Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Nov 12th 2011, 1:51 am
#46
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Nov 12th 2011, 3:11 am
#47
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Who said pie?
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...mer-712749.png
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...mer-712749.png
Nov 12th 2011, 4:06 am
#48
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Pie and cake?
I'm unsettled!
I'm unsettled!
Nov 12th 2011, 5:27 am
#49
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Cake is a bit meh but pie is right up my street. Since the advent of corn syrup and cheap artificial sweeteners sweet food has become cheap and proper food expensive 
. So bugger cake, give me a proper steak and ale pie with gravy that oozes from it and accompanied by thick potato mash 
.
. So bugger cake, give me a proper steak and ale pie with gravy that oozes from it and accompanied by thick potato mash .
Nov 12th 2011, 11:25 am
#50
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
3 course meal round BigSticks to help us all settle then methinks ...
Nov 12th 2011, 1:47 pm
#51
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
My advice would be: buy the invitations before you leave the UK so you don't have to shop around for them. We brought out candles, candle holders and cake decs in our hand luggage. We use the same ones every year, strange tradition but thought at the time we should bring them. Now don't think it made a blind bit of difference but there we go.
Definitely buy some weighing scales and utensils to make cake (mixing bowl, wooden spatula, cake tin etc...) when you first go shopping so it's not a mad rush at the last minute like Beth's was. Get your new address to people asap so birthday mail arrives in time. Otherwise, I would say give people your or your partners work address and have the mail sent there. Also, the presents from other people are really important. We brought my mum's out with us but other than that, nobody bothered. It is now arriving in dribs and drabs... in fact 2 cards came yesterday and a gift too, apologising for being late but her birthday was nearly 4 weeks ago now and to be brutally honest, it doesn't change a thing about her birthday. It still sucked. Maybe it wouldn't have sucked quite so badly if others had pulled their fingers out too. We were rubbish on the cake front I grant you but other than that, all gifts, cards etc... were done in the same way as we did back in the UK. I suppose what I am trying to get across is that it is just as, if not more important that family and friends send the same stuff they would usually send. I wouldn't want another child to be as upset as Beth was the day after her birthday.
Oh and make sure you have access to a cake recipe. All my cookery books are being shipped and we had no web access yet to find one on the web.
Hope that helps,
Natalie
Definitely buy some weighing scales and utensils to make cake (mixing bowl, wooden spatula, cake tin etc...) when you first go shopping so it's not a mad rush at the last minute like Beth's was. Get your new address to people asap so birthday mail arrives in time. Otherwise, I would say give people your or your partners work address and have the mail sent there. Also, the presents from other people are really important. We brought my mum's out with us but other than that, nobody bothered. It is now arriving in dribs and drabs... in fact 2 cards came yesterday and a gift too, apologising for being late but her birthday was nearly 4 weeks ago now and to be brutally honest, it doesn't change a thing about her birthday. It still sucked. Maybe it wouldn't have sucked quite so badly if others had pulled their fingers out too. We were rubbish on the cake front I grant you but other than that, all gifts, cards etc... were done in the same way as we did back in the UK. I suppose what I am trying to get across is that it is just as, if not more important that family and friends send the same stuff they would usually send. I wouldn't want another child to be as upset as Beth was the day after her birthday.
Oh and make sure you have access to a cake recipe. All my cookery books are being shipped and we had no web access yet to find one on the web.
Hope that helps,
Natalie
Nov 21st 2011, 5:15 am
#53
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
How is it going with your daughter please? A wee bit better I hope.
Nov 22nd 2011, 3:20 am
#54
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
I don't live in NZ but when my two were young we lived in several places overseas for periods of one to three years.
One thing not to do is get into a dialogue about your move. Explain simply in as few a words as you can that this is home now and we are not going back, full stop, don't get into any more chat on the subject where possible. When the topic pops up again its simply "This is home now". Everytime you respond with an extended conversation on the subject the girl is getting hope of a move back and you need to remove this hope. Harsh ? Maybe, but effective. Bribery is not a good move, think more in terms or rewards and new experiences for her to try. If she plays up in public, don't respond by telling her off, just quietly remove her from the situation and take her home and explain simply that this behaviour is not acceptable and leave it at that; not over responding is cutting off the fuel for future tantrums. You'll be surprised how quickly her attitude will change when she realises she is now in her new home and your not moving.
Worked for us and we now have two really nice young adults who are close to us, done well in School and are all round good people and who also settled in wherever we went.
Good luck in your new home
One thing not to do is get into a dialogue about your move. Explain simply in as few a words as you can that this is home now and we are not going back, full stop, don't get into any more chat on the subject where possible. When the topic pops up again its simply "This is home now". Everytime you respond with an extended conversation on the subject the girl is getting hope of a move back and you need to remove this hope. Harsh ? Maybe, but effective. Bribery is not a good move, think more in terms or rewards and new experiences for her to try. If she plays up in public, don't respond by telling her off, just quietly remove her from the situation and take her home and explain simply that this behaviour is not acceptable and leave it at that; not over responding is cutting off the fuel for future tantrums. You'll be surprised how quickly her attitude will change when she realises she is now in her new home and your not moving.
Worked for us and we now have two really nice young adults who are close to us, done well in School and are all round good people and who also settled in wherever we went.
Good luck in your new home
Last edited by tex_ritter; Nov 22nd 2011 at 3:26 am.
Nov 22nd 2011, 10:32 pm
#55
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Well, she still has her moments of saying she wants to go home, that she hates it here and wants to go and see her friends in the UK. We've not had an enormous meltdown in the past week or 2 but I am sure there will be more. It will take time for her to adjust so we are gong to make a real big thing out of Christmas this year.
When she acts up, it is significantly worse than when we left the UK and I suppose that's just another way of her unhappiness with the situation coming out. I am trying not to be too hard on her but some things I find I really lose my temper and shout at her more than I did in the UK e.g. yesterday when she lashed out at the rental TV which we are supposed to be giving back next week. Um, yeah, that's not allowed and I don't care how unhappy you are!
So yes, she is still acting out in other ways even if she isn't sobbing and wailing about it so much. Hopefully it will get less and less as she adjusts. I hope, I hope.
When she acts up, it is significantly worse than when we left the UK and I suppose that's just another way of her unhappiness with the situation coming out. I am trying not to be too hard on her but some things I find I really lose my temper and shout at her more than I did in the UK e.g. yesterday when she lashed out at the rental TV which we are supposed to be giving back next week. Um, yeah, that's not allowed and I don't care how unhappy you are!
So yes, she is still acting out in other ways even if she isn't sobbing and wailing about it so much. Hopefully it will get less and less as she adjusts. I hope, I hope.
Nov 23rd 2011, 4:02 am
#56
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Sorry to see that you're still having problems, have you considered seeing a counsellor with her? maybe the school has one they can recommend to you.
When they act up like this for so long the reasons are usually so complex that she doesn't even know herself why she's feeling so angry.
It's the hardest thing to do but don't lose your temper with her, she's transferring on to you the pain she's feeling and your anger will confirm that she's succeeding. Also, you losing your temper will alarm her and make her more insecure and scared than she already is: 'mum's losing her rag, my world is falling apart'
I don't want to tell you how react with her because only you know your child but if something like the TV thing happens again try explain to her that her behaviour is unacceptable, punish her justly and quickly but leave the emotion out of it. See how that works.
Wny not talk to the school, or your GP.
When they act up like this for so long the reasons are usually so complex that she doesn't even know herself why she's feeling so angry.
It's the hardest thing to do but don't lose your temper with her, she's transferring on to you the pain she's feeling and your anger will confirm that she's succeeding. Also, you losing your temper will alarm her and make her more insecure and scared than she already is: 'mum's losing her rag, my world is falling apart'
I don't want to tell you how react with her because only you know your child but if something like the TV thing happens again try explain to her that her behaviour is unacceptable, punish her justly and quickly but leave the emotion out of it. See how that works.
Wny not talk to the school, or your GP.
Last edited by Expat Kiwi; Nov 23rd 2011 at 4:08 am.
Nov 23rd 2011, 6:51 am
#57
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Well, she still has her moments of saying she wants to go home, that she hates it here and wants to go and see her friends in the UK. We've not had an enormous meltdown in the past week or 2 but I am sure there will be more. It will take time for her to adjust so we are gong to make a real big thing out of Christmas this year.
When she acts up, it is significantly worse than when we left the UK and I suppose that's just another way of her unhappiness with the situation coming out. I am trying not to be too hard on her but some things I find I really lose my temper and shout at her more than I did in the UK e.g. yesterday when she lashed out at the rental TV which we are supposed to be giving back next week. Um, yeah, that's not allowed and I don't care how unhappy you are!
So yes, she is still acting out in other ways even if she isn't sobbing and wailing about it so much. Hopefully it will get less and less as she adjusts. I hope, I hope.
When she acts up, it is significantly worse than when we left the UK and I suppose that's just another way of her unhappiness with the situation coming out. I am trying not to be too hard on her but some things I find I really lose my temper and shout at her more than I did in the UK e.g. yesterday when she lashed out at the rental TV which we are supposed to be giving back next week. Um, yeah, that's not allowed and I don't care how unhappy you are!
So yes, she is still acting out in other ways even if she isn't sobbing and wailing about it so much. Hopefully it will get less and less as she adjusts. I hope, I hope.
Last edited by tweetweet; Nov 23rd 2011 at 6:53 am.
Dec 7th 2011, 10:25 pm
#58
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UPDATE!! Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
UPDATE!!!
Our stuff came on Monday last week and Beth sat in her bedroom with her bed, wardrobe, toys etc... and announced 'Now it feels like home'. The smell of the wood from her bed smelled just like our old house.
We skyped with one of my closest friends whose daughter used to be one of Beth's good friends on Monday evening. I explained that Ailie couldn't chat just then because she had just left for school. Beth went off and got her old school class photo and shed a tear. I went in her room at the end of the Skype call and we had a chat and she was much, much better. She was a bit sad but calmer and more rational than before. I explained about all the people who had left her class since she left... her friend Daisy has moved to Cheltenham, Joel in her class just moved to Blemheim, Arthur had left and someone else had taken his place etc... said even in the UK things weren't the same as they had been. She was soooo good about it. Nodded her head, understood what I was saying without being so hysterically upset that she was unable to hear / listen to what I had to say.
She does say in her moments of falling out with her new best friend that she wants to go back to England but it's now more of a statement to hurt the other girl rather than so much of a true desire.
Obviously it's not all sunshine and roses but I think, I really do think we have turned a corner here.
Thanks for the support everyone!
Natalie
Our stuff came on Monday last week and Beth sat in her bedroom with her bed, wardrobe, toys etc... and announced 'Now it feels like home'. The smell of the wood from her bed smelled just like our old house.
We skyped with one of my closest friends whose daughter used to be one of Beth's good friends on Monday evening. I explained that Ailie couldn't chat just then because she had just left for school. Beth went off and got her old school class photo and shed a tear. I went in her room at the end of the Skype call and we had a chat and she was much, much better. She was a bit sad but calmer and more rational than before. I explained about all the people who had left her class since she left... her friend Daisy has moved to Cheltenham, Joel in her class just moved to Blemheim, Arthur had left and someone else had taken his place etc... said even in the UK things weren't the same as they had been. She was soooo good about it. Nodded her head, understood what I was saying without being so hysterically upset that she was unable to hear / listen to what I had to say.
She does say in her moments of falling out with her new best friend that she wants to go back to England but it's now more of a statement to hurt the other girl rather than so much of a true desire.
Obviously it's not all sunshine and roses but I think, I really do think we have turned a corner here.
Thanks for the support everyone!
Natalie
Dec 8th 2011, 3:25 am
#59
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
fabo
Dec 8th 2011, 4:04 am
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Re: Advice desperately needed! 8 yo daughter no settling at all!
Pleased to read that
that the Christmas and New Year break is all good.
that the Christmas and New Year break is all good.
