Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the US?
Aug 4th 2009, 12:29 pm
#31
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Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Palmyra, NY
Posts: 2,130
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
1. Yes.
2. What material success? I didn't emmigrate for the "American dream".
3. Loads of friends and loads of aquaintances.
4. The Wife. Specifically her being closer to her family than I was to mine.
5. Not a chance in hell.
6. If their situation warranted it and the visa was available, what's to lose?
2. What material success? I didn't emmigrate for the "American dream".
3. Loads of friends and loads of aquaintances.
4. The Wife. Specifically her being closer to her family than I was to mine.
5. Not a chance in hell.
6. If their situation warranted it and the visa was available, what's to lose?
Aug 5th 2009, 2:19 am
#32
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
Peoples answers to Q #3 has been a really interesting one to me.
When I lived in the UK, I had lots of 'real' friends, people I had grown up around or gone to work with etc. To me there was always a sense of 'community' there, that I have yet to find anywhere in the US.
Having said that, things seem to be changing in the UK now, from what I hear, people are working longer hours, going out less and just can't be bothered putting in that extra effort to get to know people any more.
Where I grew up, we had a 'community' outside our front door, it opened onto the street (no front yard) and I don't ever remember us locking our doors, friends/neighbours would just 'pop in' without even knocking, just for a chat or a quick 'hello, how's it going'. The Mums would sit out front when the weather was good and everyone's kids were watched over by all the Mums.
I don't consider myself to be an unfriendly person and I have tried in every place we have lived, in the US, to make friends with at least my close neighbours, kids friends parents, work associates etc. I could look back at most of these areas and remember not even having 'met' neighbours after 2 years in the same house...They would leave home through the garage (in their cars) and drive in through them at night and just disappear.
Here in IL, we had our house built and we would come out to watch it come together, there were 5 houses being built (the first 5) on my street, we met and got to know all 5 families, we practically all moved in on the same day, we helped each other with things like ceiling fan installing, furniture carrying etc. It was great! We would all gather at one house or other and drink beer and chat on the patio at nights, just like a 'community' in the UK.
Since then (5 years ago) all the other houses have gone up, other people moved into 'our' street, some friendly, some not so...some of the original 5 have moved and new people moved in, there is still a little of that original neighbourhood feeling, but since I moved back from CO, it's almost like I am a stranger here again...shame really, but, people move on and slide into their own little 'comfort zones'
I think it would be more difficult these days though to find that 'community' feeling back in the UK too. Times/people change and lives get busy, different things take up our free time these days.
When I lived in the UK, I had lots of 'real' friends, people I had grown up around or gone to work with etc. To me there was always a sense of 'community' there, that I have yet to find anywhere in the US.
Having said that, things seem to be changing in the UK now, from what I hear, people are working longer hours, going out less and just can't be bothered putting in that extra effort to get to know people any more.
Where I grew up, we had a 'community' outside our front door, it opened onto the street (no front yard) and I don't ever remember us locking our doors, friends/neighbours would just 'pop in' without even knocking, just for a chat or a quick 'hello, how's it going'. The Mums would sit out front when the weather was good and everyone's kids were watched over by all the Mums.
I don't consider myself to be an unfriendly person and I have tried in every place we have lived, in the US, to make friends with at least my close neighbours, kids friends parents, work associates etc. I could look back at most of these areas and remember not even having 'met' neighbours after 2 years in the same house...They would leave home through the garage (in their cars) and drive in through them at night and just disappear.
Here in IL, we had our house built and we would come out to watch it come together, there were 5 houses being built (the first 5) on my street, we met and got to know all 5 families, we practically all moved in on the same day, we helped each other with things like ceiling fan installing, furniture carrying etc. It was great! We would all gather at one house or other and drink beer and chat on the patio at nights, just like a 'community' in the UK.
Since then (5 years ago) all the other houses have gone up, other people moved into 'our' street, some friendly, some not so...some of the original 5 have moved and new people moved in, there is still a little of that original neighbourhood feeling, but since I moved back from CO, it's almost like I am a stranger here again...shame really, but, people move on and slide into their own little 'comfort zones'
I think it would be more difficult these days though to find that 'community' feeling back in the UK too. Times/people change and lives get busy, different things take up our free time these days.
Aug 5th 2009, 2:38 am
#33
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Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,338
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
Is the issue of friendships any different in the US than anywhere else? Doesn't it seem that when you move away from your childhood home, it is usually more difficult and time consuming to develop those close relationships?
When you are married your lifestyle changes and friendships tend to change.
In my experience, people that stay in the area where they grew up tend to have the deepest relationships. As an example, I have a brother who lives in northern Minnesota where he grew up and everyone with a 40 mile radius knows him. It wouldn't enter his mind to ever leave the area. In fact when he got married at age 55, he refused to leave the neighborhood that he grew up and his wife had to sell her home and move in with him.
The most notable exceptions seem to be friendships developed in college or in the military. However, those seem to fade as you lose contact.
I'm not saying that deep relationships aren't developed when you move but the close relationships seem to be less in most cases.
When you are married your lifestyle changes and friendships tend to change.
In my experience, people that stay in the area where they grew up tend to have the deepest relationships. As an example, I have a brother who lives in northern Minnesota where he grew up and everyone with a 40 mile radius knows him. It wouldn't enter his mind to ever leave the area. In fact when he got married at age 55, he refused to leave the neighborhood that he grew up and his wife had to sell her home and move in with him.
The most notable exceptions seem to be friendships developed in college or in the military. However, those seem to fade as you lose contact.
I'm not saying that deep relationships aren't developed when you move but the close relationships seem to be less in most cases.
Aug 5th 2009, 2:44 am
#34
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Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,338
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
Peoples answers to Q #3 has been a really interesting one to me.
When I lived in the UK, I had lots of 'real' friends, people I had grown up around or gone to work with etc. To me there was always a sense of 'community' there, that I have yet to find anywhere in the US.
Having said that, things seem to be changing in the UK now, from what I hear, people are working longer hours, going out less and just can't be bothered putting in that extra effort to get to know people any more.
Where I grew up, we had a 'community' outside our front door, it opened onto the street (no front yard) and I don't ever remember us locking our doors, friends/neighbours would just 'pop in' without even knocking, just for a chat or a quick 'hello, how's it going'. The Mums would sit out front when the weather was good and everyone's kids were watched over by all the Mums.
I don't consider myself to be an unfriendly person and I have tried in every place we have lived, in the US, to make friends with at least my close neighbours, kids friends parents, work associates etc. I could look back at most of these areas and remember not even having 'met' neighbours after 2 years in the same house...They would leave home through the garage (in their cars) and drive in through them at night and just disappear.
Here in IL, we had our house built and we would come out to watch it come together, there were 5 houses being built (the first 5) on my street, we met and got to know all 5 families, we practically all moved in on the same day, we helped each other with things like ceiling fan installing, furniture carrying etc. It was great! We would all gather at one house or other and drink beer and chat on the patio at nights, just like a 'community' in the UK.
Since then (5 years ago) all the other houses have gone up, other people moved into 'our' street, some friendly, some not so...some of the original 5 have moved and new people moved in, there is still a little of that original neighbourhood feeling, but since I moved back from CO, it's almost like I am a stranger here again...shame really, but, people move on and slide into their own little 'comfort zones'
I think it would be more difficult these days though to find that 'community' feeling back in the UK too. Times/people change and lives get busy, different things take up our free time these days.
When I lived in the UK, I had lots of 'real' friends, people I had grown up around or gone to work with etc. To me there was always a sense of 'community' there, that I have yet to find anywhere in the US.
Having said that, things seem to be changing in the UK now, from what I hear, people are working longer hours, going out less and just can't be bothered putting in that extra effort to get to know people any more.
Where I grew up, we had a 'community' outside our front door, it opened onto the street (no front yard) and I don't ever remember us locking our doors, friends/neighbours would just 'pop in' without even knocking, just for a chat or a quick 'hello, how's it going'. The Mums would sit out front when the weather was good and everyone's kids were watched over by all the Mums.
I don't consider myself to be an unfriendly person and I have tried in every place we have lived, in the US, to make friends with at least my close neighbours, kids friends parents, work associates etc. I could look back at most of these areas and remember not even having 'met' neighbours after 2 years in the same house...They would leave home through the garage (in their cars) and drive in through them at night and just disappear.
Here in IL, we had our house built and we would come out to watch it come together, there were 5 houses being built (the first 5) on my street, we met and got to know all 5 families, we practically all moved in on the same day, we helped each other with things like ceiling fan installing, furniture carrying etc. It was great! We would all gather at one house or other and drink beer and chat on the patio at nights, just like a 'community' in the UK.
Since then (5 years ago) all the other houses have gone up, other people moved into 'our' street, some friendly, some not so...some of the original 5 have moved and new people moved in, there is still a little of that original neighbourhood feeling, but since I moved back from CO, it's almost like I am a stranger here again...shame really, but, people move on and slide into their own little 'comfort zones'
I think it would be more difficult these days though to find that 'community' feeling back in the UK too. Times/people change and lives get busy, different things take up our free time these days.
But I think a lot of our high expectations are all coming from our experience of the UK, often quite some time ago for the majority of cases. Trying to compare the village I grew up in with any suburb, UK or US, is really a non starter.
I think you are exactly right about the "busier" syndrome.
Aug 5th 2009, 4:26 am
#35
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
I agree. Times are changing in the UK as well as here. In part of the neighborhood here (where we've lived for 4 years), hardly anyone has moved away, so as time has gone by, some community spirit has developed (but that said, you always get the ones who are garage-up-car in or out-garage down-never to be seen again).
But I think a lot of our high expectations are all coming from our experience of the UK, often quite some time ago for the majority of cases. Trying to compare the village I grew up in with any suburb, UK or US, is really a non starter.
I think you are exactly right about the "busier" syndrome.
But I think a lot of our high expectations are all coming from our experience of the UK, often quite some time ago for the majority of cases. Trying to compare the village I grew up in with any suburb, UK or US, is really a non starter.
I think you are exactly right about the "busier" syndrome.
I think you are right, I think us brits tend to think that we will be welcomed here with open arms and taken into the 'busom' of the neighbours/work colleagues etc (and why not? we are Brits!
)It's just not like that in reality here (imo) Yes, you will get the "oh I think your accent is so cute", but I think you have to work a lot harder here to make friends and keep working harder to keep them. I have found (as an AF wife) that most people (not military, women mostly) tend to guard against getting too close, because they know you will move on eventually.
As soon as my neighbour/best friend, knew that I was moving to be with hubby in Co (temporarily) she started to create a distance between us and go off with her other friends more, it's hurtful, but understandable really.
I have never stayed in one place longer than 4 years, so I can't really say what it would be like here if you lived in the same house/area for a longer time
Aug 5th 2009, 7:23 am
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 13,265
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
1. Would you do it again?
Hell yes!
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
No real hard times to speak of. They lie ahead ... (old age in the US)
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
Only a few friends, but that was my situation in UK; I'm not one to have many friends. I have as many as I want!
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
All my buddies from University were drifting out of London; I could not afford to buy anything worthwhile in London; my IT job was starting to drag after only 2 years.
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
Not likely! Maybe Italy or Spain - pipe dream ... I'll be here, somewhere.
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
I would, though I'd recommend they take a long hard look at their job prospects; this is a great place to be if you have a good job; otherwise ...
Hell yes!
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
No real hard times to speak of. They lie ahead ... (old age in the US)
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
Only a few friends, but that was my situation in UK; I'm not one to have many friends. I have as many as I want!
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
All my buddies from University were drifting out of London; I could not afford to buy anything worthwhile in London; my IT job was starting to drag after only 2 years.
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
Not likely! Maybe Italy or Spain - pipe dream ... I'll be here, somewhere.
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
I would, though I'd recommend they take a long hard look at their job prospects; this is a great place to be if you have a good job; otherwise ...
Aug 5th 2009, 7:39 am
#37
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 13,265
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
Regarding friendships/etc - I had great friendships from secondary school in UK, and great, longer-lasting friendships from University (I still get a visit from a few UK University buddies even now, 28 years later). It was the fact that most of those friends moved away from London that made me 'ready' for the move over here. Since I've been here, all my friendships have been through work, and that's no different from having friends from school/uni - you get to know the people you spend all day with.
I have to confess - I am now a 'drive into the garage' kinda guy. My neighbor is a chatterbox and ... drives me f**ing nuts! I used to talk to her when we first moved in, but now I avoid her like the plague. She's nice enough but - can't shut up and everything is a drama. Also - contrary to what many others have said - if I came home and found any of my neighbors sitting around the kitchen table, I'd freak out ... I want to come home to a peaceful environment. If I want conversation, I'll go out for it! Both of my neighbors have invited us round for all manner of events, and we always refuse - we just don't have the time or the energy for socializing (this could change if we were ever unemployed!).
I have to confess - I am now a 'drive into the garage' kinda guy. My neighbor is a chatterbox and ... drives me f**ing nuts! I used to talk to her when we first moved in, but now I avoid her like the plague. She's nice enough but - can't shut up and everything is a drama. Also - contrary to what many others have said - if I came home and found any of my neighbors sitting around the kitchen table, I'd freak out ... I want to come home to a peaceful environment. If I want conversation, I'll go out for it! Both of my neighbors have invited us round for all manner of events, and we always refuse - we just don't have the time or the energy for socializing (this could change if we were ever unemployed!).
Aug 5th 2009, 12:34 pm
#38
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 572
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
As a newcomer to this particular forum and longtime expat who set out at the tender age of 17 I have enjoyed reading your posts and would like to hear of your comments and experiences on the following topics:
1. Would you do it again?
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
Thanks.
1. Would you do it again?
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
Thanks.
2. I did not experience any hard times
3. I do have a lot of US friends
4. Fed up with strikes, job offer, divorce, became fully justified
5. With all my kids and grandchildren here. Absolutely not!
6. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Aug 5th 2009, 12:58 pm
#39
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2006
Location: In the middle of two worlds
Posts: 501
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
As a newcomer to this particular forum and longtime expat who set out at the tender age of 17 I have enjoyed reading your posts and would like to hear of your comments and experiences on the following topics:
1. Would you do it again?
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
Thanks.
1. Would you do it again?
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
Thanks.
1. No
2. No
3. No
4. Had the "grass is greener" syndrome, and no, it wasn't justified
5. Hopefully
6. No
And you're welcome
Aug 6th 2009, 12:04 am
#40
Unmitigated Gall
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: it's still too dark to tell
Posts: 16,162
Aug 6th 2009, 12:09 am
#41
UNFORGIVABLE
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Erie PA - From Ipswich England
Posts: 381
Aug 6th 2009, 1:16 am
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,338
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
Aug 6th 2009, 1:40 am
#43
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: GA
Posts: 623
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
I mentioned on another thread how awesome those auto garage door openers are but never thought about this. It's true, it sort of cocoons you in your house/car.
Aug 6th 2009, 1:57 am
#44
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: GA
Posts: 623
Re: Would you do it all over again and would you encourage others to emigrate to the
1. Would you do it again?
Yes.
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
Not really relevent for me. But I would say that yes, the hard times were worth the overall happiness I have so far.
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
A few decent friends so far, I guess will get more over time. Agree with many other posters that it seems harder to make friends here because people are too busy working and no socialising after work, etc.
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
To get married to my USC girlfriend and live in same country legally. Definitely!
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
I would like to, but can't see it happening because my wife and kids will probably want to live in America.
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
I guess so, if it's for the right reasons and you've really thought it all through.
Yes.
2. Were the hard times worth the material success you have achieved thus far?
Not really relevent for me. But I would say that yes, the hard times were worth the overall happiness I have so far.
3. Have you made a lot of US friends or merely aquaintances along the way?
A few decent friends so far, I guess will get more over time. Agree with many other posters that it seems harder to make friends here because people are too busy working and no socialising after work, etc.
4. What made you leave home in the first place and was it really justified?
To get married to my USC girlfriend and live in same country legally. Definitely!
5. Will you return back to the old sod to retire?
I would like to, but can't see it happening because my wife and kids will probably want to live in America.
6. Would you encourage others to come to the US?
I guess so, if it's for the right reasons and you've really thought it all through.
