SarahB

Ive never felt uncomfortable mentioning that Im adopted (as you can tell)... no it doesnt come out in conversation very often but I never felt it was a problem.... quite the opposite in fact as it was told to me at an early age in a very careful way that made me feel proud to be adopted... that my mummy and daddy had chosen me.

I went to Thomas Corum in London when I turned 30 and they gave me my file with all the original correspondence in.... that was interesting to read. I had some links to my birth mother through them but they were no good. In the end I rang the local pub where I know she was last known to live and the landlord put me through to her ex husband..... it was really that easy. I met her the once and didnt like her...I cant say on here what happened but after that I had my telephone calls intercepted as she started to hassle me. I found out I have 3 half sisters and one of them said that my birth father wanted to get in contact with me... I met him once down south but had nothing in common with him and not a lot to talk about. I actually wish I hadnt bothered finding my birth mother but I did it and have to live with it now... shes not important to me. My mum and dad have given me all the support in the world with whatever decision Ive ever made in my life so they are my parents.... not the people who gave birth to me but didnt bring me up.
Ive not met any of my half sisters and now Im in NZ I doubt I ever will..... it doesnt bother me.

danny.f

I know what you mean. I often think what would I say if I ever met them,we'd have nothing in common (you know what I mean!),and anyway, I don't miss them,I don't feel like I've missed out on anything,cos I got all I could ever want from my adoptive parents,and me sis,all of who are spot on.
Reading this-wish I'd told me dad all this, but we never really spoke too much about it cos we never deemed it necessary,wish I'd told him the above,now. Never mind,reckon he was smart enough to know.

uk+kiwi

As a non-adopted person I just wanted to say that it is sad but understandable that you feel this way and I honestly don't think there is a stigma about it at all. I would certainly never think adoption = unwanted (as someone mentioned) in a rejected sense, simply that circumstances were unfavourable for the upbringing of a child at that time.

However I guess like all things, non-judgemental people will act upon information as such and judgemental people the same, so it really depends on the person.

Non-adopted people may not know what to say when they find out. Perhaps embarrassed silence may also be the result of people realising how lucky they were/are to have their birth parents as their parents, if that makes sense. (I hope this is coming across in the way that it is meant.) Ultimately we all know it's just important to have a loving upbringing and everybody's circumstances are different.

And to those who mentioned being a bitch or similar in their teenage years, most kids do this, so the nature of one's parents doesn't seem to affect such behaviour!

uk+kiwi

Such a lovely post Sarah.

I have sometimes wondered myself if people who adopt children actually make the best parents. I imagine a lot of them take nothing for granted and feel so blessed to have a child that they raise them so lovingly. Just a thought.

Now I'm going to feel really guilt if I raise my voice to my incredibly winey almost 5 year old today. She has been in such a foul mood for the past 2 days. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt in that it's exactly 2 weeks tomorrow that she had her MMR and pre-school boosters - something like 7 viruses in one go now!!!!!! And they say reactions, other than the fever she had, come out c. 14 days after the jabs. Hmmm. Carmen.

Am Loolah

Thank you for writing that - it's really thoughtful.

I think times have changed and it's not got a stigma attached to it nowadays as much. "Specially chosen" always made me think I'd been bought off a supermarket shelf!! But at lease it was my mum and dad who were shopping that day!

And by the way - mm mum's my best friend now (after my hubby) and a fantastic Grandma. Consequently gutted that with a son in Poland and me about to go to NZ with her only Grandchildren she's pretty sad! But has put on a commendable front since the initial shock and is now saving money into a NZ fund to come and visit us! Plus we are buying ourselves and her a webcam for long on-line chats when we've gone. Must statr a new thread about that!

Anyway, I was touched by your comments - have restored my faith fin human nature!

uk+kiwi

Thanks, that's kind. I was hoping it would offer a positive view on the matter as the words you wrote struck a chord for some reason.

Anyhow, I'm guessing you might be in the bar now. I would love to pop in, but must get on with label sewing into little fairies clothes ready for school and a few other dull things before calling it a night. Another time. Carmen.

Am Loolah

Am, for once, step ahead, and have completed name tape sewing exercise!! How funny!!

No. 2 daughter starting at No. !'s secondary school on Tuesday - complete with letter giving Term's notice! Very scary!! For us not her!

SarahB

My 2 yr 10 month old son had his very first day at pre-school this morning!! I've had him with me now for nearly 3 years and though it about time I deserved a break!! Hes also been a handful lately.... not co-operating.... hitting and pushing..... wont share at all (mine mine mine!!).... wont toilet train etc etc... all normal stuff but I felt it better if he had some time off without me. Anyway.... he loved it and happily waved good bye "goodbye mummy" as I left. I went shopping up at Botany and met a friend for a drink.... it was great. I also got my grocery shopping done too! When I picked him up they said he'd been a good boy....he's done well with sharing and he'd helped clear away the toys outside in the sandpit and inside toys too. He has morning tea with everyone else!! When I got there he was happily engrossed in Mat Time and I was able to watch him for 5 minutes.... he was joining in lovely. He saw me and "hello mummy" rushed over to give me a hug. I feel so proud of him today.

SarahB

Thanks. It isnt really til I had kids myself that I understand what mum and dad did for me!! I have spoken on the phone to one of my half sisters and she actually said I had a lucky escape.... she said they never knew where their next meal was going to come from.

I have rellies who couldnt have children themselves so they adopted last year. They think the world of their little girl and make excellent parents.... we are very happy for them as it was a very long struggle for them emotionally and financially. Adoption is great... pity there are still so many more children in the world that need loving parents though.