apart from the summer weather - which I can do without. I miss my mum, dad and grandma and everything about the UK.
For 5 years I’ve said how much I miss it and I’d move home in a heartbeat.

My partner LOVES the UK and wouldn’t mind living there either. After coming back from UK in September I said, I need to move back for my sanity and I’d rather do it before the boys get much older. He somewhat agreed but since then has gone on about how he is pretty well set up here, can take over his fathers business, has a house, has land to build another, how it would break his parents hearts etc etc.

Not forgetting my parents hearts are broken not having us close with their first grandchildren (partner has two siblings who both live in NZ - there’s chance for them to have more grandchildren here but not for my parents as my sister lives in aus, has no strong desire to have children and hates the UK) so I don’t think that’s a fair comment to make as they have had us so close (living next door) for 5 years.

That’s another thing that restricts us here in NZ too, we can’t even move from here, from right next door to his parents. The thought of living here for the rest of my life makes me sick and full of constant worry and anxiety.

I feel my partner does not understand/or want to try to understand how I feel at all. Having another child has really made me feel EVEN more strongly and I already felt so strongly before. My partner has said I have to pay for his visa, because he paid for mine (which is fair enough) but I am a cleaner 2x a week and he works full time, so it would take me 104632026years to save $3000. It honestly breaks my heart. All our money goes on saving for our next trip for UK (every two years) & we don’t go on any holidays/trips in between because we can’t afford it (unless it’s a wedding of friends)

Speaking of friends, I have no strong desire to see any friends here in NZ & only meet up because I feel I have to, most of the time. I feel if I don’t, people will stop bothering with me and they already don’t bother with me too much cos everyone’s busy.
It sounds so horrible but if I was to move tomorrow and not say bye/need to see them in NZ again, I don’t think I’d be bothered. I am on medication for depression and anxiety and go to bed early every night, once my kids are in bed, because i feel better sleeping to just end the day. I am only happy when spending time with my children, when I’m working or they’re not with me(at grandparents or daycare) I feel so so lost, lonely and just angry.

I could go on and on and on. I’d move back to the UK in a heartbreat with no hesitation at all. I hate everything about my life here and know I would be 100000% happier in the UK, meaning I would be a better, healthier, happier person and mother. I feel like I snap and shout too much because i am so down. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to be over. I’m going to miss the best days of my children’s lives feeling like this and soon they’ll be gone, kids will move out and I will be alone , partner and I will probably be separated the way things are going.

if you’ve read this far, well done & Thankyou!

Hey Flipper - well this was pretty heart breaking to read, and I can totally relate to how you feel. I stick with the sentiment of if you want anything badly enough you can make it happen but obviously it takes time, pain, money and sacrifices. Don't live a lie, you only live once. Check out some of the responses on this thread around the #20's - seems like there are people in situations where you might be in a few years time if you can't wither move back or make some big changes to make it work over there for you. If you partner loves you he will listen and consider your happiness - if not there is a fundamental problem there.

I know the things such as nice houses, land to build on, amazing beaches close by - all seem to be big factors in making people stay but for me (and don't let my decision or argument sway yours as everyone is different) I thought even with the beautiful house we had and great lifestyle - if we decided to move back in ten years but my parents or sister were dead, we will have missed out on that and you can't get that time back or buy it back even if I'd made loads of money over there. It wasn't worth it. I grew up in Lancaster but my parents were from down south so we didn't see grandparents often - I didn't want that for our daughter. The Lakes are the icing on the cake - somewhere I used to work in my early twenties as well as every other weekend being dragged up there as a young kid walking. I missed it the whole time we were away - we once watched Steve Coogans The Trip when in NZ and it made me physically ache to be back here (sounds ridiculous but true).

That said I loved my time in NZ. Its just for me its time had come to a end and at my age (late thirties) there are certain things I wanted back in my life for all of us, and things that life had taught me that weren't so important that I could do without. Maybe this is called growing up!???

I think someone commented on here about feeling alive again after being back in the UK for a while - its a good way of describing it. Life is more raw here in many ways, maybe you see a lot more good and bad that it awakens your senses somehow.

So my advice is talk, work out your real options and make changes whatever they are that will help your happiness. Change is the hardest thing - which is why most people don't do it. Good luck and keep us posted how you go Flipper.

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Old Nov 24th 2019, 7:11 am
  #92  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Originally Posted by Flipper_ View Post
Hi. I’m new to the site. I joined just to comment on this thread!

I am from the Lake District and have lived in NZ for 5 years in feb. Met my kiwi partner in Lancaster in 2014, moved to NZ with him in 2015, Had twins in 2016 and now pregnant with our third (due June 2020).

We have been back home in 2017 & just recently in August and when I am there I feel so happy and complete, I dread coming back to NZ and when I’m back I just feel deflated. I am so lonely here, I don’t like anything about NZ - apart from the summer weather - which I can do without. I miss my mum, dad and grandma and everything about the UK.
For 5 years I’ve said how much I miss it and I’d move home in a heartbeat.

My partner LOVES the UK and wouldn’t mind living there either. After coming back from UK in September I said, I need to move back for my sanity and I’d rather do it before the boys get much older. He somewhat agreed but since then has gone on about how he is pretty well set up here, can take over his fathers business, has a house, has land to build another, how it would break his parents hearts etc etc.

Not forgetting my parents hearts are broken not having us close with their first grandchildren (partner has two siblings who both live in NZ - there’s chance for them to have more grandchildren here but not for my parents as my sister lives in aus, has no strong desire to have children and hates the UK) so I don’t think that’s a fair comment to make as they have had us so close (living next door) for 5 years.

That’s another thing that restricts us here in NZ too, we can’t even move from here, from right next door to his parents. The thought of living here for the rest of my life makes me sick and full of constant worry and anxiety.

I feel my partner does not understand/or want to try to understand how I feel at all. Having another child has really made me feel EVEN more strongly and I already felt so strongly before. My partner has said I have to pay for his visa, because he paid for mine (which is fair enough) but I am a cleaner 2x a week and he works full time, so it would take me 104632026years to save $3000. It honestly breaks my heart. All our money goes on saving for our next trip for UK (every two years) & we don’t go on any holidays/trips in between because we can’t afford it (unless it’s a wedding of friends)

Speaking of friends, I have no strong desire to see any friends here in NZ & only meet up because I feel I have to, most of the time. I feel if I don’t, people will stop bothering with me and they already don’t bother with me too much cos everyone’s busy.
It sounds so horrible but if I was to move tomorrow and not say bye/need to see them in NZ again, I don’t think I’d be bothered. I am on medication for depression and anxiety and go to bed early every night, once my kids are in bed, because i feel better sleeping to just end the day. I am only happy when spending time with my children, when I’m working or they’re not with me(at grandparents or daycare) I feel so so lost, lonely and just angry.

I could go on and on and on. I’d move back to the UK in a heartbreat with no hesitation at all. I hate everything about my life here and know I would be 100000% happier in the UK, meaning I would be a better, healthier, happier person and mother. I feel like I snap and shout too much because i am so down. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to be over. I’m going to miss the best days of my children’s lives feeling like this and soon they’ll be gone, kids will move out and I will be alone , partner and I will probably be separated the way things are going.

if you’ve read this far, well done & Thankyou!
Hi Flipper
Very sorry to read your comment and can totally identify and feel your pain. Do you think you could convince your partner to maybe return to UK for a fixed period of time, say 3 years or so? It might help if you both look upon it as a temporary period of time to see how it goes and how you both feel at the end of the day. I think the worst thing when you are feeling so unhappy is the feeling that everything is permanent and that there's no alternative. Giving yourself some time back in UK might help you begin to feel stronger emotionally and might even help you to see things a little more objectively. The worst feeling in the world is that feeling of isolation and despair and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, whereas in reality there is always an alternative that can be worked out once you are back in a stronger frame of mind. You never know, after three years back in UK, you might even wish you were back in NZ...and of not, you will be in a stronger position to evaluate your options at that time.. I do hope you are feeling better soon and wish you all the very best with whatever you decide to do.
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Old Nov 24th 2019, 8:44 am
  #93  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Originally Posted by Flipper_ View Post
Hi. I’m new to the site. I joined just to comment on this thread!

I am from the Lake District and have lived in NZ for 5 years in feb. Met my kiwi partner in Lancaster in 2014, moved to NZ with him in 2015, Had twins in 2016 and now pregnant with our third (due June 2020).

We have been back home in 2017 & just recently in August and when I am there I feel so happy and complete, I dread coming back to NZ and when I’m back I just feel deflated. I am so lonely here, I don’t like anything about NZ - apart from the summer weather - which I can do without. I miss my mum, dad and grandma and everything about the UK.
For 5 years I’ve said how much I miss it and I’d move home in a heartbeat.

My partner LOVES the UK and wouldn’t mind living there either. After coming back from UK in September I said, I need to move back for my sanity and I’d rather do it before the boys get much older. He somewhat agreed but since then has gone on about how he is pretty well set up here, can take over his fathers business, has a house, has land to build another, how it would break his parents hearts etc etc.

Not forgetting my parents hearts are broken not having us close with their first grandchildren (partner has two siblings who both live in NZ - there’s chance for them to have more grandchildren here but not for my parents as my sister lives in aus, has no strong desire to have children and hates the UK) so I don’t think that’s a fair comment to make as they have had us so close (living next door) for 5 years.

That’s another thing that restricts us here in NZ too, we can’t even move from here, from right next door to his parents. The thought of living here for the rest of my life makes me sick and full of constant worry and anxiety.

I feel my partner does not understand/or want to try to understand how I feel at all. Having another child has really made me feel EVEN more strongly and I already felt so strongly before. My partner has said I have to pay for his visa, because he paid for mine (which is fair enough) but I am a cleaner 2x a week and he works full time, so it would take me 104632026years to save $3000. It honestly breaks my heart. All our money goes on saving for our next trip for UK (every two years) & we don’t go on any holidays/trips in between because we can’t afford it (unless it’s a wedding of friends)

Speaking of friends, I have no strong desire to see any friends here in NZ & only meet up because I feel I have to, most of the time. I feel if I don’t, people will stop bothering with me and they already don’t bother with me too much cos everyone’s busy.
It sounds so horrible but if I was to move tomorrow and not say bye/need to see them in NZ again, I don’t think I’d be bothered. I am on medication for depression and anxiety and go to bed early every night, once my kids are in bed, because i feel better sleeping to just end the day. I am only happy when spending time with my children, when I’m working or they’re not with me(at grandparents or daycare) I feel so so lost, lonely and just angry.

I could go on and on and on. I’d move back to the UK in a heartbreat with no hesitation at all. I hate everything about my life here and know I would be 100000% happier in the UK, meaning I would be a better, healthier, happier person and mother. I feel like I snap and shout too much because i am so down. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to be over. I’m going to miss the best days of my children’s lives feeling like this and soon they’ll be gone, kids will move out and I will be alone , partner and I will probably be separated the way things are going.

if you’ve read this far, well done & Thankyou!
Heartbreaking to read. I hope you find a resolution soon. Where abouts are you in NZ flipper?
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Old Nov 24th 2019, 8:20 pm
  #94  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Thankyou so much for your replies.

I know this probably isn’t the best place to write all that, but I very much needed to get it off my chest. So Thankyou.

I’ve spoken to my partner over the last couple of days and he has said give him two years to do what he needs (knock his house down, build two on the land & get us some money) because of course you need money to move. My only concern is that after two years then do we apply for the visa and then it take another two years?! Which will make me into my 30s. But I guess it’s the only option I have at the moment. I said I would give him two years and if nothing has changed I will have to up and go. Which is heartbreaking for the kids, but I do feel they need a happy home life and if I was to stay here they’d have a VERY miserable mum and dad too as our relationship wouldn’t last, I would feel utter resentment for making me wait and waste another 2 years feeling unhappy. I have read all the replies on this post, which made me feel not so alone but also that I wasn’t just being spoilt and wanting to move home for the sake of it. This is real. Yes, you only live once and you never know what life will hold.

Partner says I don’t help myself or make myself feel happier by going on walks or exercise - they are the last things I feel like doing. I am so miserable and at the moment, morning sickness is terrible. Oh well.

I live just outside of wellington

Thanks for reading again. I’m sure I will keep you updated, if you don’t mind, I feel this is a safe space to let it out.

Flipper.

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Old Nov 24th 2019, 11:08 pm
  #95  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Originally Posted by Flipper_ View Post
Thankyou so much for your replies.

I know this probably isn’t the best place to write all that, but I very much needed to get it off my chest. So Thankyou.

I’ve spoken to my partner over the last couple of days and he has said give him two years to do what he needs (knock his house down, build two on the land & get us some money) because of course you need money to move. My only concern is that after two years then do we apply for the visa and then it take another two years?! Which will make me into my 30s. But I guess it’s the only option I have at the moment. I said I would give him two years and if nothing has changed I will have to up and go. Which is heartbreaking for the kids, but I do feel they need a happy home life and if I was to stay here they’d have a VERY miserable mum and dad too as our relationship wouldn’t last, I would feel utter resentment for making me wait and waste another 2 years feeling unhappy. I have read all the replies on this post, which made me feel not so alone but also that I wasn’t just being spoilt and wanting to move home for the sake of it. This is real. Yes, you only live once and you never know what life will hold.

Partner says I don’t help myself or make myself feel happier by going on walks or exercise - they are the last things I feel like doing. I am so miserable and at the moment, morning sickness is terrible. Oh well.

I live just outside of wellington

Thanks for reading again. I’m sure I will keep you updated, if you don’t mind, I feel this is a safe space to let it out.

Flipper.

Homesickness and morning sickness must be rough as hell, no wonder leaving the house is the last thing you want to do.

I'm on the Kapiti Coast (Pram Beach), just moved here from Backbarrow 2 months ago (originally from Sedbergh, my husband is from Kendal). If you feel like you need a "no judgement off load" to a fellow Cumbrian mum, i'm here.

Stacey



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Old Nov 26th 2019, 7:03 am
  #96  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Hi Scheck (Stacey) How are you finding Kapiti so far?i have a friend who moved to Sedburgh recently. Her husband is the house master for the private boys school. Lovely place. So, I tried to message you on this site but it didn’t work. <snip for privacy>

Last edited by BEVS; Nov 26th 2019 at 9:39 pm. Reason: snip for privacy reasons. PM should be good to go.
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Old Nov 26th 2019, 9:38 pm
  #97  
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Default Re: Anyone moved back from NZ to the Lake District UK?

Originally Posted by Flipper_ View Post
So, I tried to message you on this site but it didn’t work.
It should do now. Try again.

BTW. I will snip out the bit of your post which leads to your FB account. Not that it isn't OK to share that here but it is that as this is an open public forum anyone could look in to see the info, even without being a member. Just for your privacy is all.

Hope everything feels better soon somehow.
I am very familiar with homesickness and a wish to be in the UK even though I have been in now for over 15 yrs. I am not near you though as I am outside of Nelson.

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