scrubbedexpat094

Oh and be careful what you wish for with visitors. We had a so-called friend stayed with us from Christmas eve until the 18th Jan. She was a nightmare, talk about a rude, arrogant, narcissistic, free-loading, miserable so & so.

Me & the OH are off visitors. I used to complain that we didn't get many, now I hope we don't get any for about the next 100 years

Snap Shot

Oh I knew that when we got to NZ we would not get any visitors. No one would really be bothered. The same people who couldn't be bothered to visit when they lived 10 miles away from us in Britain.

We had one visitor who was an acquaintance of mine who had her travelling companions with her. A couple of hours visit on a Sunday afternoon was acceptable to all.

None of my relatives really have the money or the motivation to come. Suits me !

GoingIn2011

There's always a chance you're going to hate it and there will certainly be some things that won't live up to your expectations but other things that exceed them. At the end of the day, don't listen to people trying to sew seeds of doubt - it's your call, your life, and only you will be able to judge whether it's for you or not (and most likely only once you've got here). You would spend your life wondering what might have been if you don't give it a go. That's the thing that ultimately did it for us, and we don't regret it (not overall).

My wife started work today after being here a while and she commented that she could see One Tree Hill and Mount Eden from the staff room, and said she thought "I flipping love New Zealand". Given that she used to work in a grim inner city, I can see her point. It really depends on what floats your boat.

On a related note, we had residency for Australia in 2004 which ran out in 2009. The regret at not taking that up - we stayed in the UK - was too much to bear. Don't live a life of regret...

Synky

That's good advice. Better to regret something you have done?

simonsi

"Hide" or go nuclear and "unfriend" him :-)

GoingIn2011

This is common to our family too. It just comes down to jealously, a wee bit of tosser-syndrome, and ignorance.

love30stm

No he's still my brother I just ignore his comments

love30stm

TommyLuck

MAMMOTH POST ALERT!!!

To the OP;

I can totally realate and I don't leave the UK until May!!!

For what it's worth, my family though the news did upset them no-one has tried to cast doubt on my move. My mother, normally the moral and emotional rock of the family was the most emotional, in tears she hugged me so hard I could barely breathe;

"I knew it would happen one day. If I was in your postion and had the opportunity when I was your age, I too would have gone in a heartbeat. However, none of this makes it any easier."

The hugging and crying continued for a further 20 minutes, which felt like 20 days.

No guilt trip, except a minor inference about taking a grandchild away, quickly batted back with the fact that she has 5 others with one more on the way and she shouldn't be so greedy

Apart from that everyone else has been surprisingly postive. Telling me they'll be sad to see me go, but it's an opportunity to be explored. Realtively speaking I've always been the pioneer in the family this hasn't suprised anyone.

So DESPITE no one trying to make this emotionally difficult for me, I still find myself on a yo-yo of emotion, having spent the last 3 weeks on a high of postivei emotion, for no apparent reason I'm not on a downward turn of emotion. I'm suddenly thinking about all the money I'm spending on this when it's not a sure thing.

What if I don't like it? What happens if I can't get a job? What happen's if I get a job and don't like it? What if I get homesick? What if ... ? What if ... ? What it ... ?

I'm a naturally optimistic person and feel that I create my own 'luck'.

The rational me realises that no matter how optimistic a person you are, we are human and we will all have doubts, which will, presumably, only be exacerbated by angry/upset relatives and friends - who also happen to be human ...

I move to New Zealand in the knowledge that;

i.) We have enough money to see us through at least 12 months with no employment, though clearly we would both would rather be working within days of arriving in NZ than weeks or months.

ii.) Both my wife and I are in contact with our present employers about work in NZ - mine a Global Information Corperation with offices in Auckland and Wellington. The OH has been a NZ public servant for over 10 years and counting ...

iii.) We have as many, if not more friends and family in and around Auckland than we do here in London.

iv.) We have a car waiting for us in NZ, which is useful.


Reading this list will make it apparent to any reader why the rational me is well up for this move and why the decision has been made to give the move a go.

But right now, as I type, for some reason I AM BRICKING IT!!!

I expect this time next week, I'll be full of beans again saying BRING IT ON!!!


You can't prepare for the emotions you will feel. I feel sad that you have family members, loved ones apparently actively trying to make you feel mentally unstable about your decision to move. To add to this you go it alone, at least at first.

As northeastlad said, you have already made your decision by committing the time, effort and money to all the paperwork and I reckon you'll be devastated with yourself for getting this far and not getting on the plane.

TommyLuck

FWIW - If there was such an award, barnsleymat would be, in my opinion, the best poster on here for his unique combination of balanced views, humour and refreshing honesty

Good on ya

Persephone

All completely normal feelings M andM

I found that the doubts and worries all became much more acute as the time to leave got closer. It all became so much more 'real'
I found myself wondering how I could have gone through the whole visa and preparation to emigrate process without actually thinking about what I was doing. In reality I had considered it fully of course.

I was lucky in that everyone supported me. My Mam had some doubts though they were more to do with the idea that I'd move and leave a full time job rather than where I was going to [she had the same reaction when I moved to London, Yorkshire and SW England!] She cannot see the desire to live anywhere other than where you were brought up. My Dad told me to go for it

It is hard and getting on that aeroplane is really really hard but for me it was worth it in the end. You wouldn't have got this far down the line if you weren't committed. I repeat what others have said - if you feel that you'd look back and wonder 'what if' then come over. That was the attitude I came over with but I was also realistic and realised that it may not be for me. I vowed not to have regrets if it didn't work out.

So ride with those emotions, it is normal, we all go through it.

Good luck
P

M_and_M

Hey thank you so much guys. It makes me feel a lot better knowing you all have felt the same and can relate.

I am committed - or I wouldn't have a temporary and permanent visa application forms ready to go (because the job starts before the permanent will be processed)

Hubby staying behind has no doubts at all. He says its only money, we have no kids, so what's the problem!

You're right, the family who live driving distance right now never visit, so nothing will change! Mother says that she refuses to lern to use Skype, but hubby says she WILL learn when she discovers its the only way!

If it was easy, everyone would do it, right?

And if I lived on doubts, I would still live in the same town I was born in (which incidentally I don't!)

Thanks for the reassurance.

Life's an adventure, and you only get one chance, eh?

Synky

I try and think of what is the worst that could happen and usually it isn't as bad as you think or has a solution.

We are all here to help if we can

Persephone

It does help to know it's normal, to know that these aren't signs that it is all a big mistake and that you should stay where you are. They're just normal doubts that anyone would get when about to embark on a major life change.
You'll be fine!

One thing: Most of us would agree that it's best to go to the airport alone. My Dad took me and really I wish he hadn't. It would have been better to do the goodbyes in private and then concentrate on getting through the airport. I ended up crying my eyes out, took forever going round the corner after security and then had to run for the gate. You only end up leaving the goodbyes until the latest possible moment.
Way too stressful for me - I was alone as well so no one after security to take my mind off it!

M_and_M

I hadn't thought of that, but you're right, it could turn an airport departure into a nightmare! The problem is she would want to be there, despite what I said!