alliekate

Just a question...........

Are we not here to support each other ?

I am a very intelligent 38 year old girl, who is desperately lonely in "Hicksville" and on a lot of posts, not just mine I must say things have degenerated into a slanging match. I know I reacted badly once to one very provocative post (whilst drunk) , which I regret and apologised for, but now I just sigh and feel sad.

Why can we not support each other . Everyone's view counts, but sometimes it feels like I just want to - well give up and never come back.

I am a really nice, caring sensitive person who has a lot to give. And am having a very hard time at the moment. So what is the problem ?

ps I do not mean on this forum - all of them really. I feel safest here !!!!

A xxxx

Grayling

Many people only want to here good things about Australia (or wherever they want to live) and feel threatened by anyone who does not want to live there or who makes 'negative' posts about the place.

Don't let it worry you......they are anxious and defensive.....and anxiety and anger are close bedfellows.

G

Cheetah7

I think it works both ways, I remember someone posting about how they were enjoying their life in Australia, they had been there a couple of years I do believe.

Another poster was quite nasty and said that anyone who liked Australia that much must be in the honeymoon phase.

I truly believe that it works both ways, some people are on the defensive either way and cannot believe it that some people are genuinely happy where they live- be it in the UK or Australia.

Whenever someone is happy - they are accused of having rose tinted specs and their feelings are not believed to be genuine.

Just because a person doesn't like a country for whatever reason, that doesn't mean everyone should feel the same.

People should be allowed to be happy wherever they are living and not accused of being unrealistic of their expectations.

Wherever they live.

alliekate

I wouldn't if it didn't get so personal. And really downright nasty.

I mean, I am told my dog that died in quarantine "was not a kid" so does not matter, and I should be over it by now (21 Dec) ??? I cannot have kids for the record.

OMG, I need support not shit like that. I am truly stunned by the level of hate that lingers on this site. I need to be able to talk, to be supported myself and I want to support others. But I am very close to giving up on BE altogether. Not that I guess most would give a shite. Sorry but I am really angry about this and think it needs sorting out.

This site should be for support, not for nasty postings by people with off the wall views ??? (you know who you are - get a life)

A xxx

Olias

I quite agree with the above. there are a 'minority' of posters who seem to get their only sad kicks in life by either mocking others and their points of view and.or deliberately trolling and getting away with it.

I understand completely that the mods have a difficult time dealing with all of the culprits, but surely those that have been guilty numerous times of the above (and it's obvious who they are!) should just be banned and have done with it!?

A more cynical person might suspect that this sort of deliberate antagonism was allowed in order to generate more 'hits' and therefore raise the advertising revenue from the sites sponsors?

dunroving

The best and worst thing about the internet and forums like this is that the best and worst of people can visit and say what they like (although too far in that direction can get you banned).

Sometimes people are just being very defensive as Grayling says because their little idea of heaven (wherever that may be) doesn't stand up to even the slightest criticism by others.

Sometimes people are just being deliberately nasty. Their kind are just very little people who use the anonymity of the internet to say things they'd never dare say in real life. They're not worth wasting your energy on.

chance to be

I didnt see that post you mentioned - but I reckon it goes without saying that ANYONE who reacts to a pet dying like that really needs to take a good look at themselves, their lives and the way they interact with others.
It never ceases to amaze me how some people really think they are "funny" and you can almost imagine them smiling to themselves thinking, I bet the others will love this one liner......yet really, the people with real humour, the ones they'd so like to be shake their heads and just think "t@sser!" Easier said than done - but try not to let the few get to you as there are so many more nice people than the trolls here. And BTW, you remember you never have to justify yourself to people like that. But as you have, their lack of apology/humility really confirms everything Ive said about them.
Honestly, Im sure all would agree, better to have someone like you continue to post than the likes of them, so please continue to let off steam and let others know how you are.
Chrissy

Grayling

I agree and have amended my original post to that effect.

G

alliekate

Hey thanks for that - but when you are vulnerable it is hard to not listen to what is said. Really hard. there is some nasty shit on here.

And boy, sorting the shit from the wheat is kinda tough on this site.

As I say, I just want to support people going thru what I am going thru - nothing more, nothing less. And in return be supported.

I know it will always be the same, and as much as I want this site to help me ( and I the others on it) , I know the crap will always be there. Have a look at my Quarantine thread for a hint of what I mean. :curse:

I am a really nice , but lonely person, who needs friendship and support - but I have been beaten down by the crap posted here and that is so sad. And they seem to get into every thread ????

So I am not sure what to do - and believe me my sense of humour is HUGE, but not at the moment.


ps I have considered that the shit postings add to the number of hits which equals advertising. Not exactly what you need when you are 12 k from home and reaching out for help ? Why are these nasty posters not dealt with ? The hurt and shit they stir up is not acceptable but they seem to be able to get away with it. To all those shit posters - THINK BEFORE YOU POST AND GROW UP.

A xx

chance to be

Sometimes, inadequate people think that because they are in cyberspace where no-one can see them, they can bully other people and get away with it. Its amusing to them because its their opportunity to say something they would never have the guts to in real life. If you were face-to-face with any of them (and I have, without them knowing who I was ) you honestly would see for yourself how sad and pathetic they really are. The one I met was fawning all over me - the names hes called me in cyberspace.......
Be glad you're not like that. Wouldnt it be great if one day everyone from cyberspace had to have a face-to -face confrontation instead? You wouldnt see them for dust then!
Cyberspace is just another apron string for bullies to hide behind.
Now, go forget them and talk about something nice

MartynK

I'm afraid this is pretty common on internet forums. I suppose many of us do respond to posts in an inappropriate manner, for various reasons (anger, bad day, personal insecurity issues or just the desire to lash out at someone without any real fear of retaliation) and I sometimes wonder if we would say the same things if the other person was standing in front of us. Possibly, but then again, perhaps not.

I don't know you at all, but I'm sorry about your dog. My cat died shortly after Christmas. Her heart was failing, there was no hope and she was beginning to suffer, so I made the decision to euthanise her. I'm 54, and I've seen a fair bit of life, but I still miss her.

alliekate

Ah but I am afraid to put anything real on here for the fear of being shot down again, when I am already quite vulnerable.

I have been thru a lot over the last six months, and support is what I need and want to give. Why should someone be allowed to slag me off for grieving about a dog i lost in quarantine ? What is that all about.

And yes, I have written several pm's to the offenders to confront them, but it is something that needs to be dealt with by BE. Free speach is one thing, free bitching and slagging off are another. There are human beings behind all these messages and I for one want to help others in a similar situation to mine.

Maybe I should ask for a set up of a "safe" support group within BE where these tossers can't get a look in ? I know it's a public forum, but for goodness sake.

A xx

ps maybe a seperate "PETS FORUM " would be the answer ????????????? questions, answers, quarantine, jabs, death, you name it - is that a possible ? Without inflicting our problems on the non-pet people of this forum ? (of which there are a lot). Just a thought. A xxx

katesbackagain

Totally agree with your anger about this. I don't like kids much so I've chosen to never have any, therefore my dog is my baby. Just because a pet isn't a human, it doesn't make it any less special in the eyes of it's owner.

dunroving

Did you know you can put people on "ignore"? You still have to read one or two of their posts before you want to "block" someone but once they are set to ignore, you don't see any of their posts (at least I think that's how it works). So if someone is really getting to you, you can effectively tell them to "tell it to the hand".

Sunshine Girl

Hi Allikate. I have to be honest here, I havn't been much of a regular, for very much the reasons you state. However, I'm likely to be contributing more, so please stick around. I'm like you, in many respects (only 10 years older). We've been in Canada for 5 years, and really had it tough from the get go. Currently stuck waiting for an insurance claim to settle. Can't go 'home', cos of the critters 10 dogs et al. Unless I can get like minded neighbours Similarly I couldn't have children, as went through the menopause at a ridiculous age (28), and now looking at a possible hysterectomy at 48. Might also being going on the pill, for something else Got to love irony eh! I guess I've learnt over the past 5 years or so, that you truely cannot please all of the people all of the time. Just be true to who you are and orientate towards people who are like minded, and kind spirited.
Sometimes I've also noticed when I have posted, it's been taken in completely the wrong way to which I intended. I used to take things very much to heart, not so much now. If people want to be mean and cruel then that's their issue, but I choose deliberately not to make it mine. Just have a healthy respect for yourself, and if others don't well...do they really know the 'whole' you You seem like a nice person to me. I'll look forward to talking with you again. Take care.