macslass

Starting new thread on this one. Just found out I'm 16 weeks pregnant with 4th son. Was planning on coming over with husbands work to Auckland in sept but now staying for birth with a view to potential move January. Son 1 will be 5, son 2 will be 3, son 3 will be almost 2 and obviously newborn. No help in Nz and husband will be working lots. No. Of babies doesn't phase me and I plan on getting to work a few months later. Husband thinks emigration plans should be shelved and that we're mad to consider it now with no. 4. Anyone else move with lots of toddlers and cope? We have no real help here so I don't see the difference. Am I being unrealistic?

hazeandsteve

Any industrial equipment supplier can get a box of 200 pairs of ear plugs to be distributed on the plane. Aside from that, just say stuff it, have a go!

j19fmm

So when does OH consider it to be a good time???? If the lack of backup doesn't phase you then jump ! And enjoy it xxx

Buzzy--Bee

We emigrated with twin just-two year olds. Like you we had no help in the UK and no help in Australia so there wasn't much difference.

You'll make lots of friends through baby, toddler groups etc and your eldest will be going to school.

I think your husband might be using the kids ages as an excuse for not wanting to go for other reasons.

BB

luvwelly

4 kids under 5 and OH doesn't want to go....he obviously would rather not go as the others have said. Is it a good idea with no support? Not really i.m.h.o. - it's hard enough with no support with school age kids.
Does it even stack up financially re child benefits paid in the countries and childcare costs etc? There may be sound financial reasons for a delay/rethink.

Also do you really want to actively deny 4 kids access to their grandparents?

ble

When we moved across 4.5 years ago (how time flies) my kids were 3.5yrs, 2yrs and 7wks.
I will be totally honest, it was hard work. We moved out to rural canterbury, were I have family (aunt and cousins) being from NZ, my parents and siblings are all in the NI. I had had a brilliant support network in Scotland with friends and my in-laws, and I really noticed the difference, just for the simple things in life - like a hair cut in peace. (actually that hasn't changed, still have'nt had one recently in peace - meant to do it before our baby number 4 arrived 3 months ago).
I found this area very hard to intigrate into. But I wonder if that was just this area.
A uni friend of mine moved into the city of Chch and she seems to have found it easier. MInd you - she also only had one toddler.

I can recall people seeing all my small children and not really wanting to set up a coffee date or anything. I can only assume that it was all a bit much in one go. People I had met back when I was at Uni here who had one or maybe two children, would say, yes, lets met and then never offer a time.

Of course that may have just been me - lol - I reckon I am pretty likable and my kids are fairly well behaved, but then again maybe I am biased.

I personally found that the local play centre was horrid, and that the plunket only had 'mothers' groups out here for new mums. So I was unlucky in that respect. But I have heard good tales about other groups in other regions.


Obviously my friends back in teh UK had been there as the family grew, not hit with it all at once.


Only you will know how much support you need and what you are like after 4 days of no adult contact.
You only get one shot at life. And you will never know until you try it. Nothing in life is set in stone.
While the kids are young is a good time to try things if you can.

We have now been here almost long enough for hubby to get his passport, and then after that the world is our oyster. We are planning to move back to the UK in a year or so for a time. But that is us.

P18PPS

We moved over with 2, had another and have another on the way - to be really honest the younger the children the more support there is for you - plunket, playgroups, activities, church groups etc. I have found that the best friends I have made have been through the little ones and providing you put yourself 'out there' and I've likened it many times to 'pimping' yourself trying to solicit friendships wherever you can you do get the returns. It probably took me a good 2 years to forge and build those friendships, but I now have a network of friends with children the same ages as mine whom I know I could call anytime night or day to help out with emergencies/babysitting/chin-wag etc etc.

The days of having grandparents on hand to take the children for a weekend whilst me and hubby have a weekend away are a long distant memory, however in Auckland in the area where we live it is a breeding ground for expats and kiwis alike so everyone seems to be in the same boat and your escapism becomes the friends around you instead.

Playing devils advocate - moving will be difficult at anytime - there is no 'right' time, maybe if your hubby is having second thoughts it's not just purely based on the support issue...?

good luck with your decision.

Genesis

I was 46 year old bloke when I moved here with twin girls of 2 and a lad aged 4. I was an ex copper who knew nothing of child rearing. In the UK I was the main earner thus a new life as a 'kitchen bitch' in a new land with no friends or family was a tad tricky (and Kate working full time SHIFT work!!). I just got on with it and threw all my energy in going to toddler groups. It was hard but we got thru. So no, even with another in tow I don't think you are being unrealistic. Come over, enjoy the experience..your kids will love the kiwi way I am sure!!

j19fmm

Good grief, I'm in the same country as my parents and have never had such support. In fact my mother hasn't seen her grandchildren or contacted us for nearly 4 years.
My support system was my baby groups xx

dannigirl

Is your oldest son just going into Year 1 in September...if so, maybe it makes sense to move sooner rather than later so as not to disturb his year too much.

I agree with the other posts though, surely there is no "right" time to move with FOUR kids You are brave!!!!!

How much support do you have now though from family? I think people really underestimate how important family is until they move away, am sure you have considered all that. Family support is the biggest thing I have missed whilst living away from both sides of our family....we have very little support in London (other than friends - where favours and babysitting are reciprocated).

Not sure grandparents looking after children it is the way of the world any more though, grandparents are getting older (as in people are waiting to have their kids until more financially stable etc) and many people still have to work well into retirement age!

Good luck!

Am Loolah

I wouldn't worry yourself too much. My four kids were much older than yours when I made the move, but a neighbour of mine has just emigrated here with a 7 week old in tow!

As for support systems, again it depends on what you are currently used to? I had little support from Grandparents in the UK so it was of no consequence to me. And in answer to another's question regarding fairness in removing your children from access to their Grandparents. I had to practically beg my father to visit his fourth Granddaughter before she turned 1. He lived a 3 hour drive away. It just didn't matter to him.