Arran1989

Hello,

Without giving my full life story, I have basically reached what I feel like is a crossroads in my life. Been here 8.5 years after meeting my kiwi partner, we're a gay couple, I am 31 he is about to turn 40. Life has been great, but since buying our first home a year ago, things haven't been great. Covid19 was the cherry on the cake. I am feeling very dissatisfied, mixture of homesickness, not happy with my career, feeling like I am just brain drained and living in a rural town which I just hate. There is SO much more to this story but I'd need to write a book probably.

I really want to move back to the UK and start again, it will mean splitting with my partner, selling our house and somehow untangling my life here and moving back to uk, i'd have to move back to my mums probably and she lives outside of Skipton. I work in banking currently, and I just have no idea what to do or where i would need to start, I am nervous obviously as its a huge step with so many unknowns but got the point where i can't let hat fear stop me like i think it has many times in the past.

Should I sell house, untangle life and then move back and find a job or get a job lined up before returning? I feel like my CV is rubbish (it probably isn't) but I just look at jobs online and I would want a salary of $30k GBP which is near what I get paid now, I currently work in mortgage side of the bank here in NZ and I love what I do but I need to up-skill more and ideally really would like to expand my career and become a mortgage advisor, i have no knowledge of uk banking though, so I fear i'd have to start again and be on like 19k GBP. I wish I knew someone in this area.

I don't feel like i've got hard skills, mostly soft skills, I really do feel like NZ has drained me of skills and growth to be honest, I find it very challenging here.

Ideally I would like to be close to my family and I'd even consider starting up near where my mum lives for now as a starting point, but then wonder should I just start somewhere in a brand new city? I don't know what the rental situation is like and I would like to own my own house. I think having lived overseas, i'd be open minded to new cities in UK; before I left I studied in York and i went to college in Leeds, I don't really want to go back to these places, London terrifies me and Manchester I am not keen on. I just want a good, job a cosy place of my own and live in a nice place that isnt too crazy, I can deal with towns like the size of York. I think if we sold this house I think i'd get $50,000 NZD back so I guess that would sort of help me on return to UK. Gosh its going to be a nightmare not properly broken up yet but its just going that way, its really sad to be honest but I just need to do this for me, as selfish as that sounds.

I just want to be back in the UK, but I am trying to think and be realistic, I am so nervous of going back as family and people I know think i'd be stupid to do this. I wish i'd done it way earlier on in my 20s I just felt that NZ was the best place but it's just not doing it for me, Just feel like life is too short and I am so unhappy at the moment and can't continue feeling like this. My partner has been amazing, but i just don't feel like he gets it and I feel like i'm growing up and just need to re-calibrate my life.

Thanks for reading, listening. And there is so much more to the above but trying to keep it short, but boy am I confused !

scot47

Banks are shrinking very fast in the UK. I assume that means that the job prospects in that sector are poor. is life in a small town in England so different from NZ ?. Maybe stay in NZ but move to a bigger town ?

Charismatic

As mentioned above I'd give it a year or two for banks to finish laying off staff after Brexit and the NHS to clean up the pandemic.

I've never been sure that moving countries makes people happier in itself but if it forces them into the positive changes they need within their lives (e.g. reconnecting with family, pursuing new careers, changing to healthier lifestyles, taking up a cause that's important to them etc.) then it coukd be said to be helpful. Buddhist like to stress the impermanence of life "all life is change" so why fear what is inevitable? ​​​​​​

Clappy

You are young and I expect that you will need to think a bit bigger than that - robo-advice will work fine for these type of products and is very close to being ready here and in the UK so I think that all the face-to-face banking jobs have a short lifespan ahead of them.

Clappy

Serious answer now.
I have seen posts on this site from several people that get frustrated by the shortcomings here, I am one of them, but right now in the middle of the current crisis, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Moses2013

Sorry off topic but although the banks are laying off staff everywhere, there does seem to be a lot of other opportunities away from retail banking. I have a cousin who works for a financial company in Dublin and they seem to be doing very well with plenty of UK applicants who were hired. Won't help the OP of course but at least it gives young Brits in banking an option closer to home, especially those who want to have an EU passport.

LittleGreyCat

This seems to be very much like the posts on here from time to time from people wanting to move to NZ.

They are unsettled and unhappy and have decided that moving to another country will solve their problems.

The standard response is that this is running away from something, which is not usually a good thing.
Running towards something, a better job or a bigger house or a new lifestyle while you are well grounded currently is more likely to succeed.

It does sound as though full commitment - buying a house together and settling down - has rocked your boat enormously.
Have you asked your partner about moving to the UK as a couple? You haven't touched on this.
Would selling the house (or your share) and moving away to somewhere else in NZ reduce or solve your problems?
You could move (back?) to where you don't feel trapped and bored without completely trashing your current life.
You could perhaps move to a new job to extend your qualifications.

The UK is not a good place to be at the moment and many would gladly swap the boring life in NZ to the lockdown and erratic government in the UK.
This is certainly not a good time to move.

I would at a minimum wait until the lock downs have ended, Covid infection rates are low, and there has been time for the impact of the end of Transition and the new rules to have settled into the economy.
The last thing you want is to move and be unemployed.

Charismatic

Indeed, Ireland is such a fantastic country as well. It's just a shame that the weather is so...soft.

scot47

A Geographical Change does not solve the basic problems of life. "Caelum, non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt."as the Ancient Romans said

Moses2013

I don't find it that bad to be honest and if you are used to places around Dunedin and UK, it's a bit of both worlds. Spain was also cheap enough to buy, so we usually just drive down there if we really need it (not during Covid though). I'd probably also happily live in Cornwall if they had decent paid jobs and it was still EU.I can imagine that homesickness is a struggle and there is not much you can do against it. Otherwise a move within NZ could make sense.

Tumbling_Dice

I can't comment on your general situation in NZ, but in terms of career options in the UK, I would avoid retail banking like the plague. That is not to say, however, that a career in mortgage advice is off the table - I have plenty of contacts still in the UK who have gone out on their own and doing very well in this very narrow field. Mortgage applications are a lot more complex these days and a good independent mortgage advisor can be worth their weight in gold. I do think, however, that the FCA have higher educational requirements these days than just the old CeMAP qualification.

You may also want to look into becoming a trainee IFA. You will have 2-3 years of hard study to get the level 4 qualification but I know from my UK contacts that there is a shortage of new entrants to that profession and a lot of older IFAs simultaneously looking at retirement. I think you are likely young enough to be able to get into some sort of training program. There is no danger of robo advice get in the way of this type of career for the next 20-30 years.

Don't be discouraged about career options in financial advice but you will need to do some serious research.

Gypsy888

Are you kidding? My kiwi husband and I have been living here in a small village near Knaresborough in North Yorkshire for 15 months now after leaving Nelson on the South Island. We feel so trapped. Businesses are going bankrupt left, right and centre, tons of unemployed people going off the edge, social-distancing preventing us seeing friends or family, no pubs open (major drama there!) It's an absolute nightmare. I work for Track & Trace and it's heartbreaking. We had been planning this move back to my 'home country' for a few years and deeply regret it now. I've had 2 aunties die and I didn't get to see them beforehand and because of Covid couldn't even attend their funerals.
Be grateful for what New Zealand CAN offer you. I always thought the grass was greener on the other side, but after getting to the 'other side' a few times now, I realise it's just as brown as the side I came from. It's a state of mind thing, we all have things to be grateful for and that give us joy, I choose happiness over misery.

morpeth

The Cemap Certification given by the London Institute of Banking and Finance would be a good idea to have, and there are online courses not too expensive- and meets the requirements of the FCA for mortgage advisors. This would expand the job possibilities beyond banks to mortgage brokers or some of the new Fin Tech companies. It would provide a UK employer a bit more comfort.

As far as the rest my comment would be don't get wrapped up in details- first decide whether you want to move or not based on where you would be happier. I would have thought for the long run New Zealand would offer more opportunities and a better standard of living, but at 31 you have time to create your own opportunities in the UK just might take a while. .

leroyS

Move back. You sound unhappy. Totally relate to how you feel, I felt myself losing intelligence just by dealing with kiwis and their haphazard, simple, nonsensical ways. NZ can take you a long way if you are not professional / career minded and want the easy life, but if you are career minded, the tall poppy and shocking quality control really open your eyes. I saw business ending clangers every day just brushed off like nothing has happened. People thinking they are the bees knees when they are grad level at best and shockingly bad at what they do while thinking they are amazing. To progress further, I had two choices

1, accept it, conform and sacrifice all your professional credibility.
2, fight it, be the heel and stick to values, morals, principles and professionalism and earn grudging respect

I chose number 2.

Move back, gamble it, fortune favours the brave. You'll just regret it if you don't.

laurenh804

Am flying back next month. Know exactly where you're coming from, and am being told daily that I must be insane to even consider it. Part of me appreciates the 'sanctuary' that NZ has become, the bigger part of me feels claustrophobic and needs to escape. Things are dire in the UK right now but they will pick up. And there is a long hard road ahead for kiwis navigating through the next phase, as they can't live in this bubble forever.
Do what will make you happy.