Sally Redux

I was slowly coming to terms with living in LA until I went to England in the summer, since then I've been absolutely awful with homesickness. I could probably juggle childcare and get over there for a short trip soon, but I wonder if people think it would make me feel better or worse?

Titchski

Wirelessly posted (SAMSUNG-SGH-I617/1.0 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 7.6))

Trrips home never help me, I just get into more of a hole. Plus it takes me a few weeks to lose the Brummie accent!

R2D2 returns

We went home for a visit in the summer of 2007 for my brothers wedding.

I was underwhelmed (by Manchester airport) then totally overwhelmed by the Cheshire countryside we drove through. So green, So lush, So pretty,So quaint, So interesting,,,,,,,,,,,and to be honest, that was the point I knew we'd be coming home eventually

quoll

Unfotunately it probably will make you feel worse. I go home every year because I have no other option - moving home is not a goer for us and whilst it is my sanity saver, I lurch from visit to visit. It all depends on whether you plan to stay where you are I guess. Certainly going home can be addictive and make settling where you are much more difficult.

dunroving

The only way to know if it will make you feel better or worse is to go ... which if you are able to and want to, I'd do in your situation.

It can be hard thinking about life in another place, from 4,000 miles away and sometimes if you're able to go there/be there a while it can help to inform your thinking.

The caveat of course is to remember that experience of the UK during a short "holiday" visit isn't the same as living there.

I go back to the States once or twice a year and every time it reinforces how much more happy I am in that environment. When I'm there I don't usually do the "holiday" stuff (they are usually working visits) and I am careful not to get rose-tinted glasses just because I am getting my quick fix of (American) football on TV, sunny skies and cheap restaurants.

Interestingly, when I used to visit the UK (while I was living in the US) there was a lot I'd enjoy (stuff I'd "missed") and feel nostalgic about (e.g., visits to the Cadbury factory, where I learned to swim, believe it or not), but there were many times I'd actually feel quite depressed during my UK visits. I should have listened to my gut back then.

Marmalade

It is really hard to say which way to go on this one. But, here is my experience. The first time I went home to visit Scotland after many years of being away, I really enjoyed the trip, but was looking forward to coming back to the US at the end of my holiday. Have to say, I was much younger than I am now, and loved the social life here in the US at that stage of my life.

Nowadays, I know that I will be moving back to Scotland within the next year, hopefully, and every trip home I get more excited about being there, as I know it won't be long until I am. I get very depressed right after I come back to the US after a trip home though. Which I am trying to pull myself out of right now, as I was home for Christmas.

Life stages change, and so does your opinions on things. Don't know if I have helped you in the least after reading my thoughts, but hope it helped a little............



D,

Where is the Cadbury factory

(p.s. - got your pm, will reply sometime soon.)

Sally Redux

Thanks for all your valuable thoughts.

I think I might try to go just to scratch the itch so to speak, of course the trouble is that everything will seem great because it's a vacation. But it will be the first time I've travelled without husband and/or kids so I'm sure I will miss them and appreciate them more.

At the moment I cannot relax and enjoy life without trying to put a timetable on when we could possibly return

We used to live near the Cadbury factory in Bourneville but I never visited it

dunroving

Cadbury factory (original one, anyway) is in Brum. The Cadbury family has a very interesting history but essentially they really took great care of their workers, including building leisure facilities. There were two swimming pools on the factory campus, one for men and one for women (the Cadburys were Quakers, so I think mixing men and women in skimpy clothing didn't really fit with their religious beliefs).

I went to school locally and we used the Cadbury pools for swim lessons and swim team practice.

Very odd, though ... they used to hold "men only" swim nights (this was in the 70s), and I went to one of them (our Head teacher was a real swim buff and encouraged boys to go to the swim nights). Well, I went ONCE ... when I got there, all these old geezers were swiming in the buff! I turned round, went straight back out the door.

Slightly off-topic, I know, but thought it was a funny story anyway.

Bit of history here: http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?im...tryGB%26sa%3DN

dunroving

I lived in Selly Park until I was 11, and we used to have our annual sports day at the Cadbury fields. In between running races and relays, I used to roll down the grass bank to make myself dizzy. My next door neighbour used to work at the factory and we'd buy these kakhi coloured paper bags full of Cadbury "waste" (misshapes, broken bits of chocolate, etc.) for about a penny (the "old" kind of penny). Small world.

Sally Redux

cool

dunroving

Sorry, I'm hijacking your thread a bit here, Sally, but this is a bit relevant (I think!).

Just this "aside" on Bournville illustrates for me part of why people feel a tug for the UK ("home") in a way that might be good/rational, but also may be part of the whole rose-tint phenomenon.

When I read the personal account of working at Cadbury's (the link I included in the earlier post), it really tugged at something that I used to feel when I visited home during my years overseas. This was part of my motivation to come back, eventually - the idea that no-one in the US knew my history, or would be able to identify with stories about Cadbury's/Bournville swimming baths, walking back to school in December after swim class with your hair turning to icicles, going to the ABC Minor's Club at the Stirchley Cinema at 10 a.m. every Saturday morning (except the day Churchill was buried, when the cinema was closed for the day), riiding the top deck of the bus home from school, where the big kids would be smoking their cigarettes and asking "What are you looking at?", living in a council flat, etc., etc., etc. You all know the drill - you've all got your own experiences.

So what's this got to do with Sally's post? The fact that it can be easy during your visits home to think "Yes, this is where I belong, this is where I am from", to be able to scratch that itch that can't be scratched in the US. I think the response can be so visceral that it's easy to view that response as being absolute confirmation that the UK is where you should be. For some people, that can turn out to be correct. But in my own experience, I have found that I am no more able to relate my "history" to peple living in the 21st century UK than I was able to relate it to people in the US.

Och, shite, I'm waffling but hopefully you kow what I'm getting at - just be careful about making huge decisions based on a visit to the UK tugging at your heartstrings ... hope that makes sense.

Sally Redux

How interesting.

"Visceral" is exactly the word my husband keeps using about my feelings and I think you've hit the nail on the head, dunroving. Nostalgia, shared history and people who 'get' what you're talking about seem incredibly important sometimes. That is where I am now. But no doubt that can pall after a while, as you've found.

Hmmmm

PoppetUK

Thanks for your post. You've just made an interesting point for me. We are hoping to return to the UK for a visit in the summer with our 2 children + a newborn. I am very nervous about how it's going to feel and you made some very good points. I hope when the time comes I can hold on to more long term thoughts than I want to return right now or I hate UK and Oz is forever etc. There are so many feelings that could come up but which ones is a lottery for me. The only good thing is my family and hubby's family won't be able to get through 3 weeks without showing some of their pain in the back side ways to remind us it's not all happy families!

Titchski

My mates granddad used to work at the Cadbury factory. We used to go every August bank holiday to the employee shop and spend our summers paper round money on chocolate, which we would then turn round and sell at a tidy profit at school

Jerseygirl

Sally you probably know that during the first few years I went back to the UK a few times each year. Even though looking forward to the trip cheered me up...I got more and more depressed every time I had to come back to the US. In the end I thought I had to make a clean break...so we sold our UK house and I didn't go back for almost 7 yrs. At the time I think it did help me but that was in my early years in the US...I know you are much further on than I was.