jjthefridge

Hi Guys,

Havn't posted for along time, well had ITA all paper work comming together, then it all went pear shaped with ex-partner. left the house ex shredded all visa stuff, not good, Now have new girlfriend, although i've known her for 2 years ish. so withdrawn application, as can't get any stuff from old house, and new partner doesn't me to go.

She knows its its my dream to go to nz, employers still have jobs open and say when i come to nz there's a job waiting. She has kids with her ex, akward.

If there were no kids involved she would go with me(once we'd lived together for at least 12months), its early days for us 3 months ish. so need tine together any way.

Anyone had any similar experiences? is there any easy way to show her about life in nz without throwing down her throat constantly? been told by quiet afew people just go, and find a kiwi partner.


How s the warmer weather in nz???


cheers

j.j.

CarolineSwan

wow you have had it hard, sorry to be blunt but 3 months?? i wouldn't give my dream up for this.. i mean who knows if your going to be together forever, i would just go and start afresh otherwise you will resent her later on , esp if you split up

caz

TeamEmbo

Tough choice. So basically you either come over to NZ and live your dream, or stay put and put your dreams to one side in favour of a new girlfriends wishes and live your life putting her needs, kids and ex before your own? Taking the emotion out of it, my advice would be for you to come over and give it a go here. You have a job to come to and no baggage. You might hate it here and realise its not all its cracked up to be. You might get here and feel right at home and have a ball. You get one life, as far as we know. You've only been involved with your new girlfriend 3 months and bringing up someone elses kids and playing second fiddle to the ex at times is bloody hard work. I dunno, I mean it could all work out fine. She could be the love of your life. If she is, though, she'll understand that you at least need to try and live your dream. Try suggesting you come over and take up your job and she comes out for a holiday a few months down the line, once you're settled, so she can see how she likes it? Let's face it you don't have to stay here if you don't like it and realise you'd rather be back there with her. To be honest I'd do that sooner rather than later. I don't know how old the kids involved here are but it can be very unsettling for them having people popping in and out of their lives. Sorry, this probably sounds really confusing and maybe a tad harsh but really I guess it comes down to what you personally can live with and without. Good luck whatever you decide

iwannagonow

Well said Teamembo

I totally agree!

It's gonna be a tough decision, but decide what's best for YOU, not your ex, or your girlfriend, or your girlfriend's ex, or your girlfriend's kids!

Good luck wherever you end up x

jjthefridge

hi all

cheers for the replys, all taken on board, trouble is emotions get involved, i've got to wait for house with ex to get sorted out, get a bit of cash behind me, then see how i feel watch this space, i'll be in nz one day.

see ya

j.j

eddie_nz

ditch the GF come out on your own if you want to.

known each other 3 months her kids her ex to much gearing and way to much paperwork.

brussels_sprout

The worst thing you could do is to emigrate to NZ in an unstable relationship with wife/gf . NZ has the most draconian anti-male legislation in the world. If you live together (anywhere) for 3 years, it is considered as a defacto "marriage" and the woman will be to claim 50% or much more of your wealth. If kids are involved, then that is when men are really,really screwed, things are bad in England, but believe me, it is far far worse here. Women here deliberately break up after 3 years to take advantage of these laws.

Also be careful of bringing ALL your money here, women here can claim your money from before you met them IF you have "Comingled" it with a local account. Avoid buying a house unless SHE contributes towards the mortgage, if she refuses, LEAVE her very quickly

Some Kiwi men have married women from third world countries, and as soon as the women arrive, they make up false allegations of "Domestic Violence" and steal HIS house, furniture, get DPB (Social Security), free legal aid, AND AUTOMATIC RESIDENCE PERMIT. The man is out on the street in just his clothes although he was born in NZ ! Kiwi born men have less rights than third world women who have been in the country a few months, it is all incredible until you experience it. Indian women from Fiji are famous for this "trick"

I would come over by yourself, apparently in the news there is a massive man shortage. Most women here are OK, find a good Kiwi one, just be careful about the gold diggers, men must protect and inform themselves, we must try to be much less emotionally dependent on females in view of all the anti-male laws

Best wishes, whatever you do to make you happy, it seems to me best if you stay in England for the moment, from what you describe.
Afterwards persuade her about the merits of NZ , such as being fantastic place for bringing up families. In the future, houses will be a lot more affordable here too (now they are not ).

I would have thought that you MUST have been able to get your belongings by now ?