melsie35

We moved to US in 1997, there was no pressure, husband received a job offer, had a young baby. Still had my job open in UK via maternity leave, then career break during which time I had another child. Never cut ties with UK, still have my house, now mortgage free. Time went by had another child, living american dream, big house, nice car. Usually went back to UK for visits every one to two years. This year was different somehow, went back had a fabulous time, bearing in mind my inlaws were babysitting house while I was in UK, not intending to leave until October when I went home after five weeks vacation seeing them sitting there made me miserable. All my friends off on hols with their families, no one really around. Am having a severe bout of homesickness, hearing how my mum and sis are living their lives, e.g. seeing each other, going for walks, nothing fancy, just living. My kids are 14, 10 and 8. My hubby (who is a Brit) says he is grateful I came to US with him willingly and if I want to go back he will do what makes me happy? Problem is I miss my family loads, mum getting on, sis having personal problems (divorces, manic ex-hubby), miss my nephews and niece, not to mention friends and extended family, weddings, christenings etc. I have gotten used to the US lifestyle and although that is not the issue it is the medical I am concerned about. Hubby just diagnosed with prostate cancer (minor thus far), kids have eyesight issues, e.g. are having vision therapy, I am used to yearly pap screens and mamograms and the way the NHS system is should I let that stop me from going home. My eldest is starting high school this year, don't want to muck up her education, but if I decide to go I am giving myself two years in which to do so. If I go now for kids to start school in UK and sell my house because of recessiion I would lose all equity we have in our current house. What should I do?

Nibbles2005

Follow you heart and your gut

reeni

wow
that is alot to take in

I have been planning to go back. I will be taking a 9,11,14 year old. The 14 year old is the one that gives me the most concerns. Year 10/11 is the GCSE years. I am afraid that if i take him now he will not pass his GCSE's due to the difference in the curriculum. If I wait too long he will have to pay for college over there as an international student even tho he is british.

So I called the composite school in the area i will return to. I also called the College in the same area. The college was more help than the comp...but that could be due to the time of year.

It turns out that most colleges have a GCSE equivalent list. Basically I have to let my son go to Grade 11 in Canada, then take his transcripts to the college and his grades will be converted to GCSEs. I was also told to write a letter describing why we are overseas and they will try to waiver the international fees. They feel due to the family illnesses and the care we needed to provide, my son maybe excused to due him being here with us.

We came back to Canada to care for very ill parents. My dad has recovered as much as he will and refuses to let us baby him, my mother-in-law is hell bent on killing herself(3 bouts of cancer-smokes like a chimney-won't stop, double mastectomy, shingles- went to her eyes, diabetes, septic tummy tuck, pins in hips and knees, and so much more!) - so we have to let it go she won't help herself.

So we are planning on another move - this time back to the UK, and hopefully to continue our lives there!

Call around - it may not be as bad for you eldest as you think.

Good Luck

melsie35

Thanks nibbles, my gut says yes, but my common sense ... well that's something else.

melsie35

Thanks Reeni, I called our local borough, my issue now is that schools may be full and kids will go to different schools further out in the same borough, they may get a place the following year, but that is too much moving around.

killerhales

Good luck "Melsie".

Just a note of caution on the international fees front.
How long have you been away from the UK?
There are cases on here where a "temporary" absence has justified a waiver for international fees, but these seem to have been in quite specific circumstances, like temporary international assignments from a multinational company.
I'm not saying you won't get a waiver, just that in the worst case you would need to be prepared to pay (very expensive!) international fees for tertiary education for your oldest.
As long as the younger ones get three years residence in the UK they will be OK anyway.

brissybee

What do your children think? The longer you leave it for them, the more difficult it will be.

JAJ

Have you taken out US citizenship? Or are you on green cards, or even temporary visas? If you've got green cards, you should probably consider citizenship.

If you have temporary status still, you need to look realistically at whether a green card is a possibility.

melsie35

We have been away for 13 1/2 years, but I have been told that since we went away for work, we should be able to get a waiver.

melsie35

The two eldest seem keen, apart from the expected missing of friends, but otherwise positive. The youngest, whom I am not too worried about, does not want to go.

melsie35

We have citizenship, so we are okay on that front.

Mummy in the foothills

If the oldest are keen I'd probably go, especially for your Dh's health.
Two years for GCSE's and a gap year and the 14 year old will be set for local fees for Uni right

melliset

The discussion is not about the citizenship, it is all about tearing up of emotional into two parts. You are not at times thinking wisely, because you cannot control your emotions.

Volt61

What was your life REALLY like when you were living in the UK (minus the children that you now have of course)?

Essentially, that's what it will be like and whatever state your various relationships were in prior to leaving, will be where you resume them.

ukintexas

Hi Melsie35. Welcome to BE and to the turmoil that is expressed by us all within the MBTTUK section of the site! You dont' have an easy decision to make because of all the emotions/what ifs that come with it and as someone who agonizes herself over where to be, I totally get it.

With regard to the medical side of things - would you be able to have private treatment in the UK if you did not feel satisfied with the NHS? BUPA are always able to do yearly "well woman" style checks and anything else that your pockets may be deep enough to request. I remember having a whole medical thing once that was about 500 quid that did lots of tests as a kind of MOT!

With regard to your husband's cancer I'm guessing he could still receive treatment in the US if that was the route you chose. Although, again, privately in the UK, you'd probably only be looking at the same kind of costs you'd have to pay out in deductibles etc in the US.

Your 14 year old would be my main concern - my son is just about to turn 15 and it's his education that seems to stick at the moment in terms of the logistics (not emotional part) of going back. Where would you be moving back to? Is there a potential to continue the American system, or maybe the IB for them?

With regard to the emotions - well join the club on that awful part - I know personally I torment myself constantly on where I should be - why I should be wherever that may be, and the pros and cons of it all. That's just not an easy one to navigate.

What I would say is that venting/talking/discussing on here has always helped me through the darker moments of homesickness and provided me with food for thought along the way.