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Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

View Poll Results: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK ?
Never
33
31.13%
If I was becoming so depressed that I couldn't function
58
54.72%
only in exceptional circumstances, like war or famine
15
14.15%
Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll

Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Old Jun 17th 2007, 5:00 am
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Default Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Australia, and other places that people migrate to are for the most part not hell holes. So I'd like to raise a question, when does a country or a new life become so bad that it means the end of a marriage, the end of two parents in childrens life.

I realise we cannot walk in another persons shoes, but personally I would have to be in war torn Beirut to consider leaving my wife or ending the relationship came to mind.

When people take on marriage there are supposedly vows that one takes, for better or for worse.

I cannot beleive that the majority of people would end a marriage based on where they live.

I've posted this thread against my better judgement, because I strongly beleive in the one core thing that holds the fabric of society together. the sanctity of marriage.


Hopefully the figure is really low, there is nothing sadder than one parent missing in a marriage.

Last edited by ozzieeagle; Jun 17th 2007 at 5:16 am.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 5:30 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

I had to put only in exceptional circumstances even though it would not be war or famine but more if it came to a choice BETWEEN my children or my husband, but that would never happen as he would never put me in that situation.
My husband is the love of my life. He is the kindest, most patient and loving person i have ever met.

We cannot judge people as we dont know their real situations, but i do suspect that if moving t a different country ultimately ends up with one of them leaving the other behind, you need to question whether or not there were other issues not dealt with before they left. Maybe the depth of feeling was not strong enough, maybe one partner was forced into going when they really didnt want to etc.
Sometimes people think that they can solve the cracks by moving away which is never the case.

Whatever the reason, it is never an easy thing to do i imagine.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 5:57 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
Australia, and other places that people migrate to are for the most part not hell holes. So I'd like to raise a question, when does a country or a new life become so bad that it means the end of a marriage, the end of two parents in childrens life.

I realise we cannot walk in another persons shoes, but personally I would have to be in war torn Beirut to consider leaving my wife or ending the relationship came to mind.

When people take on marriage there are supposedly vows that one takes, for better or for worse.

I cannot beleive that the majority of people would end a marriage based on where they live.

I've posted this thread against my better judgement, because I strongly beleive in the one core thing that holds the fabric of society together. the sanctity of marriage.


Hopefully the figure is really low, there is nothing sadder than one parent missing in a marriage.

Well i speak as someone who has done just that!!! I have beeen unhappy for months. I didnt choose to come here , my OH did. I came with him as i loved him but I knew very early on that i wouldnt like it but i persisted with it for my marriage & for him. I tried everything to be able to settle & be happy but it didnt happen

We have been through so much in the short time we have been here - moving, having a baby, getting married then having my stepsosn live with us who was already emotionally damaged. All this coupled with me trying to settle took its toll on us & we argued to the point it almost got physical. I realised i could no longer stay in tht environment any more. I didnt make my decision lightly as to me my marriage WAS important but it was either carry on as we were with me being utterly miserable or leave & start again with my child.

My hubs saw me cry & want to go home nearly everyday but he still insisted on staying. What d you do in a situation like that? Why should one person sacrifice happiness for anothers even if it means ending a marriage. I undestand his reasons to want to say but it still dosnt make me see how he can let us go so easily. I do truly believe now that we jut didnt have anything left to fight for. I think with all thats haoppened the love died & in its place was resentment & unhappiness. I would like him to follow me but if im honest im not sure it would work as i know he will be unhappy then

I do think that if we had stayed here in the UK we would have stayed together as we were happy . Australia killed us!

I guess though that until you are in this sort of situation then your right, you cant judge. Of course a marriage should be held together but not at the cost of someone being uttely unnhappy. Thats not fair to the children. Why should they suffer!

I am home now & im happier than i have been in months. Of course im hurt that its over & ive cried many tears over him but i cant go back there & be miserable again. I will get through this pain as id rather that than end up being in a country i hate for the rest of my life
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:14 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by megansmummy
Well i speak as someone who has done just that!!! I have beeen unhappy for months. I didnt choose to come here , my OH did. I came with him as i loved him but I knew very early on that i wouldnt like it but i persisted with it for my marriage & for him. I tried everything to be able to settle & be happy but it didnt happen

We have been through so much in the short time we have been here - moving, having a baby, getting married then having my stepsosn live with us who was already emotionally damaged. All this coupled with me trying to settle took its toll on us & we argued to the point it almost got physical. I realised i could no longer stay in tht environment any more. I didnt make my decision lightly as to me my marriage WAS important but it was either carry on as we were with me being utterly miserable or leave & start again with my child.

My hubs saw me cry & want to go home nearly everyday but he still insisted on staying. What d you do in a situation like that? Why should one person sacrifice happiness for anothers even if it means ending a marriage. I undestand his reasons to want to say but it still dosnt make me see how he can let us go so easily. I do truly believe now that we jut didnt have anything left to fight for. I think with all thats haoppened the love died & in its place was resentment & unhappiness. I would like him to follow me but if im honest im not sure it would work as i know he will be unhappy then

I do think that if we had stayed here in the UK we would have stayed together as we were happy . Australia killed us!

I guess though that until you are in this sort of situation then your right, you cant judge. Of course a marriage should be held together but not at the cost of someone being uttely unnhappy. Thats not fair to the children. Why should they suffer!

I am home now & im happier than i have been in months. Of course im hurt that its over & ive cried many tears over him but i cant go back there & be miserable again. I will get through this pain as id rather that than end up being in a country i hate for the rest of my life

Hopefully there are plenty of people reading your post, and taking note, of the stresses that migration can bring to a marriage. I understand that it's a very difficult process to migrate and one would think that if one of the people were not 100 pct committed to that migration then that would show up in the long and lengthy process of application, which in itself should bring out any doubts in one of the peoples minds. Unfortunately for you and your partner that didn't happen in your case.

Good luck with your future, luckily for me I've no inkling or ever met anyone thats been through what youv'e obviously endured.

I thought I'd seen a lot in my 13 years on the net, but never anything like you've presented.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:37 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
Hopefully there are plenty of people reading your post, and taking note, of the stresses that migration can bring to a marriage. I understand that it's a very difficult process to migrate and one would think that if one of the people were not 100 pct committed to that migration then that would show up in the long and lengthy process of application, which in itself should bring out any doubts in one of the peoples minds. Unfortunately for you and your partner that didn't happen in your case.

Good luck with your future, luckily for me I've no inkling or ever met anyone thats been through what youv'e obviously endured.

I thought I'd seen a lot in my 13 years on the net, but never anything like you've presented.
The time of application to the time of acceptance was about 2 mths!!!

I think had it been a long drawn out one like my hubs had when he applied then maybe id have thought different

I will be honest though & say that i never really thought it through 100% as he was so keen to go that i just fell in with his wishes!

Now it has cost me my marriage & thats sad!
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:45 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by megansmummy
The time of application to the time of acceptance was about 2 mths!!!

I think had it been a long drawn out one like my hubs had when he applied then maybe id have thought different

I will be honest though & say that i never really thought it through 100% as he was so keen to go that i just fell in with his wishes!

Now it has cost me my marriage & thats sad!
One of the problems with Spouse visas I think. One doesn't get the waiting time that usually comes with skills assessments, followed by the application itself
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:53 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move backg to the UK.

Originally Posted by Pollyana
One of the problems with Spouse visas I think. One doesn't get the waiting time that usually comes with skills assessments, followed by the application itself

When I married my Aussie Wife back in England back in 1980, she made it very clear before we even got married, that there was no way she was going to live in the UK. I guess everyone has ways of defining their own parameters.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 7:46 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Well I voted the "if I was depressed enough" option. Continuing to live in a country you don't feel a sense of belonging to once you've been there a while is a daily grind. If someone has a partner who sees their pain at staying, yet insists they stay, well I'd be doing what meagansmummy did, and bugger off!

I'm not into controlling others, but equally I wont let others manipulate me. Compromise can often work, but there are simply just times when it wont. If we stay in a place of misery then we become miserable to everyone and feel our life is without meaning, worth and love. Nothing is worth that kind of feeling. Nothing and no-one.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 7:59 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
there is nothing sadder than one parent missing in a marriage.
There is nothing sadder than being in a marriage or relationship and being missing within it. And that often is precisely why people leave their partners.

The sanctity of marriage is a nice feel good but has hidden amultitude of sins in its time,eg men who beat or rape their wives, control their finances, what friends they can have, whether or not they can educate themselves further etc etc

Sanctity of marriage comes with responsibilites that many overlook or conveniently forget. It's not a union to make demands; it's one that requires respect, consideration, compromise, friendship, laughter, hugs and ultimately genuine caring for the welfare and wellbeing of your partner. Anything less voids the contract IMO.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 8:03 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

If we are being frank here, if both parties were not all for the move in the first place, i feel it is relationship suicide to even contemplate it.
I think Jude was right to do what she did in coming home, but was it right to go in the first place? I would not want to live with a man who thinks so little of my feelings.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 8:18 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
I think Jude was right to do what she did in coming home, but was it right to go in the first place? I would not want to live with a man who thinks so little of my feelings.
I'm sure she was right to return to the UK. Her going to OZ originally (based on what I've read) seems that while unsure about it, she was trying to please her partner. How many women can honestly say they have never done that in their life?

If memory serves me right, it was really only after having tried for 18 months to make a go of OZ that it simply became too much to carry on anymore, and that it was during her time in OZ that she became aware of how firm her husband was about staying there.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 8:28 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by kiwi_child
Well I voted the "if I was depressed enough" option. Continuing to live in a country you don't feel a sense of belonging to once you've been there a while is a daily grind. If someone has a partner who sees their pain at staying, yet insists they stay, well I'd be doing what meagansmummy did, and bugger off!

I'm not into controlling others, but equally I wont let others manipulate me. Compromise can often work, but there are simply just times when it wont. If we stay in a place of misery then we become miserable to everyone and feel our life is without meaning, worth and love. Nothing is worth that kind of feeling. Nothing and no-one.
Can I just add though that hubs wasnt controlling of me being there. He never forced me to stay & often told me if i was unhappy then i should go but he would never come with me. I kept staying & putting up wth it while becoming more miserable in myself. He saw this which in my opinion was just very insensitive & selfish to what i wanted. He saw my pain but didnt act on it. He chose to do what he wanted which in the end resulted in my leaving.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 8:31 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by kiwi_child
I'm sure she was right to return to the UK. Her going to OZ originally (based on what I've read) seems that while unsure about it, she was trying to please her partner. How many women can honestly say they have never done that in their life?

If memory serves me right, it was really only after having tried for 18 months to make a go of OZ that it simply became too much to carry on anymore, and that it was during her time in OZ that she became aware of how firm her husband was about staying there.
Very true kiwi!

When i said id come here with him I guess i never thought long term at all. I suppose i dd think that if i was unhappy he would choose me rather than Oz. Eventually i realised it would never happen.
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 8:33 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
If we are being frank here, if both parties were not all for the move in the first place, i feel it is relationship suicide to even contemplate it.
I think Jude was right to do what she did in coming home, but was it right to go in the first place? I would not want to live with a man who thinks so little of my feelings.
I shouldnt have gone in the 1st place, your right

Unfortunately i never told him i didnt want t go as i could see how much he wanted it & i knew tht if i didnt go id lose him so i chose to go with him rather than lose him!
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 9:38 am
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Default Re: Would you leave your partner to move back to the UK.

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum

If we are being frank here, if both parties were not all for the move in the first place, i feel it is relationship suicide to even contemplate it.
Agree, yet you read people saying how they are talking/tricking the partner into moving to aus, someone said their partner hates heat but they had 'convinced' them to move to Cairns Just thought OMG why do people do this. Or people tricking kids with promises of puppies etc, or worse the much used comment, my partners dream, erm no if your going to do absolutely sure its what everyone wants, not just one person. make sure its everyones dream.

Anyway back to Ozzies question. I dont think I would leave alone but we have have 3 kids and I was never tricked into coming here, if I had been tricked into it well then I would have been outta here very quickly, no hesitations at all.
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