Breezey

i think alot of folk screw up by going to perth or Adelaide

Sally

If I had a time machine I would go back to the UK and spend the rest of my life counting my blessings! Our move is working out well for my husband and one child, the other one is not so happy and I am struggling. Hoping the feelings will improve, they have to as we have no other option in the foreseeable future. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, it does help.

honeymommy

Not working was a major downer for me in the USA. I was soooo bored and lonely... Yes I made myself busy, but it wasn't living and enjoying life busy, it became monotonous. I became low and it showed... Homesickness was overwhelming. I thought I was homesick for the UK, but I was wrong.

I went to college for a year, as no work permit. I met people, I challenged myself, I got invited out and began to live life to the full. It changed my whole outlook. It also changed the way people related to me, as I showed outward happiness, which had been lacking for a long time.
Eventually we had to return to the UK. I did not want to come back, and it took a while to adjust, but I knew how, having just done it in the USA...
LIFE HUH... LOL...

Well thats my experience....

Just try something new, nothing to lose, and so much to gain.....

At the end of the day, if you are still not happy. At least you tried.

woodyinoz

Finding part time work is a near impossibility I have found... I feel sorry for any Expat that is suddenly finding life isolated due to this.

Yes there are part time hours but they are still based on full days and often weekends. I did 4 days a week for months but I always struggled to get the kids from kids club on time.
School holiday cover is expensive, costing well into the region of $100 a day each child. Take into account that you will then loose any family tax you maybe entitled to and the outlook isn't worth while.
Husbands often are gone for over 12 hours a day so a lot of pressure is on you as a mother especially when guilt takes over that you are not having any family time.

Maybe the answer is in voluntary work. I do two days a week with the school and it helps. I will soon be looking at other work maybe at a rescue centre.

Ladybird

Thanks for all your replies guys, it does help to talk things out with people who understand.

Moving to a different part of Oz - I really don't think that will help, I like Adelaide that's not the problem, (the problem is its not he uk!) its a very beautiful place and has lots of things going for it.

Talk to my husband - I have, we had a huge discussion about 4 months ago when I was at my lowest point, there were lots of tears and I really laid out how I felt about the whole move and that I only did it for him etc. The trouble was being a man he tried to "fix" the problem, asking what he could do and why didn't I get a job, and not necessarily listening to my answers.
I told him I hated feeling low like this and I couldn't help it, I have tried really hard to settle, I have made friends (more than he has), I get out and about as much as possible. I can't help that it just doesn't feel right. He has agreed to talk again about it all after 2 years, but it still doesn't change the fact that if we go back he will be unhappy and I will feel guilty and if we stay I will be unhappy. What do you do to compromise?

Working - Have thought about this alot, but as stated above, part time work is hard to find, especially as I don't want to do what I did in the uk (childcare)but have no other area's of skill, and I want my daughter to go to kindie and mix with the kids she will be going to schoool with, which means the hours I have available are very few. I thought of working from home but I think this wouldn't help. Its a really difficult situation. I do some volunteer work for save the children which helps, but again they prefer you to devote a certain number of hours a week which I no longer have.

So there you have it! I want to do the right thing for everyone and not just be selfish and think of myself, yes I think that a happy mummy means happy kids etc, but what about a miserable husband? I just worry if we go back, my hubby will feel about me the way I feel about him now. So I just don't know

woodyinoz

I worried about this for the last two years! I have muddled on and worked full time / part time and devoted my time to my kids and house. I have tried to socialise etc but nothing stopped the blues.
I have talked to hubby again and although he isn't too keen on the returning idea he is happy to support me as long as it is our last move. When he said this I realised that he just wants to settle and have a home, he doesn't care where as long as we have each other.... You may find that this is all your husband is worried about. I think that they need stability more than us.
I am taking a trip back next year to make sure it's the right thing and then we will head back end of 07. We are all ready positively talking about camping in the South of France in 2008

Geordie George

Hi Ladybird,

As an alternative to work, could you perhaps consider volunteering for something? A quick Google search brought up the following site, which allows you to search for organisations based on location and type of work, so might be a useful starting point for throwing up some ideas?

http://www.volunteeringsa.org.au/

Sorry not to be more use. Just make sure you don't keep it all bottled up.

Good luck,
GG

PLANTS

I have been fighting those same feelings for years now, hubbie ok at work, 12 year old (now) very content at school and has made some lovely friends too but me, well, I fought and fought against it telling myself that they were happy and so should I. I mean who wouldn't be I kept telling myself, sun, sea, sand, beach 10 mins away, lovely parks and bbq's, and everyone kept telling me "oh it will get better, its a much better country to live in". So I muddle through, depression became a big factor for me and it didn't matter what I did, working or staying at home till in the end I had to just say "I like it here but don't love it and want to go home". So I went back on holiday last year just to get a feel of it again, thinking I may be looking through rose tinted specs but as soon as I drove around I just knew I was a completely different person inside, that horrible knorring feeling has gone.

Fortunately hubbie feels its the right time to go back and son is now at that lovely mature age of talking and reasoning. Its taken me years to get to this point and I am finally going home. I now have two grandchildren to go back to, on my visit one was 2 and the other new born and I can't wait to get hold of them for loads of cuddles and kisses. The down side is that I leave my gorgeous just married to an ozzie daughter here and I will so miss her but with MSN, email and text, I can webcam as well, I know its not the same but at least I can come back for holidays and thats something I will enjoy being able to see the King Park again.

This isn't the solution for everyone, just me. Perhaps try somewhere different, volunteer work hass been suggested which is a great idea as it gets you out to meet other people. Perhaps start a hobbie which is something else I did, scrapbooking, and made some lovely friends through that.

Sometimes just working through it by putting it down on paper works too.

MrsB

You've been here 4 or 5 years now haven't you PLANTS? I think that's long enough to know where the right place to be is. If you feel like that after that amount of time - surely it isn't going to suddenly feel right being here?

People keep telling me too that "it's a better country to live in" etc etc, and you start to think you're weird if you don't think along those lines. It's like having to "put on a show" and "pretend" to everyone how wonderful it all is, when really inside it's eating you up because you don't quite feel the same as everyone.

God help you if you so much as say you miss something.

I have learnt that I value family relationships and friends made over 10, 20+ years, much more than I value the fact that we can go to the beach at the weekend, and that, yes, the sun shines a bit more here than it does there. For me the weather has ceased to be an issue. It brings a whole host of other things to consider (not least of which is flies!).

Good luck in going home - one day I'll be following you - as to stay here for the rest of my days would be having to sacrifice too many things.

Life is too short - why spend it having to fight all these feelings!!!

Ken

PLANTS

I didn't answer your question Ladyird, yes I do think its worth it all, if only to realise where your heart is. You can do so many things for others but we sometimes forget to be kind to ourselves. We have all done something that others back in UK only dream about and wouldn't dare to do so for that alone it has been an experience that I am grateful for.

Betty Boot

People keep telling me too that "it's a better country to live in" etc etc, and you start to think you're weird if you don't think along those lines. It's like having to "put on a show" and "pretend" to everyone how wonderful it all is, when really inside it's eating you up because you don't quite feel the same as everyone.

Ken[/QUOTE]

I get tired of people back in UK saying how lucky we are and what a great life we have - "but I couldnt do it" Well, what makes them think it is so easy for me, when i mention about returning they say "dont you dare, its crap here, whats there to come back to". People in Oz also suggest that we are so fortunate to get to live here and why would we ever want to return to a place like that - apart from the fact they have never left their own state, what would they know

PLANTS

I get tired of people back in UK saying how lucky we are and what a great life we have - "but I couldnt do it" Well, what makes them think it is so easy for me, when i mention about returning they say "dont you dare, its crap here, whats there to come back to". People in Oz also suggest that we are so fortunate to get to live here and why would we ever want to return to a place like that - apart from the fact they have never left their own state, what would they know [/QUOTE]


EXACTLY Betty Boot. We didn't tell anyone we were returning till the very last minute because we knew the reaction we would get. My son (in UK) thinks we are totally nuts but its no good trying to explain the reasons behind it because they just don't see what we do.

I sometimes wish they could be a fly on the wall and see and live the lives we do, including the feelings, then perhaps they would think twice before they say the things they do.

Hey! Perhaps thats where we all go to in the afterlife! Flies! Crikey I hope not! Can't think of anything worse than being a fly and buzzing around someones nostrils!!!

MrsB

I know what you mean..... and it's always from people who have never been anywhere other than England and therefore have nothing to compare England to. Don't say how "bad" life is in England...until you have lived somewhere else and have somewhere to compare it to.... either good or bad. These sorts of conversations are what I'm dreading on my trip back.......
....again from people who have never left Australia.... and never lived anywhere else!

Yep! Confused!

Lany

Yeah defintely better asked on here!! I used to come on here a lot when I first arrived 2 years ago and anything negative I said on the oz board was not v well rec'd.

I am in a similar position, my hubby was the one who wanted to come and live here (he is british but had spent most of his life in oz and wanted to come back), I like i here but I have never felt completely settled due to not having my family etc.

He has (begrudgingly) agreed that we can go home next year and I am worried that if it doesn't work out then there will be a lot of tension!

I wish I could have been one of these people who comes out here and loves it so much that it becomes 'home'.

I have always felt that the uk was somewhat better than here despite what other people think.

Lany

ANA123

Hi my story is similar again.....been here nearly 2 years have been homesick all along, though have good job, made lovely friends and live in a beautiful place. I have been home twice and after the last time last April came back determined to go home. My husband was incredibly supportive and agreed immediately, though he and my 7 year old love it here.
6 months on from that decision, and all of the relief that i felt at the thought of going home....i feel very selfish.....and think we will probably stay here, again for the sake of the family as a whole. I would feel very guilty uprooting 4 other people (my parents are also here and very happy, but would return if we did) because i miss home. I dont know what the right or wrong answer is, i envy all of you at home or heading home....but for me i will have to be happy with an annual trip.....thank goodness we can afford to do that.
Good luck to you all,
Michaela