Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

It looks like we are moving back to the uk after living in nz for over ten years. For the past 3-4 years I have been really homesick and would spend hours looking at things on the internet, in fact I had to come off here and rightmove at the request of DH as he thought it was unsettling and I promised to throw myself into enjoying things here. Recently some very close friends have let us know they are moving back, who were always NZ zealots and I made the comment that everyone of my close friends have left. DH then took upon himself that we were leaving and found himself a job in Bath, it initially looked like he might not be able to as he works in defence and needed security clearance and supposed to have lived in Uk for last 5 yrs, but then MOD just came back and said they would clear him, so good to go.
However really not sure it's a good idea, it's one thing to say it, but the horror stories are really off putting. I work in health and have built up a good reputation, been in senior roles and currently working from home, as well as doing some freelance work researching and teaching for uni, which has meant life been a lot easier. We live in a good area, with good schools and have a friend who works at the local high school and said the things the kids get up to and think is naughty is hilarious in comparison to when he was teaching in the uk. We would be bringing our three who are 12, 8 and 6 and I would be worried about how they would cope, they are really not street wise.
However the work opportunities for DH here are really ltd, he hates his job and this would be a good opportunity for him. Our kids are growing up away from most of their family and have been missing out and would have opportunities they don't get here being so small. DH parents live in bath so we can live with them and look at buying their house.
So pluses and minuses for both and feeling really torn. He might have to go quite quickly , leaving me to sort everything which isn't a nice thought either.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Hey you.
Just passing on by and spotted you might be off.
As you know we have also been in NZ for over ten years and the jury is still out for me. Will I stay or will I go. :p or should that be :unsure:

Did you all take up NZ citizenship in the end? We did.

I do think a move back to the UK can be far more traumatising in a way that the initial move to a new country so I am not surprised you feel concern.

Just like with the NZ forum, or any of the forums TBH , you'll get the utopia & the horror stories. Don't let either end of the scale put you off or pull the wool.

I'm sure you'll come to the best decision for you and your family .

Hopefully there will be someone in the Bath area that will pop along.

:fingerscrossed: for you. I shall be interested to follow your journey, regardless of whether you return to the UK or remain in NZ.

regards
BEVS

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Bath seems like a great place although I don't know it well.

We have been back in the UK a month after 9 years in Los Angeles.

We feel very positive so far although of course it's early days.

My son is 21 and stayed in the US. My daughter is 18. So a different stage with the kids. Your 12-year-old might find the transition a little hard, as my son did going the other way.

I don't know about the streetwise aspect. LA is kind of weird so not a good comparison to NZ.

Anyway, have to get to bed now but just wanted to reassure you somewhat if you do decide to go.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I think you're always bound to have doubts. I suppose it's the curse of actually having the balls to move to another country, there's always what if's. But Bath is lovely, you'd have your family around you. Your husband would be happy with his job and you have been homesick. Don't let horror stories put you off. The UK really isn't that bad at all and while I admit it might be difficult to get your foot in the door in the health care profession, once you're in you'll be fine. I thought the UK was light yrs ahead of NZ in terms of health care- yrs behind etc?

The children will be fine although since I worry so much about making decisions that affect them I can only say that in theory!!

Would your husband even want to stay now?

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Thank you so much for you reassuring comments, it really helps to know how others feel.
I did say to DH that wasn't sure it was a good idea and he kept pushing back and saying oh you know you want to go, you've always wanted to, so I said yes but really not sure it's a good idea, just because heart feels like it, plus I've always been someone who gets a bit restless. He then said well if we stay I don't know what I will do about work as there is only his place that does what he does and he is worried about his parents who are getting older and they visited at Xmas, but his dad had a stroke on the way home, which they said is likely from long haul flight, so can't visit again. So I suppose it makes sense in some ways. It just seems silly to give up a comfortable lifestyle for the unknown. Plus everyone says the nhs is terrible to work in, it's always been a bit of a thankless no win job at times, but friends say it's awful, really high expectations, massive case loads, responsibility and low wage, so not sure I want to work in that.
I am sure the kids will be fine in lots of ways, because there are lots here that are a nightmare, but as much as they drive me round the bend they are good kids, with good manners. I suppose it's just worrying putting them through a hard time unnecessarily.
Oh dear it's very confusing :confused: if it was just the two of us I think it wouldn't bother me.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I used to work for the NHS before I left for Canada in January. I miss my job, and the camaraderie with my colleagues. I see those posts on fb about how bad it is blah blah but I didn't feel that way. I still think the NHS is bloomin marvellous compared to other countries. Maybe I was protected as I worked in a specialist department and yes it's hard work and short staffed, but I wouldn't have swapped it.

The part about your heart saying yes resonates with me... I have decided to go with my head but really that's because I've only been here 9 months so I can't be sure my heart can be trusted!

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Thanks Tirytory, that's really reassuring. I must admit I wasn't exactly impressed with the work here when I first came, but you just get used to it after awhile. However I loved my job in the uk, it just seemed much more innovative and interesting. However everyone says it's not the same. I know what you mean about the NHS though, as much as it's been spoilt in recent years, it still is great that people have access to free healthcare. We do here in NZ, although not for GP, and we are told to keep things with primary care, for very good reasons, but very difficult when we are telling them to go when around here it's around 25 pounds a visit. It has it's good and bad parts to that, you can almost always get an appt on the same day, but people don't go unless they really have to, which lots of people say it's much better, but actually they ignore things they shouldn't, including me, and it's not even like we can't afford it, I just would rather not pay it until feel dying and then find out it's pneumonia. People do that with children here, and that's partly responsible for really high rheumatic fever here (as well as damp overcrowding living that is common). It also means that A & E is full of people who should be with a GP but they can't afford it.
I know what you mean about giving it a good go, I think your right you need to give it time to see if it settles down and then if it doesn't then at least you know you gave it a good go and got a good adventure.
I didn't really feel too homesick for the first few years as I think at that point I just thought it was fun, then around four years ago I started to think, do I really want to grow old and die here. Also once the shine starts to wear off, as it does any where and it's the daily grind, you just start to think I could be doing this any where why am doing it so far away.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

The market is all out of crystal balls unfortunately but if you approach this move with the mindset that nothing is forever you should be fine! Bath is a lovely part of the country and I would live there in a heartbeat. Your kids will be fine - it's not all doom and gloom! However if you give it a go and decide it isn't floating your boat then you've moved before, you can do it again! There will, undoubtedly, be days when you think "OMG What have I done?" - we all have them, even those of us who have made the right move! When something is going not quite right we will always compare the bad of the now with the good of the then and the past will always win but give it a go and see! You're starting from a good base with a job offer!

Good Luck!

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Bath is an amazing place. If and when I move back it will either be to Brighton or Bath. My family live just outside, my elder niece works in the city, my younger one attends an amzingly good school there which seems to focus on developing teenagers as people, with interests, hobbies, good careers. Very happy with it and her traditional school subjects are doing well too!
Bath has excellent transport links and a pretty good local bus service too, beautiful sights, amazing pubs and cafes and touristy stuff, yet it isn't trashy. I know it has its dark side, my brother was part of that so I am well aware of it, but it truly is a lovely place to be, in a beautiful part of the country.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

As others have said Bath is a lovely area, it is my wifes hometown. Please dont get sucked into the doom and gloom horror stories, we wouldnt have bought our (then) 11 year olds here if it was even a fraction as bad as some would have us believe. They love it here and at least currently have no desire to return to Australia.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

We moved our 13 year old back to a totally new area for us in the UK. We had been in NZ 6 years. One of our older children finished year 13 there then went back to sixth form college and did A'levels. Our 13 yr old has been absolutely fine. We have been very lucky and he is very happy.
Good luck

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

We returned with our 2 girls 12 and 14 two years ago after spending 8 years in NZ. The eldest went straight into GCSE's and came out with 4A* and 5A's. Even though I was desperate to return to NZ I was really surprised that it took a lot of time and energy to settle back in Uk again as so much had changed and was so used to doing everything the kiwi way (so be prepared for this) There will no doubt be a transition period for the children and they will miss their friends, but children adapt so quickly and will be the main attraction at school with their kiwi accents so new friendships soon develop. It would seem that you have much to come home for. There are always gains and losses in whichever country you are living but you will know in your heart of hearts where you really want to be. Good luck

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Ooops it should have read "even though I was desperate to return to the UK"

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

You're not alone in that opinion.

I think this Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, 2014 Update: How the U.S. Health Care System Compares Internationally - The Commonwealth Fund may interest you.

Note where Canada comes in the ranking.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Thanks Novo, my husband it turns out had already seen this and feels he can really see why Canada is ranked as it is. Trouble is a lot of UK peeps are pretty ungrateful for the perceived failings of the NHS so all they can do is grumble about how bad it is etc etc.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Hi MDD,

I hope you are feeling a little less anxious about the big move. I agree that the move back to your home country can cause an immense amount of anxiety and expectation. I think as long as you know this you can mange those expectations.

The UK is not "going to the dogs". There are negatives but there is with any country and only you can decide what the compromises are/can be for your family.

The only thing I would warn you about, and I have no local knowledge of Bath, is education. As you will be aware there are pockets of the UK where schools are very difficult to gain a place in. If your eldest is 12 and you have been in NZ for over 10 years then I gather you have not had your children in the UK system at all. Totally not a reason to not do it, but be prepared for the extra stress that you *may* have. What I found difficult was the school/house - chicken/egg situation. How do you know where you want to live until you know what the schools are like? Some schools are very strict about zoning, some areas are very oversubscribed. Once you know the system you'll be fine, but might cause an initial headache.

I think once you have homesickness and it permeates your life to an annoying level you need to do something about it!

Do give yourself time on the other end to integrate back into UK life. It won't all be wonderful all at once, there will be challenges. I moved back to NZ in 2013 after being in the UK for 12 years (I am a kiwi). It was really hard, so hard we came back to the UK. I wish I had given myself more time, space to grieve family we have here in the UK. I thought my homesickness would go away once we got back to the UK, but it didn't. I totally regret coming back to the UK. Nothing to do with good or bad points of a country, just in my heart I miss NZ too much.

I think if you don't do it you will regret it.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

The older I get, the more I believe that folks who are miserable want others to be as miserable as they are. DH is the UKC; I am the USC spouse (hoping to become a UKC soon - application is in). At 74, he yearns for the England he knew as a child in the late 40s and as a teenager in the early 50s. He hates change, and after perusing far too many websites saying that the UK is totally screwed up, he moans about the state of the country for hours on end.

I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.

Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I love all the changes, except for roads getting busier! It's so much more cosmopolitan than when I was younger. Food is amazing now. There has been so much regeneration of towns. We used to have to go to London for anything cool, now places like Solihull have great shopping centres and stuff like regular street markets. Then there's the easy travel to Europe. People seem to have multiple holidays per year. And having been taken out by work colleagues on Friday, my husband tells me that even an Irish bloke in the group said no-one can beat the great British pub crawl :lol:

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

This is a really, really key point. The move from the UK is full of expectation and adventure; it's all a great big unknown and can seem pretty exciting as a result. A move back to the UK is a move with eyes wide open to the warts and all that accompany the place. I think it's perfectly natural to be more concerned about the move back than you ever were about the move away. Trying to rationalise what are real fears and what has been blown out of proportion by whatever the opposite of rose-tinted glasses are is critical.

+1

Good luck.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

:goodpost:

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I've also found that miserable people tend to be miserable wherever they are, and people with sunnier personalities make the best of the situations they find themselves in.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I think you are doing the right thing, Ten yers in NZ and the last 3 or 4 homesick, thats your gut talking to you.

You are moving at the right time, to put it off would be a Major mistake, you're kids will settle at this age, leave it for 5 or 10 years and it most likely would never happen.

Bath is lovely I can only say I wish I were in your shoes.

Good Luck to you.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Agree. Although I've only ever visited Bath.

Although I understand property is expensive but that's a generalisation and I really don't want this thread to turn into a property price discussion thread.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I've lived here in NZ for three and a half years and I still don't know what, 'doing things the kiwi way' means.

I don't see that things are a great deal different in NZ to the way they are in Britian. Same old disappointments in NZ as there are in Britain.

There's personal taste and the things you prefer, but, 'the kiwi way' means what, exactly ? Probably differs from person to person enough to make it meaningless anyway. Not all kiwi's subscribe to, 'the kiwi way'. They just get on with things, like everyone else does. 'The kiwi way' seems only to matter once someone is no longer in NZ. Which, to my mind, is pretty close to the Australasian whine that tjhings are, 'better back home.'

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I offer this perspective. As someone who was euphoric, ecstatic and could not wait to move back to the UK - Bath area as well. I did move and then 'boomeranged' right back in a short space of time (complicated) but it was all my own doing. Now I sit here and regret every single living moment of my decision to return to the US, it all seemed so much better and more comfortable once I had returned to the UK and I think I imagined those things going through your mind about how easy life was for me in the US etc. Not I hasten to add because there was anything wrong with the UK - quite the opposite.

My decision was driven by my own poor impulsiveness and now almost daily I wish I could turn back the clock and be back in the UK. Instead, I am faced with the prospect of finding another job (so much energy and luck involved I feel when applying from abroad!). Or just making a dash for it and dropping everything - not very responsible but certainly extremely appealing. Today is one of those days when I idly dream of being out of here in 48 hours or less - its really no way to live. I balance and laugh at my original indecision in 'flip flopping' back by calling it the first 'try' or a trial run :)

I say go back to England. If it was causing you such heartache once it is likely in my humble opinion to return and pop up at inopportune moments in your life should you stay. Suppressing the inevitable for me at least has never really worked, and after all there really is no point in being miserable.

Don't doubt yourself too much and whatever you do when you get there do not second guess yourselves. Give yourselves plenty of time if at all possible to readjust based on my own experience.

I wish you well whatever your decision and hope to be there soon.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Vikingsail I haven't seen you post for long time. Thank you for your honesty. Will you ever be able to go back?

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Thanks Fulwood, I have been following your posts re your recent trip etc. Actively working on the escape plan, but when your counting in months (84, 83, 82….:) you know your in the wrong place! I think I would rather do time/ porridge than suffer this.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Vikingsail, maybe it's silly to ask as you probably would have said had you wanted to, but, could you share what made you go back to the US so quickly? Saddened to hear how it has worked out and hoping that it resolves itself soon for you :fingerscrossed:

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I read Viking sails post.I also went back with all intent of staying I arrived April 8th 2012 and returned in August.I could KICK myself. I think because I had to weigh everything out. My daughter and then her 8 year old son were going to come over if I settled. I missed my dogs, could not find a place that would take them! In the town I moved to there were not many jobs etc and one day I was staying , the next I was moving. I felt like I was going crazy so I came back and if I could turn back time, I would. Now my daughter has a baby. She had sole custody and was free to go wherever she wanted.Now she is happy and in a relationship which is nice. For me, well time will tell. About to rent out my mobile home and live in travel trailer on my property as I don't make enough at my job for by bills. I would definitely say if you go back to the U.K give it a decent amount of time. No one can tell you all the emotions you are going to experience... but give it time.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Vikingsail, I know what you mean about counting months. I am not doing that exactly but like you wish I could move sooner than later.. But if I bide my time and save well I will be able to go back within 5 years. I am in my early 50s and have a super job in US which will tide me over until my return. Still same situation - nobody calls, no close friends etc.. cannot live like that in my latter years.. You'll make it....

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

I've lived in LA for 6 years now, in a great neighborhood (Santa Monica) with loads to do on my doorstep.. But recently turned 40 and the luster of living in California has faded - although, to be honest, I have always been a bit homesick to some degree or another.

Would be going back solo so would be a big deal going it alone, but can't help but feel like the timing is right now. Especially as have started having health problems.

PS. Ever since I've been here, I convert $'s into GBP in my head whenever I buy something - does anyone else experience this?! Is it a sign of homesickness?!!

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Napster I love the place you live. I think as we age (I'm older than you by at least decade) our priorities just change. I'm on my own in US and have been for most of my 30 years here. Had great times and saw places only ever saw back on telly in UK. Health becomes an issue as well. I don't have health insurance as my income can fluctuate greatly from one month to next. But I will be forced to get it this time or pay a higher penalty than this year's 95 bucks. I've made decision finally to move back. Huge weight lifted off shoulders but will take time. Good luck with whatever you decide..

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

MDD, you've had some great answers, and i would add to the voices saying do it now, you may regret it otherwise.

Your oldest child is 12, it's much harder to move once the children are teenagers, so this is the moment!

Your DH wants to go back, and has a job, and you would go to that lovely city, Bath--all of this puts you in a very good position compared to some other homesick expats.

You fear for your children and the effect of the move on them--well, this is just the human/parent condition, I reckon! If you stay, they have security and status quo (but maybe unhappy parents--not good at all!). If you go, they are nearer to extended family, and they are young enough to adapt easily to UK life...as someone else has said, their accents will probably be seen as very cool!

Plus you, their parents, will be where you want to be.

It's scary, and of course no-one knows how it will work out, but I incline to say...carpe diem!

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Perthhomeschool - no problem if you followed my early posts it was inevitably my child. I'm at peace with that whole piece of the pie now just the homesickness wells up periodically :)

Fulwood - I'm on a very similar plan its what keeps me going just every now and then...I get to thinking well if I was to just go. I can say with certainty that I will not be here for old age. The thought actually fills me with dread.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

+1. I imagine the climate in Nebraska is not very different to that in Toronto. The thought of being stuck here in future poor health and senile frailty stokes horror in my heart.

I'm 65 next year and out of here quicker than the blink of an eye.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

Yes, I had followed your earlier posts. Totally understandable about your child.

Mine is 22 and is pursing a graduate degree. We have postponed our move back until she graduates. Although she is in another state, she still needs to have somewhere to "come home to" and loved ones to fuss over her when she is on vacation. We get that, and since it is impractical and expensive for her to fly over to us in the UK right now, we will wait a little bit longer.

Every day I have those moments when I just want to up sticks and move. But I understand that we have committed to compromise in this situation. It remains a dream we are working towards, but for now, the future of our child takes precedence.

Only you can decide how much you are willing to forsake of your happiness. But chances are, if you returned before you may do so again. When you feel he is in a comfortable place and at the helm of his own future, you will be more inclined to move without reservations.

Wishing the very best of luck while you navigate this frustrating episode in your life. :fingerscrossed:

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

all of that Novo +1

Now let the truth be known - in addition, the weather is a huge factor as is the property (council) tax along with the upkeep & running costs of a home.

Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
 

It's true that property tax is high here (mine is about $7500 pa, compared to less than 1700 euro total for TF & TdH in my French house of similar size) but I can't complain about that since the property tax is based on property values and I'll be flogging my RH home in the spring. :thumbup: