British Expats

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-   -   Why do they bother? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/why-do-they-bother-409641/)

FPM Nov 22nd 2006 9:59 pm

Why do they bother?
 
Reading some of the reactions to the Xmas thread, I wonder why the Godsquad bother? I mean if there lives are that great why do they waste so much of it trying to convince us that somehow that our opinions and experiences are 'wrong', which is about as futile as starting a debate on why red is better than blue.

Isn't it strange that one post 'up there' can wind up the Godsquad so much, yet virtually any post down here seems to trigger a reaction the like of which has not been seen since the launch of the Crusades. I imagine up there they have one of those WWII squadron movement boards, deploying little Godzone squadrons whenever there is an 'attack'.

Picture the scene:

Flight Commander is busy waxing the handlebar moustache and enjoying the cheerful subtle singing of a screeching Kookaburra when his serenity is shattered by the 'Red Alert' light flashing and the 'Oz is being criticised' warning siren, which is much more pleasing than aforementioned screeching. In his race to scramble the troops he knocks over his VB, and puts his elbow into a fresh plate of Lamingtons. His dog, who unfortunately was named by Kramer from Seinfeld, so let's call hime 'Rover' instead is going nuts and running around in circles.

He's on the phone quicker than you can say 'A dingo took my baby', but unfortunately Godsquad has outsourced and he has to go through the menu:

"If you think Warney is a legend, press 1"
"If you require a Pavlova recipie, press 2"
"If you can't decide, Holden or Ford, press 3"
"If you're struggling with Thorpie's retirement, press 4"
"If you have Sunrise or Today dilemas, press 5"
"If you think Australia is being criticised, press 6"

Flight Commander presses '6' and receives instructions. The call goes out:

"Scramble, scramble we are under attack, this is not a drill."

In about the same time as it takes Telstra to install a broadband connection, hordes of blue singleted ground crew pull the chocks out from under the wheels and the big Aussie utes, Falcons and Commonbores are rumbling into life ready to defend these non-assimilated unwashed upstarts. Unfortunately nobody is going anywhere until the radios have been tuned into Alan Jones and John Laws. Once that is done, they're away.

And in they come, crashing our little party and about as welcome as a scissor wielding drunken pig at a Bamitzfah. Squealing their little spiels in the same rote type fashion as worked for millions of Chinese and their Little Red Books before them. Their collective power is enough to slightly warm an Aussie snag. The mantra keeps coming.

"Oz is good, Oz is great"
"We like it here, you should to"
"It's cheaper here, can't you see?"
"The people are nice, and the sky is blue"

After some time it becomes apparent (even to them) that this is not going to work.

Adopt Plan B: 'Rubbish the UK'. Different mantra:


"Rip off Britain, is what you'll get"
"The weather's cold, the place is hell"
"The country's full of Eastern Euros"
"We read it in the Daily Mail"


Even Plan B fails to work. Eventually they turn the utes etc around head for the comforts of the Godzone. They cross the border heaving a collective sigh of relief as passports are stamped and complimentary Prozac and sunscreen are handed out on arrival.

Rover is still going nuts, the birds are still screeching, the beer is still crap and the Pavlova is ruined.

Flight Commander asks

"Did you bring back any class, style or excitement while you were there?"

Group Captain announces that indeed the utes were loaded down with such items, but alas were all confiscated at Customs,

"But hey they gave us these neat little pills. Are those birds always that loud?" she asks.

"I don't know what you mean" replies Flight Commander.

Group Captain washes down a Prozac with a VB. "No, I'm not sure what I mean anymore, let's go in and watch Today Tonight". :zzz:

northernbird Nov 22nd 2006 10:00 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
very funny, karma sent.

busterboy Nov 22nd 2006 10:03 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
Very good. Would like to see more fun! :D

FPM Nov 22nd 2006 10:08 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
I should thank my employers. My contract ends next week, and I have a perm role to go to after that, so basically I'm not being given anything to do, so have waaay to much time on my hands ;)

TraceyW Nov 22nd 2006 10:09 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
:D :D Bloody funny!

Have a VB :beer: !!

HiddenPaw Nov 22nd 2006 10:10 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
PMSL, v.funny. :D

I remember someone in the MBttUK forum once saying that cockroaches are attracted to sweet things.

busterboy Nov 22nd 2006 10:10 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by FPM
I should thank my employers. My contract ends next week, and I have a perm role to go to after that, so basically I'm not being given anything to do, so have waaay to much time on my hands ;)

I have been off sick for two days, I should thank mine as well!

woodyinoz Nov 22nd 2006 10:11 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
:D :D :D

TraceyW Nov 22nd 2006 10:16 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
PMSL, v.funny. :D

I remember someone in the MBttUK forum once saying that cockroaches are attracted to sweet things.

We all know and understand that some folk like one thing, others like another. What I don't get is why the Oz lovers come in here, knowing full well they will see critisizing comments, they then get their Kmart knickers in a knot and start bleating on....... :confused:

HiddenPaw Nov 22nd 2006 10:23 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by TraceyW
We all know and understand that some folk like one thing, others like another. What I don't get is why the Oz lovers come in here, knowing full well they will see critisizing comments, they then get their Kmart knickers in a knot and start bleating on....... :confused:

Some of the bitterest anti-UK rants have come from people posting in the Xmas thread, but they're the ones always quick to accuse others of vitriol.

Old William Nov 22nd 2006 10:30 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 
Who the **** are the godsquad and whats the best way to wind them up?

Hutch Nov 22nd 2006 10:33 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by Old William
Who the **** are the godsquad and whats the best way to wind them up?

They're a militant order of trappist monks. The best way to wind them up is to fart during holy communion.

Old William Nov 22nd 2006 10:44 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by Hutch
They're a militant order of trappist monks. The best way to wind them up is to fart during holy communion.

Sounds like fun. I can fart with the best of them.

iamthecreaturefromuranus Nov 22nd 2006 11:11 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by Old William
Sounds like fun. I can fart with the best of them.

... and Hutch is the head Abbot.

jad n rich Nov 22nd 2006 11:55 pm

Re: Why do they bother?
 

Originally Posted by iamthecreaturefromuranus
... and Hutch is the head Abbot.


See the head abbot :D has a new signature, "scum of the world unite" more witty musings of a happy man :eek:


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