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Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

View Poll Results: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK ?
Never
33
31.13%
If I was becoming so depressed that I couldn't function
58
54.72%
only in exceptional circumstances, like war or famine
15
14.15%
Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll

Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Old Jun 17th 2007, 10:50 am
  #16  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

This is a tricky question - part of the reason I'm depressed is because the situation here in South Africa is difficult with respect to security and the economy, even if it isn't quite at the level of 'war and famine'. So for me the last two questions are a bit tangled up.

Last edited by whalewatcher; Jun 17th 2007 at 10:51 am. Reason: typo
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 1:04 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

We have lived in Europe and now here in Australia and I have to say that no matter how miserable I might have been there was never a question of leaving my husband behind. I have been at the point where I was miserable and depressed even though everyone else was happy several times. In the end our relationship is far more important than where we live and we both feel like that. If I could not bear living somewhere then we would all find a way to move, no recriminations or blame. I have seen my parents ping pong between the USA and UK so have always been very aware that the grass is not always greener and we have tried to work though any problems.
The truth is that moving overseas puts you under so much stress that if there are any problems in your relationship then you will find out about them.
I really feel for those who have to make this terrible decision. The truth is that, usually, if you have to go through this then where you live is not the only problem in a relationship. So noone should ever judge.
All the best.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

I wouldn't leave without him although i have threatened too many times in arguements, i was never tricked into coming here either even the day we got the visa he said if i didnt want too go that was fine he's never presurred me into at all.

My hubby likes living here i dont dislike it but prefer home, ive comitted myself to staying another couple of years to see how his business goes im getting my trip back home at christmas and although my hubby wasnt fussed about it he is doing it for me he knows how much a miss my family espically at xmas time, One thing i will add is we have argued alot more the 2 years weve been here it's very stressful and i can see why couples split up.

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Old Jun 17th 2007, 4:35 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

You just don't know how anything is going to affect your life. I was the one keen to go to Canada and DH was fine with it too. For the first 2 years it was great and after that I wanted to go home. Luckily for me he had doubts about the place too. I didn't have a crystal ball that told me this was going to happen - just how are you supposed to know? You have no idea how life is going to play out for you.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:24 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by fishfinger
You just don't know how anything is going to affect your life. I was the one keen to go to Canada and DH was fine with it too. For the first 2 years it was great and after that I wanted to go home. Luckily for me he had doubts about the place too. I didn't have a crystal ball that told me this was going to happen - just how are you supposed to know? You have no idea how life is going to play out for you.

So very true!!

I went with my OH as it was his dream! Ive moved around the country loads of time in the past so i guess part of me thought it would all be quite simple esp as i was quite used to not seeing family & friends daily

the reality of course is very different & its only when you live that reality can you then make a judgement!

I certainly never thought id end up a single parent & without my husband. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:32 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

I did just that after seven months over here, took my then one year old back, but after Three months, as much as I loved my country I loved this bloody Yank more and decided to come back and see it through till he could get out of the US Navy, now we only have three months left and I done it all for the love of a good man and we are so looking forward to going home as a family.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 10:34 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

This is such a tough question because how do you know what you would do unless it happened to you. How do you know how unhappy or how low and desperate you could get.

I've read Jude's story from when she first posted and can only imagine the heartache and anguish that she and people like her have been through. It must be such an awful decision to make and they must have absolutely reached rock bottom to make such a huge decision where the only way that they can save their sanity is by ending their marriage to come home.

I don't agree with the statement that there is nothing sadder that one parent missing in a marriage. I think many one parent families have very well adjusted happy children. The kids I feel most for are those who have to constantly endure miserable, depressed, unhappy parents who grow to resent and hate each other - that is far more damaging than having just one happy parent.

When you enter into a marriage you make vows to stay together for better and for worse and to stand by each other through sickness and health. Depression is an illness and if one partner is so depressed that he/she is crying every day and cannot function properly, then it is up to the other partner to act responsibly, support and help that partner. If they can't or won't, what option has the depressed partner got but to save their sanity and leave.

To anyone who has been brave enough to take this step I take my hat off to you.
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 2:27 am
  #23  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

I voted "if depressed enough" but would hope that my husband wouldn't let me make that decision and that we would return back to the UK as a family unit.
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 2:29 am
  #24  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by LouiseD
This is such a tough question because how do you know what you would do unless it happened to you. How do you know how unhappy or how low and desperate you could get.

I've read Jude's story from when she first posted and can only imagine the heartache and anguish that she and people like her have been through. It must be such an awful decision to make and they must have absolutely reached rock bottom to make such a huge decision where the only way that they can save their sanity is by ending their marriage to come home.

I don't agree with the statement that there is nothing sadder that one parent missing in a marriage. I think many one parent families have very well adjusted happy children. The kids I feel most for are those who have to constantly endure miserable, depressed, unhappy parents who grow to resent and hate each other - that is far more damaging than having just one happy parent.

When you enter into a marriage you make vows to stay together for better and for worse and to stand by each other through sickness and health. Depression is an illness and if one partner is so depressed that he/she is crying every day and cannot function properly, then it is up to the other partner to act responsibly, support and help that partner. If they can't or won't, what option has the depressed partner got but to save their sanity and leave.

To anyone who has been brave enough to take this step I take my hat off to you.
Well said Louise!
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 2:39 am
  #25  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

This is a great thread and should be in the Aussie forum too.
I am voting "if i was depressed enough" because how on earth can you live together happily if one of you is depressed because of the move.
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 6:58 am
  #26  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by LouiseD
This is such a tough question because how do you know what you would do unless it happened to you. How do you know how unhappy or how low and desperate you could get.

I've read Jude's story from when she first posted and can only imagine the heartache and anguish that she and people like her have been through. It must be such an awful decision to make and they must have absolutely reached rock bottom to make such a huge decision where the only way that they can save their sanity is by ending their marriage to come home.

I don't agree with the statement that there is nothing sadder that one parent missing in a marriage. I think many one parent families have very well adjusted happy children. The kids I feel most for are those who have to constantly endure miserable, depressed, unhappy parents who grow to resent and hate each other - that is far more damaging than having just one happy parent.

When you enter into a marriage you make vows to stay together for better and for worse and to stand by each other through sickness and health. Depression is an illness and if one partner is so depressed that he/she is crying every day and cannot function properly, then it is up to the other partner to act responsibly, support and help that partner. If they can't or won't, what option has the depressed partner got but to save their sanity and leave.

To anyone who has been brave enough to take this step I take my hat off to you.
Great post, one thing I'd like to add from my own personal point of view, I'm sure nothing would make me more depressed than not being with my wife.
Although having said that, the causes of depression can be quite difficult to diagnose, IE: Why would I not be comfortable with my own company.

I wonder if certain countries are likely to make one more depressed than others, (reason being there cannot be another "foreign" country, that is as similar to the UK as Aus) if so I'd be amazed if Aussie is high on the list of depressive countries. Maybe it's the distance that does it.
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 11:24 am
  #27  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
Australia, and other places that people migrate to are for the most part not hell holes. So I'd like to raise a question, when does a country or a new life become so bad that it means the end of a marriage, the end of two parents in childrens life.

I realise we cannot walk in another persons shoes, but personally I would have to be in war torn Beirut to consider leaving my wife or ending the relationship came to mind.

When people take on marriage there are supposedly vows that one takes, for better or for worse.

I cannot beleive that the majority of people would end a marriage based on where they live.

I've posted this thread against my better judgement, because I strongly beleive in the one core thing that holds the fabric of society together. the sanctity of marriage.


Hopefully the figure is really low, there is nothing sadder than one parent missing in a marriage.
With us it's the other way around. Husband Brit, me Dutch, I would have to ask myself if my husband would want to stay in the UK forever , would I leave him!?
The answer would be yes. It would be yes because he wouldn't be the person I thought he was.
One of the things we have in common is the moving around bit, not afraid of taking the risk. If it not works out in a country, moving onto the next.
If that would change by him wanting to stay here, we wouldn't be right for eachother anymore. In the end we would restrict eachother's lives.
I always feel sorry for married couples where one would like to move to another part of the planet and the other definitely wants to stay in their birthcountry.
I feel for people who want to return to their birthcountry because the country they moved to didn't make them happy, but I always wonder if they are the right people to leave their birthcountry or if it is the country they'd moved to and if they get another change to move to a different country would they do it!?
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 11:46 am
  #28  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

The stress and strain put on a marriage is one of the things that people don't take into account when they emigrate. With all the goodwill in the world if you don't have an extremely strong relationship it will not survive. I have seen many people split up because of this. Not because one doesn't like living here simply because the stress in the first few years was too much. The ones I know are both living in Australia with new partners.
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 1:26 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Can't say I'd leave hubby to go back to the UK...but we do live apart some times for work ...I have not always been happy where we live...and have said many time that I'm off 'home'...but home is where my family is...and good and bad times come and go...you get through it together...hard I know when you have a husband like mine who will not talk about a problem and who thinks I can put the world to right every time something happens...but you get through it....
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Old Jun 18th 2007, 3:28 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Hmm, very difficult question to answer until you are confronted with the reality of it. I guess personally I would say no, I wouldn't leave him to go home. Working out why is more difficult. Although I've been pretty low at times since coming here is never been so bad that I've wanted to walk out on the rel'ship. If the problems in the most part are unconnected to the marriage, why punish the partner.
I guess I'd stay, because its in my character to do that; for reasons I don't want to air on here, I feel that I don't have the right to be happy if it causes someone else unhappiness. And because I came here to marry him, because I would be more worried about the effect on him than the effect on myself, and because even on the days when I hate the place I live in, I still love him.
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